Two weeks later, Deola was in her flat waiting for Femi to come round. She had just had a conversation with her brother, Rotimi. Apparently her mother wasn’t happy that their relationship had been frosty since the dinner where they had tried to set her up with the pompous banker. Deola was tired of the matchmaking, and she didn’t want to work herself up into a bad mood because it was meant to be a special evening.
Funmi had gone to visit her aunt for the weekend, which meant that she and Femi had the place to themselves.
She had been cleaning and cooking all day and she worked herself till she was a tired bundle of nerves. She thought about it long and hard and realised it was because she was nervous about this new relationship.
Not that Femi had given her anything to be concerned about, but she was so scared that something was going to happen to extinguish the happiness she had built up that she couldn’t let down her guard long enough to really enjoy it. She was still keeping her cards close to her chest, but tonight was going to mark the start of another phase in the relationship. It would mean having to be totally vulnerable to another person, and part of her questioned whether she was really ready.
Then there was the strange text message she had received yesterday from Amber Gogo. Strange because of the subject matter and stranger because she couldn’t for the life of her understand how the woman knew about her private business.
OK. So I see you got your claws into him. Does he know that your chances of having a baby are as good as a basket has of retaining water? If you really love him, don’t deprive him of the chance of having a son and an heir.
Then Deola had found herself thinking through different probabilities and scenarios.
Scenario A: He fell in love with her and he didn’t want any more children and was content with that. Scenario B: He fell in love with her, she told him that chances of her having any more children were miniscule, and he broke her heart and left her.
She went over to her bag and pulled out a letter. She had received it a week ago and should have felt over the moon about its contents. A couple of months ago she would have been tremendously happy about it, but right now, in the light of the other things on her mind, the offer of the role of PR officer to SojiD that had come from one of the world’s biggest record companies sat uneasily with her.
She hadn’t accepted the offer yet. Neither had she told Femi. It was one of the other things she had put to the back of her mind.
When Femi got to the flat, Deola asked him if he wanted a drink. His response was to shake his head and pat the settee next to him. She did so, and immediately she felt his arms go around her. She jumped up again.
“Aren’t you hungry? I spent hours cooking your favourite meal.”
“Food isn’t what I had in mind … ” He grinned.
“If I don’t check the food it will get burnt.”
“Hey, I’ll come cook it with you if you like. I’m a very good cook.”
“I will take you up on that one day,” she said breezily. She made her way to the small kitchen and he followed her.
Femi looked at her intently. “I can do a wonderful breakfast for you. Scrambled eggs and toast, corn pap and akara … whatever you like.”
“I don’t eat breakfast”.
“Bad habit. So what do you like for breakfast when you do eat it?”
She shrugged and opened the cupboard to bring out some plates, but Femi put a hand over hers and stopped her. “What’s wrong, Deola?”
Deola’s laugh was nervous. “Wrong? I don’t know what you mean.”
“I’ve just asked in a very unsubtle way whether you wouldn’t mind me staying over for the night and you have just ignored me, in a very subtle way … ” He took her in his arms and tilted her face up so he could see her eyes. “I think I might be falling for you. You’re on my mind all the time. I want you so much.”
“I care about you too, Femi.”
“I said I’m in love with you. This is where you say ‘I’m in love with you too, babes,’ or whatever you think is best. It’s also where you take me by the hand and we go to your bedroom and make passionate love.”
“Femi, I’m not asking you for any promises or rash declarations of love. We’re not lovesick teenagers. I care about you. I appreciate and respect you … and I fancy you as well, but love? Love takes time, and as for all that other stuff … I need time. I feel as if we are rushing into things.”
“Whoa … Back up a little. What’s going on Deola? Where’s the warm funny adventurous woman I’ve fallen for?” He looked perplexed. “It’s like you’re questioning everything – even my feelings for you?”
“I just need to be sure.”
“Love is a risk. I took a risk the minute I let myself fall for you. Do you know how nervous I was about speaking to you after being a widower for ten years? If it’s about us being … you know … intimate? I’m just as nervous as you.”
She shook her head. “Look, it’s like we are talking at cross purposes here. Maybe we both need time to think this over. I don’t want to hurt you. You’re a really nice bloke. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I haven’t fully gotten over Kunle?”
Her heart sank as she saw his eyebrows rise, confusion clearly written over his face and then replaced with a hurt look. “Am I being stupid here or are you breaking up with me?”
“No … yes … Look, I just need some time. We have got to think about your daughter here, too. It wouldn’t be right if she saw me coming to your house and us being a couple, and then it not working out and—”
“Man. Don’t even think of trying to use my daughter as an excuse. We have just started a relationship and you are predicting doom and gloom already without giving it a fighting chance?” He shook his head. “You know what? I’m not ready to give you up without a fight. So do you want to tell me what this is really about?”
She looked at him standing in front of her with his hands held out pleadingly, and said nothing. Her mind was in a turmoil, especially after Amber’s text. She was expressing her fears and he had accused her of being overly negative.
“OK,” she said eventually. “Do you want children – more children?”
He stared at her for a few seconds as if she was speaking in another language and then he shrugged. “I really haven’t given it much thought … but if you want to know – yes. Why do you ask?”
Her heart sank. She had her answer. “I don’t want children,” she lied.
Femi ran a hand over his forehead. “What do children have to do with our relationship as it is right now? Maybe I’m being stupid here, but I need you to enlighten me.”
“You want kids. I don’t. Simple.”
“So that’s it? Dumped because I answered this off-hand question that sounds like a marketing questionnaire wrong? A – Yes or B – No? What do you want? Me to lie and say that I wouldn’t like children one day in the nearby future, just so that I can keep you? I can’t lie, because I do. But at least give me a chance to sit down and get it through my head. Surely it’s something I would talk about with the woman I love, maybe look for options. Who knows?”
Deola closed her eyes because she could feel tears building up. “Please, Femi … I have given this a lot of thought. I think it will be best if we take some time out. I will fulfil all my work obligations. My work won’t suffer.”
“Of course. That’s the most important thing isn’t it? Work.”
“Femi … ”
He shook his head and headed for the door. “I’ll leave you alone. Goodnight.”
She didn’t stop him as he closed the door behind him. As his footsteps echoed down the staircase, Deola wiped the tears away from her face.