Chapter 7

The Pitfalls

First attempts at Plan B often don't go very well. You're new at it; the kid's new at it, too. Creating a helping relationship and using Plan B effectively take time, practice, and perseverance. So hang in there. Feeling like you have your Plan B sea legs under you can take a while. Here are some of the common problems that people run into early (and sometimes later) on.

You're Not Actually Using Plan B

Plan B is definitely harder if you're really doing Plan A. Sometimes people use Plan A instead of Plan B because they found themselves stuck in the middle of an incompatibility episode and felt they had to take decisive, unilateral action. The ALSUP and Problem Solving Plan should help you keep those scenarios to a minimum. Remember, once an unsolved problem has set in motion an incompatibility episode for the first time, it's no longer unpredictable. As such, it can be handled proactively (and preferably collaboratively). That's why those two instruments are so important.

Another reason adults use Plan A instead of Plan B is that they still think Plan A is going to accomplish something positive. Of course, if Plan A were working, you wouldn't still be using it so often.

Early Plan B discussions can be uncomfortable; it's new for you and for the student. But every Plan B yields important information, even if it doesn't flow seamlessly.

Sometimes adults default to Plan A when, in the midst of doing Plan B, they feel uncertain or stuck and revert to something more familiar. Early Plan B discussions can be uncomfortable; it's new for you and for the student. But every Plan B yields important information, even if it doesn't flow seamlessly.

Adults may also revert to Plan A in the midst of Plan B because they're a lot more focused on their concerns (and perhaps their solutions) than they are on the kid's concerns. Maybe it's just human nature to be more focused on your own concern than that of another person. And maybe many adults had a lot of practice having their concerns ignored or dismissed in childhood and adolescence and are simply perpetuating the cycle. But when you're using Plan B, you're as focused on clarifying and addressing the kid's concerns as you are on clarifying and addressing your own concerns.

And sometimes adults are still using Plan A because they still think the overriding agenda is to teach the kid who's the boss. But he already knows you're the boss. What he's looking for is someone to help him solve the problems that are contributing to the challenging behaviors that are causing (some) adults to believe that he needs additional lessons on who's the boss, and that the hundreds of lessons he's already received on that theme haven't yet sunk in.

Bad Timing

Plan B is, without question, a lot harder if you're trying to use it emergently. Proactive Plan B takes place under planned conditions, so you have time to prepare. Proactive Plan B takes place under calmer, less heated circumstances, so the participants are more capable of information sharing and reasoned discussion. And Proactive Plan B doesn't take place in front of the entire class, so the participants don't have the added pressure of being the center of attention, and the work of the other kids isn't being disrupted.

It's not that the use of Emergency Plan B is a catastrophe; it's just that you don't want to make a habit of it. If you're trying to solve the same problem every day using Emergency Plan B, you're actually doing more Plan B than is necessary. Remember, the goal is to work toward durable solutions—getting the problem solved once and for all—a task much better suited to Proactive Plan B.

But here's an example of an Emergency Plan B that went pretty well. It took place as a teacher was walking with students down the hallway to reading class, and noticing that one student—it happened to be one of her behaviorally challenging kids—looked quite unhappy:

TEACHER: What's the matter, Matt?
MATT: I don't like my new reading partner.
TEACHER: You don't like your new reading partner.
MATT: No. Mrs. Dunleavy changed our reading partners yesterday, and I got stuck with Melanie.
TEACHER: Ah, I didn't know that. So you don't want Melanie as your reading partner.
MATT: No way! Why'd she stick me with Melanie?
TEACHER: I don't know … though I did know that you and Melanie don't get along very well.
MATT: Well, it's going to ruin reading.
TEACHER: I'm glad you told me about this, Matt. And I want to make sure we get this solved so that you don't feel that reading is going to be ruined. What do you think we can do—just for today—and then later, me and you and Mrs. Dunleavy can sit down and figure something out?
MATT: I don't know.
TEACHER: Well, think for a second. Sometimes you don't think of a solution right away, but then you come up with one.
MATT: How 'bout I read myself today and then we talk to Mrs. Dunleavy.
TEACHER: So you'd read by yourself today … who would be Melanie's partner?
MATT: I don't know. She could read by herself too. Or she could join someone else's group.
TEACHER: Well, let's see if either of those solutions work for Mrs. Dunleavy—just for today—and I'll see if there's a time for us to meet to talk about it before tomorrow.
MATT: We don't have reading group again until Friday.
TEACHER: Oh, right, so we have more time than I thought. You good with this plan, just for today?
MATT: Uh-huh.

