Chapter 18

 

When I woke up on Saturday morning smiling, I knew Logan had something to do with it. After a quick shower, brushing my teeth and donning sweats and a tee, I walked to the mirror to pull my hair into its usual knot but paused halfway through.

I started wearing it up after I’d left Drew; he liked to use my long strands as a lever—dragging me through the house by it. So, tying it up in a knot was my way of being defiant without having to cut it all off.

Today, though, I wanted it loose. I wanted my hair to be as free as I felt. Instead of knotting it, I pulled the brush through a few times and let my mane do its thing. On my way to the kitchen, I popped my head into Flynn’s room; all that was peeking out from beneath the covers were his unruly blond strands.

I figured I had another hour before he woke up so I went to make some coffee and decided to have it on the porch. Calm and at peace that was how I’d describe my mood when I opened my door.

That all changed the moment I looked down. Right there on my welcome mat was a single dead tulip. The coffee I was holding dropped to the ground, tarry liquid and shattered pieces of glass going everywhere, but my focus stayed on the lonely flower. If it had been any other flower, I wouldn’t have cared.

But tulips?

As pretty as they were, I hated them. Whenever Drew became violent or verbally abusive, he’d apologize with tulips. At one point every single room in our house held a bunch or two.

On shaky legs, I bent down to pick up—and dispose of—the horrendous reminder of days I longed to forget. An uneasy feeling took hold of me as I straightened. It felt almost as if I were being watched.

Careful not to step on any of the broken pieces at my feet I made my way down the porch, all the while scanning my surroundings. As far as small towns went Willow Creek was safe that’s not to say it didn’t have its problems or that it was crime free.

As I sank my feet into the grass, I still was unable to shake the feeling that I was being scrutinized. Slowly I made my way to the gate, my heart thundering louder and louder with every step I took.

Except for a few birds singing their happy morning songs, all was quiet. With my hands planted on my gate, I took one more look down the street, just to assuage myself. It didn’t matter how long or hard I looked, it was still just me, the birds, Mrs. Jenson on her porch and my overactive imagination awake that early.

Shaking my head, I turned to head back inside but ended up staring at Logan’s house. Was he in there? I contemplated phoning him and inviting him over for breakfast but then decided against it.

After I’d cleaned up the porch and made a new cup of coffee I got started on Flynn’s favorite breakfast—chocolate chip pancakes. Just as I ladled the first dollop into the pan, my little man came wobbling into the kitchen.

“Hey baby,” I greeted him. “Did you have a good sleep?”

Flynn’s small face twisted into a frown as he shook his head. Concerned, I pulled the pan off the stove and dropped to my knees in front of him. “Did you have a bad dream?”

His little lip trembled slightly while he nodded his head. “Wanna tell mommy about it?”

There was a long pause, and I thought he was going to clam up like he always did when he had a nightmare. Only he didn’t. “There was a bad man and he came and took me from you and I couldn’t find you.”

“It was just a dream, baby. I’ll never leave you,” I told him—and myself—as I pulled him into my chest and just held him. A heavy uneasiness settled in my heart and I tried not to read too much into the damn flower or Flynn’s nightmare.

By late afternoon the morning’s events were pushed to the back of my mind. I’d made sure that Flynn and I kept plenty busy and every opportunity I got I made sure to reassure him that his mommy wasn’t going anywhere—not if it was up to me, anyway.

As much as I loved my son I welcomed the silence that followed after he fell asleep. I’d just put him in bed and silenced the cartoons when a knock sounded. That uneasy feeling I tried to ignore all day long, made its presence known again.

Scolding myself for my silliness I walked over to the door and checked the peephole. I was smiling before I opened up to reveal Logan and Dozer standing on my porch. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, him there was precisely what I needed.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Logan said in lieu of a greeting. “But instead of calling, I thought I’d drop by and cook for you and the little man.”

“And if I minded?” Still smiling at him, I folded my arms and leaned my shoulder against the doorframe.

Logan took a few seconds to think his answer over and eventually came up with, “Well then, Sugar, I’d have to find some creative way to make you change your mind.” As if that sentence didn’t already have my insides melting he had to go and pair it with that full-on smile of his.

We locked eyes and I knew that he knew he had me. But instead of showing him how right he was, I shrugged my shoulders and took a step back. “I guess you’d better come in then.”

When he walked past me I took a deep breath, taking that uniquely Logan scent straight to my lungs and then I crouched to greet his over-excited pup. Scratching behind the dog’s ears, I looked up at Logan.

“I can’t believe how well he has adapted. Usually, strays take their time warming up to people and even longer to trust them. But this one looks like he’ll follow you to the ends of the earth.”

Logan ran his palm over the back of his neck and then casually lifted his shoulder. “Maybe we’re just kindred spirits?”

I felt the frown form on my forehead as I tried to make sense of what he’d just said. I didn’t get very far though because Dozer chose that moment to rain doggy-kisses down on me. My butt made contact with the hard floor as I fell backward, my laughter bubbling up of its own accord.

Just as I couldn’t take anymore Logan pulled the pup off of me—much like he had a few weeks ago. “Whoa there, buddy. I should be kissing the pretty lady, not you.” Still holding onto Dozer Logan turned his attention to me, “I’m gonna let him loose in your backyard, that okay with you?”

I nodded my head and took my time getting to my feet when he disappeared to let the dog out. I spotted his discarded bag and decided to take it to the kitchen. I set it down on the counter just as he closed the back door behind him.

