Sophia tried to keep still and not fidget while Jackson and the other cochairs presented their teams’ final recommendations for inclusion in the design team’s report to the governor, but she was failing. She’d known this meeting was going to be difficult, but it was proving there was no bar too low to slip below.
“Well done, everyone. Just superb work. You and your teams should be tremendously proud of yourselves.” Bert’s glasses were, if possible, more enthusiastic than he was, given their vibrant hue and firework motif.
It turned out Bert’s glasses were prescient.
“Representative Lamont, you’ve heard all our proposals. Can we trust you to follow through on the governor’s request and help transform our work into legislation?” Jackson leaned forward, his elbows planted firmly on the table.
Sophia sighed. “You know as well as I do, Jackson, the goal of the design team wasn’t ever legislative action. We’ve fulfilled our responsibility as soon as we deliver these recommendations to Governor Seeley.”
“If there were to be legislation to come from our recommendations, would we get any credit for our work?” Geraldine looked up from her notes. Her eyebrows were furrowed, but she looked curious, not angry.
“Of course. The design team would be mentioned as a key incubator, but by the time anything became law, I would expect there would be a number of amendments and alterations.” Sophia ignored Jackson’s sputtering and addressed Geraldine.
“What you’re saying is you get all the credit and we’re a footnote.” Jackson half stood and raised his voice.
Bert tried to jump in, but Reggie was faster.
“She gets the credit because it’s her job and she’d be doing the work. If you can get a bill signed into law, then do it yourself. She gets the credit the same way you’d get all the credit if you had a courier service and biked over to deliver the recommendations yourself. I wouldn’t ride along with you shouting that I helped too.” Reggie’s face was flushed and her jaw was tight.
“Fine. Will you guarantee, right here, in front of all of us, that you’ll take our recommendations and push ahead with legislation as written? I’ll write the first draft with you, so it doesn’t fall down your list, given what I’m sure is a busy schedule.” Jackson’s sickly-sweet voice oozed with condescension.
Sophia looked at Reggie and said a silent prayer she’d understand. “No. As I said to you during our first meeting, I always welcome citizen involvement in government, but if you want a bill passed based on these recommendations, you’ll have to find someone else to sponsor it. Or allow the governor to do with it as she will.”
Jackson slammed his hand on the table. The rest of the cochairs looked somewhere between angry, uncomfortable, and apologetic.
“You’re a coward.” Jackson spit out the words as if they tasted of excrement.
Sophia could tell Reggie was ready to come to her defense again, but it wasn’t necessary. She put her hand on her arm. She also caught Bert’s eye and shook him off. She could handle this on her own.
“We’ve all put in hours of our time and a great deal of our heart into these recommendations. They’ll be delivered to the governor as intended. As for my role after I walk out the door, I’m a politician, Jackson. I have more to think about than these recommendations when I calculate what projects to sponsor. As written, I don’t believe in these, they’re too far reaching for my comfort, and politically it doesn’t make sense for me to champion something I’m lukewarm on and something I don’t think has a chance of passage. If that makes me a coward, so be it. If you live in my district you’re welcome to make your voice heard at the ballot box.”
“Fuck you.” Jackson got up and slammed the door on the way out.
The rest of the cochairs filed out after a few parting words from Bert. A few stopped by to offer encouragement, and Geraldine gave her a reassuring shoulder squeeze, but Sophia wanted to be away from all of them. The only comfort she needed was from Reggie’s gentle words and strong arms.
Once she and Reggie headed to the door, Sophia could tell that comfort would have to wait. Reggie nearly pushed the elevator button through the wiring and the swiftly closing doors weren’t enough to shut out the cloud of doom and gloom hanging over her head. If they weren’t sharing the elevator with other design team cochairs she’d have called her out, but now wasn’t the time.
“Maybe we should rain check dinner tonight. We’ve both had a long day.” Reggie shifted from one foot to the other once they’d left the elevator and were alone once again.
“Oh, I don’t think so. Something ugly’s churning up your gut and if you and I are going to work, you need to share the ugly with me, not just the sappy stuff that makes my insides dance.” Sophia stepped into Reggie’s space and cupped her cheek. “What’s going on?”