By the way, Plan A could make sense in some emergent circumstances, especially those involving safety, when there's no viable option except to impose adult will (for example, if two kids are in the midst of a fistfight). But on many emergent safety issues, you do still have the options of Plans B and C. Plan C would make sense when you think defusing a student (by dropping the expectation that heated him up in the first place) is feasible, such as when a student suddenly balks at getting to work on a particular assignment. But, again, if we're doing a good job of identifying the lagging skills and unsolved problems of kids at risk for unsafe behavior, if we're working together to communicate and prioritize, if we're systematically solving those problems and keeping track of how things are going, if we're developing the types of helping relationships with at-risk kids that they so desperately need, then the likelihood of unsafe behavior will already have been dramatically reduced.

When I'm told that Plan B didn't work—that the kid didn't talk—I often ask the adults involved in the Plan B to tell me the story. Often the story begins with the words, “Well, when he …” This is usually a clear sign that Emergency Plan B was at work. I'm always encouraging the adults to go back and do Plan B on the unsolved problem, but proactively instead of emergently. In the vast majority of circumstances, that usually does the trick.

Perfunctory Information Gathering

This refers to the tendency to rush through the Empathy step as quickly as possible, which causes adults to have only a partial understanding of the kid's concern or perspective. Thus, instead of fully clarifying the kid's concern, a “low-quality concern” is settled for in the interest of expedience. The problem, of course, is that mushy concerns lead to mushy solutions. If the kid's concerns are not well specified, it's unlikely that the eventual solution will address his actual concerns.

Mushy concerns lead to mushy solutions. If the kid's concerns are not well specified, it's unlikely that the eventual solution will address his actual concerns.

Many adults find it hard to stay patient in the Empathy step. But the goal is not to get the conversation done in a nanosecond (another good reason to be using Proactive B rather than Emergency B). Problems that get solved in a nanosecond usually aren't durably solved. Again, you're not done with the Empathy step until you have the clearest possible understanding of the kid's concern or perspective.

In one of the videos I show at my trainings, a wonderful elementary school teacher named Dorothy Plumpton is doing Proactive Plan B with one of her students, Bobby. The unsolved problem is that Bobby was having difficulty sitting on the floor during group lessons. The first concern Bobby articulated was that the buttons on the back of his pants might bother him. The second concern was that the floor was dirty. Fortunately, Mrs. Plumpton didn't stop there. She learned about a variety of additional concerns: that there was too much noise in the classroom, that one of Bobby's classmates was whispering in his ear, that he was frequently blamed for things he didn't do. She also learned that he was fine sitting on the floor in writing group, that he was fine reading to himself in reading group, but that he didn't like reading out loud in reading group because other kids teased classmates who made mistakes in reading out loud during reading group. If Mrs. Plumpton had stopped drilling after the first two concerns, she would have tried addressing the buttons on Bobby's pants and the dirt on the floor, but would never have known about Bobby's other concerns, in which case the problem would have remained unsolved.

Too Much Information

That last example brings to the fore another problem that can arise in the Empathy step: the kid talked a lot, and you obtained what felt like an overwhelming amount of information. Believe it or not, this is a good problem to have, kind of like having too many good players on your basketball team and wondering which ones to put in the game. But it does raise an important logistical issue: deciding which concerns to address in the current Plan B discussion. If we use Bobby and Mrs. Plumpton as our example, it's quite clear that one solution couldn't possibly address all of Bobby's concerns (that is, whatever solution might address the dirt on the floor wouldn't address kids giving each other a hard time if they made a mistake when they're reading out loud). So, before moving on to the next two steps, Bobby and Mrs. Plumpton would have to decide which concerns to address in the current Plan B and which to save for subsequent Plan B discussions.

How do you know when you're done gathering information in the Empathy step? Again, keep using drilling strategy number 8—summarizing—until the kid can't think of any other concerns. By the way, you'll know whether you've done a good job of identifying and clarifying concerns when you try to restate the concerns of both parties in the Invitation. If you have trouble restating those concerns, there's a decent chance you're still lacking important information. What should you do then? Go back to the first two steps and see if there's more information to be had. Your other option is to plunge forward with mushy concerns, and you know what kind of solutions you're going to end up with if you do that.

