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“I’m glad that’s over.” Tzip had held her tongue through the world’s most awkward dinner, but now they were back aboard The Lady Gin where she could express her opinion freely.
“Do you think she will write to me?”
Tzip shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe it was an empty promise, or maybe she really meant it.”
“It must be quite strange to have your adult daughter arrive on your doorstep without any warning.”
“I guess so.” Tzip hadn’t thought about it from that angle. “Do you always put other people’s considerations before your own?”
“Excuse me?”
“Well?” Tzip shrugged. She didn’t need to repeat the question. It was rather obvious.
“I’m not putting her needs before mine. I’m just curious and want to try and understand her perspective.”
“Good for you.” Tzip was more than happy to leave Naples and sail back to Swain Cove. Her family cared for each other and watching the awkward polite distance between these two strangers was beyond her own comprehension for how families worked. All she wanted to do was protect Abigail and maybe begin their own family... Acidic bile rose in her throat, and she doubled over. Shit, fuck, and crap. She couldn’t deny reality now, not as she neared what was likely seven weeks since the French Letters had broken with Esteban. Soon, she would start to show.
“What’s the matter?”
Dry heaves wracked her body and she tried to slow her breathing to calm the sudden waves of nausea. Abigail’s gentle touch between her shoulder blades helped and eventually she was able to stand up again.
“I think I’m pregnant.”
Abigail squinted at her.
“Um, from before we met.” Tzip needed to reassure Abigail that she’d only been with her since they’d met. Obviously. They’d been stuck on a boat with only themselves, Francis and Dinesh. She wanted to shake her head but everything still felt fragile. She wanted to kick something; fragility wasn’t in her nature.
“Oh dear. What a pair we are.”
“Yes.” There wasn’t much more to say.
“Come on. Let’s ask Francis if he has some ginger and I can make you a nice cup of tea.” Abigail held her hand and they walked back towards the wharf. The simple acceptance was touching, a boon to Tzip’s worry.
“I haven’t told anyone yet.” Tzip wasn’t sure she wanted her crew to know; they’d make such a fuss over her and she didn’t have the patience to be treated like she was ill.
“How far along are you? It will be difficult to keep it a secret once you start to show.”
“I know that.” Tzip growled. “I don’t want practical advice.”
Abigail nodded but judging by her expression, she didn’t agree with the way Tzip was dealing with this. But Tzip appreciated that Abigail kept her opinions to herself and didn’t ask questions about her intentions. She didn’t know what she wanted to do next. Should she tell Esteban? She didn’t want to get conned into a marriage with him, or anyone. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to be involved once the baby was born. There were plenty of people who couldn’t have children who might take the baby from her and raise it to become a healthy human who was loved. She wasn’t sure she could give a baby a decent life, not when she was always away sailing and working. Later. She let out an unsteady slow breath. All those decisions could be made later.
***
The weather had been terrible over the past two weeks as they’d sailed along the Mediterranean towards home. Tzip’s stomach had troubled her constantly.
“I’m worried about you.” Francis handed her a rag to wipe her face as she vomited over the edge of The Lady Gin again. “You must have picked up a nasty bug. I want you to rest more.”
“Stop fussing over me. I’m not sick.” It wasn’t a nasty bug that was causing this, more of a parasite growing in her womb. She really didn’t want this baby, but there was no denying the problem anymore. “I’m pregnant.”
Francis’ gasp was loud and dramatic. “I will marry you if you want.”
“Fuck off. The only person I want to marry is Abigail.” She gasped; just as dramatic. Was she in love?
“I knew it. I’ve seen the sappy way you look at her when you think no one is watching you.”
“Wipe that smug expression off your face, Francis.”
“Yes, boss.” He nodded, still smiling. Abigail emerged from the lugger’s kitchen and handed her a mug of something. She sipped. Weak tea with a lot of ginger.
“You need to keep up your fluids.”
“You knew?” Francis asked.
“Yes. It’s Tzipporah’s story to tell, so yes, I kept it quiet for her.” Abigail hovered beside Tzip.
“You two should get a matelotage and raise the baby together.”
Tzip scoffed. “I think those are only for men.”
