My skin is burning, which is only adding to the irritation from yesterday’s bleach bath. I can feel the bile rising in my throat, and no matter how hard I try to keep it down, it makes its way out. The vomit shoots all over my bed before I can stop it. Instantly, I am crying, not because I got sick but because I know what’s coming.

The door bursts open and I shriek in surprise. “You’re sick,” she says in a tone that tells me Nurse Momma is here. The sobs continue to rack my body as she begins pulling the sheets from my bed. I scramble up and out of the bed, attempting to stay out of her way. It feels like I may get sick again, so I hurry to the bathroom, where I hug the toilet seat. The cool tile helps to refresh me.

I can’t believe I’ve let this happen. Nurse Momma hardly comes around—thank goodness—but when she does, it scares me to death. I lose time from my life, and I don’t understand what happens. Not just hours but days, even weeks. It’s all a confusing fog after Nurse Momma gets ahold of me.

The bathroom door creaks open, and I whimper. “Please, Momma. I won’t get sick anymore.”

When she comes into view and I see the latex gloves, I vomit uncontrollably in the toilet again. Her voice sends shudders through my body when she says, “There, there, child. Momma’s here to take care of you.”

I’m still curved over the toilet when she yanks my arm to her. I wince even before the sting of the needle hits my arm. Nurse Momma always injects me with something that makes me lose all sense of myself. That’s my last thought before I slip into oblivion.

“Sidney, wake up!” a deep voice bellows, successfully ripping me from my nightmares from the past.

I blink and take in the dark room. The sheets are tangled all around me and I’m sweating profusely. Even though I can’t see Liam, I can smell him and feel his cool breaths from close beside me.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly this time. My chest is still heaving as I try to force the nightmare back into the catacombs of my mind.

“I need a shower,” I croak at him and untangle myself from the bed. But first I need air.

All but running, I make it to the window in the living room and voraciously inhale air into my lungs once I manage to get it open. I’m a little calmer, but I still need the cold shower to bring me back down to earth. When I go to take my shower, I see Liam’s beautiful face, the moonlight reflecting on it. He’s leaning against the arm of the sofa, his arms folded as he scrutinizes me.

“Are you okay?” he tries again.

I nod unconvincingly as I breeze past him to the bathroom. After a long cold shower, once I’ve dried off, I locate a nightgown from the drawer and slip it on. It must be in the middle of the night, but I’m starved from sleeping through dinner, so I make my way into the kitchen to look for food.

“Are you hungry?” I ask, not looking up at him when I sense that he’s entered the kitchen behind me.

“No, I’m fine.”

I find a can of chicken noodle soup, which seems fitting with my mood, and heat it up on the stove. He doesn’t say anything more, so after a while, I decide to peek over at him. The man is absolutely gorgeous as he stands in the entryway to the kitchen, his arms crossed, leaning against the doorframe. His eyes bore into mine. They silently ask for answers, but I deny him as I turn back to my soup.

Once it’s done and I’ve poured it into a bowl, I sit down at the table, where he immediately follows suit.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Sid. I won’t leave you alone until you do.”

I blow on the spoon, which is just inches from my face, and sip it before answering him.

“I had a nightmare.”

“Yeah, I gathered that. About what?” He’s intense and serious, which means I won’t get away from this battle easily. I just really don’t want to think about it.

Sipping another spoonful of the soup, I delay a few moments more. Finally, I sigh before giving him his answer.

“I had a nightmare about Nurse Momma.”

I know that answer isn’t sufficient and will only put more questions in his head, but that’s what comes out first. When I glance over at him, he’s glaring furiously.

Stammering, I continue. “It was more of a memory than a dream. When she was Nurse Momma, things were at their worst for me. I have a hard time thinking about it, much less talking about it.”

His eyes hold so much hate and anger that I cower down in my chair. I don’t understand why he’s so upset with me. When he sees my reaction, something inside him snaps and he softens.

“Hon, I’m not mad at you if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m fucking pissed off that your mother abused you so badly. Why do bad things happen to good people?” he asks mostly to himself as he regards me.