You'll know whether you've done a good job of identifying and clarifying concerns when you try to restate the concerns of both parties in the Invitation. If you have trouble restating those concerns, there's a decent chance you're still lacking important information.

The Kid Wouldn't Talk

You've already read about many of the reasons kids don't talk in the Empathy step, so this is a recap. First, your unsolved problem may have been poorly worded. Second, your timing may have been off. Another possibility is that many kids aren't clear about what their concerns are. Because kids are accustomed to having their concerns dismissed, it's possible they haven't given the matter much thought. They may need some help getting a bead on their concerns. Good drilling should help here; but if the kid truly has no clue about his concerns, your best strategy would be educated guessing or hypothesis testing. Your powers of observation and recollection of past instances in which the child (or others) had a similar problem should serve you well here. Plus, there are only a finite number of concerns or problems that might be associated with a given unmet expectation.

Bear in mind that your educated guesses are tentative hypotheses. You want to make sure it's the kid's actual concerns, and not your presuppositions, that are entered into consideration. If your educated guess is on the money or even close, kids will usually find a way to let you know. And they'll let you know if your guess is off base, too. Here's another example of what educated guessing might sound like:

Adult, initiating Proactive Plan B: I've noticed that sometimes you have difficulty standing in line during lunch. What's up?

STUDENT: I don't know.
ADULT: Take your time. There's no rush. Think about it a little. What's hard for you about standing in line for lunch?
STUDENT: (shrugs)
ADULT: Picture yourself in the lunch line and think about what might be hard for you about that.
STUDENT: I'm not sure.
ADULT, EDUCATED GUESSING: Well, I was wondering if it has anything to do with who's standing in front of you or behind you. Could that be it?
STUDENT: I don't think so.
ADULT: OK. I think one time you were upset because they didn't have what you wanted when you got to the servers. Is that something you're concerned about when you're standing in line?
STUDENT: Yes.
ADULT: So you're worried that they might not have what you want?
STUDENT: Sometimes they run out. And then I have to eat something I don't like.
ADULT: I see. That's good for me to know. So what do you do when you're worried that they might run out of what you want?
STUDENT: I try to go ahead in the line to see if they're running out. And then everyone gets mad at me because they think I'm trying to cut the line. But I'm not trying to cut the line; I'm just trying to see if they're running out. But then the lunch lady gets mad because the other kids are hollering about me cutting the line.
ADULT: Goodness, I didn't know anything about this. Although I have heard about a few incidents from Mrs. Gorman. But now I have a much better understanding of what's going on. Tell me, is there anything else making it hard to stand in line at lunch?
STUDENT: Sometimes Danny flicks my ear, so I don't want to stand in front of him.
ADULT: Ah, so maybe my first idea is sometimes true. The part about who's standing in front or behind you.
STUDENT: Only in back of me. And only Danny.
ADULT: Got it. Anything else I should know about what's hard about standing in line for lunch?
STUDENT: I can't think of anything else.
ADULT: I can't either. But at least now we have an idea of what's making that hard for you.

Fear of Fabrication

It's not uncommon for adults to conclude that a kid's concerns aren't “accurate” or that he's lying. We're usually wrong about that. Lying is what a kid does when you're asking about his behavior and he thinks he's in trouble. But you're not asking about his behavior and he's not in trouble. Although some students fabricate because of embarrassment over their true concerns—a fairly rare occurrence, in my experience—there's really very little for a student to lie about in the Empathy step, since all you're looking for is information about his concern, perspective, or point of view.

It's also important to be open to the possibility that your own assumptions about the kid's concerns are inaccurate. Just because the kid's concerns didn't coincide with what you thought his concerns would be doesn't mean he's lying. Along these lines, there are basically two mistakes you can make:

Assuming the kid's concerns are accurate when there's a chance they're not
Assuming the kid's concerns are not accurate when there's a chance the kid has hit the nail on the head

Accusing a kid of fabricating—or expressing skepticism about the accuracy or authenticity of his concerns—can be fatal to the information-gathering process of the Empathy step.

