CLAIRE KNEW IT WAS PERFECTLY natural and normal and to be expected that eventually Jake would dance with Zoey. It would have been strange if he hadn’t. They were friends, after all. Besides, everyone traded partners during the course of a party. Only the most insanely jealous couples got upset at seeing their dates dance with someone else. It was even to be expected that guys might flirt with other girls, or girls with guys. That was all a part of life, especially at a party.
The problem was that while Jake and Zoey danced, neither of them flirted. It was a strange thing to be upset over, Claire acknowledged privately, and yet she was upset.
Jake was behaving with unnatural rigidity around Zoey. He was stiff and formal, not a smile or a laugh. Yet when Zoey was distracted by a girl she knew and turned away from him for a moment, Jake’s eyes were on her, following Zoey’s every movement. Not the usual check-out-her-butt glance. Nothing that crude and harmless. Instead he looked at her with a wistful longing, the way a person looked at something he had loved and lost and wished he could have again.
The DJ played a slow song, Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me.” Claire almost laughed. Perfect. Zoey was with Jake, looking around nervously, like maybe she shouldn’t do a slow dance with him. Jake was standing there awkwardly, big arms at his sides, looking half-hopeful, half-afraid.
At that moment Claire believed she might actually hate him. He so wanted to take Zoey in his arms and dance with her. He so desperately wanted her to let him hold her.
Claire turned away, afraid she would lose her composure completely. She couldn’t bear the thought that Zoey might look over and realize she was upset. She felt a sickening twisting in her stomach.
When Claire looked back, they were dancing. Both holding each other at a safe distance, Zoey smiling politely, uncomfortable but determined to act as if everything was normal. Jake . . . Jake looked like a big, stupid puppy who’d stolen a bone from the table and was beside himself with joy yet fearful his prize might be snatched away.
Claire tried not to look, but she couldn’t help herself. There it was in Jake’s face, the proof. Of course he still loved Zoey. Had there ever been a time, even for a minute or two, when he didn’t? Had there been a minute or two in there when he had genuinely loved Claire?
How would she ever know? Claire asked herself. Her whole relationship with Jake had been born of her own careful manipulation. It had all been very clever on her part. Wonderfully intelligent, far outclassing poor Jake’s efforts to resist her.
Only now, underneath it all, it was still Zoey he wanted. Zoey, who had kept ownership of his heart by turning on him and choosing Lucas.
She wondered idly how Lucas would feel about this, but that was pointless. Zoey had done nothing blameworthy in his eyes.
No, that wasn’t the way to handle this at all. There was another way. A cold, ruthless, but effective way to take care of Jake’s puppy love for Zoey.
It wouldn’t make him love Claire. She was now prepared to accept that at least that was impossible. But it would ruin his little fantasy for a long while.
Jake released Zoey at the end of the short, too short song. Lucas had come back on the floor, and Zoey had let him put his arms around her. Jake’s own arms felt empty now. He managed a smile for Lucas, an acknowledgment as close to graciousness as he was capable of.
It would have been uncool to say one tenth of what he felt. Hopelessly uncool to express the way he still felt when he saw Zoey with Lucas. A man didn’t act that way, and Jake was a man.
He looked around for Claire and saw her not far off, a pale, solitary figure that stood out from the crowd as if she were lit with her own personal spotlight. Beautiful, smart, strong Claire. She was the girl every guy in school fawned over. There were plenty who would toss their present girlfriends aside for half a chance at Claire. And she was his girlfriend. He was lucky; everyone said so.
“Hey, babe,” he said. He put his arm around her waist just as Lucas had done with Zoey.
And Claire smiled, just as Zoey had smiled for Lucas.
“I missed you,” she said.
“Me too,” he said, trying to sound as if he meant it.
“Kiss me,” Claire said.
He did. How could he not? And her lips were soft beyond belief, her mouth so sensual and inviting. And yet he felt as though Zoey must be watching them. In a way he hoped she was watching and feeling at least the smallest amount of jealousy.
“Let’s go upstairs,” Claire said, in her voice that accepted no argument. “I’m tired of all this noise.”
She took his hand and led him away from the dance floor and up the stairs, past the second floor to the third. The third floor was far enough away from the speakers to be relatively quiet. Most of it was semi-finished attic, with a wood floor and no partitions. Exercise equipment was scattered at one end, weights and an Exercycle and a Soloflex. At the other end of the room was a pool table, where no fewer than six people were wielding cues.
The exercise end of the room was darker, lined with dormered windows and inset benches. It was to one of these that Claire led Jake.
“Reminds me of—” Jake began, before deciding he’d better not go on.
“Zoey’s bedroom?” Claire supplied. “Yes, I always liked that desk she has built into her window.”
They sat together, facing each other, both with a leg kicked up onto the bench. Claire’s skirt slipped up her leg. She swept her silken black hair back over her shoulder and looked at him with a frank, appraising expression.
“We’re all alone now, more or less,” Claire suggested.
He nodded. There was something wrong with this situation. On its surface Claire had just brought him up here to make out. Plenty of other couples were doing the same thing—and more—at various locations around the house.
Except that Claire didn’t do things like this. Jake felt alarm bells going off, but what could he do? Claire leaned into him, glittering dark eyes closing ever so slowly, her lush lips open.
