9

The Others

Most of what you've been reading in the prior eight chapters has been specific to behaviorally challenging kids. But, of course, they're not the only students in your building or classroom. What about the rest of 'em? Is the goal to have two different discipline programs in the building, one for the behaviorally challenging kids and one for everyone else? Why would you want to reserve Plan B for the behaviorally challenging kids? Don't the well-behaved students have problems that need to be solved as well?

No, it's not the goal to have two different discipline programs in the building. As you know, you don't need your traditional discipline program for the well-behaved kids, because the traditional discipline program isn't why they're behaving themselves in the first place. Yes, you want to be using Plan B with well-behaved kids too, because no matter how well behaved they are, at some point they'll have difficulty meeting certain expectations. If, as recommended in chapter 8, you get Plan B rolling with the behaviorally challenging, disruptive kids early on, you'll find that you start to have more time to solve problems with everyone. Everyone gets help meeting social, academic, and behavioral expectations.

But understanding, and helping students surmount, the factors that are making it hard for them to meet certain expectations isn't the only reason you want to use Plan B with everyone; you also want to foster qualities on the more positive side of human nature. Qualities that help kids treat each other kindly and with mutual respect. Qualities like empathy, appreciating how one's behavior is affecting others, taking another's perspective, honesty, and resolving disagreements in ways that do not involve conflict. It is when these skills are present that kids and other human beings display sensitivity, acceptance of individual differences, compassion, and cooperation. And it's when these skills are absent that the more noxious side of human nature—insensitivity, conflict, aggression, and destruction—rears its head.

Are the ways in which we're disciplining, teaching, and interacting with our students—and solving the problems that affect their lives—fostering those positive qualities? Regrettably, in far too many places and instances, the answer is no.

Research has shown that today's college students score 40 percent lower than their predecessors in their ability to understand what another person is feeling, and that the median narcissism score has risen 30 percent in two decades. How can this be, in an age in which so many schools are implementing community-building programs and emphasizing social and emotional learning? What are we doing wrong?

We're still doing way too much Plan A, and Plan A begets Plan A.

When we tell teachers to prioritize high-stakes testing and achievement—to the neglect of the skills that help humans display the more positive side of human nature—we do ourselves and future generations an enormous disservice.

As you read in chapter 2, teachers have historically been among the most important agents of socialization in society. When we tell teachers to prioritize high-stakes testing and achievement—to the neglect of the skills that help humans display the more positive side of human nature—we do ourselves and future generations an enormous disservice. When we use power to solve problems with our kids, we teach our kids to use power to solve problems.

The reality is that we all want our concerns to be heard and validated. And we all want our concerns to be addressed. People—kids included—become marginalized, disenfranchised, alienated, and increasingly prone to hopelessness and sometimes violence when those two things don't happen.

In some schools—especially those where staff are cognizant of the reality that preparing kids for high-stakes tests is actually very poor preparation for the demands of the workplace in The Real World—there's been a movement toward the teaching of what are called “soft skills,” including critical thinking, perseverance, the ability to collaborate, and the ability to benefit from feedback. The instruction in these schools is more project based and student centered, as opposed to the mere teaching of factual information. But we need to go further. Besides project-based and student-centered learning and community building, what additional technology is needed?

Well, you've been reading about it in this book. We know how to ensure that kids' concerns are heard, clarified, validated, and addressed, and that solutions are mutually satisfactory. That same technology helps us teach, practice, and display the characteristics on the more positive side of human nature.

Let's consider how more explicitly.

Skills Fostered Through Use of Plan B

The first step of Plan B—the Empathy step—helps students practice thinking about and clarifying their concerns. It also helps them articulate concerns in a way that increases the likelihood that those concerns will be taken into account and addressed. What a crucial life skill! So often, we human beings—kids included—exhibit our least desirable traits when we have a concern and can't articulate what it is. Sometimes that's because we're convinced our concerns won't be heard, as the person we're interacting with isn't giving us the chance to voice them. Sometimes it's because the emotions associated with the concerns have flooded in too quickly, so we end up expressing powerful emotions rather than the concerns driving those emotions. And sometimes we react in mere anticipation of a battle. The Empathy step slows things down for everyone, and helps ensure that we're focused on the right currency: concerns, not power.

