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AS I FELT THE COOL sand beneath my feet, I let out a sigh. This was what I had come here for – this was where I wanted to be, more than anywhere else in the world.
At least, that’s what I had to keep telling myself.
We had been in Miami for about six weeks now. It was hard to believe that we were only a month or so out from our life back in New York – hard to believe that it had been so long, too. It seemed like just yesterday I had told my dad we needed to get out of the city and move on, and he had agreed as soon as he realized I was serious. I knew that it must be terrifying for him, not knowing what it was that his daughter wanted to flee from, but I couldn’t give him all the details of everything that had happened between Andreas and I.
Andreas. That was a name I had been doing my best to forget, even though he seemed determined to keep himself at the front and center of my mind at all damn times.
I didn’t have a whole lot of time to myself these days, and what little time I did have, I was sure as hell not going to spend sitting around thinking about a man who I knew I was never going to see again. He was back in New York, along with the rest of my old life, and it was best for all of us to just pretend that none of it had happened and we were happier here than we ever had been back home.
My father and I were living in a tiny apartment just above a tanning salon, one that a cousin of his had been able to find us at short notice. When we made a break from the city, I hadn’t really thought about where we were going to go next, but luckily, my father had something in his back pocket to help us out. If he didn’t, we might have been living out of our car right now, and I knew I couldn’t have handled that. Not after everything that had happened.
I had been looking for work since the moment we had set foot here, and even now, with a few jobs under my belt, I kept my eye out for more. I couldn’t let up – the studio apartment my father and I were sharing was too small to last us for more than a couple of months, and I wanted both of us to have our own space sooner rather than later.
I had managed to pick up a couple of midday shifts at a little café that needed to bring in more staff since it had started getting overrun by customers coming off the beach now that it was pulling into summer, and I was working a few nights a week at a bar downtown too. Not exactly the fanciest place in the world, but all I was doing was slinging drinks, so I didn’t mind. On Sundays, I headed in to a little flower shop to cover the mornings for the owner while she took her family to church. Thanks to all of that, I was finally starting to scrape together some money.
“You don’t have to work this much,” my father had fussed over me, once I took on the third job. “I can help take care of you—”
“It’s fine,” I promised him. He wasn’t working yet, unable to find anything, but he was looking. “I’m the reason we needed to leave, I can help out now that we have.”
The truth was, I really didn’t want to have any time to myself to think. Because if I did, then I was going to have to admit there was only one person on my mind, and that was Andreas Salieri.
At least I didn’t have to dance anymore, not for those creepy guys. After what happened with that psycho back in New York, I was going to keep as low a profile as I could manage as long as I was out here. I knew how easy it was for men to get attached to you, and that was far more likely to happen when you were shaking ass than when you were helping them pick out the perfect bunch of roses for their girlfriend or whatever.
I had to admit, I was getting pretty tired of all the work I was doing, but it was better than the alternative – being stuck in that tiny apartment all the time, with nowhere to go, nothing to do. Dad had been spending some time with his cousin and that seemed to be doing him good, but I didn’t have anyone here I really knew, and I wasn’t sure how I was meant to start finding friends.
I had tried to talk to some of the people I was working with, but I had no idea what I could tell them and what I couldn’t. Where was I even meant to begin? If I filled them in on the truth of why I had come here, they would have thought I was crazy, even dangerous. And I had never been good at lying. Besides, what was the point of spinning mistruths to people you wanted to be friendly with? There was no good reason for it, and there wasn’t a chance in hell I was going to let something like that get in the way of making a real connection down here.
I supposed there was a part of me that felt like all of this was going to be over soon. Even though I had done everything I could to ground myself here, really make myself sure that this was my home, it was still not enough to snuff out the nagging pull that told me to go back to New York. I had spent my whole life there, all my memories with my mother were there, and I didn’t know if I could stick it out here much longer without craving a return.
And that store – my father’s store. He had spent so long getting that place off the ground, and even though we had been struggling with it, the thought of it just sitting there empty made my heart hurt. I knew that he felt it too, even though he was doing his best to pretend that he didn’t. He didn’t want me to think I had made his life any worse, but I knew I had.
