Envisioning putting his hands around Jean’s neck and squeezing slowly, a slight smile spread eerily across Nick’s taut lips. Thoughts of killing Mrs. Carter were soothing his simmering anger. He wanted someone to blame because the person responsible was dead, and then Rev. Thomas entered the room.
“She’s not dead yet…get out,” Nick said softly, his voice dripping with venom as he gave Rev. Thomas a look that should have killed him on the spot. He did not have much use for religious people.
Nurse North, the head nurse, sensing trouble pushed the panic button near Lorna’s bed for assistance. Reverend Thomas, still standing at the door’s entrance as if in a trance, said nothing. His eyes were on the young woman lying as if dead in the bed across the room.
Anger that was once simmering was now boiling over in Nick’s mind. He knew from painful experience what phonies religious people were. His eyes narrowing at Rev. Thomas, after all his father, the scum, was a minister.
Nick grew up listening to biblical stories. They were just stories, like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny; as you grow up, you realize no one actually believed the stuff, at least his parents didn’t. He sneered, as dark vivid memories played out in his mind’s eyes.
His parents were the biggest hypocrites he knew, especially his ex-wife, Debbie. They just did not live what his father told the congregation to do on Sunday mornings, so he knew as a child not to take the stuff seriously.
Things were always different at home, he thought, with raging anger and despair, always different. And different was never good, he remembered, visibly shivering, feeling like the scared child he once was again and he hated it.
Blind fury took over his tormented mind; he was not a child anymore. Now he was in control. And he would never lose control again. Nick remembered when Debbie, the treacherous slut, left him for another man.
He turned to those religious people because they acted as if they believed, so he thought, before finding out that all his private life was the topic of conversations during choir rehearsals and even Bible study at times.
They should have placed all his business in the church bulletins, he thought, at least that way gossipers would have all the information correct.
Fool. That is what he felt like. How was he supposed to know not everyone who went to church believed? But then, he should have. His childhood should have taught him better, but he had hope that some of what his father said on Sundays was true, despite what was going on at home. He had hoped, but ended up in a mental hospital, all because he did what they said…forgive…forget. Never again.
The more he forgave his ex-wife, the more she forgot he was her husband and took. Debbie always took. Took their money and spent it any way she wanted, with no thought or care on how the bills were going to be paid.
Took his trust and cheated with other men—so many he lost count. Took his love and threw it in his face over and over again. She would yell at him, when she was angry, about how he did not love her, and because he did not love her, she did not love him.
He heard that so many times, he lost count. The religious people, he thought with hatred, never told him that forgiving and forgetting didn’t mean being a fool. That it didn’t mean being a carpet, allowing yourself to be used and abused by another in order to prove your love for them.
They never told him. He didn’t know. He simply did what they said to do. Fool.
And Debbie, he sneered, shaking with fury, took and took and took. Forgive! Saying the word as if it were a bad taste in his mouth, he would never ever listen to another religious person as long as he lived, and there was no way he was going to let this fanatic near Lorna.
Nick got out of his chair; he was so close to Rev. Thomas, his breath felt warm on Rev. Thomas’ cheeks. “I said she is not dead yet! Want to come back in say…fifty years or so!”
Blinking, seeing Nick for the first time since entering Lorna’s room, “Young man…you don’t understand.” Rev. Thomas was too tired to be afraid, although the young man looked like he wanted to kill him.
“You’re right. I don’t understand and I don’t want to.” Nick was standing toe-to-toe, ready to throw a punch. Just as Rev. Thomas was trying to explain to Nick who he was to Lorna, Lt. Brown and Lorna’s doctor entered the room.
“What’s going on here?” The doctor, looking from one to the other, was very concerned because Nick looked like he was about to hit the minister.
“I was just telling this churchgoing man,” Nick sneered, “that he needs to take a hike.” His eyes narrowing with pure hatred, he made his mind up; he was going to hit him and enjoy every punch he gave. He balled his fists.
“Hold on there, Nick. He has a right to be here and before you say anything else you had better listen to him first.” Lt. Brown grabbed Nick by the arm and made him have a seat.
This feeling was new to Rev. Thomas. He couldn’t remember the last time or if he ever felt such uncertainty. He had always been sure of himself and his abilities.