What do students learn in the Empathy step? They learn that their concerns are valid and will be heard and addressed rather than being dismissed, disparaged, or belittled. What do adults learn in the Empathy step? They learn how to empathize and take another person's concerns into account. Why are teachers frequently so surprised to learn their students' real concerns? Often because they've never heard those concerns … sometimes because they've never really asked. Kids whose concerns are heard and taken into account are far more receptive to listening to and taking into account the concerns of others.

A student's ability to communicate about his concerns is vital, since concerns are the currency of Plan B and since durable, mutually satisfactory solutions must address the concerns of both parties. But that ability is important not only for participating in Plan B; it's important in life.

The ability to communicate one's concerns is important not only for participating in Plan B; it's important in life.

There are many young people in the world—I've worked with some of them in prisons and residential facilities—who have been on the receiving end of society's most punitive interventions for a very long time. Many of them have given up on being heard and understood. But they still recognize when someone's listening, taking their concerns seriously, and working to ensure that those concerns are addressed. That's when we start to see that they still have the capacity for the better side of human nature.

Students learn and practice many skills in the Define Adult Concerns step … empathy, taking into account another person's perspective, and appreciating how one's behavior is affecting others. These are … among the most important skills in the human repertoire.

Students learn and practice many skills in the Define Adult Concerns step as well, including empathy, taking into account another person's perspective, and appreciating how one's behavior is affecting others. These are, without question, among the most important skills in the human repertoire. They play a huge role in helping us treat each other with compassion and sensitivity. They help us refrain from conduct that is harmful to others. While rules and laws and enforcement are wonderful, these are external controls, and they aren't very reliable when it comes to fostering the better side of human nature. The goal is for the controls to be internal, and that just doesn't happen without giving kids practice at taking into account the concerns of other people. Yet the manner in which we often go about solving problems at school doesn't teach these skills at all! If you're using Plan A, then you're teaching the exact opposite: you're not being empathic, you're not taking into account the student's perspective, and you're not demonstrating an appreciation of how your behavior is affecting him.

We humans are vulnerable to being so convinced of the correctness of our position that we justify some of our worst behaviors with the belief that we're right. This is where we confuse the legitimacy of our concerns (which is a given) and the assumed justifiability of the solutions we're imposing, and lose track of our empathy and concern for others. If you're imposing solutions, it's guaranteed that someone else's concerns are being swept away. This is not what we want to be teaching students! And it's not how we want to go about solving problems with our students either.

The Invitation step also teaches students valuable skills, including considering the likely outcomes or consequences of one's actions; considering a range of solutions to a problem; shifting from one's original plan, idea, or solution; and taking into account situational factors that would suggest the need to adjust a plan of action.

How does the Invitation do that? Let's revisit what's going on in this step. You and the student are brainstorming solutions and evaluating the degree to which proposed solutions are realistic and mutually satisfactory. The realistic part gives you and the student invaluable practice at gauging whether both parties are capable of reliably executing their part of a solution. And the mutually satisfactory part gives you and the student practice at ensuring that the concerns of both parties are addressed.

Is it likely that the solution you envisioned prior to doing Plan B will be enacted? No, probably not. After all, you hadn't yet done the Empathy step when you envisioned that solution, and therefore the solution wasn't informed by the student's concerns. Is the solution the student envisioned prior to doing Plan B likely to be adopted? Probably not, since the solution he envisioned wasn't informed by your concerns. So you're both getting practice at moving off of your original solution.

The Invitation step will also help you and your students avoid the slippery slope toward power struggles. I'm often asked if I ever come across problems that simply cannot be solved in a mutually satisfactory manner. The answer is no. But what I do come across are lots of scenarios in which people have concluded that a problem is unsolvable because their competing solutions cannot be reconciled. That's because they've leapt right over concerns and jumped straight into solutions … uninformed solutions, which couldn't possibly take into account the concerns of both parties. As you know, there's no such thing as competing concerns. One party's concerns aren't more compelling or more important than the other's. Both parties' concerns need to be clarified and addressed. So the only reason a problem would be unsolvable is that there's no way to address the concerns of both parties. In my experience, that is a very rare occurrence.

