––––––––
Dominic rose before the sun and reluctantly left Lilly warm in her bed. There were too many things to do today—questions to ask, inquires to make, and decisions to be put into action. Dominic realized as he entered his chamber to bathe and dress that he had really made a muck of his investigation, and yet he couldn’t give a damn. The time of intrigue was over for him, now was the time to live. He would save Lilly, throw her bastard of a stepfather in New Gate and then...
His mind seemed to halt on this next step, for he wasn’t quite sure what the future would hold for him. He wanted to marry Lilly, of that he had no doubt. The mere thought of her as his wife was like a warm caress around his heart. He could marry her and spend the rest of his life making love to her. The possibilities were endless. His days would be filled with the mundane chores of an earldom, but the nights... and even most mornings and afternoons...
There was only one problem with his fantastically rosy future. He didn’t deserve Lilly. He didn’t deserve her love. He was a killer—he killed for his country, but the damage was all the same. The blood of men forever stained his hands, and it didn’t wash away. He killed for money, he killed for the greed of kings and diplomats, he killed for secrets spilled and secrets kept. He was not a man, he was a monster. The life of a spy was not one he had chosen. It chose him. People who you couldn’t refuse chose him, and Dominic had just been lucky to be good at it. He was never meant to be the earl—that was his brother’s job—but, alas, life always has a way of changing things irrevocably, and one has no choice but to follow along. He was alone now with no family left, which was all the better. He didn’t know how to be in a family anymore. He had spent too many years on alone, lurking in alleys, living in shadows, and masquerading as various people. How could he ever deserve her, her love, the family they would make together? He didn’t deserve any of those things.
Dewy entered after knocking softly on the door. Dewy was an informant-cum-valet that Dominic had stolen as a boy from a nasty French count who had twisted ideas about his staff and their purpose. Dewy was a very good rat; he was brilliant about finding information without ever being seen or heard.
“I have a mission for you, Dewy.”
“Yes, my lord?”
“I want you to return to London and find out where Mr. Hollow has been hiding. He is a shipping merchant that has been accused of treason. Find out where he is, who he’s got working for him, and anything else that seems crucial. You can leave this morning.”
“But who will dress you, sir?”
“I can take care of myself, Dewy. This matter is much more pressing.” Dominic laughed. Dewy adapted very quickly to what he termed a “luxurious position in an earl’s household.” He had become quite comfortable as a valet.
“Yes, my lord.”
Dominic finished washing and dressing, and headed for his study. He needed to make contact with Lord Douglas and tell him some, if not all, the information he had gained thus far. He was hesitant to tell him about Lilly. He didn’t want to risk Lord Douglas making rash and unjustified actions just for the glory of the kill.
The sun was up now as he sat behind his father’s aged mahogany desk. He never imagined himself in this role. As the second son it was never destined to be his, and his volatile relationship with his father had pushed him into the military at the tender age of nineteen. For years they didn’t speak, neither wrote, and Dominic was not even told when his brother died. Until now his life had been cold and joyless.
Lilly’s presence was like a light, spreading warmth and peace throughout the dark crevices of his soul. Places that Dominic hadn’t known had died and withered. But now he could feel them. The walls were coming down, fires were being stoked, and a spark of happiness was beginning to grow. She was a balm to his soul, a new beginning, and a very happy ever after—if he deserved such a thing. He wanted her, needed her, and would stop at nothing to have her. Dominic felt obsessive, possessive, a man on the brink of insanity, and he had only had her once. Once would never be enough. He was truly sunk, head over heels in liquid bliss for a woman he had only met weeks earlier. Was this love? Was he capable of love? After all the years of murder, secrets, and plain old debauchery, did he deserve to love? To be loved by Lilly? The biggest question of all, could he stop himself from loving her? Would he even be able to control it? In all the tragic love stories of Shakespeare, no one ever decided to love, it just happened. If he loved Lilly, and he was beginning to believe he did, he would never stop loving her.
