Trouble is easier to get into than out of.

Amish Proverb

Letting go seems to be part of the package of adulthood—letting go of a toddler’s hands as he wobbles away on his own two legs, letting go of the back of a bicycle seat as a child pedals away for the first time, letting go of an eighteen-year-old as he heads off to college, letting go of a daughter on her wedding day. Or even the ultimate letting go—saying good-bye to elderly parents when their time comes to pass. Letting go is part of the cycle of life. Intellectually, we know that. Emotionally? Well, that’s another story.

The teen years, in particular, are the hardest for parents to navigate. When is letting go appropriate? And how do we rein them in without pushing them away? What parent hasn’t laid in bed late at night, waiting to hear the front door click open. Ah! A sigh of relief! Then and only then can a parent sleep well. My son (or daughter) is home!

It might surprise you to learn that Amish parents feel just as much uncertainty about those in-between years (no longer a child, not yet an adult) as the rest of us do. Raising teens isn’t easy for any parent. “Teens are really into self,” said Daniel Miller, an Old Order Amish bishop in Holmes County, Ohio. “They’re living in an age of entitlement. I wonder if they will be prepared for the future. I’m not sure how they will respond to hard times.”

Sound familiar to your own inner anxiety about your teen?

In the last few years, I have spoken to many groups about the Amish. Without fail, someone will bring up Rumspringa. Heads nod enthusiastically, because it’s a subject about which most people are familiar and have strong opinions. Yet Rumspringa is one of the most misunderstood concepts about the Amish.

Rumspringa is a Pennsylvania Dutch word that means—literally—“to run around.” When an Amish teen turns sixteen, he is now of age to attend youth gatherings. The amount of freedom a teenager is given varies from family to family, from district to district, even from state to state.

“Rumspringa in Ohio depends a lot on each family, on the kinds of parents,” Daniel Miller said. “The majority of parents don’t want their kids to go too far. There’s not a lot of winking at it. But we know it’s part of a period—you take a look at what’s out there. And there’s not a lot you can do about it. It’s risky. I’m not approving of it, not condemning it.”

The retention rate of Old Order Amish teens is quite remarkable—85 to 90 percent join the church. Those who don’t join usually end up at an Amish-Mennonite church. Contrast that to mainstream teens, raised in the church—over 61 percent do not attend church as adults.[11]

Maybe there’s something we can learn from the Amish concept of Rumspringa. If we’ve done our job and prepared our children to the best of our ability, we can let them have a little age-appropriate breathing room to practice decision making, to spread their wings, to learn from mistakes.

And if your child pushes the boundaries of your comfort zone, have mercy on him. Don’t give up hope that your values are deeply embedded in your child—there to guide him and help him get back on track. Trust that during times of wandering, doubting, or even out-and-out rebelling, the Lord will pursue him and bring him back (Isa. 43:1). And on that day of return, believe God will do his redeeming miracle and turn your child’s heart toward a sincere and lasting love for God (Ps. 119:67, 71). Letting go really means giving over to God.