Q & A

Question: What are the impacts of poverty and culture on the effectiveness of the CPS model?

Answer: The data suggest that socioeconomic status is not a predictor of success with the CPS model. Anecdotally, I've found that kids and adults from every culture and socioeconomic status want their concerns to be heard and addressed. And, in every culture, the probability of conflict is heightened when that doesn't occur.

Question: Can I use Plan B to involve my entire class in solving problems that affect all of them?

Answer: Absolutely. If there are unsolved problems that affect the entire class—often related to how kids are treating each other, but also related to things like hallway and cafeteria comportment—then it makes perfect sense to have the entire group voice concerns and work toward mutually satisfactory solutions.

Question: I'm beginning to recognize that we're not merely talking about how we should be solving problems with students; we're talking about how people should be solving problems with people. And I'm starting to think that my principal and superintendent need to learn more about Plan B.

Answer: Well, now, that wasn't a question; it was a statement.

Experience is the Best Teacher

“The reason we're working with children is that we're passionate about them and we want to teach them. We don't only want to teach them academic skills. We want to teach them social skills too. A very important part of being human is learning those skills, like empathy. That's why we're here. We're here to help kids. And a teacher's time is very precious. You can feel the pressure of the mandates and everything like that. But we're taking the precious time that we spend with kids working on those skills. Kids are worth the investment of our time.”

—Katie, Learning Center Teacher

“I think it's important to remember that the social and emotional aspect goes hand in hand with academics. I think it's hard for teachers. We have all these things that we have to teach. We have to meet standards. But students are not going to be able to meet those standards if they don't deal with the social-emotional part first.

At the beginning of each school year, I let the entire class know that I'll be talking with them about different things that might come up. It's the same language no matter which kid it is and no matter what the problem. So the kids really get used to the idea, ‘Oh, I see her really being open to working with kids, and I know that it's OK if something happens in the classroom, that she's going to be there to help all of us.’ The kids start to see you as a partner.”

—Kathy, Teacher

“I've had parents tell me, ‘Oh, I know that my child must be talking like you because they're saying, “I'm noticing” or “I'm wondering.”’ It's so funny because the parents are saying, ‘They never talked like that before.’”

—Katie, Learning Center Teacher

“Kids now understand when another kid is having a hard time, and that it's OK. So if a child needs to leave the room or go for a walk, I used to think the other kids would say, ‘That's not fair. I want to go for a walk too.’ But that's not what they say. They say, ‘Oh, he's just having a hard time. He'll be back later. He's getting what he needs.’”

—Katie, Learning Center Teacher

“When I was a kid, I was well behaved at school. But I remember how painful it was to watch kids get in trouble year after year as a student. You'd be like, ‘Please don't …’ You almost want to wish them back into their seat or wish … ‘Please do your paper. You're just going to get in so much trouble.’ And then to have them get yelled at in front of everyone. So it's really nice now when kids see us solving problems with them, and not just with the difficult kids but all of them. We're who we want to be now. We're modeling who we want them to be and how we want them to treat each other.”

—Katie, Learning Center Teacher

“It feels good to feel helpful. We're in a profession where we only have the kids for a little while. But we plant the seeds, and we hope they grow. And we see those buds coming out of the soil by the time they're leaving our school. It feels good. It brings morale for the whole school up. It makes coming to work feel fun and enjoyable and that you're really helping.”

—Brie, School Counselor

“I think we always loved our students and knew our students, but not at the level that we do now because of the problem solving. Now we're so much more invested, and we know them on such a deeper level through the conversations we've had with them. That gets passed on to the next year's teacher, who then is ready to jump in because he or she is hearing all of what we know and love about the kids and all of the positives and all of the great things about them.”

