Chapter 4

 

What the—

My brain short-circuited, and the breath left my lungs as I tried to make sense of what, or rather who, I was looking at. It had to be a dream. A beautiful nightmare. I wanted to blink her away, but some invisible force kept my lids from closing.

Kenzie.

If it was at all possible, she was even more beautiful than the last time I'd seen her. The day she'd ripped my heart out and ruined me. What was left of that thing inside my chest ached at the sight of her. She was akin to a poisonous flower; soft on the eyes but detrimental to the soul.

"Brett?"

The confusion in Lola's voice broke the spell I was under, and I was granted the reprieve I so desperately needed when I could finally shut my eyes—even if it was just for a few seconds. When I opened them again, I fully expected Kenzie's gaze to be anywhere but on me.

I was wrong.

Her hypnotizing blue depths started to pull me in once more. Lola uttered my name again, and my focus slowly shifted to her. Deep lines marred her forehead and her jaw ticked in irritation. "What was that?" I managed to ask. That invisible pull forced my attention back to Kenzie who looked as if she was ready to dispel her breakfast. You and me both.

"Do you two know each other?" Lola did nothing to hide her annoyance.

Still holding Kenzie's gaze, I tilted my head slightly. I swear she held her breath while everyone waited for my answer. "Know is a rather strong word," I heard the ice in my tone. "We're…acquainted." Even from across the room I saw hurt flash on her face before she schooled her features and finally, finally, averted her gaze.

Stings, doesn't it?

Yeah, I might've been the biggest asshole for intentionally hurting her feelings, but she'd hurt way more than just my feelings. I felt Lola's eyes burning a hole in my skull, and I had to resist the urge to hightail outta there.

"Well," Mrs. D clasped her hands together. "Food's getting cold, we should eat. Everyone must be starving."

Funny, I'd been ravenous up until a few moments ago. Now, I had no idea how I was going to do this sweet old lady's roast any justice.

I wondered if everyone else felt the tension in the air as we silently dished up and arranged ourselves around the table. Instead of taking her usual spot opposite me, Lola slipped in beside me and scooted closer. Weird. Too busy trying to decipher her strange behavior; I didn't notice that Kenzie took the seat across from me.

Great, how am I going to eat now?

"So," Lola drawled. "How was dinner with Harper and Logan?"

I forked a green bean and said, "Good," before shoveling it into my mouth. I knew that Mrs. D was a great cook, so the fact that the food in my mouth had no taste was no fault on her part. "The renovations are coming along."

"How exciting," Mrs. D commented. "Have they set a date yet?"

"No," I glanced at Kenzie pushing the food around on her plate. She looked uncomfortable and out of place. A sliver of sympathy tried to work its way to my heart; I squelched it down. Turning my attention back to Mrs. D, I smiled, "But I'm sure it's going to be sooner rather than later." I tried the beef, and it too was tasteless.

"Oh good, I just adore weddings." She turned her attention to Kenzie. "You never did tell me if you had someone special waiting for you at home."

The roast beef in my mouth suddenly tasted like acid. I focused on my plate while at the same time straining to hear her answer.

There was a long moment of silence before Kenzie softly stated, "I am seeing someone, yes." I detected a hint of uncertainty in her voice, but I didn't allow myself to dwell on it.

"Will you be walking down the aisle soon?"

I didn't hear Kenzie's answer because Lola chose that moment to slide a hand along my thigh; the action so sudden it startled me to the point of knocking my knee against the underside of the table. Instead of pulling away she ventured higher. Normally I didn't mind her getting frisky, but for some reason, it felt… wrong. I cleared my throat and shifted to the left, away from Lola.

The ongoing conversation opposite me ceased, two confused sets of eyes flitting between the woman to my right and me. My gaze collided with Kenzie's again, and so help me, I was helpless to look away. A cloudless sky would be envious of the particular shade of her eyes. So blue, so bright with a mixture of sadness and vulnerability swirling in them.

That look sent ice blasting through my entire body. That was the look I'd seen the night Gregory had pulled us over.

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't be there.

I stood so abruptly, my chair toppled over. "I'm sorry, Mrs. D," I bent and righted the fallen piece of furniture. "I have to go." Not waiting for an answer, I rushed to the front door.

Just as my fingers curled around the handle, Lola's, "Brett, wait!" halted me. I squeezed my eyes shut and sucked in a breath. Just let me leave.

"Hey, what's up with you today?"

Slowly, I uncurled my fingers and pivoted. The confusion etched on her face had me thinking about Logan's concerns. I shook that thought away; I'd been upfront with her from the get-go. A relationship was the furthest thing from my mind.

"Nothing," the lie slipped from my tongue with ease.

Eyes narrowed, head tilted, she ran a finger down the center of my chest. "If you say so. Want me to come over later so you can work this nothing out of your system?"

I shook my head, "Not tonight, Lo." I needed to be alone.

She looked hurt, and my friend's warning rang in my ears again. It became too much. Without another word, I yanked the door open and headed for my truck.

Gently, I brushed Kenzie's hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "You're so damn beautiful," I murmured against her lips. Resisting the urge to kiss her senseless, I pulled back slightly to watch the blush settle in her cheeks, and her lips lift into a shy smile.

"I love it when you look at me like that," she confessed.

"Like what?"

Kenzie's smile grew even wider. "Like I'm your entire world, and you can't bear to let me go."

I brushed my fingertips over her cheek, "You are and I can't." Pushing my fingers into her hair, I cupped the back of her head and pulled her face to mine. Against her mouth, I pleaded, "Tell me you'll always be mine?"

"Forever," feather-soft kisses stole my breath, "I'll love you forever, Brett."

"Shit!!" The wood splintered beneath my knuckles as I rammed my fist through my bedroom door. Images of Kenzie and I had been rolling through my mind like a movie stuck on repeat since I left the guesthouse. A sharp pain shot from my hand and settled in my chest.

I cursed some more.

I'd always known that I would never completely be over her. How can you ever be over someone who used to be your entire existence? You couldn't. You simply learned to function without them. And clearly, that was a lesson I had yet to master in twelve years.

How was it even possible to despise someone so much and at the same time have a burning need to pull them into your arms and never let go?

"Stop! Just stop it!!" My body vibrated with tension, and even my home couldn't offer me the calm I craved. My heart kicked up a gear, that empty suffocating feeling slamming into me at breakneck speed.

I rushed to my dresser, yanked it open and grabbed the first pair of sweatpants I could find. It took me less than a minute to strip out of my jeans and shirt to don the sweats.

Another minute later and dried leaves and twigs crushed under my feet as I raced through the woods as if the devil himself were chasing me.

Even that wasn't fast enough.

I increased my pace and wondered how long and how far I needed to run to get away from the past that wouldn't stop haunting me.