Reggie leaned into her touch then seemed to remember she was upset and stepped away. “Guess we might as well have full bellies while we talk. Where’re we going?”
“I was planning on Mrs. Medeiros’s restaurant, but it seems like we have serious business to discuss. I don’t want an audience tonight. Rumor has it Lenny’s food truck is parked by the river tonight. Can I tempt you?” Sophia tentatively moved her hand to Reggie’s hand.
She took it as a good sign that Reggie didn’t shove it away. Something about their meeting had Reggie tied up in a knot and they needed to untangle it. She hoped the quiet evening and a chance to talk would help clear the air. She wasn’t naive enough to think the sign of a strong relationship was never disagreeing, but this felt different, and it was unsettling. What if Reggie was having second thoughts about their relationship? If this crisis of confidence had laid anything bare it was that her feelings for Reggie were strong, and if Reggie walked away now, Sophia would be heartbroken.
Lenny’s truck, as promised, was parked at the river. They ordered and Reggie led the way toward the water.
“I run this way sometimes. There’s a bench tucked down here, right along the riverbank.”
Sophia was sure Reggie was going to walk them straight into the shallows, but as she was preparing to roll up her pant legs, the aforementioned bench appeared. It was nestled between two trees and looked like it was waiting for them.
“I don’t know how you saw this on a run from the path, but it’s perfect.” Sophia turned in a circle taking in the view.
A smile tugged at the corners of Reggie’s mouth. “I might have seen a disheveled couple stumbling back to the path from down here and detoured to see where they’d been.” Reggie’s eyes got wide. “Not in a weird way. It’s just that it looks like this goes straight into the water so I was curious.”
Sophia grabbed Reggie’s head and pulled her in for a kiss. “I love the thoughtful, romantic side of you, and you’re pretty cute when you’re embarrassed too.”
She let Reggie go and moved to the bench. Even though the kiss had been spontaneous, she was still pleased to see fewer rumbles of thunder threatening in Reggie’s eyes.
Reggie sat close to her, so their legs were pressed together. Then she turned so she was facing Sophia. “Why did you tell the cochairs you wouldn’t even consider writing and sponsoring a bill with Jackson?”
“Because it’s based on the design team’s final report. You heard what’s going into our recommendations to the governor. I can’t put my name on those and push for a vote.” Sophia put her hand on Reggie’s knee and searched her face.
“Why not?” Reggie put her food behind her on the bench and propped her elbow on the seat back.
“Because it’ll never pass.” Sophia threw her hands in the air. “And I’m not in the position right now to waste political capital on something that will be all for show.”
Reggie exploded out of her seat. “It’s not all for show if you fight for it. Real people’s real lives would be changed for the better if those recommendations were made the law of the land. You campaigned on the promise to improve the lives of your constituents. Now you have a chance to do that and you’re turning your back.”
Sophia took a deep breath and unclenched her jaw. “I’m not serving anyone by grandstanding with legislation that has no chance of passing or straying from my ideals. Babe, I’m a practical politician and I’m interested in results. I’ve been labeled a moderate like it’s a bad thing, but more often than not, we work in a divided government so no one’s going to get what the far end of their party’s political spectrum wants.”
Reggie was shaking her head. “Why not start the negotiation at the far end, where the most good can be done and only concede ground when you’re forced?”
“I’m not giving up on anything. Don’t forget, though, there are two sides to every coin. What you believe will help is someone else’s nightmare, but middle ground exists between two points along any spectrum. All you have to do is look for it. A good compromise usually means no one leaves completely happy, but both sides get at least a small win.” Sophia reached out her hand.
Reggie took it. “I don’t know that I agree. If you know something is right for the people you serve, why stop fighting for it?”
Sophia tugged Reggie back to the bench. “You’re forgetting that sometimes what you know is right, isn’t obvious to the voters. You say decriminalize drug use and someone else hears ‘everything’s legal, it’s a free-for-all.’”
“Again, so what?”
“So then the law you passed is controversial and has low approval. Groups mobilize to repeal it or weaken it with other laws. It becomes a rallying cry for political opponents and a wedge issue when it didn’t need to be any of those things. The loser in all of those scenarios is the people who are struggling with the disease of addiction.”
