Benjamin simply stared at her; he seemed to think he had misheard.
‘You heard me. We have to get out of here. Leave. Escape!’
‘Are you crazy?’
‘Don’t be such a hypocrite. I know you want out too. It’s never going to get better around here.’
‘But can’t we just wait and see?’
‘Wait and see if he kills someone? Benjamin, there’s no debate here. I’ve had enough, and I’m leaving whether you do or not.’
It had taken a few weeks for her to gather enough courage to talk to him. But she had made up her mind, and it would not be swayed. She thought about it almost constantly — what it would feel like to be free. Go wherever she liked. See whoever she wanted to. Little things that had been trivial before she came to the island had suddenly become desirable. She wanted to watch TV, take a bus anywhere she wanted, eat a hamburger. She even found herself fantasizing about working at some crappy job and coming home after work and having time off, being totally free. She closed her eyes and tried to sense the buzz of people on the mainland living their regular old lives. She was so jealous of them it made her chest ache.
A nearly overwhelming restlessness was about to conquer her. She wished she could teleport herself to the other side of the wall; she just wanted to get it over with. Because even though she had made up her mind, the fear of being caught gnawed at the back of her mind. What if she was stopped and detained? Forced back down off the wall, like Mira? Sent to Penance for an indeterminate amount of time, under guard around the clock?
And what about Oswald? She shuddered every time her mind touched upon what he would do if he knew. He had just returned from the mainland, and he had sensed a change in her right away. He was suddenly like a bloodhound on the trail of a fresh scent. His eyes followed her everywhere, suspicious. He squinted searchingly every time he spoke to her.
‘You seem a little distracted, Sofia. Not quite all here,’ he said one day.
‘No sir, not at all. I’m just so glad everything went well on the mainland. That we’ll have guests again in the spring.’
She no longer had any scruples about lying. She knew she could always butter him up with a little flattery.
‘Yes, but it’s going to take a lot of work to get everything ready on time. I’d really prefer not to be dragged into the zombie gang before then.’ He sighed, his attention diverted for the time being.
*
She could see now, in Benjamin’s eyes, that he wanted to leave too. It was like nudging two marbles over the crest of a hill. They were rolling. Almost on their way.
A little fuel to the flames wouldn’t hurt.
‘Haven’t you had enough of being humiliated? Do you want him to beat you into the dirt? It’s not going to get any better, don’t you see that?’
In some ways, he was her ticket out, because he knew every nook and cranny of the island and the ferry. And she wasn’t one hundred percent sure he wouldn’t tattle if he stayed behind.
‘If I leave, Benjamin, he’ll kill you. Or put you in Penance for the rest of your life.’
Doubt was raging inside him; she could see it in his eyes. But then it disappeared and his usual, energetic expression returned.
‘Okay,’ he said. ‘Let’s do it.’
That was suspicious — she had expected much more resistance.
‘Seriously?’
‘Yup. We’ll get out of here. I’ve had enough too.’
She threw herself on top of him and he fell backwards onto the bed. She straddled his stomach and peppered his face with kisses.
‘Oh my god, I’m so happy! We have to start making a plan. It has to be watertight. Because if he figures out —’
‘I know how we can get out,’ he interrupted her. ‘I’ll put a ladder up against the wall, somewhere in the back where no one can see it. We’ll sneak out in the middle of the night; we can jump over without touching the wire. We’ll run like crazy for the cottage and hide there overnight. In the morning we can walk the path over the cliffs, to the ferry. It will take some time, but no one will see us there.’
‘But isn’t it cold and slippery? How will we manage that?’
‘I know how. Trust me.’
‘But if they discover we’ve run away they’ll be waiting for us at the ferry.’
‘Yes, but they probably won’t miss us until morning. At the morning assembly, at the latest. We have to be on the ferry before then. I know where we can hide — there’s a tarp in the stern, where all the cars are parked.’
‘We have to lie under a tarp in the cold for hours?’
‘We’ll wear warm clothes and keep each other from getting too cold.’
He’s already got it all worked out, she thought. Running away. We hadn’t even talked about it. And I didn’t even guess.
‘I’m still worried about the fence,’ she said. ‘All it would take is one brush against the barbs and the alarm will sound.’
‘I can jump over without touching it. And I’ll help you over. If the alarm does go off, we’ll just have to make a run for the cottage. We’ll have a head start.’
‘But what if it’s one of those nights when everyone’s up working?’
‘Then we’ll have to do it the next night, or the night after that.’
‘What if the water freezes and the ferry can’t cross?’
‘Then we’ll be in trouble! Sofia, stop being such a worrywart. I’m sure we can check the weather online. You’ve got your laptop, after all.’
She took out her laptop and looked up the forecast. The next few days were supposed to be above freezing, with no snowstorms on the horizon.
‘What do we do when we get to the mainland?’
‘We’ll head to my sister in Gothenburg and lie low there for a while.’
‘Should we email her and let her know we’re coming?’
‘No, too risky. I’ll call her tomorrow when I’m on the mainland. I’m supposed to take the eight o’clock ferry to make some purchases and I’ll be back at five.’
‘And then we’ll go to the police and report that bastard.’
‘The police? Are you crazy? Why do you want to go to them? Won’t getting out of here be enough?’