The first mistake is far preferable. The price of the second mistake is much higher. Accusing a kid of fabricating—or expressing skepticism about the accuracy or authenticity of his concerns—can be fatal to the information-gathering process of the Empathy step. In other words, it causes kids—like the rest of us—to clam up or become defensive. Good drilling should eventually help you get past any potential inaccuracies and clarify the kid's concerns anyway.

The worst-case scenario, and this is no tragedy, is that you and the kid agree to a solution that addresses the kid's stated concern (but not what turns out to be the primary or central concern), and the original solution doesn't resolve the problem. When you return to Plan B, you want to suggest that there might be more to the problem than was captured by your original discussion. Here's an example of how Mrs. Plumpton might return to Plan B if the first type of mistake I described were to play out:

TEACHER: Bobby, remember when we talked about how it was hard for you to sit in reading group because there's dirt on the floor?
BOBBY: Uh-huh.
TEACHER: And remember that we decided that you'd sit in a chair instead?
BOBBY: Uh-huh.
TEACHER: Well, I've noticed that it's still been hard for you to be in reading group. So I'm beginning to wonder if there are other reasons you're having difficulty sitting in reading group. Can we think about that a little?

Something's Missing

You definitely don't want to skip any of the steps. Each of the three steps is absolutely indispensable for solving problems collaboratively. If you skip the Empathy step, you won't know what the student's concerns are, and those concerns won't get addressed. If you skip the Define Adult Concerns step, the student won't know what your concerns are, and they won't get addressed. And if you skip the Invitation, you won't work together in coming up with a realistic and mutually satisfactory solution.

Playing Roulette with the Steps

Plan B doesn't go very well if you apply the steps out of order. If you start with the Define Adult Concerns step, the kid's going to think you're doing Plan A (because Plan A starts with your concerns, followed rapidly by your imposed solutions). If you start with the Invitation, you have no idea what problem you're trying to solve because you haven't yet identified anyone's concerns. Plan B always starts with the Empathy step, continues with the Define Adult Concerns step, and is capped off with the Invitation.

The Student Couldn't Think of Any Solutions

It's not uncommon for kids to have difficulty thinking of realistic and mutually satisfactory solutions in the Invitation. Of course, many adults have difficulty coming up with realistic and mutually satisfactory solutions too. Fortunately, even though you're giving the kid the first crack at the solution, coming up with a solution is a team effort. If he doesn't have any ideas, maybe you do. Remember, any proposals you make in the solution department are just that: proposals. If you're imposing solutions, you're using Plan A.

The First Solution Didn't Get the Job Done

First solutions frequently don't get the job done, so you're likely to run into this. Why wouldn't the first solution get the job done? As you've read, one possibility is that the solution wasn't as realistic as you and the kid thought it was. That's not a Plan B failure, just a solution that wasn't as realistic as it seemed. Go back to Plan B to come up with a more realistic solution. Another possibility is that the solution wasn't as mutually satisfactory as it seemed. That's not a Plan B failure either, just a solution that wasn't as mutually satisfactory as it seemed. Go back to Plan B to figure out why and refine the original solution or come up with one that better addresses the concerns of both parties. It's also possible that you identified as many concerns as possible in the first attempt at Plan B on a given unsolved problem and came up with a solution that addressed those concerns. But there are concerns the solution didn't address: the ones you didn't identify. That's not a Plan B failure, just a scenario in which there were more concerns to be addressed than was initially thought. Go back to Plan B to see if there are other concerns that the original solution didn't address.

At the end of Plan B—after you and the kid have signed off on a solution and given conscious, deliberate thought to whether the solution is realistic and mutually satisfactory—it's good to acknowledge that the problem may require additional discussion.

At the end of Plan B—after you and the kid have signed off on a solution and given conscious, deliberate thought to whether the solution is realistic and mutually satisfactory—it's good to acknowledge that the problem may require additional discussion. Good solutions—durable ones—are often refined versions of the solutions that came before them.

Do-Overs

You've now learned quite a bit about the three steps of Plan B, read a few sample Plan B dialogues, and begun digesting the different ways in which things can go awry. Let's take what we've covered so far and incorporate it all into another dialogue. In this example, you'll be seeing some of the common missteps (many of which you've already read about) that can cause things to go off the rails, but you'll also be seeing how to get things back on track. In this scenario, an assistant principal is facilitating a Plan B discussion with a middle school student (Jason) and his science teacher (Ms. Bradbury).