“I get it, but I still think it’s worth fighting for some of these recommendations. What good is being the voice of the people if you can’t use it?” Reggie looked defeated. “How much of your calculation on these decisions is about your own political survival? You told me you need to grow your power base to stay in the game.”
Sophia played with the short hair on the back of Reggie’s neck. “Is that what this is about?”
Reggie looked at the sky. “No. My father arranged a visit. When I got called into work Sunday, it was his doing.”
“What?” Sophia sat up straight. “How could he possibly arrange that?”
“It seems like he never let go of the levers of power. Your friend, the Speaker of the House, is one of his puppets who turned into a real power hungry asshole and is out to get you. This is the shit that makes my politician trust issues seem too lax. He said the Speaker offered you a bribe. Did you think about taking it?” Reggie put her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.
“No. He wanted to me to walk away from you. You know me. You can trust me.” Sophia’s insides churned. Why hadn’t she told Reggie about the Speaker’s offer? She knew she wouldn’t take it, but what must Reggie be thinking? “You’ve known who and what your father is for a while. This development is surprising but not what I’d call a shocking plot twist.”
“He said you’re in a tough spot right now and you need to consolidate power quickly so the Speaker can’t sweep you down some dark political hole. Apparently, I’m also a liability to you because rumor has it he and I are plotting an overthrow of the political order with a prisoner army or something.” Reggie stood again and paced in front of the bench.
Sophia couldn’t help it, she laughed. “This all sounds a little bit like the plot of a low-budget thriller. I’ve never heard the rumor that you were plotting to overthrow the government.”
“Not kissing me in public, not bringing this bill forward, sitting on the Speaker’s bribe for months until you made sure it wasn’t what you wanted…tell me those aren’t actions to help you? To position yourself to better take on the Speaker or get reelected.” Reggie flopped on the bench again, her face twisted in conflict.
“I’ve already told you they are, Reggie. I’m not hiding that, except the bribe. I wasn’t ever going to accept his offer.” She reached out and traced a line along Reggie’s knee. “And I didn’t say no kissing in public, just not in the middle of the street during rush hour and only for a week or so.”
Reggie sighed heavily. “So how is this any different from what my father did? Aside from the killing and assault, obviously. He looked out for his self-interest in the name of staying in power to help people. That seems to be what politics is about. Now he’s in prison and he’s still doing it.”
This time Sophia stood up and moved away from Reggie. “So what are you saying? Suddenly because your father points out that I’m doing my job, doing what I believe is right, by the way, I’m no better than a murderer? Your father did a lot more than look out for his own interests and I resent the comparison.”
Reggie looked at the ground.
“I don’t know when the focus of the design team became legislation. That wasn’t the original intent, and everyone clearly would have been better served had it never been broached. No one seems able to get over my job long enough to remember this was a volunteer position for all of us.”
“But it was brought up and—”
Sophia held up her hand. “We’ve beaten this topic into the ground. I don’t have much else to say. Reggie, I’ve been scared of failing or letting my family or myself down as long as I can remember. Because of you I’ve taken the biggest risks of my life recently. The first was falling in love with you and the second was not giving up on that love even when my career was threatened because of it. I can’t move forward if every decision I make at work leads to a crisis in our relationship.”
Reggie stood and moved closer to Sophia. She reached out tentatively and touched Sophia’s face. “I’ve almost singlehandedly torched your career, gotten the entire cochair group to hate you by association, and you can’t take me out in public, and you still can look me in the eye and say you’re in love with me?”
Her heart hammered in her chest. “Yes, Reggie. How you don’t already know that is beyond me. But I’m serious about the other part. It will break my heart to walk away, but you have to decide if you can commit to being with a politician because I can’t be in a relationship where that’s being constantly held against me. I know what I’m getting with you and I’ve tried to make it clear that I’m okay with you and everything that comes with your last name. It’s up to you to decide if you’re okay with everything that comes with my job title.”
“I’m not holding your job against you.” Reggie stopped and looked thoughtful. “I am doing that, aren’t I?”
Sophia indicated a little with her thumb and index finger.