“Why shouldn’t they be for women too? It’s just a sailor’s commitment to each other.”
“Sod off, Francis.” Tzip hated this lack of control over her life. The last thing she wanted was to be a mother, but it was inevitable now, and having her crew make it into a joke just added to the pain. Abigail sat quietly beside her and they both stared out to sea.
“I can’t do this,” Tzip whispered.
Abigail held her hand, a soft touch. “I doubt that is true. You are the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. You command your own ship, you run your own business. There’s nothing you can’t do.”
“I can’t be a mother. And I can’t fall in love with you. You’ll want me to change.”
Abigail sighed and Tzip only heard frustration.
“Why would I want you to change? Tzipporah, my darling, I fell in love with a pirate who wears pants and who told me to stab my husband in any soft part. I fell in love with the woman who cut off my hair and told me that if I could embroider, then I could sew. I fell in love with the strong, capable, generous person you are. I don’t want you to change.”
“But the baby changes everything.”
“My one failing in life is that I couldn’t be a mother—”
“No.” Tzip cut Abigail off. “Stop thinking like that right now.”
There was another sigh, this time, softer. “Tzip, it’s more than that. I know I have a lot to learn and understand about how the expectations on my life have created me, but I’m allowed to still yearn to be a mother even after I’ve shed the weight of society. And this baby gives me that gift.”
“You want to raise the baby?”
“With you, yes. I want this baby to have one mother who wants to, more than anything, to be a mother, and I want this baby to have another mother who is a goddamned pants-wearing pirate. I want this baby to see that anything is possible.”
Tzip sipped her tea again, hoping that her hand didn’t tremble. “Are you saying you’ll live somewhere with the baby, and I’ll carry on doing this?”
“No. I’m suggesting that we carry on doing this. You run the ship and the business, and I’ll care for the baby.”
“On the Lady Gin?”
“Yes.”
Tzip frowned. It all sounded too good to be true. “My mother would not approve.”
“What do you mean?”
“You are proposing that this child grow up being illegitimate.”
Abigail chuckled quietly. “Marriage and society never did me much good. Perhaps it’s best if we throw out the whole system.”
Tzip swallowed. The idea of living on board her lugger with a baby scared her. Her ship represented freedom and for some reason, despite knowing she loved Abigail and Abigail wanted to be a mother much more than Tzip didn’t want to be one, she couldn’t see that it would work. She stared out at the ocean, unable to find a way to reconcile all the threads. If this baby wasn’t growing inside her, she’d have time to think about this, and she hated being rushed. She shook her head. Maybe that was a lie; she was scared that loving Abigail meant she might start to change.
“How do you know you won’t ask me to change?”
“Because I love you. Why would I want you to be different? I fell in love with you. You.” Abigail squeezed Tzip’s hand tighter.
“The baby changes everything.” At the core of it, the truth was that Tzip knew she would be changed by this baby, and that scared her more than loving Abigail did.
“If you really want the baby to be legitimate, you should marry my brother. He needs an heir—”
“—and he’s obviously not going to create his own.” Tzip found it easier to make a joke than to think about reality. But maybe that was the answer. A neat way to tie up all the loose ends, one that didn’t really solve the practical problems around how the baby would change her.
“Tzip. I understand. I’ve spent most of my life trying to change myself to be what someone else wanted and it was a futile exercise. I know how much that hurts, and it’s why I’d never ask you to change. I want to celebrate you and love you, as you are.”
Tzip turned to stare at Abigail and she saw the truth shining in her gaze. Here was a woman who’d been through a terrible ordeal and she could still find love in her heart. Tzip was so proud of Abigail.
“It’s not a bad solution. I’ll do it if you marry Hiram; you need protection too.”
“I don’t need his protection, but I would like to change my name. I know that sounds frivolous against your situation...” Abigail’s voice trailed off.
“It’s not silly. We could have a proper lavender marriage; you to Hiram and me to Tobias, then all four of us will be free to love in the way we want without worrying about society or anything.” It was time to be pragmatic because love was going to make her sappy. What she needed now was to spend the rest of her days having adventures with Abigail beside her. No more lovers in every port; just the one person she loved with her all the time.
A family of her own, and one that defied society. Perfect.