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: So, Jason, the reason I asked you and Ms. Bradbury to meet with me is because I've been seeing a lot of you in the office lately and—don't take this personally—I wouldn't mind seeing less of you. And Ms. Bradbury would really appreciate it if you weren't disrupting her science lab anymore.

Looks like we need to take a do-over right from the start here. The assistant principal started Plan B with challenging behavior, and that's going to reduce the likelihood that Jason will participate in the conversation. Let's try again.

Do-Over:

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: So, thanks for meeting with me. I thought it would be good for us to try solving a problem together. Jason, you're not in trouble … I just want to get your perspective on the problem we're going to be discussing, because we're not going to be able to solve it without you. We good?
JASON: Uh-huh.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: But we also need Ms. Bradbury, because we need her perspective on things as well. So here's the problem I thought we could work on together, at least as I understand it: difficulty completing the lab reports in science. Ms. Bradbury, can you expand on that a little?
MS. BRADBURY: Well, it's all the clowning around that we just can't have happening. That's why I have to separate him from his lab partner, Chris, or send him to the office.

That was going rather well, until the “clowning around” part. It sure is hard to keep the challenging behavior out of the discussion! Let's take another do-over:

Do-Over:

MS. BRADBURY: Well, the expectation that Jason is having difficulty meeting is completing the science lab reports while he's seated next to his lab partner, Chris.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: OK, so, Jason, what can you tell us about that?
JASON: I don't know. I mean, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but it's kind of boring.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: I think we're just looking for you to be honest. So you don't want to do the science lab reports because it's boring. That's good for us to know.

That was a nice stab at reflective listening, but Jason didn't actually say anything about not wanting to do the science lab reports. We want to make sure that our reflective listening comes as close as possible to what the student actually said. Let's try again.

Do-Over:

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: I think we're just looking for you to be honest. So you're having difficulty completing the science lab reports because they're boring. That's good for us to know. Ms. Bradbury, why don't you tell us about your concerns about Jason having difficulty completing the science lab reports.

Sorry to slow things down here, but we're not ready to move on to the Define Adult Concerns step just yet. We still need clarification on Jason's first concern, and we also need to find out if there are others. So there's more drilling to be done. Let's take a do-over.

Do-Over:

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: I think we're just looking for you to be honest. So you're having difficulty completing the science lab reports because they're boring. That's good for us to know. But I don't think I quite understand what you mean. What's boring about them?
JASON: I don't know. It's just not fun. I mean, doing the experiments is pretty fun. But writing them up isn't fun. And I'm not that good at writing anyway.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: You sure this isn't just because you'd rather socialize than do the lab reports?

Uh-oh. An adult theory—and one related, of course, to motivation—has just been tossed into the mix. If we stick with drilling for information, we'll likely find that this theory—like most—is incorrect. Let's try again.

Do-Over:

JASON: I don't know. It's just not fun. I mean, doing the experiments is fun. But writing them up isn't fun. And I'm not that good at writing anyway.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Can't Chris just do the writing for you?

Now we're seeing that adults find it hard not only to keep behaviors and theories out of the Empathy step but also to refrain from prematurely throwing solutions into the mix. We really should just stick with the drilling strategies …

Do-Over:

JASON: I don't know. It's just not fun. I mean, doing the experiments is pretty fun. But writing them up isn't fun. And I'm not that good at writing anyway.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Ah, so you're not that good at writing. Tell us more about that.
JASON: I'm just better at doing the experiments than I am at doing the writing. There's this whole format we're supposed to follow, and I usually get it wrong.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: OK, so the writing part is hard because there's a format you have to follow and you usually get it wrong. Is there anything about the actual writing that's hard? Or is it mostly the format? Or both?
JASON: Um … well, I'm not very good at writing. But I think—
MS. BRADBURY: I think it's the format you don't like. A lot of kids don't like the format, but it's really important for you to get used to it.

Jason was doing just fine answering for himself. We should let him continue doing that.