Reggie blew out a breath. She looked frustrated. “What happens the next time someone threatens your career because of me? What if the bribes get bigger or you don’t have friends who can withstand the pressure like you do? What if you run out of power to consolidate and suddenly your career, the one you’ve wanted since you were a kid, is gone, because of me? Politics is fun for you, but it’s what my childhood nightmares are made of and they’ve followed me into adulthood. You won’t always get to play with only the good guys if you want to get things done. What then?”
“God, you’re stubborn. You trust me, Reggie, and you trust us. That’s how we answer all those questions. We trust each other. I’m going to go home now before this turns into an argument we both regret. I’m not kidding about deciding if you can be with Sophia and Representative Lamont because you can’t choose only one.” Sophia kissed Reggie’s cheek and walked back up to the river path.
Her heart was heavy as she walked to her car, thankful they’d taken two cars for once. It took a strength she didn’t often have to access not to look back. She’d told Reggie what she needed to, now it was up to Reggie to decide if she could give it to her.
She dialed Lily a few hundred feet down the path. She answered after a few rings, sounding happier than Sophia felt she had a right to given how miserable she felt.
“I thought tonight was date night with Reggie. Why are you calling me?”
Sophia tried to explain what had happened, but all that came out was one big loud sob.
“Oh, sweetie, I’ll meet you at your place.”
On the ride home the reality of the last hour began to sink in. Until the words were out of her mouth Sophia hadn’t put a label on how she felt about Reggie, but there was no denying her feelings. She was in love with her, and it would be some kind of shitty if the moment she realized it was also the moment she and Reggie called it quits.
Lily was waiting for her when she pulled into her driveway. Sophia was barely out of the car before Lily had her wrapped in a hug.
“What are we dealing with here? Broken heart? Trouble at work? Life crisis?” Lily held her at arm’s length.
“Do I have to pick?” Sophia half smiled.
“Oh, it’s worse than I thought. Not to fear, I came prepared.” Lily led Sophia to the front door and picked up a grocery bag.
The clink of bottles was unmistakable. Sophia peeked in the bag. In addition to an impressive variety of alcohol, there were chocolate chips, ice cream, and gherkins, which for some reason Lily felt were appropriate for every occasion.
“What exactly did you think was happening over here tonight and how many of me were you expecting?” Sophia pointed at the bag.
“I needed to be able to make the appropriate pairing so I brought it all. You’ll thank me later.”
Two mojitos and a bowl of ice cream, for Sophia, and a daiquiri, a bag of chips, and gherkins, for Lily, later, Sophia was less forlorn.
“Should I call her?” Sophia looked around for her phone.
“Hell no. She’s got to come to you. Unless she doesn’t and then I guess you have to make some decisions.” Lily tried to swipe Sophia’s ice cream spoon.
“Get your pickle fingers off my spoon.” She slapped Lily away. “I don’t know what I’ll do if she decides to walk away. Spend a lot more time on the couch with you, trying not to smell gherkins with every bite of ice cream, I guess. She’s not going to walk away, right?”
Lily took her hand. “I don’t know, sweetie. She’s a damn fool if she does, but there are idiots all over this world.”
Before Sophia could respond, Davey hollered from the front porch. Lily jumped up to let him in.
“What’s going on in here?” Davey looked over the remnants of operation cheer up. He looked concerned.
Lily pulled him down on the couch next to her and kissed him. “Thanks for coming over. All hands on deck on this one.”
Sophia choked on the sip she’d taken. “I think I’ve missed a thing or two.”
Davey looked shy. “I told you we had something to tell you. Later. This”—he pointed to the ice cream and gherkins—“needs some explaining.”
Lily filled him in while Sophia nursed her drink, head back against the sofa cushions. She missed Reggie and that made her heart hurt. What was she doing right now? Was she hurting too?
“Look, sis, Reggie’s a moron if she leaves the best thing that will ever be a part of her life.” He pointed at her. “But I can see why that design team thing hurt. You told us how miserable people make it for her and she stuck her neck out to be part of that group. I’m sure she wanted to make a difference even if it meant some misery for her personally.”
