NO PLACE TO JUDGE

I CHEWED ON MY THUMBNAILS as I walked across the quad. I looked down at the chipped, uneven edges and frowned. I’d painted my nails an extra-fabulous shade of hot pink the day before, for my birthday, and now I’d have to redo both thumbs before my party tomorrow.

I don’t even bite my nails. This is not me!

I shoved my hands into my jeans pockets, staring at the faded maroon door in front of me. The handle was crusted in rust and scratched like someone had taken a crowbar to it. The door didn’t budge when I pulled on the handle, so I knocked. No answer. I leaned on the cold brick wall of the school gym. When my toes were cold enough to make me wish I’d worn boots instead of my mesh Pumas, I gave the door another pull. I might as well have been trying to yank a tree from its roots.

“Ugh.” I kicked at the door, sending a shooting pain up my frozen foot. How had I gotten myself into this situation? Skipping Creative Writing—my favorite class—to freeze my toes off because I received a text from an unknown number saying: We need to talk. 4th hr east entrance of the gym.

Could you get any more cryptic? If I didn’t have such a guilty conscience, I would have ignored it. But with what I’d been up to the past few weeks, I could read exactly what was written between the lines. I kicked the door again with my other foot to balance out the pain.

“There’s a trick to it.” I spun on my toes to identify the voice. Drew brushed his brown curls out of his eyes and slipped his backward Crescent High Hockey cap back on. “Both hands, pull hard to the right, and”—he yanked hard on the handle—“open-says-a-me.” The dark room reeked of old rubber and sweat.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, hoping I wouldn’t have to go inside that ancient sweat box. “I wasn’t expecting…” I wasn’t sure how to end that sentence.

“You know why I’m here.”

I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my cell. “You texted?”

“Inside.” He nodded toward the room, which, from what I could tell, was an old storage closet.

I sucked in a long breath of fresh spring air so I wouldn’t have to smell any more of the old-sweat stink than humanly necessary. He thrust his foot against the door while he propped it open a crack with a thin piece of wood, then lifted himself up on the edge of the utility sink in the corner. He didn’t say anything for a long time, and I sure wasn’t going to be the first to talk. He might not know about Caleb and everything in Mrs. Wirlkee’s class. Anything I said would be self-sabotage. So I stayed quiet.

The sink’s drippy faucet kept track of our silence. Plunk, plunk, plunk. With each drop a new bead of sweat moistened the back of my neck.

He finally said, “You’re awfully quiet.”

“You’re the one who wanted to talk. I don’t even know why you asked me here. Is something up with you and Madison?”

He snickered as he gripped the edge of the sink and leaned forward. “Last chance to come clean.”

“About what?” I asked. What good would selling myself out do? If he knew, he’d tell Ethan and probably Madison too, which meant Aimée would know in under a day. I might as well stay silent until I found out what Drew knew.

“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” he asked. I stared at him, eyes unblinking. He said, “I know you weren’t at your sister’s competition like you said you were.”

“What are you talking about? I was at the rink that entire week—”

“No,” he interjected. “I was at the rink that entire weekend, working the peewee hockey camp. I didn’t see you sitting with your dad.”

“I—I was with my mom.”

Drew narrowed his eyes at me. “No you weren’t.”

The last wisp of clean outside air I’d managed to hold in my lungs came rushing out. A gasp pulled in the rank odor I’d been avoiding. It filled my lungs, seeped into my veins. It ran through me and I instantly felt disgusting and dirty inside and out.

“Do you have any idea how much E loves you?”

I set my jaw, on the defensive. “Of course I do. I love him too.”

“Then stop what you’re doing. Now. Before someone gets hurt.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“I know what’s going on with you and that stoner kid.” He paused. “What’s off in your head that you’d cheat on E with someone like that?”

“Caleb and I are only friends. It’s not what you think.”

“I think you’re making a sucker out of my friend. He deserves better than that.”

“So does Madison,” I threw back. I couldn’t stand this lecture coming from Drew.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Half the time you’re smothering her, making sure she calls you before she makes plans to do anything, which doesn’t make any sense because the other half of the time you’re standing her up.”

His face flushed deep red. He opened his mouth twice, then pressed his lips together. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, and you’re in no place to judge anyone’s relationship.”

He pushed off the sink and crossed the cramped room in one step. His shoulders broadened as he closed me into a corner. My throat tightened up, trapping the vile grossness of the room, this moment, inside me. A rush of heat filled my cheeks, making my head feel too heavy to hold up.

“Caleb and I were only—only working on our Psych project,” I stammered. “I didn’t want to tell anyone that’s where I was because…” A million believable, totally true reasons why I lied about going to Caleb’s that weekend ran through my brain, but none of them would come out. Instead my mouth betrayed me. “It’s over now. Please don’t tell Ethan. Let me do it.”

Drew’s face slowly returned to its natural pale color, but his eyes were still fiery. He thought awhile, then tugged open the door and gestured sharply for me to leave. I turned my head away from him as I left the wretched closet.

“Cassidy.” I reluctantly turned back. “If you don’t come clean by this weekend, I’m telling E.”

It was a punch to my stomach that knocked the air out of my lungs. The party on Saturday, Madison’s and Aimée’s planning, everything would be ruined if I told Ethan the truth this weekend. I crossed my arms tighter against my chest as the door scraped shut and Drew passed me on the sidewalk. I stood there beside the gym numb to the biting wind. My eyes spilled over with tears of regret while my world slowly began to implode.