Do-Over:

JASON: Um … well, I'm not very good at writing. But I think it's mostly the formatting part. It just makes it really confusing for me.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Good to know. So the formatting makes it confusing for you, and that makes it hard for you to complete the science lab reports. Is that separate from the boring part, or is the formatting what makes it boring?
JASON: Uh … well, writing the lab report is more boring than the experiment, but I think the formatting part is what makes it especially boring.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Got it. That's helpful. So let me summarize what we know so far … writing the lab report with Chris is more boring than doing the experiment, and the main thing that makes it boring is the formatting part. Yes?
MS. BRADBURY: And we also have the problem of you guys teasing Ilicia… we haven't even talked about that yet.

Well now, moving on to a different unsolved problem really doesn't make sense here. Although it's not uncommon to stumble across new unsolved problems in the midst of the Empathy step—and although it can make sense, at times, to switch from the original unsolved problem to one of the new ones—there doesn't seem to be any reason to move off of the original unsolved problem in this instance. Let's give it another go.

Do-Over:

MS. BRADBURY: This is good for me to know.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Is there anything else making it hard for you to complete the science lab reports?
JASON: Well, Chris is, like, making jokes the whole time. He cracks me up. So then I get in trouble for laughing.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: OK, so Chris cracks jokes the whole time. And then you get in trouble for laughing.
JASON: Yeah. Well, also, sometimes I just can't stop laughing. I keep thinking about what he said, and I just keep laughing. So that's when I get into trouble.
MS. BRADBURY: Yeah, I don't really mind people laughing in my class, as long as it's not disrupting the work of other students. And I don't like people fooling around when we're working with the chemicals. But that's exactly right: Jason is still laughing long after everyone else has stopped.
JASON: It's really hard for me to stop. I wish I could.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: OK, so now we have two reasons that it's hard for you to complete the science lab reports with Chris. The formatting of the reports makes it hard for you to write them, and Chris says things that crack you up and it's hard for you to stop laughing. Yes?
JASON: Yes.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Anything else making it hard for you to complete the science lab reports?
JASON: Um … I can't think of anything.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Well, give it some more thought. No rush.
JASON: I don't think there's anything else.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Well, then, let's move on to Ms. Bradbury's concerns. Ms. Bradbury, what are your concerns about Jason having difficulty completing science lab reports?
MS. BRADBURY: Well, it's really important that the science lab reports get done. That's what Jason is supposed to be doing after he completes the experiment.

That wasn't really a concern. That was simply a restatement of the expectation. Remember, adult concerns fall into one or both of two categories: (1) how the unsolved problem is affecting the student and/or (2) how the unsolved problem is affecting others. Let's try that again:

Do-Over:

MS. BRADBURY: Well, when Jason isn't doing his lab reports, he's usually talking to other kids and getting into trouble.

Not quite there yet. Those are the behaviors Jason is exhibiting when he's having difficulty completing the lab reports, but we still don't know the teacher's concerns. Let's try again.

Do-Over:

MS. BRADBURY: Well, Jason, if you don't complete your lab reports, I won't know if you've grasped what you did in the experiment. And sometimes, when you're not doing the lab report, you're making it difficult for those around you to do theirs. Does that make sense?
JASON: Uh-huh.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: OK, now we have both sets of concerns identified. So, um, Jason, I'm thinking that the best way to solve this problem is to have you partner with someone besides Chris.

Oh, snap! Just as the threesome was about to collaborate on a solution, the assistant principal jumped back over the fence and went unilateral! Plus, that solution isn't going to address Jason's first concern, the one related to the formatting making it hard for him to do the writing. Time for a do-over.

Do-Over:

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: OK, now we have both sets of concerns identified. I don't think the same solution is going to address both sets of concerns. So I'm thinking we may need two solutions: one for the formatting problem, and one for the part about Chris making you laugh. Which one should we try solving first?
JASON: Um … I don't know.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Ms. Bradbury, what do you think?
MS. BRADBURY: I don't know; they're both pretty important.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Well, I'm inclined to go with the formatting issue first. Is that OK with both of you?
JASON: Uh-huh.
MS. BRADBURY: Works for me.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: OK, so, how are you going to meet Ms. Bradbury's expectations for writing the lab report? I know you can do it if you put your mind to it!

Remember, the Invitation step should be a recap of the concerns of both parties, and that Invitation was simply a recap of the expectation. Recapping the concerns of both parties is really important because doing so provides a reference point for considering solutions. Plus, you want to stay away from cheerleading; enthusiasm doesn't typically solve problems. Let's try again.