She kissed Jake with an intensity he had never known from her. She left him gasping for air. His heart was racing. Almost against his will a sly smile spread over his face. “That was nice,” he admitted.
“Well, I like kissing you,” Claire said.
“I like kissing you, too,” Jake said truthfully. Whatever fantasies he harbored about Zoey, Claire was here, now, very close. Claire could kill at a hundred yards; this close she was irresistible. Even when he had been so haunted by the memory of what she had done to his brother, Jake had never been able to build up any sort of immunity to her.
Claire kissed him again, then pulled away, leaving him leaning forward into emptiness. She laid her hand on his face. “I guess our relationship has reached a point where we can be honest about how we feel,” Claire said thoughtfully.
“I guess so.” Again the warning bells, but softer, more confused this time.
“Well, look, Jake, I don’t want to lose you, but I think it’s time we cleared up some stuff that I may not have been totally honest about.” She turned to look out of the window, her face lit by moonlight.
“Sounds major,” Jake said jokingly.
She shrugged. “It is and it isn’t. Of course you know that I know about you and Louise Kronenberger,” she said. “You know, that you slept with her. Had sex with her.”
Jake shifted uncomfortably. “Look, Claire, I was drunk, and I mean really, really drunk. Plus, you know about the whole thing that was going on then—I’d been doing drugs earlier that night, and the game, and getting suspended. And we weren’t exactly going together, you and me, not really.”
Claire made a wry smile. “I know there were mitigating circumstances. And I’m not blaming you. Not at all. I’m just saying since I know about you, it seems unfair for me not to tell you my little secret.”
Jake swallowed. He gave her a hard, suspicious look. “What do you mean?”
“Well, it turns out I’m not exactly a virgin, either, Jake.” She smiled like they were conspirators.
He froze. He had been right to hear warning bells. “Who was the . . . who did you do it with?”
Claire smiled impishly, an unnatural look for her. She was enjoying this. “Who do you think?”
“Benjamin?”
“No, not Benjamin.” She laughed, as though that was somehow a funny suggestion. “Like I’d sleep with my sister’s boyfriend; give me some credit. Of course not Benjamin.”
“Do you mean this was—like recently?”
“Now don’t get upset,” Claire said.
“I just want to know, that’s all,” Jake demanded, his voice rising.
“Lucas.”
“Lucas?”
Claire tried out the impish smile one more time. She added an insouciant shrug. “You have to admit he is kind of cute.”
Jake looked like he’d been punched in the stomach. He was dazed and breathless. “You slept with Lucas. Like a long time ago, when you guys were going together?”
“It was just a couple of days ago,” Claire said. “I mean, it was just fun. I’m not in love with him or anything. It was just sex. You know, like you and Louise.”
“I didn’t even remember that, Claire!”
“Sorry,” Claire said huffily. “I didn’t know that made it any different. I do remember.” Now, she told herself—just the smallest little smile, eyes averted, like I’m remembering. A coy little smile that will eat at him forever.
She saw the shocked anger in Jake’s eyes. And then, following the first emotion, came the slow dawning of calculation. Just as she had known it would. His next question would be . . .
“Am I supposed to believe this is all okay with Zoey?”
She could almost have slapped him at that moment. But that would have been a superficial, temporary pain. “You know how straight Zoey is,” she said. “She’d never be able to deal with it. Lucas didn’t tell her, obviously.”
“And you think I can deal with it?”
No, Claire said silently. I don’t think for a moment that you can deal with it. I think you’ll never want to touch me again, believing that I slept with Lucas. “What’s the big deal?”
“What’s the big deal?” Jake nearly screamed.
“Oh, it’s okay if you sleep with Louise, but it’s not okay if I do it with Lucas? You might try being a little more consistent, Jake.” No more cuteness now. It was no longer necessary to be coy. The damage was done. “Not being sexist, are you? Okay for guys, but not okay for girls?”
“How could you do that to Zoey? And to me?”
She looked at him coldly, letting some small part of her inner rage peek through. “How could I do that to you, Jake?” Claire realized she was trembling now. The playacting was over with. She got to her feet. “Don’t play high-and-mighty with me, Jake. You think I’m blind? You think I don’t know you still love Zoey? And don’t you think Lucas suspects the same about her?”
Ah, his eyes actually lit up at the possibility! Even now, he couldn’t help it. So much the better. He deserved what he was getting.
“Lucas and I know all about your ever-so-chaste ongoing love affair. So we decided to have a little fun of our own.” She leaned down close to Jake’s face. “And it was fun, Jake. Lucas was wonderful. As Zoey will find out sooner or later, when she gets over playing junior nun.”
Jake shot to his feet, bristling with rage and horror. “You bitch.” His hands clenched into fists, but Jake wasn’t the kind to strike out at her, no matter how outraged he was. Besides, beneath it all, he was constructing a whole new world of hope.
She watched as he walked stiffly away.
Damn him to hell. She was well rid of any guy stupid enough to fall for this cheap trick. Benjamin would never have fallen for it. Not Benjamin. Benjamin who, like the others, no longer loved her.
Claire threw herself back onto the bench and, in the privacy of the dark recess, cried tears of bitter self-loathing.