***
The next book in this series is THE DUKE’S SECRET BARGAIN, which is Esteban’s story and is an mm romance. If you’d prefer to read more sapphic regency novellas, why not try THE SECRET LIFE OF SPINSTERS?
Keep in touch with me by joining my newsletter, and if you sign up here, you’ll get a free sapphic short story.
***
Acknowledgements
I acknowledge the Wangal people of the Eora nation who are the traditional owners of the land on which this book was written. I pay my respects to elders past and present.
Thank you to all those who have supported me in the last few years; Ebony who ran the original Swain Cove anthology, Lina, the Wordmakers, and so many others.
Author Notes
Historically, a lavender marriage occurred between two queer couples, with each forming marriages on paper to satisfy society and give all four people a safe way to be themselves. It is impossible to know how frequent these happened, given that the very nature of them tends to erase the queer relationships.
A matelotage was a civil union between two pirates (usually both men) to share property and protect each other. There is some evidence that some of these relationships were queer and not simply about property.
The port of Brest was out of bounds to smugglers as the British Navy held it under blockade during the Napoleonic Wars. After 1761, Roscoff in France grew in size as a base for smugglers. Being opposite Plymouth and far enough from Brest to stay away from war ships, many French goods sellers set up shop there for British smugglers to trade with them.
The Lady Gin can travel at a maximum speed 8 knots, doing the 188mile journey between Swain Cove and Roscoff in a minimum of 23.5hours. To get to Italy from Roscoff (approx. 3100 miles by sea) at an average of 5knots would take 622 hours (25 days of non-stop sailing). In reality, it would take longer, as they’d make several stops along the way for supplies.
Giuseppe Fiorelli - Superintendent of Pompeii for twelve years (1863-1875) was the first archaeologist to use the plaster cast technique for the preservation of voids left by the decomposition of soft materials, such as wood, and human remains. The famous Pompeii plaster casts of the people hiding from the eruption were created by him, and as such, can’t be included in this book (set 1815).
From 1814 to 1825, the director of Archeological works at Pompeii was Antonio Bonucci. The Napoleonic Wars had an impact on the excavations at Pompeii with work slowing as the ruler of the area changed from Ferdinand IV of Bourbon to Napoleon and back. The main place of work between 1812 and 1817 was the excavation of the forum.
All Books by Renée Dahlia
Thanks for reading THE PIRATE’S WILLING CAPTIVE. I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews can help readers find books, and I am grateful for all honest reviews. Thank you for taking the time to let others know what you’ve read, and what you thought. If you write a review for THE PIRATE’S WILLING CAPTIVE and email me (renee at reneedahlia dot com) with the link, I will send you a free copy of a book of your choice from my backlist.
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You’ve just read a book in my SWAIN COVE Series.
The Spy’s Second Chance (#1) – mm: A forced proximity gives two men a second chance at love.
The Pirate’s Willing Captive (#2) – wlw: A Regency Lady. An Unlikely Pirate. A Kidnapping
The Duke’s Secret Bargain (#3) – mm: A Duke with too many secrets, and the cheeky Frenchman who eases his burdens.
Historical (Regency): DESIRING THE DEXINGTONS
Love Wasn't Built In A Day (#1) - mm: A friends to lovers gay Regency romance with a delicious slow burn.
The Secret Life of Spinsters (#2) - wlw: An expected alliance between spinsters...
The Highwayman's Surprise Bride (#3)- wm: Coming to KU in The Regency Abduction Club
The Summer of Second Chances (#4)- wlw: Coming to KU in Summer Secrets at the Soho Club
The Widow's Modiste (#5) - wlw: A bored widow, an incredible dress, and a modiste with a secret.
Historical (WWI): GREAT WAR
Her Lady's Melody (#1) - wlw: An aristocrat hiding from her past, a doctor hiding from her grief, a journey that will be a danger to themselves... and their hearts!
Her Lady's Fortune (#2) - wlw: An assertive bank manager, a wary heiress. . . A one night stand they can’t forget.
Her Lady's Honor (#3) - wlw: The war might be over, but the battle for love has just begun.