I shrug my shoulders, fighting tears as I eat a little more soup before I lose my appetite altogether.

“If I ever so much as coughed, or especially if I vomited, she would instantly put on her latex gloves and become Nurse Momma. What’s so terrifying is that I don’t remember much of went on during those times. All I had to go off of were some sketchy memories during the ‘black time’ and weird injuries to my body. It was terrifying when she would come towards me with the injection.” A shudder passes through my body at the thought, and I no longer want the soup.

“What do you mean injection?” he asks, and when I look over at him, his eyes are incredulous.

“Well, that’s the problem. I don’t know exactly what it was. All I know is that, once she injected me, I went down fast and hard. For an unknown period of time, I would be in a dreamy trance only coming to long enough for another injection. Once she would deem me healthy, she’d back off on the injections and I would eventually become lucid again. The bruising and burning all over my body scared me. Not knowing what’s happening to you while you are unconscious is a horrifying. I didn’t dare ask her—ever.”

“I’m so sorry,” he says simply.

I shrug away his words as if it’s no big deal. The fact is, though, it’s a really big deal. I’ll never know what happened during those dark times, and it plagues my mind with terrible what-ifs.

“Liam, what makes you so sad? You zone out a lot and go somewhere. If we’re being honest and open here, what’s your story?”

His eyes go from concerned to dark and angry. Nearly knocking over the chair, he stands quickly and strides over to the front door. I jump when the door slams shut after him. What the hell is his problem? Annoyed at his overreaction, I storm into my bedroom, turning off lights along the way. Then I yank off my night gown and crawl into bed.

I can hear things slamming around next door. It would appear that Liam is having some sort of tantrum on the other side of my bedroom wall. Clearly, something in his past bothers him terribly, but if he can’t share it with me, I can’t help him. Feeling defeated, I roll over and fall asleep.

 

 

The sound of a phone ringing pulls me from my slumber. Annoyed, I reach over to my bedside table and answer it.

“Hello?” I groan into the phone, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

“Sidney! What’s up, girl?” Tina chirps on the other line. I roll my eyes and pull the pillow over my face to block the sunlight streaming in.

“Well, I was trying to sleep,” I grumble.

Her voice tinkles with laughter at my response. “Too bad, we’re going to the store today. You need groceries, right?”

My heart starts thumping at the idea of going out today. After the day I had yesterday, I don’t feel like it at all. All I want to do is cocoon myself in my sheet and sleep the day away.

“I don’t feel like it today. There’s probably enough stuff in there to get by.”

The silence on the other line lets me know that she doesn’t like my answer. Finally, she sighs loudly into my ear, further indicating her exasperation.

“Fine. If you won’t come out with me, I’ll come to you. I’ll pick up some stuff for you and bring the movies you asked for. I’m not sure what this whole mood is about, but clearly we should chat about it. See you after a while, babe.” And in true Tina fashion, she hangs up on me.

Knowing that she’ll be true to her word, I finally drag myself out of bed. It doesn’t take me long to get ready, so I decide to clean. After a couple of hours, a knock on the door lets me know that Tina is here. Tossing my gloves and bottle of Windex on the kitchen counter, I hurry to the door. When I open it, I’m surprised to see Liam standing there.

As usual, he looks hot as hell in his tight black T-shirt, low-riding jeans, and messy hair. The more I look at him, the more I decide that maybe one day I will get past my touching issues because there is nothing more I’d like to have than someone that good-looking touch me. My face blushes when I think of where I’d like him to do the touching.

“Hey, Sidney. Look, I’m sorry about last night. I was being a jerk. Friends are supposed to talk things out, and I didn’t hold up my end of the deal. Can we try again? I told you I kind of sucked at this.” His sincere apology was successful in melting away the anger from yesterday.

“Yeah. Come on in. Tina will be here in a bit. You can meet her and watch a movie with us if you want.”

Shaking his head, he steps over the threshold and toward me. He doesn’t stop until he is practically right up against me. Leaning over, he whispers into my ear, “But I want you all for myself.” The cold breath tickles me and sends shivers down my spine. I can’t decide if it’s what he’s doing or what he’s saying. Either way, it is making me want to run to my window for air.

