The Book of Frick 9: 1–15
And thus I, the Prophet Beaton Frick, speak to the depraved among you, those evil multitudes whom God will forsake when He brings his chosen Americans into heaven—I address the loose women, sodomites, criminal doctors, malicious socialists, and you who do not strive with all your might to condemn them:
Thou canst be ransomed from thy wicked ways; thou can embrace thy Savior as thy Founding Fathers would have wanted. Never forget this: the island of heaven lies across a deep ocean, but the boat to heaven makes more than one trip.
But fail Him a second time, and you deny yourself the eternal splendor of His kingdom—you condemn yourself to witnessing the apocalypse. You will stand on this Earth as it tumbles helplessly into oblivion, and you will hardly notice the planet’s dying gasps, because your body will be set upon by beasts of all shapes and sizes. Hellhounds will tear the flesh from your limbs with teeth sharp as razors; vultures will pluck out your eyes should you be fool enough to open them; locusts will fill your every orifice and you shall feel their dreadful hungry buzzing inside yourself, and you shall know only regret for every heedless moment of earthly pleasure.
In these moments, your painful last, you will try to believe in such a thing as a savior. But do not let your desperation fool you into clinging to such a story.
For you, there is no such thing.