His Lord's Soldier (#4) - mm: Two best friends torn apart by war. Could the re-enactment of four Christmas dinners create a love worth fighting for?
Historical (Victorian): BLUESTOCKINGS
The Shipwrecked Earl's Bride (Prequel) - wm: A Spanish fisherman's daughter might be the best wife for a banished Earl.
To Charm a Bluestocking (#1) - wm: She wants to be one of the world’s first female doctors; romance is not in her plans.
In Pursuit of a Bluestocking (#2) - wm: When he goes hunting a thief, he never expects to catch a bluestocking...
The Heart of a Bluestocking (#3) - wm: When an uncommon lawyer meets an unusual doctor, their story must be extraordinary...
Contemporary: GAMBLE RACING
Driven to Distraction (#1) - mm: A race to the finish line, and a family secret ...
Driven by Passion (#2) - mm: Engine fires, sabotage, and two friends falling in love....
Driven by Ambition (#3) - mm: Two men in the spotlight with too much chemistry...
Driven to Protect (#4) - mm: Paid to protect him ... But at what cost?
Bucket List Love in Last Call Anthology (2024) (#2.5) - mm: Who attends their dead husband’s high school reunion?
Skye is Falling in Holidays and Hookups Anthology (#3.5) - wlnb: One of the world’s best beaches. A team celebrating. Two people who don’t quite belong.
Contemporary: SERAPH'S BURLESQUE CLUB
Show Up (#1) - wlw: A fake date ... a real secret.
Show Off (#2) - wlw: From casual hook up ... to something more?
Show Queen (#3) - wlw: Online friends, real life enemies ...
Show Time (#4) - mm: When a fake date becomes real thanks to a romantic island setting.
Show Dance (#5) - mm: Best friends to lovers and a wonderful costume.
Contemporary: CRICKET SLAM
Captain's Knock (#1) - wlw: Secret hook-ups between teammates turn into an HEA.
Sweet Spot (#2) - wlw: Available in the Mistletoe and Markets anthology
Contemporary: BISEXUAL SING TEAM
Count Me In (#1) - wlw: A fallen rock star meets a scrapbooking queen.
Strum Me Hard (#2) - wlw: A down on her luck popstar meets a polite socialite entrepreneur with a scandalous secret life.
Tune Me Up (#3) - wlw: A marriage in trouble. A meddling daughter. A reminder that love is worth it.
Boxed Set Available in Print and Digital
Contemporary: KAPOW! ADVERTISING AGENCY
Out of Her League (#1) - wm: She is his greatest fan. He wants more than adoration...
His Buxom Beauty (#2) - wm: Image is everything, or is it?
Craving His Spotlight (#3) - mm: Can a second chance at fame avoid repeating old mistakes?
Her Pregnant Rival (#4) - wlw: Society expects them to be rivals, but what if the best revenge is love?
Contemporary: RAINBOW COVE
His Christmas Pearl (#1) - fm: One gourmet party. The taste of love?
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Or get all six Rainbow Cove stories in one boxed set (mixed authors).
Contemporary: MERINDAH PARK
Merindah Park (#1) - wm: 'Money lost, nothing lost. Courage lost, everything lost.' Can two people take the ultimate gamble and fall in love?
Making Her Mark (#2) - wm: Her best friend’s brother and a betting scam. Can the rules be broken to help a friend, or will it only be hearts that are broken?
Two Hearts Healing (#3) - wm: It should be the perfect country romance between next door neighbours, but an accident threatens to stop it before it begins. Can they overcome the guilt and find love?
Racetrack Royalty (#4) - wm: One fast horse, and a whirlwind romance set among the glamour of Royal Ascot. But what happens when everyone goes home?
Contemporary: FARRELLTON FOSTER FAMILY
Betrayed (#1) - wm: What happens when your best friend betrays you? Can you forgive a teenage mistake?
Forbidden (#2) - wm: Love between foster siblings should be forbidden... unless you've never met until now.
Liability (#3) - wlw: When Maiden Heaven crashed into Jessica’s organised life, nothing would be the same again...
Contemporary: Margaret River TV Boxed Set
Featuring two novellas; Homage (wm) and Uplift (wlw), and a bonus short story (wlw).