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I TUCKED MY KNEES UP to my chest, my throat raw from the sobbing I had been doing since I had gotten back, and tried, once again, to work out what the fuck I was going to do next.
I didn’t have any idea, not really. I had been thinking about it since Nikita had driven me back to the house, since he had put that time-limit on how long I had to make my choice. Twenty-four hours, and he was expecting an answer, and I knew that I couldn’t give him anything less than what he wanted.
I had buried my head in my pillow and just cried and cried and cried at first. He knew he had me right where he wanted me, and that he could get anything he needed out of me. If he had to have a wife, then he was going to make me into just that. I hated myself for thinking I wouldn’t get pulled into something darker than I could handle, but how could I have known he would want this? I was certain he had just been using me to hurt Andreas, but now, he seemed determined to prove once and for all that I was his woman.
Maybe he just wanted to get one over on Andreas. Prove that there was nothing he couldn’t take from him, even me. What if Andreas really thought I wanted to go through with this? That I had left him for a man like Nikita? Shit, I wished I could talk to him, show him that I missed him, how much I wanted to be with him right now. I was certain he would do everything he could to get me out of this mess if he knew about it, but there was nothing he could pull off from so far away.
I needed him right now, more than ever. Mauro had promised me there might be a day in the future when we could be together again, but if I was Nikita’s wife, how the fuck was that going to happen? I was going to be married to his greatest enemy, and he would never be able to so much as look at me again without incurring the wrath of my new husband-to-be.
A woman on the brink of getting engaged should be happy, excited, but all I could think about was fear. What would happen if I said no to him? It wasn’t even an option. He would take me out the moment I didn’t give him what he wanted, and I doubted he would hesitate to do the same to my father, too. All of this was hinging on me.
No wasn’t an option. So what if I said yes? What then? What could I do to keep myself safe? I couldn’t stand the thought of pretending to care for him for even a second, but I didn’t have a choice. If I turned him down, he would kill me, I was sure of it. But there had to be a way around saying yes – a way around actually committing myself to him in the way that he wanted me to.
But what was it? I wracked my brains. I wanted him gone, but I couldn’t think of a way to make it happen. How was I supposed to save myself, save my father? The only way I could ensure that was if I took Nikita out of the equation entirely, but I couldn’t do it myself.
Could I?
My mind started to race. If he trusted me, if he really believed I wanted to marry him, maybe he would start to let his guard down. And if he let his guard down, I could use that to lash out at him. I would have to play the dutiful fiancée and wife for a while, the thought of which made me sick, but if I did it for long enough...
He would start to believe that it was real. And I could hit him with the last thing he expected.
It would have to be something subtle, something he wouldn’t think to check for. Poison? That would make the most sense. I could play at being the housewife, wanting to care for him and cook for him, and slip something into his drink that he wouldn’t be able to survive.
The thought of it made my heart pound. I had never killed someone, and I had never thought I would. But if this was the only way I would be able to protect myself from Nikita – protect myself, and the people around me – I didn’t have much of a choice.
I rose to my feet and washed my face in the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror. I could do this. More than that – I had to do it. I had to be able to see this through, no matter how much it scared me, no matter how much I wished I wasn’t stuck in this nightmare.
I hardly even recognized myself. What kind of person would come up with the plan I had just conceived of in my head? What kind of person could go through with an actual fucking murder?
The kind who had been backed into a corner they couldn’t get out of, that’s what. I didn’t have a choice. It was this, or lose everyone who mattered to me, and there was no way I was going to let that happen.
I went back to bed and stared at the ceiling. Even though I was scared, a strange sense of calm settled over me, too – something peaceful, comfortable. I could do this. If I had to, I could do this, and I would come out the other side in one piece and make sure that I didn’t get trapped in a marriage with that awful man. He might have thought he had won for now, but he hadn’t. I could take him down. I could take him out.
I pulled the covers over myself, and soon, I drifted off to sleep. The calm was a relief, after all the sadness and terror that had consumed me before. I still didn’t know if I could do it, but I was willing to try, and that was more than I had imagined I would get close to before now.