Thankfully he steps back away from me, but not before tugging at a strand of my hair. The simple gesture that is quickly becoming uniquely ours makes my heart swell. We may not be able to touch, but he sure does have a way of sharing intimate moments with me.

“Go make yourself comfortable. I’m going to finish cleaning the refrigerator and then I’ll come hang out. Do you want anything to eat or drink?”

He just shakes his head and makes his way over to the recliner. I quickly finish my task and then head back in there with him. His head is resting against the back of the recliner, and he appears to be sleeping. The man is so damn sexy with his dark stubble that sprinkles his cheeks. In another world, I would climb on top of his lap and straddle him. I bet it would feel amazing to drag my tongue up his cheek and taste him.

One of his eyes opens, catching me in the act. I must be turning fifty shades of red, because now he’s laughing at me.

“Sidney, were you checking me out again?” he chuckles.

I try to feign innocence by shaking my head emphatically, but when he winks at me, I’m busted as my cheeks burn again.

“Why don’t you come on over here and sit in my lap?” he teases as I heave myself down onto the sofa. I stick my tongue out at him, which only causes more laughter.

“I wasn’t checking you out,” I huff out at him.

This time, he just rolls his eyes. I can’t help it that he’s so damn hot. Fortunately my phone rings, interrupting the embarrassing moment. I bound into my room and answer it.

“Hey, I’ll be there in five!” Tina says without a hello and then hangs up. Sometimes I wonder what her point is for calling. I think she just likes to talk.

I turn to go back in the living room, and Liam is leaning against the doorframe, watching me intently. The hungry look in his eyes makes me want to squirm under his gaze.

“What?” I question, looking down at my dress to make sure there’s nothing spilled on it.

“I could admire your beauty forever,” he growls.

A shiver of desire quivers down my spine. The way he talks to me makes me want to do naughty things to him like I read about in my novels. Of course, I never will. But a girl can dream.

“Um, that sounds a little exaggerated, but I’m not going to lie. It is one hell of a compliment.”

I start to walk out of the room, but he stalks over to me. As he approaches, I involuntarily stumble backward until my butt bumps the wall. His palms slap the wall on either side of my head, effectively trapping me in his space. The breaths that come from me are excited and scared. He smells like mint and leaves, a delicious invasion to my senses. My heart is beating rapidly as I try to figure out what his next move could be. His cool breath against my face nearly drives me crazy.

“I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone more than I have wanted to kiss you in my entire existence. And it isn’t just because I can’t kiss you. It’s because you’re beautiful. You’re a survivor and you wear your scars unashamed. There’s a confidence about you that has never had the opportunity to come out, but I can see it lying below the surface. One day, I hope that you’ll be able to drop your walls that restrict you from happiness and live free. I would love to see it, but even if I don’t, I’ll be happy just knowing it will happen.”

His words are so deep and unguarded. I let them soak down to my soul, relishing in his praise. He leans in so close, just millimeters away from my lips with his, but doesn’t move any farther. I can almost feel his cool skin begging to meld with my always-burning flesh. In this moment, I realize that, one day, I will be ready for a kiss. I want this too badly to never allow myself this luxury in life. How is Liam able to reach deep down inside me where nobody else can?

He pulls one hand from the wall and tugs at my hair, grinning at me. It absolutely melts my heart and makes me wish I could throw my arms around him. Of course, I don’t. I can’t. Not yet.

“I’ve got some work to do next door. I’ll come hang out and watch a movie with you after your friend leaves. Tell her I said hi,” he says as he releases my hair and walks away.

I’m still standing there against the wall, lost in my thoughts when Tina enters the apartment a few minutes later.

“Hey, Sid!” she calls out as she makes her way to the kitchen, her arms full of bags.

I shake the spell away that Liam put me under and greet her. “Hey, girl. What did you buy? Sheesh. I told you I didn’t need anything.”

She just shakes her head at me and unloads the two giant sacks she somehow managed to wrestle all the way up here by herself. When she pulls out a couple of bottles of wine, I grin at her.