A knock interrupted his thoughts. Dominic looked around his desk and realized he had gotten nothing done. All he could do was think about Lilly. “Enter,” he finally said.
Chance poked his head in. “Am I interrupting?”
“No. In fact, you could probably run this estate better than I.”
“Well, my father is a duke, and being that I’m his only son, I’ve been taught estate business since I was four.” Chance laughed. “Don’t forget you also have three other country estates and the townhouse in London to look after.”
Dominic groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “I’m hopelessly lost.”
“You’ll survive, Dom, you always do. Did you rest well? You look a little weary.”
Dominic didn’t know how to respond. He hated lying to Chance, but couldn’t tell him he had spent the night with Lilly, in Lilly, wrapped around Lilly. Dominic nearly groaned. “All right, I guess. Has Lilly risen yet?”
“Probably catching up on her beauty sleep now that she doesn’t have to make you breakfast.” Chance winked. He sat down before the desk.
“I guess it would be normal for a young lady to sleep in.”
“It takes a lot of energy to be Lilly—she’s quite the hostess, diligent friend, and party attendee.”
“Social butterfly, is she?” Dominic asked with curiosity.
“So to speak. She knows everyone and everyone knows her. She’s always kind to the wallflowers and the shyer gentlemen just starting to wife-hunt. Too kind sometimes—they get attached, you know. She can sing, play the pianoforte, dance exquisitely, and carry a conversation like she invented it.”
“Trying to sell her to me?” Dominic smirked.
“Or maybe to myself,” Chance said offhandedly as he gazed around the study.
Dominic froze. He worked to control his expression and tone before he continued, trying to be nonchalant. “You don’t have to worry about that,” he finally said.
“What do you mean?” Chance watched him curiously.
“I’m going to marry Lilly.” The words came quite easily, much to Dominic’s amazement. “You won’t have to marry your sister.”
“She’s not my sister,” Chance replied with distaste.
“Close enough to make bedding her an awkward affair, though, right? Unless your feelings have changed?” Dominic kept a cool, even tone.
“All right, Dominic, I cede to your point. Enough with it, all right?” Chance said disgustedly, then he suddenly brightened. “It’s settled then. How do we tell Lilly? It’s not easy telling a woman her life has been decided for her, as often as it happens in our society.”
“She’s a big girl, she can handle it.” Dominic leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head. Now that he had claimed Lilly for his own out loud, a weight had lifted.
“Maybe, but everyone deserves to be happy, to make their own choices in life.”
“I can make her happy,” Dominic said defensively.
Chance just smiled, smiled in a way that told Dominic he had revealed something quite amusing to his longtime friend.
“Well well, the deadly spy ha—”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Dominic bit off, although his neck was red with embarrassment. It was one thing to realize one was in love, quite another to have it so obvious to everyone else. “Better me than you, isn’t that what you said not so long ago?”
“I’m just pulling your chain, Dom. If I wasn’t around to give you a hard time you would grow entirely too comfortable in your lavish country seat. It’s what good friends do.” Chance relaxed back in his chair. “I can see you and Lilly getting along quite nicely. I know you’ll treat her right. Just think, in a year or so you could be a father.” Chance got to his feet. He looked away, missing Dominic’s face grow paler. “Time to eat, don’t you think?” He walked to the door and moved to open it when the door opened, nearly knocking him back.
“Well, there you two are.” It was Lilly, bright and beautiful in a robin’s-egg blue morning gown. “I’m starving, what have you two been doing in here?” She looked from Chance to Dominic, focusing on Dominic. Her cheeks turned a little pink as he returned her gaze. “Are you all right? You look a little pale.”
Chance looked back at Dominic and began to laugh heartily.
“I’m fine,” Dominic said gruffly as he stood from the desk and walked to the door. Chance slapped him on the back.
“He just needs a hearty breakfast.” Chance winked at Lilly.
Lilly watched him nervously but said nothing more. Dominic strolled forward.
“Let’s eat, shall we?” He met her eyes again and placed her hand on his sleeve. The touch was polite in manner but his skin tingled with awareness when he touched her.