Chapter 19

 

When I decided to come over and spend time with Harper and Flynn, I’d promised myself that I was going to honor her wishes and go slow. I was going to wait until she made the first move.

But, you know what they say about best-laid plans?

Instead of waiting, here I was trying to kiss the pain I’d seen in her eyes away. Enjoying the feel of her silky strands brushing over my knuckles. Reveling in the mewling sounds escaping her lips. She was my drug of choice and I knew one hit would never be enough.

I was consuming her and yet I wanted—or needed—more. I wasn’t just talking about the physical stuff either—although a man could only love on himself so much. I had this overwhelming need to know who or what had hurt her so deeply that I could taste the pain on her tongue.

Unlike my brothers, I didn’t suffer from a hero complex. I didn’t need to save the damsel. Hell, I needed to save myself before I could even try to be someone else’s hero.

But Harper?

I didn’t just want to save her; I wanted to glue all of her broken pieces together with all the shattered parts of me. I wanted to weave my way under her skin and into her heart like she’d done with me.

Unfortunately, I also knew that she wasn’t even close to that level of intensity yet.

It took a great deal of strength but I managed to pull away from the kiss. As I tried to regain my composure, I took in every little detail of the woman before me. Everything burned into my brain. The way her teeth worried her swollen bottom lip. The blush on her cheeks. But mostly, the desire burning in her eyes.

There was just something very satisfying and humbling about a woman wanting you almost as much as you wanted her.

“As much as I enjoy kissing you, Sugar, I think we better focus on getting that pizza done.”

“Yeah,” Harper glanced at the chopping board on which she was cutting a few minutes ago. “I should start on some new toppings.”

Reaching out, I took hold of her hand and waited until I had her full attention again before speaking. “What had you looking so…” I searched my brain for the right word and ultimately came up with one I saw in the mirror every morning. “…haunted?”

She swallowed hard and turned her attention to the window overlooking the backyard. Kid and pup were engaged in a tug-of-war with a stick. The big, open-mouthed smile on Flynn’s face a testament to the boy’s happiness.

“It’s just,” Harper said softly. “I worry about the things he’s missing out on because his father isn’t around.” Looking back at me with glistening eyes, she continued, “I’m scared that I’m not doing enough to protect him.”

“I don’t know why or how Flynn ended up not having a daddy,” I told her. “And I don’t need to know,” I added quickly. “What I do know is you are doing a mighty fine job at raising that boy. I just need to look at him to know it’s true. With a momma like you, he doesn’t need a daddy.”

Maybe I said the wrong thing because she just stared at me; eyes widened and her teeth sinking into her lip again. I got the feeling that she was seconds away from throwing my ass out. Then she surprised me by pushing onto the balls of her feet and pressing her lips to my cheek. I couldn’t help it, my eyes shut at the contact.

“Thank you, Logan.” Her words were soft and her breath warm against my skin. Instead of wrapping both my arms around her like I wanted to, I placed one hand on the sink to ground me.

This woman was giving me just an inch but still, she managed to swallow me whole. When she pulled her head back, I could tell there was something else on her mind, but before she could open her mouth to speak, Flynn and Dozer came barreling through the door.

“Mommy, we’re hungry.”

Harper and I shared a look which I hoped meant that we would be finishing this conversation soon before she huffed out a laugh. “After all that running I would be hungry too. Dinner will be ready soon, okay?”

Flynn’s little head bobbed up and down and then he sprinted out of the kitchen with my overexcited Rottie in tow. It was my turn to study them from behind the window. Even though I’d told Harper that I didn’t care about Flynn’s daddy, I couldn’t help but wonder about the man.

Was his absence voluntary or because he didn’t have a choice? I hoped it was the latter, I couldn’t imagine someone not wanting to be part of that little boy’s life. The longer I stared at them playing the more obvious that big, gaping hole in my chest became. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I spun around to find that while my attention had been on Flynn, Harper’s had been on me.

“Why do you always look at him with longing?”

I felt as if I’d been caught with my hand in the cookie jar and essentially I had. My worry was that she was completely misreading the situation and thinking I was some kind of creep.

Embarrassed, I ran a palm over my beard and inhaled some much-needed air. “Look Sugar, it’s not what you think. I’m not some pervert.”

She might have been wearing a frown, but she didn’t look angry or freaked out, she looked…sympathetic. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

“I don’t think that, Logan.” Harper pulled the contaminated chopping board off the counter and started cleaning it. “I think you’re hurting over something that has to do with a child.”

She kept her focus on the board instead of looking at me and I was so thankful for that. If she’d looked up, she would have seen just how right she was.

Still not making eye contact, she continued, “I’m sorry, it’s none of my business.”

That had me frowning because until now I hadn’t realized that I wanted to tell her everything. Just not now when things between us were still so new.

Before I could say anything, she spoke again, “I think we better get a move on with this pizza. You might think Flynn is adorable, but that’s just because you’ve never seen him when he’s really hungry.” This time, she did look up, her smile laced with concern.

She didn’t know it, but I fell for her a bit more just then. It wasn’t because she didn’t push; it was because she cared enough to be worried. Giving her a genuine smile, I walked up to her and dropped a kiss on top of her head.

After we had pizza and watched a movie, I found that I didn’t want to leave and again it wasn’t about sex. I wanted to stay and tuck Flynn in and sit on the porch with Harper and just be.

It was these thoughts that had me heading for the door, anyway. The intensity of what I was feeling was starting to freak me out. I was no stranger to addiction; I knew I was on the edge of becoming enslaved by this woman and her son.

The sun was barely up the following morning when a knock had me heading to my door. I was surprised and distressed to find Pop standing there looking a bit weathered.

“You got coffee, son?”

“Just made a pot,” I answered as I stepped back to allow my dad entry. Uneasiness spread through my veins with each step I took. My dad had visited me plenty of times before but never this early in the morning. If it was bad news he was bringing I needed more coffee.

I prepared two cups and sat down with him at my little dining table. Pop took a long swallow of the scolding liquid before setting the cup down and leveling me with a look. “Have you talked to your brother yet?”

“Which one? The decent one or the asshole?”

“Logan!”

By the scowl on Pop’s face, I knew he wasn’t happy with me. Shaking my head, I brought my mug to my lips, not caring that its contents were too hot. I’d rather burn my mouth than voice my thoughts.

I might’ve been angry, but I wasn’t about to disrespect my old man.

With a heavy sigh, my dad leaned forward and rested his hand on the table between us. “Look, son, I’m not saying Eli went about it the right way but he has some valid concerns.”

I threw both of my hands in the air and for the first time in years raised my voice at Pop, “Oh come on! Not you too?” I was beyond the point of anger now; fury blazed through me.

“I’m worried about you, son. You’re vulnerable and I don’t want a woman to push a wedge between you and your brother.”

I knew what my dad was referring to; he was the only one in our family who knew my tragic secret. His concerns were rational but unfounded. “The only one causing damage is Eli, Pop. And, before you walk around passing judgment on the woman, why don’t you rather take some time to get to know her?”

“No one is judging her; we’re just looking out for you.”

“I can take care of myself.” I pushed to my feet and poured the remainder of my coffee down the sink. “It was nice seeing you, Pop. If you’ll excuse me, I gotta take Dozer for a walk.”

It wasn’t my intention, but I’d managed to hurt my dad’s feelings. The pain I was responsible for was evident on his face when he slowly walked toward me, nodding his head. With his wrinkled hand, he patted me on the back.

“Okay, son. Just, please for the sake of your momma, make things right with Eli. It hits her hard when her boys fight.” After giving my pup a quick scratch behind the ear, Pop was gone.