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Abigail didn’t realise her body could feel like this, like she was on fire, burning like a cackling witch on a stake, elevated beyond reality. The way Tzipporah kissed her and encouraged her to kiss her was incredible. With every shallow needy breath in, Abigail’s senses blossomed. Tzipporah tasted like the sea—a riot of salty energetic waves—with a hint of tobacco and something sweet and succulent like wild plum. It was overwhelming. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons on Tzipporah’s masculine shirt, and she had to break their kiss to glance down at her work.
“You are doing great.”
“Thank you.” Abigail wished she didn’t need the praise from Tzipporah. She finally freed the buttons and pulled Tzipporah’s shirt open. “You don’t wear stays?”
“No. I don’t have big breasts and it’s easier just to bind them each day.” The cotton strip was wound around Tzipporah’s torso, holding her breasts in place. Tzipporah untied the knot between her breasts and loosened the soft binding fabric until it slowly fell around her waist. Her small breasts were beautiful; the most beautiful things Abigail had ever seen with dark pert nipples.
“You can kiss them if you want.” Tzipporah cupped her breasts, offering them to Abigail. She was beyond blushing now and she wriggled back a little so she could dip her head and partake in the sweet offering.
“Yes, like that. Suck them.” Tzipporah’s instructions eased the flutter in Abigail’s heart. She knew how to follow instructions, although this was different to any other time someone had told her what to do. She gasped.
“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t like being told what to do when it’s something I know I should do but don’t want to do.”
“Yes?” Tzipporah’s frown was adorable and Abigail kissed it.
“I never realised until now that I’d never been told to do something that I already wanted to do.”
“Until now?”
“Now I want to—” Abigail cleared her throat. “Ahh, suck your...” She gave up on trying to speak and just did it. The hard nub of Tzipporah’s nipple on her tongue was a joy and she squirmed on Tzipporah’s lap as a strange warmth between her legs made her want to rub that part of herself against Tzipporah. Was that usual? She hated that she didn’t know.
“I think I want you to touch me,” she whispered.
“Where?”
Abigail didn’t have the words for it, so she held Tzipporah’s hand and guided it between her legs. Only Lord Coxspeckle had ever touched her there, and never with his hands, only with his... She didn’t want to think about him now. Not when Tzipporah had a sly smile on her face and her fingers gently found the slit in her drawers. The first touch of Tzipporah’s fingers against her skin almost made Abigail leap out of Tzipporah’s lap, such was the shocking sensation that spread from there around her whole body.
“You like that?”
Abigail could only nod.
“Good. Now suck my nipple hard and I’ll give you a little more.”
Abigail had to know what Tzipporah meant, she needed to experience this, so she bent her head and sucked Tzipporah’s nipple, greedily because the promise of more made her want to do everything Tzipporah said.
“More.” Tzipporah’s throaty word was less of a command and more of a desperate plea. Abigail had done that to her. It was wonderous and she wanted to figure out how to make Tzipporah make that noise again. She wanted Tzipporah to beg her for more. If only she knew how to make that happen, but until she learned, she could focus on her task. She nibbled and licked until Tzipporah finally slipped her fingers inside Abigail; into that place she’d learned to hate; except this time it was glorious. When Tzipporah did something with her thumb, she yelped as pleasure traversed her spine in a rush.
“More?”
“Please.” Abigail reached for Tzipporah’s breasts, covering them with her hands, and she burrowed her face against Tzipporah’s neck. Tzipporah did that thing with her thumb, again and again, until Abigail could barely breathe. She pressed desperate kisses to Tzipporah’s neck and shoulder in the same needy rhythm that Tzipporah moved her hand inside Abigail. A shiver began at the place where Tzipporah had her hand, speeding up her spine until it had spread all over her skin. And suddenly she cried out as all the tension released in a flood of pleasure, like nothing she’d ever experienced. She slumped against Tzipporah’s body, only barely aware of Tzipporah’s heavy breathing. She didn’t know how long she lay there before she realised Tzipporah quietly stroked her back in long soothing caresses.
“Tzipporah. I had no idea.”
Tzipporah smiled. “There is more.”
“Please show me.” Abigail wanted to spend all her time in Tzipporah’s arms, experiencing this joy that the world had hidden from her.
“Not now. I need to finish getting this cargo loaded.” Tzipporah’s changed demeanour bothered Abigail.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No, my lovely. You were wonderful.” Tzipporah gave her a quick kiss. “We can continue our lessons later.”
Abigail tried to stand up, but her legs were like jelly. It took her a few moments to steady herself and she had a lot of questions for Tzipporah, but judging by the expression on Tzipporah’s face, Abigail had done something wrong.
“Please tell me what I’ve done wrong.”
Tzipporah sighed. “You’ve done nothing wrong aside from being innocent and perhaps a little selfish, but I truly don’t mind. You’ll learn.”
“I’m sorry.” Abigail stared at Tzipporah trying to find a clue and then it suddenly loomed up out of the shadows of her mind. “You didn’t ...” She didn’t have the words for to describe what had happened to her, and now she knew what Tzipporah meant by her being selfish. She hadn’t given Tzipporah the same gift.
“Not this time, no.”
“Can you teach me how?” Abigail knew how it felt to be left unsatisfied. “Please.”
“I don’t think you are ready for what I need.”
“Please?”
Tzipporah glared for a moment, then she sighed. “Your innocent softness isn’t enough for me.”
“You want me to hurt you?” Abigail could never.