“So what are you planning on feeding us?”

Logan grinned as he ambled toward me, “Pizza, but I lied. I’m not making it.”

I scrunched up my nose and waited until he stopped next to me. “You’re not?”

“Nope,” he pulled the bag to him and started unpacking it. “We are. All three of us. I thought it would be fun for Flynn to help knead the dough.”

Somebody help me.

My heart and everything else just melted into a puddle at this man’s feet. I dared not to show him, though. With a quick ‘That’s a great idea’ I turned to the fridge and pulled out two beers. After handing him one, I swallowed down almost half mine in one go.

“Thirsty?”

I looked over to find him studying me with amusement. “Mmm hmm,” was all I could manage because apparently, my brain was a bit slow to respond again.

“Logan!” Flynn’s cheery voice saved me from what might’ve turned into an embarrassing moment.

“Hey, buddy.”

Logan abandoned his beer in favor of giving Flynn a high-five and questioning him about his day. I was silent as I witnessed the interaction between them, quickly realizing that it was too late for Flynn not to get attached.

It was evident in the way his face lit up that he already thought the man hung the moon. I was treading very dangerous waters here, and I just hoped and prayed that my little boy’s heart wouldn’t break when we eventually moved on.

Because we would be moving on.

I wasn’t looking to start a family and put down roots, I couldn’t afford to. Not as long as Drew was still out there looking for me.

“Aw, cool.” Flynn’s overjoyed squeal brought my attention back to the present. Burying the gloomy thoughts, I forced a smile and asked Flynn, “And what’s so cool.”

I was rewarded with the biggest toothy smile before he answered, “Logan brought some superhero movies and ice cream for after dinner.” Childlike excitement burning bright in his blue eyes.

“Did he now?” Instead of addressing my son, I directed my question at Logan who was pushing to his feet and trying very hard to hide his own smile. He was a sneaky one; he knew I wouldn’t be able to send him home after dinner now.

A couple of minutes later I was assigned the duty of chopping the peppers and mushrooms for the pizza while the boys got their hands dirty by preparing the dough. From my vantage point, I had the perfect view of the pair of them without having to make it obvious that I was studying them.

My chest constricted. A feeling akin to someone thrusting a knife through my heart and twisting it, that’s what I felt. Every squeal of laughter coming from the back of Flynn’s throat was just more gasoline being poured on to the flame of guilt burning in my gut.

Oblivious to what was going through my mind the boys kept goofing around; more flour on them and the floor than in the dough.

“Mommy, you’re bleeding!”

Blinking a couple of times, I realized I’d totally spaced out and managed to cut myself. I had no time to react, though, because one moment Logan was next to Flynn and the next, he was leading me to the sink, holding my hand in the air.

It was only after he’d opened the cold faucet and held my finger under the running water that he spoke. “Where were you just now, Sugar?”

I looked up and found him looking at me with genuine concern on his face. With a shake of my head, I dropped my gaze to the small laceration on my finger bleeding as if it was some major organ.

The laceration on my heart was ten times bigger.

“I…Nowhere.” It sounded pathetic even to my own ears. But what was I supposed to say?

Stop being nice to me and my boy?

Stop making me want to stay?

Yeah, no.

There were a few very long seconds where Logan just studied me, the dip in his brows indicating that he didn’t believe a word I’d just uttered. But for some reason, he didn’t push.

“Where’s your first-aid kit?” His ticking jaw and shoulders locked in a tautness battle.

“Under the basin in the bathroom.” I pulled my hand out of the water and moved to grab a dish towel. “But, I can get it myself.”

“Not a chance.” Logan grabbed onto my wrist and leveled me with a stare until I dropped the piece of cloth and allowed him to stick my hand back under the water. “Keep it there, I’ll be back.” With that, I was left staring at his back as he stomped out of the kitchen.

“Mommy, are you okay?”

Big, worried eyes were staring up at me. “It doesn’t even hurt, baby, I promise. Why don’t you go play outside for a bit? Dozer is running around out there and I’m sure he’s looking for some company.”

It took a little more convincing but Flynn eventually gave in and ran outside. It didn’t take long for the two to become best pals. Satisfied that he was doing okay, I turned my attention back to my finger. It wasn’t bleeding anymore, so I closed the tap and wrapped my hand in the discarded dish towel from earlier.

“Is it still bleeding?” How I didn’t notice that he was behind me before now, was anyone’s guess. I made sure to school my features before I turned to face him. After unwrapping the cloth, I held my finger in the air for him to inspect.

“See,” I said sounding deceptively calm. “All better.”

A snort sounded from the back of Logan’s throat but he said nothing, just wrapped a Band-Aid around my index finger in the same cautious manner a surgeon would take a scalpel to a patient.

When he was done his fingers were still curled around my wrist. I tugged to try and break free from his grip but he wasn’t having any of it. “Uh…thanks?”

Using my arm as a lever he pulled me flush against him. I opened my mouth to ask what the hell he was doing but there must’ve been some sort of misunderstanding; he saw it as an invitation to take possession of it.

Somewhere in the back of my mind reason told me that I should be fighting him right now. That silly thought was quickly overruled by all the wonderful sensations coursing through my body.

I was vaguely aware of a small moan escaping my mouth when he deepened the kiss and pushed his fingers into my hair. One thing I knew for sure: Logan Jackson excelled at kissing a woman stupid.

When he was satisfied that he’d well and truly kissed me senseless, he pulled back and grinned at me.

“Now it’s all better.”