“We all made a difference. The governor got a one-hundred-and-forty-seven-page report with over sixty recommendations. We spent months arguing and researching and working our asses off.” Sophia felt like a little kid again trying to convince her parents her efforts were worthy of their praise. “But that’s not really what she’s so spooked about. I was offered a leadership position at the start of the new legislative session if I stayed away from Reggie. When she looks at our future together, I think that’s what she sees, my career blowing up all around us because of her and me being dragged into the worst version of a nefarious political stereotype.”
“Well, damn. When you put it like that, I wouldn’t date you either. And to be clear, you said no to the bribe, right? This family only has room for one felon and I cornered that market.” Davey grabbed a handful of chips and crunched one loudly.
“Of course I said no to the bribe. I’m in love with her. I couldn’t stay away from her any more than a bee could stay away from a beautiful flower.”
“Did she tell you she’s scared of ruining your career and you breaking bad?” Lily grabbed the dirty dishes and carried them to the kitchen.
“Yes. I told her she needs to trust me and us and she can’t only date Sophia, Representative Lamont comes along too.” Sophia followed Lily to the kitchen with their empty drink glasses.
“Ouch.” Davey leaned against the counter and swiped a gherkin.
“Ouch? What do you mean, ‘ouch’?” Sophia resisted the urge to fling the closest heavy object at her brother.
“She told you all the things she’s freaked out about and you basically told her to trust you, it’s fine, and take it or leave it, this is who I am. Did she know about the bribe?” Davey leveled a stare that cut right through her.
“I told her I love her and we need to trust each other. Then I told her if she wants to be with me she has to be with all of me. I didn’t tell her about the offered bribe. I don’t know why. You should see the way people react to her. It’s awful. She hasn’t done anything wrong and she’s treated like she should serve time alongside her father.” Sophia felt the tears she’d mostly kept at bay threatening a new offensive.
“Sweetie, that’s what she’s worried will happen to you, you know.” Lily slipped her arm around Sophia’s waist and pulled her close.
“I know.” Sophia couldn’t force her voice higher than a meek whisper. “I’d be stupid not to see the possibility of it happening. It’s not like more than one person hasn’t tried to warn me away from her. I’ve risked a lot for us.”
Davey slid the empty gherkin bowl down the counter to the sink and wiped his hands on his shirt, then looked guiltily at Lily. “Bet she feels like she’s risking a lot too. You said she hates politics and politicians, but she hasn’t run screaming from you. That’s got to be scary as hell.”
“Does she know what you do?” Lily turned so she was facing Sophia. “Don’t give me that look like I’ve lost my mind. I mean does she know what you actually do, not what she thinks all politicians do? Her only point of reference is her crooked ass father, right? You might want to consider a ‘take your girlfriend to work day.’”
“You’re right, both of you. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Is love supposed to do this to you?” Sophia leaned heavily against the counter.
“I think the possibility of losing love might. Look, you and Reggie are going to work this out. You love her and only an idiot would walk away from your love. Reggie seems like a pretty smart lady to me.” Lily pulled Sophia into a crushing hug.
Davey joined the squeeze until Sophia felt smothered. She pushed them away but couldn’t help smiling.
“Thank you. When did you two get so wise?”
“Always have been.”
“About time you noticed.”
It was late, but as if by silent agreement they all settled onto the couch for a movie. Sophia couldn’t concentrate on the television because she was distracted by thoughts of Reggie and the design team. She wanted Reggie, desperately, but Reggie had to want her, all of her, too.
She thought of Reggie and the look of disappointment on her face by the river. The tears threatened again. Was there a way to reverse the course they’d veered onto? She wanted to blame Jackson and his insistence on legislation but she knew that wasn’t really what Reggie had been upset about. At least, it wasn’t the only thing she was upset about.
For months she’d been so worried about her own career, her own reputation, she’d barely stopped to consider the toll this was taking on Reggie. How selfish was that? Maybe Lily was right and showing Reggie what politics—clean, above board politics—looked like would set her mind at ease. It was surely much less exciting and illegal than what Reggie was likely imagining. To do that though, Reggie needed to make the choice to come back to her. She knew with certainty she couldn’t be with someone who would hold her career against her or constantly question her motivations. She knew with equal certainty her heart might never recover if Reggie walked away and didn’t look back. How was she supposed to reconcile two opposing truths so powerful they felt like they might tear her in two? She hoped she found relief before the pain became unbearable.