As Riddick led Gardner through the chapel, she broke out in a cold sweat. This is it, he’s about to open up to me.
Outside the back, Riddick led her down a path between rows of gravestones. Some of the stones were crumbling, and many were worn to the point of being unreadable, but that simply added to the beauty of the scene. Vines crawled up the stone walls that enclosed the resting place, while daffodils waved in the gentle breeze, and purple crocuses rested in the enduring quiet.
‘It’s beautiful,’ Gardner said.
Riddick, who was ahead of her, didn’t reply.
She inwardly sighed. Keep your mouth closed, girl.
They reached the last of the gravestones, and the end of the path. Ahead were several rows of planted trees, all still in their infancy. Each tree came with a small golden plaque. Gardner was too far back to read what was written on any of them.
There was a bench to their right, and Riddick sat down. He shuffled along to make space for Gardner.
She looked out over the trees, each one representing a life lived and a life lost and felt a lump in her throat.
You owe this poor man your composure.
She sat beside him.
Riddick pointed at the trees. ‘Second row back, furthest right. That’s Rachel. My wife. She was long-suffering as you can imagine. She was also the most beautiful woman I ever met.’
Gardner swallowed.
‘Next to her, are my two little scoundrels, Molly and Lucy…’
Gardner turned her head away from him, worried she was going to break.
‘Don’t be fooled by the quiet. They were anything but.’
She broke. Gardner reached up and wiped a tear away. She turned to look at Riddick’s profile. He was staring at the trees, smiling.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, wiping her other eye with the back of her hand.
Riddick shook his head. ‘There’s no need for you to be sorry. That’s not why I brought you here, boss.’
‘Don’t call me boss, Paul. Now of all times, please don’t call me boss.’
Riddick nodded. ‘As you wish.’
She stared at his profile. He looked so relaxed… so calm. She couldn’t even imagine being in this situation, never mind handling it as stoically as he was doing. ‘Thank you for bringing me here, Paul. I… I—’
‘Want to know why?’
‘No,’ Gardner said, feeling flustered. ‘I mean, yes—’
‘Relax, Emma.’ Riddick looked at her for the first time in a while. ‘Rachel asked me to.’
Gardner nodded, paused and then said, ‘I don’t understand.’
Riddick stared off over the trees again. ‘I still talk to Rachel. In fact, I still talk to all three of them.’
Gardner opened her mouth to respond, but then realised she had no idea what to say to that.
Riddick smiled again. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not mad… well, not completely. I know they’re not there. Not really.’
Gardner nodded. She searched hard for a response. The best she could come up with was, ‘They’ll always be with you.’
Riddick shook his head. ‘Yes… that’s what they say… but I don’t believe that.’
‘Oh,’ Gardner said, suddenly feeling foolish.
‘They’re not there, Emma. They’re gone. Completely. I’m not religious, nor do I believe in ghosts. I see them because I want to.’
Gardner nodded. ‘I understand.’
‘Do you?’ Riddick asked, looking at her with a raised eyebrow.
I don’t know. ‘I think so.’
‘You don’t think it’s insane?’
‘No… however, I’m not the best person to ask. Have you spoken to anyone about this—’
‘Why would I do that? I want to see them. I like to see them.’
Gardner nodded. She felt her face reddening. ‘Of course.’
‘So, you don’t have to worry, Emma. This is all based on choice. But, I understand, this way, this life, it isn’t sustainable.’
Gardner opened her mouth to agree but managed to hold back.
‘I can’t believe I’m telling you this. I haven’t even told Anders. Mind you, he’s a pompous prick at the best of times, I don’t know if I could cope with his patronising response. I already know that if I want any chance at a life, I have to start letting go.’
Gardner nodded, glad she’d not told him what he already knew.
‘Rachel, or at least my version of Rachel, believes you can help me with that.’
Me? Jesus wept. I hardly know you, Paul. Yes, I have experience of being the shoulder to cry on, but never something as heart-wrenchingly tragic as this.
‘Don’t look so flabbergasted, Emma.’
‘Am I the right person for this, Paul?’
‘My wife… sorry… I think you are. You must have seen my enthusiasm for the job. I’ve not felt that in years. I’ve not felt that since… since… well, you… I think?’
Gardner took a deep breath and shook her head. This wasn’t down to her. I mean, how could it be? ‘Paul, maybe you’re just ready. I didn’t put the body there! I think you found this enthusiasm all on your own.’
‘No.’ Riddick emphasised this with a shake of his head. ‘I saw the way you looked at Bradley. I saw the way you felt for the victim, how you championed him. I’ve seen the passion in your eyes, Emma, for justice.’
‘And I’ve seen those things in you too, Paul.’
‘You made me remember what they were.’
Gardner nodded. ‘I’m just glad that you’re feeling better, Paul.’
‘So, I want to tell you the story now of how my life was ruined. I want to tell you it – at least, the part that matters, then, afterwards, I want us to leave and find this bastard who killed Bradley and Dan. I want us to do that so badly.’
‘I understand. I’m honoured that you’re confiding in me.’
‘So here it is.’ He looked over at the trees as he told his story. ‘Ronnie Haller was a drug dealer, not unlike Neil Taylor, using youngsters to run drugs. County lines. One of the big fish. Ronnie had taken it too far. He’d killed two young men who’d skimmed from him. We had him bang to rights. He was going to spend his life in jail, and I craved one last interview. I got what I wanted…’