When I woke the next morning, it was after a dreamless sleep, and I rose from the bed to get dressed and wash up. From this moment onward, I had to be willing to play the role of his lover – whatever that took. I had to convince him so he trusted me completely. The thought of what he might ask from me to prove my loyalty made my stomach turn, but I didn’t let it show on my face. This was going to be the performance of a lifetime, and I was going to survive it.
I headed downstairs, where my father was already eating breakfast. I dropped a kiss on top of his head, a reminder of why I was doing all of this in the first place. He had already been through enough as it was, and he deserved a chance to live the life he wanted to. I would keep him safe. I would do anything I could to make sure he survived this, and that the two of us could go back to the life we had known before.
“You’re in a good mood today,” he remarked, smiling up at me. I nodded.
“Yes, I am,” I replied. “I’ve... I’m feeling better about everything.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” he told me, and he reached out to squeeze my shoulder. He just wanted me to be happy, that was why he had done all of this. Little did he know that I was about to agree to something that would make me more miserable than I could imagine, in the name of making sure both of us came out of this in one piece.
I poured myself a coffee and sat at the table, chatting to my father about the trip I had taken the day before. I had rushed off to my room before I’d had a chance to talk to anyone about what had happened, too terrified and tearful to even think about putting a good spin on it, but my PR campaign started here and now – with my dad.
I hated lying to him, but if that’s what it took, I would do it. We had been through so much as it was already, and there was no way that I was going to put him through anything more. If he knew I was submitting myself to a marriage that I didn’t want to be a part of, I knew he would freak out and do his best to pull me out of it. He needed to believe I was going through with this because I really, truly wanted to, even if that was a lie in more ways than I could count.
“It sounds beautiful,” My father remarked. “Your mother and I used to picnic by the Danube when we were first together...”
“I can see why,” I replied, smiling at the thought of them together. “It’s beautiful.”
“Almost as beautiful as your mother was,” he replied, a little wistful. I loved hearing him talk about her. And I hoped, one day, that I would be with someone who I could talk about with that same love that he did.
Before I could get out another word, though, Nikita marched into the kitchen. He leaned down to drop a kiss on my cheek, and I fought the urge to pull away from him, smiling up at him sweetly instead.
“Good morning,” I greeted him, lifting my voice to this cartoon-princess sweetness and hoping that he believed it.
“Good morning,” he replied. “Feeling better?”
I had told him that I was ill from the drive the night before, praying that he would leave me alone, but today, I nodded.
“Much,” I cooed sweetly. “It’s good to see you again, Nikita.”
“I’ll give the two of you some privacy,” my father remarked, rising to his feet and heading to the door. He seemed to be feeling much better these days, but the treatment he had been receiving could be rescinded at a moment’s notice. Nikita didn’t even have to say any of that out loud, I just knew it to be true. He liked having that power over the people around him, likely because he knew none of them would choose to spend time with him if that wasn’t the case.
“I’ve been thinking about your offer yesterday,” I told him, my heart pounding in my chest. I needed to convince him, now more than ever, but I could hardly keep the venom or disgust out of my voice as I spoke.
“I’m glad to hear it,” he replied, as he turned to face me again. I could still feel his lips on my cheek. I would have to get used to it, if I was going to go through with this. I could do it – I could. I had to.
“And I think you’re right,” I admitted. “I... we would be good together. We should... get married.”
I had to choke the words out of my mouth, hoped that he would mistake it for the emotion of a woman who had just said yes to a proposal. But truly, I knew he didn’t care what I thought about this. As long as he got what he wanted, he would be happy.
And, sure enough, the grin that spread over his face told me everything I needed to know. He didn’t care how I felt about it. He cared that I had agreed to his sick little plan. He nodded.
“We’ll go back to New York, and we can rule together,” he told me. “You, by my side. Just like that fortress. The two of us against the world...”
I let him talk. I was going to have to get used to hearing him go on and on like that if we were going to be married. I could handle it.
I could handle anything, as long as it meant that the people I loved stayed safe and alive.