“No. Definitely not. There is a big gap between being too gentle and too rough. I want that sweet spot. I want you on your knees with your tongue inside me. I want you to suck my quim until I cry out, and I want you to tell me to be quiet in case someone hears me. I want your urgency and your need, and I want you to be overcome by your need for me.”
“Oh.” Abigail wasn’t sure what all that meant. The words flowed around her and all she see was herself on her knees in front of Tzipporah kissing her between her legs—that was what Tzipporah meant, wasn’t it?
“You see. You aren’t ready.” Tzipporah threw her shirt on the chair and redid her binding quickly before putting her shirt back on. Abigail didn’t want Tzipporah to be correct. Reality was much different to her ability however, so she just watched and tried not to be completely inadequate.
“Maybe later?” Abigail cringed at the desperation in her voice.
Tzipporah shrugged. “Yeah, why the hell not?” She buttoned up her shirt and marched out of the cabin, leaving Abigail alone with her thoughts and slightly sticky thighs.
***
The roll of the boat on the sea didn’t usually bother Tzip this much. After walking away from Abigail and her wide-eyed ‘desperate to please’ expression, Tzip had locked herself in Francis and Dinesh’s cabin and quickly rubbed herself to get rid of the tension left after kissing Abigail. From there, she hadn’t really eaten any lunch, and then she’d been busy helping get The Lady Gin ready for the departure. Between being way too easily aroused and now this upset stomach, she had an inclining that her luck had run out. Damn it. Unlike her very beautiful passenger, the last thing Tzip wanted to do was sit around at home and look after babies. Esteban was the likely father, the last time she’d been with him—three weeks ago—the French Letters had broken. Aside from him, she hadn’t been with a man for nearly a year. Tzip rubbed her stomach, hoping it was just a little bit of seasickness. She’d never been seasick in her life, so it was pitiful to hope for that.
The sun was setting over the horizon. She’d never get bored with the way the sunset filled the sky with glorious colours—red, pink, orange—and tonight the timing gave her the added benefit of soon being dark where no one could see the worry on her face. She’d never been great at being able to hide her feelings; why should she bother? After all she was no society miss whose value was measured on politeness. She couldn’t imagine anything worse than to live a life of pretence.
“Tzipporah, are you unwell?” Abigail stood in the door of the captain’s cabin. Fuck, she was so beautiful, it wasn’t fair for her also to be so responsive. Tzip quickly took her hand off her stomach and gripped the wooden wheel of The Lady Gin.
“A little queasy. It must have been the lunch we had.”
“I’m fine. Do you have some ginger?”
“Ginger?”
“It will help settle your stomach.”
“Ask the cook.” Tzipporah waved her arm vaguely in the direction of the back of the boat. Watching Abigail rush off to get her some ginger added an element to this dilemma. She didn’t want Francis—who wasn’t technically employed as the cook but did all the cooking because he enjoyed it—to think he’d fed her something that upset her stomach, although she hadn’t eaten much for lunch, so perhaps it wasn’t anything at all and she was making it all up. Her courses were a little late, but they were a little irregular at the best of times, so she’d ignored that. Fuck. Perhaps she’d take Abigail to Italy, have the baby there, and Abigail could look after it. She wanted to be a mother. A bitter taste sat on her tongue and she swallowed down the sudden rise of nausea.
“Chew this. It might help.” Francis marched across the deck of The Lady Gin and handed her a lump of ginger. She took it with a forced smile.
“I’m sure it’s nothing much.”
“You didn’t eat enough at lunch.”
“Where is Dinesh? We need to set the rear sail for the evening.” Tzip ignored Francis’ concern.
“Dinesh and I will take the night shift. You rest.” Francis and Dinesh lived on The Lady Gin together as lovers. Each of them had been forced to leave their respective homelands and now they were part of Tzip’s crew, living on the lugger to skirt around the sodomite laws in many countries.
Tzip growled. “I’m not fragile.”
Francis merely raised one eyebrow. “We know, boss. You also never get seasick, so let us look after you for tonight.” It went unsaid that she looked after them by giving them a safe home. Tzip nodded, reluctantly handing over the wheel to Francis, and heading into her cabin. She ignored the rustle of skirts behind her.
“Do you need anything?” Abigail hovered. “What can I do to help?”
“You don’t have to look after me.” Tzip was perfectly capable of looking after herself.
“I want to. You’ve already helped me so much.”
“A few kissing lessons doesn’t mean anything.” Tzip’s skin was too tight. She didn’t want to be touched or pandered over. What she needed was a visit to Mrs Dellaware for a tincture of Queen’s Lace to remove the pregnancy before it became obvious. Abigail blushed and she stepped backwards.
“I didn’t mean that; although I enjoyed that very much.” Abigail blinked. “I am grateful that you helped me get away from Lord Coxspeckle and have helped me feel useful.”
Tzip nodded. “Get Francis and Dinesh to teach you some basics about The Lady Gin. Leave me alone.” She lay on the little bed in the cabin and pulled a blanket over her head. The steady roll of The Lady Gin over the waves sent another wave of nausea up the back of her throat. Wasn’t this called morning sickness? She’d been fine this morning. She breathed in with a shaky smile against the pillow. Perhaps it was just something she ate. Evening sickness must have a different cause ... but no amount of lying to herself was going to get rid of the baby growing inside her. If she chewed the ginger long enough, maybe the waves of nausea would go away, and her life could carry on as it always had. With her in control of The Lady Gin, of her business, and with variety among her lovers. A pregnancy couldn’t stop her from enjoying her life. She punched the thin mattress and squeezed her eyes shut. Fuck.