I wait for a good hour before I start heading back home. Because shit. This is a clusterfuck for sure. What the hell was Vivian doing in the nature reserve? I’ve never seen her wear anything but high heels, mini-skirts and tight yoga outfits. She must have followed us here and waited in the forest for an opportune moment. I could kick myself for not taking Janie’s earlier sighting seriously. She said she saw something fluorescent orange flashing in the forest, and it had to be her mom stalking us.
Fuck this shit. I have absolutely no desire to run into that screeching madwoman again, even if her accusations are technically true. I look down at the moss where only just a little while ago, I took Janie’s virginity. It already seems like ages ago now. Her little backpack lays on the ground, where she forgot it. I pick it up, intending to bring it back with me, although I have no idea how I’m gonna get it back to her. Should I drop it by her front door? Apologize? She’ll never accept it. And why should she? I’d kept secrets from her, and it was her right to hate me.
Because the way Janie’s face had dropped when she heard her mother scream those words breaks my heart. It’s not like I was never going to fess up. I was just waiting for the right time. I guess before we actually had sex would have been better, but the urge was so fucking strong. I needed the woman desperately, and words just got in the way.
So it’s my fault. There’s no doubt I’ve lost Janie now, and it’s all because I was too cowardly to tell the truth. Fuck my life.
It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault. This one phrase echoes through my mind the whole drive home, the rain only mirroring how miserable I feel. It starts as a drizzle, but by the time I finally pull into my driveway, it’s like a monsoon. It’s a real Iowa summer shower as thunder bangs over my head. Seems appropriate. My past has finally caught up with me, and the future’s now crashing down around my ears.
As I get out of my car, I don’t even bother to hurry into my house or protect myself in any way from the downpour. Immediately, I’m drenched to the core, my t-shirt sticking to my ribs, black hair dripping over my brow. The only thing I care about protecting is Janie’s tiny backpack, which I hold curled into the crook of my elbow as I fish my keys out of my pocket with my other hand. But as I enter the house, wet footsteps sound behind me and I turn around. My heart drops because it’s Janie, her long curly hair pasted to her skin, clothes sticking to her gorgeous, curvy body. The body that, for a brief moment, was mine.
Janie looks as miserable as I feel. I hold out her little backpack to her.
“You forgot something,” is my rough growl. She takes the bag from my hand without looking at it, not caring if it gets wet. “Go home to your mother, Janie, you’re drenched,” I rasp, but she doesn’t move. The brunette’s staring at me intently, her big beautiful eyes full of hurt, blinking the rain out of her vision.
“Is it true?” she asks in a small voice, barely audible over the din of the downpour. At this point, there’s nothing left to hide, so I nod. Her plump lips pinch together in disappointment. “How much of it?” she asks. “Fifty percent? Twenty-five? A hundred?”
I sigh heavily, raindrops trickling down my massive chest.
“All of it,” I say honestly. “Except one part. I didn’t rape her. She consented. But she lied about her age, and told me she was eighteen while she was actually seventeen and ten months. She asked me to come back to her parents’ place, and she wanted me to – no, begged me to do her on the dining room table.”
Janie’s face is shuttered, but at least she’s listening. So I continue. “But her parents came home and you can imagine what happened next. Even though the girl said she wanted it, her parents pressed charges and won. Luckily I had a clean record and got only three months in the slammer. I consider myself blessed in some small way, believe it or not.”
Janie doesn’t say anything, but just stands looking at me, her eyes still shuttered. The rain pours down those curves. “Please, Janie, come in out of the rain,” I begin, holding the door open to my own house. Woodenly, the beautiful brunette steps inside.
I close the door. The sudden silence after the crazy downpour outside is deafening. We both stand drenched in the hall, making pools of water on the tiles. I reach forward gently and wipe her hair out of her eyes. She lets me, which gives me hope.
“I’m not a rapist, Janie. I’d never hurt you, or anyone else.” I lower my hand to her face, caressing her wet cheek gently with the back of my fingers. She swallows hard, wrestling with the new knowledge she’s gained over the last couple of hours.
“You should have told me,” she says rigidly, looking up into my eyes, which I close in shame. “I had a right to know.”
“You’re right. I should have told you. And I tried to, last week, when we were lying on the couch but - I couldn’t - I was scared you’d think badly of me.”
Janie shakes her head, and takes a deep breath.
“I get it. Sort of. Because actually, I only turned eighteen myself a few months ago, so it could have been us. But the thing is, why didn’t you tell me from the beginning?” she pleads. “If you’d been honest upfront, this would have been so much easier.”
I nod, feeling like absolute shit.
“I know, sweetheart, and I’m so sorry. I understand if you never want to see me again.”
She takes a deep breath before tilting her chin.
“Well, I don’t think I want that,” she says in a slow voice. Hope springs anew in my chest.
“Do you mean it, sweetheart? Can you forgive me?” comes my low, desperate voice. She smiles a little, which starts a fire deep in my core.
“On one condition,” she says.
“Anything,” I answer, cupping my hand behind her neck, pulling her closer as she looks up at me.
“Never lie to me again, okay?” she asks, looking deep into my eyes. “I mean it Trent. This was a close call, and I’ve thought long and hard about what happened. You need to tell me these things as soon as they happen, otherwise it’s just not right. Do you hear?”
I close my eyes in reverence and open them again, looking deep into her caramel eyes.
“Yes, absolutely,” I say, and then pull her up and into my arms, kissing her like I’ve never kissed a woman before, sealing my promise and swearing to myself never to do anything to lose her again.
The kiss is interrupted by Janie’s sudden and violent shiver and I remember we’re both still drenched to the core.
“Oh my god, we’re both totally wet!” she exclaims through chattering teeth, looking down as if seeing our sodden forms for the first time. I grin.
“First things first, honey. You’re taking a nice hot shower upstairs,” I growl into her ear, sweeping her into my arms and ascending the steps. “I have some nice dry clothes you can put on. And then you can tell me what you’d like to do.”
I’m tempted to jump in the shower with the brunette because one glance at her soapy body makes me rock hard. But I tell myself there will be plenty of time for that. Because it’s a godsend that this beautiful, innocent young girl cares enough to give me a chance at redemption. I simply rub my body dry with a towel and throw on some dry clothes.
Janie steps out of the bathroom, showered and wearing an oversized plaid shirt that practically hangs to her knees. I can’t hide my smile. I want to see her like this more, clean and damp, her curvy form dressed in my clothes.
“You look beautiful,” I say softly. She blushes but then that expression goes serious.
“What now?” is her soft inquiry. I sigh. Because the hard part’s here.
“That’s up to you, baby,” I say. “She’s your mother. It has to be your decision. I’ll stand by anything you choose.” And as hope flutters in my chest, a look of determination comes over my beautiful girl’s face. Because Janie’s brave. Whereas I’m a coward, my gorgeous brunette has enough courage to face the lions … and I know she won’t let me down.