Do-Over:

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: How can we make writing lab reports better for you?

Despite the good intentions, that wasn't really much closer to the mark. Remember, recapping the concerns of both parties begins with the words, “I wonder if there's a way …”

Do-Over:

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: I wonder if there's a way for us to help you with the formatting part of the science lab reports … and also make sure that you can show Ms. Bradbury that you've grasped what you did in the experiment. Do you have any ideas?
JASON: No.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Take your time. There's no rush.
JASON: Um, could I team up with someone who's better at writing them than me? Then maybe I could learn how to do it.
MS. BRADBURY: Well, I do want it to be your own work. But I suppose we could do that as a starting point. Marie is very good at writing lab reports. Do you want to have her help you a little?
JASON: I guess.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: OK, so let's run with that solution. Thanks guys.

Whoa, not so fast. The litmus test for good solutions is that they be both realistic and mutually satisfactory. So we need to give conscious, deliberate thought to whether those two criteria have been satisfied. Many seemingly brilliant solutions have crashed and burned because they didn't meet the two criteria. Let's take a do-over:

Do-Over:

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Let's think about that solution. Jason, do you think that's a good way for you to learn about how to write the lab reports?
JASON: Yeah.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Ms. Bradbury, does that solution work for you?
MS. BRADBURY: Sure, at least in the beginning.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Jason, are you OK with working with Marie?
JASON: Not exactly. We don't really get along too well.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: Ah, good to know. Maybe we should think of someone else?
MS. BRADBURY: How do you get along with Samantha?
JASON: Better than with Marie.
MS. BRADBURY: Do you want to try partnering with her instead?
JASON: Yeah.
MS. BRADBURY: But I want to make sure that Samantha isn't just doing the report for you, or that you're just replicating hers. The goal is for her to teach you how to do them, yes?
JASON: Yes.
MS. BRADBURY: And Samantha sits on the other side of the room from Chris, so maybe it'll help us with that issue as well.
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: I guess we'll find out if the laughing problem gets solved with this solution, too. In the meantime, it sounds like we have a solution to the formatting problem. You're both good with it?
MS. BRADBURY: Yeah. I mean, I'll need to let Samantha know that I'm switching her partner and how I hope she can help Jason with the reports. But we switch partners every now and then anyway, so I don't think she'll mind.

Q & A

Question: So, all of these pitfalls … will I ever get good at Plan B?

Answer: Well, it may seem as though there are a lot of pitfalls, but perhaps you're just reading about them for the first time. The key now is practice and reflection. After you do the Empathy step for real with a student, think about how it went. If it didn't go as well as you'd hoped, reference this chapter and figure out why. Then try again. Little by little, you'll start to feel that you have some mastery over this process. Plan B will slow down for you. People who are new to Plan B tend to be fairly technical about it; it feels a lot more natural to people who've been doing it a while.

By the way, even if Plan B doesn't go as well as you'd hoped, something good happens in every Plan B. If you left the Empathy step prematurely, you still gathered some information, so you know more about the student's concerns than you did. Go back to the Empathy step the next day. If the solution you agreed to doesn't get the job done, at least you're partnering with a student on solutions instead of imposing your will, so the relationship- and communication-enhancing properties of Plan B are still working for you. You and the student can figure out why the original solution didn't work and come up with another one. There's really no such thing as a Plan B failure … just more information that still needs to be gathered and problems that haven't yet been durably solved.

Question: I'm still having difficulty getting some of my students to talk in the Empathy step. Help!

Answer: Given what you've read in this chapter, you now have a bit of a checklist for what could be getting in the way:

You're not really using Plan B; you're using Plan A.
You're using Plan B emergently rather than proactively.
Your unsolved problems aren't worded in accordance with the guidelines, so the student doesn't understand what you're asking about or is becoming defensive.
The student doesn't trust you yet, and is accustomed to having his concerns dismissed. Good that you're in this for the long haul.
The student is convinced that he's in trouble or that you're just going to lower the boom once you get the information you're looking for. Multiple repetitions of Plan B—where his concerns are not only heard but also addressed—should help convince him otherwise.
The student needs time to think about his concerns or needs help verbalizing them. Fortunately, we're not in a hurry.
You're having trouble drilling for information. (Check the Drilling Cheat Sheet for help along these lines.)

