Chapter Seventeen

Now, I remember. I remember running home after me and Cole fought in the rain, past Jeff, upstairs. I remember calling on Sabrina loud enough for him to hear. Locking my door and shouting at Sabrina to let herself into my body so I could understand. How could Sabrina put me in this position with Cole? Her bones, unearthed by her own grandchild, more than half-decomposed. No real proof my great grandfather was innocent. No real proof Ellis was guilty. How could she do this to us? How could she put us in this impossible position? At the moment when Cole finally believed me, I had thought her belief would fix everything.

I remember the lock on my bedroom door rattling. Jeff, and Ellis behind him, closing in, mirroring him, doubling the strength on the handle. I was safe inside. Sabrina leaned against the door to protect me.

I remember when Mum came home, and I wouldn’t let her in. Sabrina told her I didn’t want to come out for dinner. Mum insisted I let her in. I did, in the end. I was packing a suitcase. I told her I couldn’t keep living here. With him. She thought I meant Jeff. By the time Mum got into my room, I’d already left a message for Nan telling her I’d be in the city tomorrow. I’d booked my Maritime Bus ticket out of this town. The Jiffy-Mart where I’d be picked up was within walking distance.

I remember Mum grabbing my suitcase, unpacking it, throwing clothes on the floor and refusing to let me leave. She said I couldn’t go out in this state, when she didn’t know if I’d be safe. Sabrina dropped back into me and promised her over and over again I was safe. And I was, in a haze so thick, so soft, and heavy as a cloud. I remember not remembering from moment to moment. I remember floating. Floating away from myself more fully than I ever had before.

I remember slipping out my window onto the roof and climbing down the freshly painted gingerbread and running off into the forest as the rain barreled down. Ellis’s body tried to break itself away from Jeff’s back in the house, but found itself tied too tight to his form to make it after us before we disappeared through the tree line. He didn’t know where we were going. Unlike Sabrina, he didn’t have anything tying him to the world outside of the house. Only Sabrina could take me to where she wanted to be laid to rest. I need this, she said.

And what about what I need?