The day after game night was Reggie’s day off. She’d been up since dawn, revisiting Ava’s admonishments. The walls of her house started to feel judgmental too so she pulled on sneakers and running clothes and took off at an unsustainable pace.
Although she’d never be able to keep running so quickly, for the moment she appreciated the need to focus on drawing breath and urging her still sleepy body to keep pushing. It felt better than going around and around in her head about Sophia, her father, and the fact that life was nothing like she’d thought it would be when she got to this age.
She sprinted down one street and up another, running from troubles of her own creation. When she finally stopped, gasping for breath, hands on her knees, she was in the Zookeeper’s park standing in front of the library. What did it say that she was the one who ran toward the criminals?
Reggie stumbled toward the nearest bench and slumped to a seat. She leaned her head back, her lungs screaming for more oxygen. After a few minutes, she couldn’t feel her heart roaring in her ears anymore and her lungs didn’t feel like they were trying to claw their way out of her chest. She sat forward and looked around.
“I was ready to call for an ambulance if you couldn’t work that out on your own. You get chased in here by something nightmares are made of?” The Zookeeper was leaning against a tree about fifteen feet away appraising her.
“Do you have some kind of perimeter alarm in this park that alerts you to outsiders?” Reggie swiped at the sweat dripping into her eyes.
“Walk with me, I’m on my way to check on my flock.” The Zookeeper pushed off the tree and motioned for Reggie to follow.
Reggie stood up tentatively, hoping her legs were still functional after what she’d put them through. She still had to get home.
“You pissed about Sophia shoving the design team recommendations in a drawer?” The Zookeeper glanced at Reggie quickly, but her eyes were intense.
Reggie shrugged, noncommittal. “I’d hoped more would come from our work. Didn’t you?”
The Zookeeper didn’t answer for a while. She looked like she was choosing her words carefully. “I’m surprised you’ve written off the possibility more will come from it. I’d gotten the impression you and Sophia were closer than colleagues.”
Reggie stopped walking. “What do you mean?”
“I told you, I’m pretty good at taking the measure of people. I thought you and Sophia were more than mere acquaintances. There seemed genuine fondness between you. I’m sorry to be wrong.” The Zookeeper put her hand on Reggie’s shoulder.
“No, you’re not wrong about that. I wasn’t sure what you meant about the outcome of the design team.” Reggie started walking again to keep her legs moving.
The Zookeeper looked at her quizzically. “I can’t figure you out, Reggie. You and Sophia butted heads about many of the things in the final report, but why did you assume she’d jump at the chance to put her name on a piece of legislation she didn’t stand behind? She has never struck me as disingenuous. That however is but one of many possible iterations, I suspect.”
“It never occurred to me that laws could still be made, even if they didn’t look exactly like what we recommended. I was too hung up on…other issues I guess.” Reggie nearly slapped herself on the forehead. “I’m my own worst enemy sometimes.”
“We all often are.”
“Can I ask you a personal question?” Reggie waited for consent before continuing. “Was there ever a time you weren’t sure you could be with Parrot Master because of the work he does?”
The Zookeeper laughed. “You should bring this inquiry to him. He was not overly enamored with the idea of keeping company with a lawyer. But we came to an understanding that satisfied both of us. You know my moral compass is guided by a different lodestar than most.”
“You never had any hesitation?”
“Of course I did. So did he. What kind of fools would we have been if we didn’t? Relationships aren’t fairy tales and we knew what we were getting with each other. I defended him while doing pro bono work for the law firm I’d joined out of law school. That’s when I fell for him. I knew what he did and who he was. It was all out on the table.” The Zookeeper swept her hands out in front of her.
Reggie wasn’t sure she’d ever understand the Zookeeper.
“I didn’t fall in or out of love with his job, but that trial showed me what kind of man he was. He was arrested for assault. The man he put in the hospital had run afoul of Parrot’s rules related to the treatment of those vulnerable on the street. Parrot could have had one of his guys take care of the matter, but he handled it personally. To me, the man was more important than the job.”
The Zookeeper stopped Reggie with her hand on her shoulder. She looked Reggie in the eye. Her expression didn’t give Reggie the warm fuzzies.
“I like you. I like Sophia too. The fact that you have to ask me about Parrot means Sophia doesn’t deserve the bullshit you’re wrestling with. Clean up whatever’s cluttering your head before you go back to sort it out with her.” She spun Reggie around and gave her a shove. “You have more important engagements than accompanying me on my errands.”
“You don’t even know what I’m wrestling with.” Reggie turned and watched the Zookeeper lope off, already out of earshot. She might not ever have a full measure of the Zookeeper but despite it all, she’d grown to respect her. She wouldn’t go so far as to say she was fond of her, but she did grudgingly like her.
She pulled her phone from her pocket and moved it from hand to hand. Her heart rate kicked up again. At this rate she might not survive the day.