‘Oswald has to be held accountable for attacking staff members.’
‘We’ll never get to him, Sofia. It would be our word against everyone else’s. They’ll say he’s the kindest leader in the world. They’re terrified of him. If they want out, they’ll have to escape on their own.’
Sofia thought of the people who would never be able to escape. Mona and Elvira. Simon, who was still in Penance. Devoted, thoroughly brainwashed Bosse, who didn’t even understand that anything was wrong. Suddenly it felt like she was betraying them. She wondered if Oswald would punish the whole staff after she and Benjamin escaped. More cameras, rules, and prohibitions.
‘There is another way,’ she said. ‘We can blog about it once we’re out.’
Benjamin shook his head slowly, but he didn’t say anything.
‘Should we pack everything up tonight?’ she asked.
‘No, that’s too risky as well. We’ll do it tomorrow evening.’
‘I won’t be able to fall asleep.’
‘But you have to. You’ll need to be able to run fast tomorrow night. Count sheep, breathe deeply, do whatever it takes. But you have to sleep.’
In just a few minutes, he was snoozing beside her. His brain must be missing the part that makes you worry, she thought. She lay there ruminating for a long time, trying to repress all her scattered thoughts. When she finally dozed off, her sleep was restless and full of dreams.
She woke in the middle of the night to Benjamin sitting up in bed and looking at his pager. When she asked what was up, he only mumbled, put down his pager, and fell back to sleep.
The next time she woke up, he was already gone. He could have escaped by himself, she thought, feeling warm inside. Could have just taken off while he was on the mainland. But he’s going to stick around and help me over the fence.
By the time she got up, her stomach was full of butterflies and her skin was crawling with anticipation. She wondered how she would make it through the day without Oswald noticing. She decided to spend it running around the property. She could tell him she had to make sure everyone was working on his projects in preparation for spring.
She was so nervous that she was starting to have doubts — she just wanted to be rid of the suffering and restlessness. Maybe they should hold off for a while, give themselves time to get used to the thought of escaping. There might be other ways to get out. Her mind flashed on an image of herself jumping from a second-storey window; they would have to take her to the hospital and then she could escape from there. It seemed like a plausible scenario — but no, she pushed it out of her mind and decided that Benjamin’s plan would be fine. She gritted her teeth and concentrated on her morning tasks, and showered, dressed, and tried to think positive thoughts.
It will be fine.
We can do it.
One more day, just one more, and it will be over.
*
The feeling that something wasn’t right came to her as she was climbing the stairs to the office. There was nothing concrete, just an unpleasant premonition. Then she felt an impulse to simply turn around and walk back down the stairs. But she decided it must just be because of Oswald, because she was afraid of looking him in the eye while she was keeping this huge secret. He can’t read my mind, she thought. Only my body language. Just look cheerful and unconcerned. Or maybe a little grumpy. He’ll never suspect a thing.
When she opened the door to the office, Oswald was already at his desk.
Bosse and his henchmen were standing to his right.
On his left was Benjamin, a sheepish smile on his face.
The lake extends maybe half a kilometre from the little beach.
We drove for a long time to get here.
I hope she isn’t going to disappoint me.
She’s standing on the dock in her ugly swimsuit. Shivering already — it’s only spring.
We’re alone out here. Not a soul in sight.
For some reason, I no longer find her annoying. She’s my pupil now.
There’s a tiny islet about a hundred metres off the dock. It’s a little hill with a lone, wind-whipped cypress tree.
‘Do you see that little island?’ I ask, pointing. ‘You have to swim to it, under the water. If you come up for air, I’ll see you and you’ll have to start over again.’
‘I can’t!’
The words fly from her mouth. I can tell she regrets them immediately.
‘Okay, then I guess you’ll just die out here today. Under the water.’
‘What?’
‘I’m just joking. You can do it. Now jump in!’
I sit down on the dock and dip my fingers in the water. It’s freezing.
But she jumps in with a splash and vanishes below the surface.
This will do her good.
I already know she’ll never manage it.
That’s part of the test.
Her little head pops up above the water. Again and again.
She never reaches the islet.
I start to laugh — she looks like a little duck bobbing out there in the water.
‘Come here!’
Obediently, she swims back to the edge of the dock. Her face is so white, and her lips are starting to turn blue.
I pull off my trousers and take off my watch, piling both on the dock.
Then I step down into the cold water, which comes up to the edge of my underwear.
I grab her hair out of the blue, causing her to lose her balance, and pull her under the surface so she’s on her back.
Her face shows shock and terror.
The water is clear, so I can see her eyes.
I put one hand over her body and keep my grip on her hair with the other as she splashes and kicks.
Bubbles pour from her mouth to the surface.
Then she figures out the rules. She relaxes and goes still.
Her wide eyes make her look dead.
And I hold her down and wait. For a long time.
I wait until I see the panic in her eyes and pull her up just before she can take that fatal breath.
She gasps and spits, coughing and sputtering.
Her already wet eyes fill with tears. I just stand there watching her until she collects herself.
‘I understand now,’ she says at last. ‘You have to take it to the very limit.’
‘Exactly!’
I pat her wet head and she looks at me like a submissive little puppy.