If only I had known not to strike a deal with that fucking Salieri guy. I should have known from the first day I met him that he was someone I needed to stay the hell away from. He had that energy about him, a guy who you just knew was going to be trouble, but a guy you couldn’t say no to either. When he pulled me close that first night, dancing all up on me, I had felt something, and that something had gotten me into one whole hell of a lot of trouble.
That said – he had been the one to get me out of that mess when that Robert guy had rolled up at my apartment to try and steal me away for himself. I shuddered, and it wasn’t just the cool morning air had me feeling cold – the thought of his hands on me, of the way that he had basically tried to take me for himself, that was enough to bring me right back to the moment. If Andreas hadn’t been there to get in the middle of it, who knows what would have happened.
I headed towards the ocean water, inhaling the scent of the salty sea air around me. I was still getting used to being so close to the sea, but there was something peaceful and comforting about the way that the waves lapped up the shore. When I hadn’t been able to sleep a couple of times, in that first week here, I had come down to the beach to watch it and soothe myself for a little while.
And, since I had mornings during the week off, I liked to come down here and take a little swim. It was pretty busy on the beach already, but I liked it that way – felt safer with all these people around. I knew I didn’t have anything to worry about. A few of them were already splashing about in the water in front of me, and the sound of them calling to each other, cutting through the waves, made me smile.
It was nearly ten now, and I didn’t have long before I had to head home and get changed for my shift at the café. I liked a couple of the girls who worked there, but for the most part, I kept to myself, not wanting to give too much away. I was sure that they had started to notice how much I was holding back, but I hoped they would just put it down to shyness. No way would they guess someone like me had been up on stage, dancing for tips back in New York...
I carefully piled up my stuff on the sand where I could see it, and let the cover-up I had thrown on over my bikini drop to the sand below me. I just wanted to feel the ocean on my skin and let it wash away everything that was still clinging to me.
But before I could, I heard my phone buzz on the ground beside me. I bit my lip. I knew who it was, who it had always been, every single day at the same time since I had left New York.
Andreas.
He had called over and over again, at the same time every day, even though I hadn’t answered a single one of his messages. I had expected him to grow tired of trying and just let me away, but instead, he kept touching base, or trying to. I could have blocked his number, if I was really determined not to hear from him, but honestly, that routine was something I had found myself looking forward to.
I picked up my phone. I could have answered it. It crossed my mind every single time he called, and really, I knew it wouldn’t have done any harm to talk to him. He might have asked me to meet with him, but there was no way that was going to happen. He would never find me out here, and that was the way I wanted it to stay.
Right?
I watched as the call rang out, and a few seconds later, a text popped into my inbox – the same text that he always sent.
“Nadia, call me when you can.”
And that was it. I watched as the message joined the long line of texts from him, all saying the same thing. Was he getting annoyed with me now? If I did answer, would he be pissed? I could only imagine that the answer would be yes, which gave me even more reason to keep ducking his attempts to get in touch with me.
I put the phone back down again and headed towards the water. I could feel it lapping up against my ankles, and I closed my eyes, trying to ground myself in this moment, to remind myself why I was here. I had come all the way to this city because I needed to get away for a while – forever, maybe – not because I was trying to make something long-distance work with Andreas Salieri.
Even if I couldn’t get him out of my head. Especially not those amazing fucks we’d shared, especially the ones at his apartment.
Damn, being with him was unlike anything else that I had ever experienced before. I wasn’t certain that I would ever get over it, but I had to try – had to attempt, at least, to put it to the back of my mind. I had noticed a couple of guys checking me out at the bar I worked at now, but none of them had done anything for me, not compared to Andreas.
But I hated Andreas. I knew I did. Just because we’d shared something physically intense didn’t change that. I still knew the kind of person he was and there was no way I was going to forget that. He was out of my life now, way behind me, where he belonged, and I was going to make sure it stayed that way.
I knew that he would get tired of trying to contact me sooner or later, and I couldn’t wait until he did. Because, as it was, seeing his name flash up on my screen sent a shockwave through my body, and I wasn’t sure when that was ever going to change.
I sank down into the water, let it rush over me, and ducked my head beneath the salty waves. Closing my eyes, I tried to let it cleanse me, but honestly, I had no idea if anything would be enough to scrub away the memories of the man I just couldn’t seem to forget.
