“A ROBOT?” Dad snorted at the TV. “That’s just a vacuum cleaner with a face painted on it!”
We were watching the Buy It or Bin It? Christmas special. People go on the show and present an invention to a panel of investors. The panel then decides if the idea is worth an investment and buy it, or reject it to the bin! Mum and Dad were hooked.
“Fleur looks quite interested,” said Mum, as the camera zoomed in on one of the judges.
“She used to live round here, you know?” said Dad.
“You say that every time,” I told him, rolling my eyes.
Dad shrugged. “She’s worth billions!”
The woman on the telly was called Fleur Pickles. She was probably about the same age as Dad, but she looked … less worn, somehow. Being a billionaire probably helped. It was good to know that somebody from a nowhere town like ours could get rich and even end up on TV.
“We should get Grandma to go on this,” said Dad. “The stuff she invents is way better!”
Mum nearly spat out her chocolate. “Are you serious? Have you forgotten what happened when Digby got too close to that AUTOMATIC TURKEY STUFFER she made? The poor dog hasn’t been the same since!” She shuddered. “And as for that SNOW MACHINE … we’re lucky it was only our windows that got broken. Those hailstones were the size of golf balls!”
“Yeah, but think of the money she’d make if she sold one of her ideas,” said Dad. “Where is Digby, anyway?”
“With Robin, I expect.”
Robin is probably Grandma’s most successful invention. She built him to look after me and Jess while Mum and Dad were at work. He looks so much like a real person, most people don’t even realize he’s a robot.
The judges on Buy It or Bin It? were about to announce their decision when we heard an ominous crash from the direction of the kitchen.
“I’ll go!” I said quickly. Mum and Dad quite like having a robot around, but Robin has a habit of getting into trouble. They got rid of him once before – I didn’t want them to have a reason to do it again.
I made sure to close the door behind me.
“Is that YOU making all that noise?” My sister was standing at the bottom of the stairs, scowling. It’s her favourite facial expression. “Have you seen Digby?”
“I think he’s in there … with Robin.” I nodded towards the kitchen.
“So what are you waiting for?” Jess is always telling me what to do – like she’s my big sister – when in fact we’re twins, so exactly the same age.
“Why don’t you go in?” I said.
“You’re closest!”
I sighed and opened the door.
The kitchen was unrecognizable. It felt as though you were walking into a jungle made from Christmas paper, dangling like multi-coloured vines from the ceiling.
I was barely over the threshold when something lurched at me from the undergrowth. It was like a giant spider, all spindly limbs and quick, jerky movements. One of its arms ended with a pair of shining blades that snipped the air in front of my face.
I ducked, narrowly avoiding an unscheduled haircut, then stumbled into a transparent web of sticky tape.
The creature pounced.
In seconds I was wrapped in a Christmas cocoon, unable to move.
“Robin!” I shouted. “It’s ME!”
“Master Just Jake! Oh, my!” The robot apologized and started to cut me free. “You stepped into my production line. I thought you were a gift that needed wrapping!”
“You do know Christmas is over, right?” said Jess.
“But your mother was disappointed when your grandma’s RAPID-WRAP-IT! machine didn’t work,” said the robot. “I thought I would see if I could improve on it.”
“I don’t think Mum wanted you to gift wrap the kitchen though,” I said.
Robin stroked his beard, a sign he was thinking. “My procedure is still in the development stage. I repeat a task and refine the process until it runs smoothly.”
“It’s a good job you’ve got a whole year until next Christmas,” said Jess. “I’d say this process needs a lot of refining!”
I looked around at the web of tape stretching across the kitchen, bits of wrapping caught up in it like festive flies. “By the way, have you seen Digby? I thought he was with you.”
“Digby? He’s just…” Robin turned towards the pile of presents. “Oh, dear!”
We’d rescued Digby and were trying to unwrap the kitchen when the doorbell rang.
Dad’s footsteps thumped along the hall, then we heard our neighbour’s voice.
Mr Burton reminds me of a vampire. He has a pointy nose and grey bushy eyebrows like two hairy caterpillars clinging to his forehead.
We watched through a crack in the door as he handed Dad a note. “It’s a bill,” he said. “For the damage your robot caused to my house when it malfunctioned.”
Me and Jess exchanged a look. We knew a lot more about Robin’s malfunction than anybody realized – but that’s another story.
“This seems expensive!” said Dad.
“Removing chocolate muffin from a cream carpet is not easy,” said Mr Burton. “Besides, there was the leaf-blower.” He shuddered.
Even I’d been surprised how powerful that had turned out to be.
“I must go and apologize,” said Robin. “Your father should not have to pay for damage I caused.”
“NO! Don’t go out there!” I put my body between Robin and the door. “It’s better if Mr Burton doesn’t know you’re still here.”
Meanwhile, Dad and the old man were still talking.
“There may be an alternative solution,” said Mr Burton. “If the robot was to come and work for me, he could repair the damage himself – at no cost to you.”
“That proposal is a very logical solution,” said Robin. “I wish to accept.”
“NO!” said Jess. “Have you forgotten what happened last time?”
“Mr Burton treated you like a slave!” I reminded him. “He made you cut his toenails!”
But the robot wasn’t listening. He made another lunge towards the door, so Jess jumped on his back while Digby took hold of a trouser leg in his teeth. But Robin is surprisingly strong, and even the three of us together couldn’t stop him.
Dad looked surprised when the kitchen door flew open and Robin burst into the hallway with me, Jess, and Digby still clinging on.
“I wondered where you lot were,” he said.
“Where’s Mr Burton?” said Jess.
“He left.” Dad raised an eyebrow. “I’m guessing you were listening?”
“You’re not going to make Robin go and work for him are you?” I said.
“I told him I needed to talk it over with your mum.”
“It is right that I should repair the damage I caused,” said Robin.
“Well … hopefully it won’t come to that.” Dad smiled. “Now, I don’t suppose there are any mince pies left are there?” He moved towards the kitchen but Jess jumped in the way.
“I’ll get you one! Why don’t you go and sit down? You don’t want to miss the end of Buy It or Bin It? do you.”
Dad nodded. “Good point! Thanks, love!”
“That was close,” said Jess when he’d gone. “Jake, you help Robin clear up this mess while I keep Mum and Dad distracted with mince pies.”
Normally I would have argued, but I was too busy thinking that Mr Burton would be back, and it was going to take a lot more than mince pies to keep him distracted.