Megan’s eyelids drooped. The slight noise of the highlighter hitting the textbook when it slipped from her hand woke her. Blinking, she took a breath, immediately followed by a yawn, which led to another yawn. She thought about forcing herself through another hour of study, but yawned again and her eyes watered up. Megan closed the textbook and set it aside. She would have most of the weekend to study and review, and felt like she would do well on her finals next week.
She felt like an old woman, at nine forty-seven on a Friday night; single and falling asleep.
Then she smiled. Bill was back in town, and they were having dinner tomorrow night and she was looking forward to seeing him again. Bill was spending time with his daughter tonight. She sighed. The man was driven, too much she thought, but he was kind to her.
Through the thin walls Megan could hear her neighbor washing dishes. Knowing the woman would be at it for at least ten minutes Megan headed for the bathroom.
Ten minutes later the neighbor was quiet, and Megan had finished her pre-bedtime routine. Crawling under her blankets she snuggled in and turned off her lamp.
“Thomas! Hi, Honey. It is so good to see you again.” He looked great with a yellow shirt and purple-colored pants.
Her son’s smile was as brilliant as ever.
She was seated on a log bench just off the greenbelt next to the Boise River and he was standing close to the bank about fifteen feet away. Megan touched the seat next to her and he walked over and sat down.
She so longed to touch him. She knew this was a dream, but she was just as certain she knew he was real.
Thomas was her son.
He existed, somewhere.
Megan felt he was in heaven.
Thomas seemed so happy. So clean. So…unburdened.
Megan sighed but felt fortunate to see him again.
She was glad he was growing.
She was…glad.
And sad, never knowing which visit would be the last one. She had asked that question in the past and he had said he did not know.
She had never felt his skin with her hand but remembered clearly the life in her belly.
The fingers that pushed back.
The foot that kicked her under the ribs and the unmistakable feel of the tiny foot on her hand, separated by just a few millimeters of flesh, fluid, and uterus. Five years prior-yet yesterday.
Walk with me, she thought, with a gesture toward the asphalt path in front of them.
I would like that.
As they strolled, the sound of the river was eternal; the gurgle and rush and ripples of water over rocks and along the bank. The smell of decaying vegetation mixed with the occasional chirp of a bird or the call of a magpie, always looking to raid a nest and eat eggs. The slight wind generated along the waterway touched her face.
What do you do when you are not here, Thomas?
He looked up at her with another smile.
I listen to music. I play with other children, and I get to spend a lot of time with nice animals. I love the orange cats, and the goofy silly dogs.
Do you play sports?
I don’t, at least not yet, but a lot of people have friendly games of baseball, football, soccer and basketball. People just join in the game and leave. It’s pretty easy going. And everyone is healthy. Everyone walks around or just appears and disappears. There are no cars, no buses, and no trains. Some people say they miss their cars and stuff, though.
There are lots of horses, cows, and green grass. No fences and no one ever gets hurt. Some people dress funny. They wear anything and everyone smiles.
Really?
Yes, Mom, really.
Can you tell me more?
We watch and try and help, like this. It doesn’t always work. Most people in your world are different, and not so open. They hurt inside and it takes them a long time to learn the good stuff. I don’t understand it all. I don’t know why it is so hard on your side of the veil, but it just is. Maybe someday I will know more.
What do you know now? What are you trying to tell me?
His smile was again blazing.
You work hard and because you do, you will be a great doctor. You will save many children and will have a great life!
It doesn’t feel that way right now, Thomas. I miss you so much and do not understand why you were taken from me.
Me neither. I miss you but I don’t think in the same way I sense you miss me. I have such good friends here, hundreds of them, and we all seem to know each other so well, even when we first meet the other soul. It is strange sometimes, but expected and not a surprise.
You seem so mature. I don’t understand. You are barely five years old.
He smiled.
To you I am. A stage of me is only five. A different stage is very old and has been on earth before. I have been a gift and other earth souls have been my gift. I have been loved many, many times.
Megan stopped walking, stunned, and tears started rolling down her face.
When she could finally talk the words choked out.
That makes me so happy, and so sad.
They started walking again.
She was torn inside and longing to understand.
He smiled again, taking in a deep breath of riverside nature.
She hesitated. What else can you tell me?
Thomas looked up at the mother who had grown and carried him for eight months. Such a short time to some but an amazing, life enhancing, growth of a body to carry his mind, his heart and his soul.
You gave me another life, Mom.
You gave me love.
You gave me another measure of beauty.
You gave me…you.
Megan felt wonder, loss, and longing, and wanted to cry again.
What do I do, Thomas?
He looked at her intently and she heard the message in her head.
Your Christmas is coming, Mom.
She could feel tears running down her face.
She longed to touch him. He was so beautiful, and just out of reach, forever.
Megan was startled awake by the sound of a loud rush of water when the shower was turned on in the living unit next door. Disoriented and annoyed, it took her a minute to realize she had been dreaming, the vividness already fading, as she wiped tears from her face.