—Vicki, Director of Communications

“Whenever I hear about a kid being shackled or manhandled at school—as we've seen in the media recently—I say to myself, ‘I wish that kid was at our school. I wish we had a chance with him.’ Because I think we would have known that the student had a lot of lagging skills and unsolved problems and was having a hard time, whether it was behavioral or friendships. But we're solving problems with them so they have better ways to solve problems than violence. You find out what's behind it. Instead of just saying, ‘You don't mean that; now I'm going to have to call your parents,’ we say, ‘What's going on that's making you feel that way?’ And then you help them solve that problem. They don't feel like they have to hurt people or hurt a building or things like that anymore.”

—Katie, Learning Center Teacher

“That's why it's so important to build those relationships. There are a lot of kids who just need help solving the problems that affect their lives.”

—Vicki, Director of Communications

“We had a year when we had a lot of pushback from parents of well-behaved kids. It was turning into a witch hunt. They wanted to see immediate consequences for misbehavior. They wanted to see that these kids were punished for what they were doing. Their own children were telling them that the behaviorally challenging kids weren't getting punished for what they were doing. But we called all the parents together, and there was a lot of anger about the kids who were acting up in school. Then I met with each parent individually. And I listened to them. A lot of what they were upset about was stuff that was in the grapevine and simply wasn't true. But when they heard what we were trying to do, and how we were trying to help the most vulnerable kids in our building, they completely chilled. We have nothing to hide in helping our tough kids. The year after that, those parents were integral to helping us create the learning center in our school, where kids and teachers go to get help solving problems together.”

—Nina, Principal

“And I think we keep each other in check, as a staff, because if one of us starts to get really frustrated, someone else will say, ‘Well, remember what we're about.’ I think we do for each other.”

—Susan, Educational Technician

“I think parents can sometimes intimidate teachers. And I think sometimes teachers respond by defending themselves or justifying themselves. I think that's what can be hard.”

—Alanna, Teacher

“I think we take the judgment piece out with parents just as we did with the kids.”

—Nina, Principal

“We used to say things like that a kid doesn't get any support from his parents with his homework. But what do we know about that family? We know nothing. We really don't know what happens at home. The kid still needs us to do our thing at school. If we know the kid is not going to get the homework support at home, we need to solve the problem with the kid so that the work can get done at school.”

—Alanna, Teacher

“We're human. We're fallible. We can get threatened by maybe a parent or get nervous about it just because they're questioning what we're doing. But it's OK to acknowledge that we don't have all the answers. That's why we're collaborative.”

—Nina, Principal

“I've told parents that I've made mistakes with their child. Then we went back and figured out how to solve the problem. No one's judgmental. No one's overpowering anyone.”

—Alanna, Teacher

“I actually had a parent tell me the other night, ‘My son was struggling with something for the last four or five days. And he finally stopped and looked and he said, “Mom, you're supposed to be in the Empathy step. You're not supposed to tell me what to do right now. You're supposed to listen to me and show me that you care about what I have to say.”?’”

—Tom, Assistant Superintendent

“If we don't take the time to do Plan B, then we are sabotaging ourselves because of all the time it takes to repeatedly ‘discipline’ the same kids. So on a selfish, adult level, if we don't take time to do this, then we're spinning our wheels, doing the same ineffective things over and over again.”

—Carol, Principal

“I think CPS has allowed us to be more compassionate. I've heard teachers from other schools talk about our school. They were saying things like, ‘Oh, you let your kids do whatever they want.’ And I got really defensive and said, ‘That is such a misconception.’ People can say what they want, and that's just noise. You have to remember that.”

—Alanna, Teacher

“I have a teacher who has embraced the model to the level where she does not just use CPS with highly challenging students; she uses it with all her students and builds it into her day. It is a reminder that often universal strategies for instruction, which benefit struggling learners, can be of benefit to all students. Whenever this teacher begins with ‘I've noticed that …’ to one particular student, he always smiles and says to her, ‘It must be problem-solving time again!’”

—Ryan, Assistant PRINCIPAL

“If you experience this and you get it, it gets in you and you want to do it more.”

—Tom, Assistant Superintendent