There was another park bench a few hundred feet up the path. Reggie headed for it and took a seat. She stared at her phone another minute, then dialed before she lost her nerve. If her father could summon her, she should be able to return the favor. If the world had any order remaining the officer-inmate relationship should retain some meaning. Hopefully, this wouldn’t make things more challenging for Sophia, but she needed some answers.
Her voice felt annoyingly small when she explained who she was and asked to speak with her father. It was stronger when she pushed past the initial resistance. By the time she demanded she speak to the officer who escorted her father in to their original meeting, her nerves were gone and her tone was commanding.
She spoke with her father’s chaperone, who sounded terrified. He agreed to get a phone to her father. Five minutes later, her cell rang.
“Hello, Dad.”
“Gina, to what do I owe the pleasure? I’m impressed by the means of communication. Very flashy. Very against the rules. Either you’ve decided to join the family business after all or you need fatherly advice. Either way, I’m here for you.”
Reggie took a deep breath and shut her eyes tight. She opened them and asked the question she’d been afraid to have answered her entire adult life. “I need to know why. Why did you do what you did?”
“That’s why you called? Oh, Gina, that’s like asking me to call and order you a pizza. I’ve told you all this before. I did it all to help people. Did I cut some corners? Sure. Did I work with the wrong kind of people? Maybe.”
“No.” Reggie squeezed the phone so tightly her fingers ached. “Cut the bullshit. Maybe that’s what you told yourself, but what’s the real reason? There are public servants up and down the government who help people and somehow no one ends up dead or in jail. So this time, don’t lie to me, why’d you do it?”
The silence dragged on so long Reggie thought he’d hung up on her.
“Deep down, despite deluding myself into thinking otherwise, I always knew you’d never be able to take over the family business. You don’t have the stones for it. You’re too much like your mother. You want to know why I did it? Because I wanted the power. Helping people was fine, but it was better to have them know that I was the only one who could. And more than that, I wanted them to know that not only could I help them but I could hurt them too. When you have all the power, a business, a career, a life, it’s all yours for the taking.”
Reggie felt sick. How had she missed this side of her father? How could she have sat down to dinner every night with a man so comfortable with destruction and ruin? A man who was no better than a mobster and murderer? She’d heard the rumors and knew what he’d been charged with, but until now she’d never fully believed he’d been capable of the worst things flung his way. Now she knew it was more sinister than most people probably knew.
“I wanted the power, the control, and the money. Do you have any idea what people would come and offer me so I’d help solve their pissant problems? I’m not saying solving problems wasn’t gratifying, but in the end that was better for me than whoever benefitted from my work. And if the ants didn’t want to pay for my help, I was fine being the boot to snuff them out.” He sighed softly. “That’s the truth. I like power, and I’m not apologetic about it. And sometimes keeping that power means getting my hands dirty. I’m sorry it hurt you, and I’m sorry it hurt your mother. Does that answer your question, Gina?”
“That tells me everything I need to know. Good-bye, Dad.” Reggie hung up and put her phone away.
She stayed on the bench a long time watching the activity of the park. Hearing her father spell out his true motivations had been like getting hit with a two-by-four. A wave of guilt and shame crashed over her. How could she not have seen what was happening? How many times had he brought her along on one event or another? Had he been planning murder or other life-altering destruction in front of her and she’d been unaware?
Then, to her surprise, the wave crashed and slowly receded. Ava was right, he was a criminal and his actions were driven by selfishness and cruelty. That wasn’t her. She was not her father. And no matter how many years she stood guard, sacrificing her happiness, she couldn’t undo his crimes or change the way she was perceived and, she was beginning to realize, it wasn’t her job to do so. She wondered what those coming out of a cycle of polar night felt like at seeing the sun for the first time. She expected it felt a great deal like what she was experiencing now—jubilation, rebirth, relief.
Eventually, her thoughts turned to Sophia. How could she have compared Sophia to Bartholomew Northrup? Reggie might not agree with the political decisions she made or the positions she took, but Sophia would never clear a restaurant to set up a receiving line for bribery. She wasn’t about power, and she wouldn’t be tempted by it. She enjoyed her job and the machinations that went with it, but she’d never cross that line and she certainly would never use the power she had to destroy people.
Her chest seized when she thought of her last interaction with Sophia. How could she have been so stupid? There was nothing she could do about the past except beg for forgiveness. If Sophia was willing to put her career and reputation on the line to be in a relationship with Reggie, then who was she to turn that down? Too many decisions had already been based on fear. It was time to be brave.
Reggie got up to make her way back home. She expected her legs to feel leaden from the sprint to the park earlier, but she felt light as a feather. The weight of the Northrup name seemed to have been lifted and all she saw in the future was Sophia. The only question remaining was whether Sophia was willing to take her hand and walk into that future together.