Question: When will I feel like I've mastered Plan B?

Answer: Every Plan B is different. Kids are different, and respond differently to Plan B. Unsolved problems are different. Some that seem relatively straightforward are more complex once you start drilling for information; others that seem complex turn out to be fairly straightforward. Some concerns are easier to talk about than others. Like all new skills, using Plan B becomes more instinctive with repeated practice. A few things you definitely want to avoid, though: leaving the Empathy step prematurely (better to overdrill than to underdrill); not being clear about your concerns in the Define Adult Concerns step; and agreeing on a solution that isn't realistic and mutually satisfactory. But if you're doing a good job of gathering information about the student's concerns, and doing well at entering your concerns into consideration, and working together with students to come up with realistic and mutually satisfactory solutions, you're certainly well on your way.

If you're doing a good job of gathering information about the student's concerns, and doing well at entering your concerns into consideration, and working together with students to come up with realistic and mutually satisfactory solutions, you're certainly well on your way.

Question: This is not just a new way of thinking … it's a new way of talking, yes?

Answer: Yes. A lot of things that are said instinctively about and to behaviorally challenging students are changed when the CPS model is being implemented. Here are some examples.

OLD: He's manipulative (or attention seeking or coercive or unmotivated or limit-testing).
NEW: He's lacking some very important skills, and has problems that have gone unsolved for a very long time.
OLD: We need to teach him who's the boss.
NEW: We need to identify those lagging skills, so we're seeing him through accurate lenses.
OLD: We need to apply consequences for those behaviors.
NEW: We need to identify and solve the problems that are causing those behaviors.
OLD: We can't let him get away with that behavior!
NEW: We are not letting him get away with anything. We're working on solving the problems that are causing that behavior.
OLD: He doesn't want to do well.
NEW: He's lacking the skills to do well.
OLD: He only does well when he wants to.
NEW: He does well when he has the skills to do well.

The things we say to behaviorally challenging students change as well:

OLD: Go to the office.
NEW: What's up?
OLD: You have a detention, young man.
NEW: When can we get together to solve this problem?

Experience is the Best Teacher

“One of the indicators that tell me if I am having a successful Plan B session with a student is to think about who is doing most of the talking. The goal is for me to talk very little. At my best, I am asking key questions, summarizing what the student is telling me, proposing potential solutions, and, most important, demonstrating understanding and belief in the student. When I am able to focus on my role in this process, and the student is doing most of the talking, CPS has been much more successful.”

—RYAN, ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL

“When people are learning to use Plan B, sometimes they don't do it right the first time. They may skip a step, or they may slip back into Plan A. So sometimes you may not do it right, and you may slip back into your old patterns, but, eventually, with practice and with being aware and being reflective, you'll get it.”

—NINA, PRINCIPAL

“The proactive part is crucial. You never process with a person who's out of control. That's when he's the least likely to be able to process what you're saying, and you're in his face and you're saying, ‘You know your choices. Either calm down or you're going to lose recess.’ That never works.”

—SUSAN, EDUCATIONAL TECHNICIAN

“Sometimes when the student isn't talking, it's because I'm not being proactive and I'm doing Emergency Plan B. One of the red flags for me is to realize this and admit, ‘I'm doing Emergency Plan B here, and I have to reschedule this for a proactive time.’ If you sit down with somebody and say, ‘So tell me about how rude you're being’ or ‘Tell me about how you're hitting your classmates’—if you're focusing on behavior—then the conversation is negative from the beginning, and the child is not going to open up. And even five-year-olds, if they think they're in trouble, if they think we're talking about their behavior, they're going to shut down.”

—NINA, PRINCIPAL

“If you can get the Empathy step right, then you take a huge step toward that goal of building teacher-student relationships. So if a classroom teacher can listen to a child's perspective—really listen and not just pay lip service—you're moving in the right direction. If you're not real, the kids know it. It's really important for us to consider feedback from adults who have been helped at some point along the way. The number one thing they tell us is that somebody cared about them—somebody listened. Someone was there for me. And they didn't judge me and they let me talk about it and work it out.”

—TOM, ASSISTANT SUPERINTENDENT