Chapter 6

 

The air in my lungs clogged up my throat and suffocated me. Needing to breathe, I pushed open the back door and stumbled on to the little deck that led to the backyard. With the heel of my palm pressed against my heart, I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly.

I’d known having Logan in my space wouldn’t be good, and I wasn’t wrong. My heart had started racing from the moment I’d caught sight of him ambling toward me with that swagger that only he could pull off, and it wasn’t showing any sign of stopping.

Casting my eyes upward to the darkening sky, I wondered: Why now? Why this man? I could remember feeling something similar when I’d first met Drew; he’d been charming and kind then. Swept me off my feet until I was so taken with him, I couldn’t imagine living without him. And look where that had landed me.

Even though my body’s reaction to Logan felt eerily familiar and scared me to death, somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice whispered that he was nothing like my abusive husband.

Laughter from Flynn’s room caught my attention and forced me back inside. The joyous sounds that seemed as if it came straight from my little boy’s belly filled my heart with joy. There weren’t many things in life that I was proud of, but Flynn was definitely one of them. He was my rock and my strength even if he didn’t know it.

I’d done many questionable things in my life, but he wasn’t one of them. It didn’t matter that one half of his DNA belonged to a monster. People that bad were not born evil; they were made to be so. The day I stepped out of Drew’s clutches I’d asked God to keep us safe long enough for me to raise a good man.

Yet another rowdy bout of laughter filtered through the house. I didn’t miss Logan’s deep chuckle or the fact that the sound sent a shiver through my body. Trying to ignore the fire burning inside me, I turned my attention back to cooking and chided myself. My damn rampant hormones needed to go back to their slumber.

Maybe that was why Logan was having this effect on me. For years, sex hadn’t bothered me at all. If I had an itch, I’d scratch it myself. But since meeting Logan, every one of my solo performances included images of him. I’d imagine having his big, calloused hands on me instead of my own.

“Ugh, I need help,” I muttered to myself.

“Anything I can do?”

At the sound of his sexy rasp my eyes snapped to the archway where Logan was standing with his hands pushed into his pockets—looking very much as if he owned the place - my heart almost gave out. With my fingers curled tightly around the edge of the counter I steadied myself.

There was plenty he could do, but I wasn’t about to voice that. Plus, I definitely didn’t need him in my space at this very moment. “I think I’ve got it covered for now.”

I’d expected him to insist on helping anyway, but he didn’t. No, he just smiled—a big, full smile that was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful—and said, “Great. I was hoping you’d say that.”

My brows pulled together. “You were?”

“Yeah, I want to show Flynn my bike,” Logan’s hand came up and scrubbed the back of his neck. “If that’s okay with you.”

“I don’t know, Logan.” There were so many reasons why this was a bad idea. Not only could it be physically dangerous if he put my boy on that beast, but emotionally too. I didn’t want Flynn latching on to this man.

“I won’t take him out on it,” Logan sounded careful as if he knew most of what was troubling me. “I’ll just rev her a bit for him. We’ll be ten minutes, tops. You could even come with.”

I considered his question carefully. It wasn’t like he was taking Flynn out of state; they were just going next door. I turned my attention to the big window that didn’t just overlook my backyard but gave me a partial view of Logan’s as well. As I suspected his cherry red bike was in my line of sight, so I could easily keep watch over Flynn.

“You can take him,” My gaze locked onto his. “Just, please don’t put him on that thing.”

Logan’s tongue snaked over his lips, the action instantly drawing my attention. “Don’t like bikes?”

My eyes snapped back to his. He was staring at me with the same intensity in his gaze that I felt in my entire body. “They seem a bit intimidating.”

Logan nodded in understanding. “Have you been on one?”

“No.”

He smiled again; this one held just a hint of mischievousness. “Maybe someday soon I’ll take you for a ride.” Before I had time to tell him there was no way I was getting on a bike with him, he gave me his back and spoke over his shoulder, “We won’t be long.”

Even if the sound of Flynn’s excited voice didn’t clue me in, the big smile on his face did. My boy was happy. I’d been watching them on and off for the past ten minutes. As promised, Logan hadn’t put Flynn on the bike, but he had revved it quite a bit. At first, I thought the loud noise would scare my little boy, but he didn’t want Logan to stop.

Euphoria was clear on his face, and it hit me right in my chest. For the first time, I was aware of the fact that there were things that I was never going to be able to give Flynn. He was a boy, and he needed a man’s influence in his life, there was only so much I could teach him.

Shaking my head in an effort to rid my mind of the melancholic thoughts there, I pulled the garlic bread from the oven. A few minutes later I heard the front door open followed by Flynn’s little giggles.

“Mommy, mommy,” my little boy came barreling into the kitchen all smiles. “Logan’s bike is so big, and when he turns the handle, it goes wrooom wrooom. It’s so loud; I even felt the ground shake.”

I dropped to my knees in front of Flynn only to see his blue eyes big, wide and sparkling. “Wow! Weren’t you scared?”

“Nah uh,” Flynn’s little head shook from side to side. “It was awesome, mommy!”

“You’re such a big boy. Now, go wash your hands, dinner is ready.”

As I watched Flynn race out of the kitchen, I caught sight of Logan standing inside the archway. The expression on his face almost seemed like one of longing. The moment he found my eyes on him he smiled at me, except this time it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

With my eyes still on him, I straightened. “Flynn is bursting with excitement, thank you.”

Logan’s shrug looked heavy almost like the whole world’s problems were resting on his broad shoulders. “He’s a great kid.”

“Yeah,” I looked past Logan down the hallway where my boy disappeared to moments ago. “He’s pretty amazing.” When my gaze flickered back to him his eyes were still glued to me, whatever was burning behind those dark irises tugged at something deep inside me. It was immensely unsettling.

Unable to look at him for a second longer I turned and busied myself with checking the pots on the stove.

“Is there something you need me to do?”

Leave.

The word was on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t give it sound. Instead, I took a silent, deep inhalation. “Set the table. Plates are in there,” I pointed toward the cupboard a few feet away from him. “Forks and knives are in the drawer above the plates.”

With a small nod of his dark head, Logan silently proceeded to do what he was told. Minutes later all three of us were seated with plates in front of us. With Flynn unable to stop talking, the adults didn’t get a chance to have a conversation. Something I was extremely grateful for. I didn’t want to get to know Logan.

With him being nothing more than a fantasy in my head, things were fine. I didn’t need him invading my space and awakening feelings that I had no business feeling. Logan must’ve sensed that something was off. When dinner was done, he didn’t offer to help with the dishes. He simply said that he’d better get going and after he high-fived Flynn I walked him to the door.

“You need a ride to work in the morning?” Logan was standing on my porch; his hands perched in his pockets.

I shook my head. “I’ve sorted it with Lizzy.”

“Right,” He pulled his hand from his pocket and tapped the frame twice with his knuckles. “Thanks for dinner.”

“Thanks for the help today.”

Again our gazes locked setting off my pulse at breakneck speed. There was a slight shift in his body, and for a second I thought he was going to lean down and press his lips to mine.

He didn’t.

I heard his small sigh when he raked his long fingers through his hair. “Sweet dreams, Sugar.” With that, he turned and hopped down the porch steps. I closed the door but couldn’t resist watching him leave through my window. Finally, when he was out of sight, I let out a long breath. Yeah, there was no way my dreams were going to be sweet tonight.