“Tina, you’re going to turn me into a drunk,” I tease her.

“Hardly, Sid. But you, my friend, need all the help you can get relaxing. I’m doing my civic duty by providing you with the means to do that.”

She hands me a handful of DVDs, and I squeal as I take them from her. All four of them are Patrick Swayze movies. I’m not sure if it’s normal for a person to get this giddy over movies.

I put away the food she bought while she serves up the chicken salad she brought for us. Opening the refrigerator, I pull out a couple of bottles of water and join her at the kitchen table.

“So how’s it going with neighbor boy?” she asks before taking a bite of her food.

Just the mention of him makes me smile broadly.

“I’m not sure what normal people consider normal to share, but I want to tell you something. Promise you won’t make fun of me?”

She grins as she realizes it’s something juicy. “Never. Now spill.”

“Well, yesterday after another run-in with the creeper from downstairs, I nearly lost my shit.” I start to continue on to the good stuff, but she’s frowning and interrupts me.

“Again, Sid? What happened? Who is this man and why is he harassing you? Have you talked to building management about it?” She’s concerned counselor right now and not my girlfriend. I instantly feel ill as I think about that man from yesterday.

“Not yet. I’ll talk to Donna about it tomorrow. He pressed his body against me in the laundry room and I passed out.”

“What the fuck?!”

“It must have spooked him because he left and Liam found me. I was sort of losing it, but he helped to calm me back down. After I got back upstairs, I took a long cold shower and felt much better. Liam showed up and stayed with me. I thought he was asleep and…” I trail off because I am nervous about telling her the next part.

Her expectant look forces me to continue.

“Anyway, I was looking at how hot he was and had the desire to touch myself.” I look over at her and her mouth is hanging open.

“No freaking way. Sidney is a closet freak. Who knew?”

“Once I determined he was asleep, I tried out my first attempt of self-pleasure. I was near climax when he awoke and blew cold air on my bare breast. It was incredibly hot and the orgasm was amazing. Is that too much? Should I be sharing this?”

She’s grinning like a madwoman now. “Hell yeah! This is the highlight of my entire weekend. So, in a way, he helped bring you to your orgasm? Oh my God, I can’t wait to meet this hottie who’s getting under your skin.”

“You were supposed to meet him today but he had to go work. I’m still clueless as to what he does. He’s so damn secretive, yet he wants to know all about me. It’s hard forging a friendship when he won’t open up.”

“Honey, I would say this is more than just friendship. He hasn’t even touched you and you’ve been to third base. This is so hot.”

I giggle because he is so hot, and deep down, I know we are more than friends. But for the life of me, I don’t understand why he won’t talk to me.

“It’s just strange. With him, I feel like we can see into each other’s souls. And even though he won’t speak of his past, I can see right into his inner tortured being. I know that he hurts, and I just want to make it better.”

Tina nods as she chews on her salad, thoughtfully mulling over what I’ve said. After she swallows, she speaks again.

“Clearly he has issues, but honestly that’s okay. Having a ‘friendship’ with someone like him seems to be helping you with some of your problems. Do you notice any changes in your own behavior by being with him? I can already see a change for the better in your personality.”

“Actually, I find myself wishing he would touch me. There have been many moments that the desire to kiss him is unreal. I’m scared as hell though. I mean, yesterday, I lost my shit when that man touched me. If I react that same way to Liam, it will break my heart. I care too much for him already.”

She listens thoughtfully. Finally, she stands and takes her plate to the sink. “Sid, I think the fact that you want to touch and kiss him means that you have come leaps and bounds from where you were weeks ago. Just because up until this point you haven’t been able to do this doesn’t mean that you won’t ever be able to. I think Liam is the perfect person to help you with this. What better person to help than someone you are physically attracted to?”

I nod, trying to imagine the idea of kissing him or simply holding his hand. It sends a shiver through me, but it’s one of excitement. The idea of doing it is much easier than the reality though.

“I’m going to try and see where this goes, Tina. Believe me, I want nothing more than to try and live a normal life. Now, what should we watch?”

I grab the stack of movies and head into the living room to start my Patrick Swayze marathon.