The young man wanted to hurt him. He could see it in Nick’s eyes. Lt. Brown had a look on his face that told him he had better talk and make it fast. The doctor had questions too, but was busy making sure that Lorna was not disturbed by what was going on in her room. The head nurse, Nurse North, tucked Lorna’s sheets with loving care, saying nothing.
Rev. Thomas stared at Nick. “You care for her, don’t you?” Nick said nothing. He just continued to look at Rev. Thomas as if he were some sort of disease.
Rev. Thomas walked over to Lorna’s bed. Nick was about to object when Lt. Brown put staying hands on his shoulders. “Don’t make me arrest you,” he warned quietly.
Turning haunted eyes toward the doctor, “How is she?” Rev. Thomas asked softly.
Dr. Reed looked into eyes full of distress, but in all his years as a physician, he had never seen such a look of fear and dread, especially on a minister. They are supposed to fear nothing…right?
“Physically she’s fine. It’s her mental health that concerns me right now,” Dr. Reed replied as he checked her vital signs again. He continued. “She’s in deep shock, maybe she’ll come out of it and maybe she won’t; we’ve tried everything, but she is unreachable.”
His voice was laced with tiredness, physically from a lack of sleep and emotionally from knowing his limitations to help her. Being a doctor can sometimes be frustrating, he thought, as he adjusted the flow of her IV unit.
Giving Rev. Thomas his full attention when it was clear that Lorna’s condition was still stable, and that she was not affected by what was going on in her room. “We’ve had several therapists talk to her. The only response we seem to get is when a man other than…” and he pointed to Nick “…tries to talk or touch her.”
Turning to Lt. Brown, he continued. “We know that she can hear what’s going on around her, she just does not respond. She only responds when a strange man comes into the room. Then she gets very hysterical, and we have to sedate her…the sedation will be wearing off very soon,” he said thoughtfully.
A hopeful look was in his eyes, as he glanced at Rev. Thomas, while making notes in Lorna’s chart. “With any luck, you’ll be able to reach her. Perhaps you, being her minister, she’ll talk to you.” His voice was full of hope, which this patient he thought, glancing at Lorna, had much need of.
Snickering, if he touch her, I will strangle him with my bare hands, Nick thought. Rev. Thomas, haunted eyes on Lorna said, “Doctor…I’m more than her minister…I am her father.” His voice was full of despair. His constant thought was, how was he going to deal with this was.
“What?” Both Nick and the doctor saying in unison, astonishment plastered across their faces. Nurse North, silently going about her duties, said nothing, as if the news was not shocking.
Before anyone could say another word, Rev. Thomas told them all about knowing Jean from high school. He told how they dated, briefly of course, and about the rainy night many years ago…he left Jean crying in the middle of a football field, and how he had just found out that Lorna was his daughter only a few hours ago.
The room was silent for several minutes; no one knew what to say. Nick got up, pulling a cigarette and lighter out of his pocket, and looked up in time to see Nurse North giving him a stern disapproving look.
Quickly placing the cigarette and lighter back into his pocket, rubbing his hands over his face in hopes of controlling himself, he turned with blazing eyes of fury toward Rev. Thomas. “You’re her father?” His quiet voice, full of menace, vibrated throughout the still room.
Dr. Reed, still recovering from the news, just stared at Rev. Thomas as if he never knew that preachers had sex. His eyes were round as saucers with shock. Nurse North, still as quiet as a mouse, tenderly smoothed Lorna’s brows, then turned to make a note in her chart.
During the entire time that Rev. Thomas was replaying the events that led up to this moment, no one except Nurse North noticed that Lorna’s eyes had opened. She heard the entire account.
Stunned. Racked with relief, pain and disbelief, silent tears gleaming in her still swollen eyes, slowly made their way down Lorna’s bruised cheeks.
Then, she started screaming with such force that shook the souls of all in the room. She screamed for all she had suffered. Her screams told, as no words could, of the agony and pain she had suffered, and everyone in the room felted it deep within the core of their hearts.
Immediately, Dr. Reed ordered everyone out of the room, giving Lorna a strong sedative to calm her down. He was very concerned about his patient. No one should have suffered what this young woman went through, he thought, as he continued to check her vital signs. Salty warm tears stained Nurse North’s cheeks, as she silently prayed for Lorna.
While both Jean and Lorna lay heavily sedated in unconscious sweet sleep, Rev. Thomas went warily to the hospital’s chapel. He needed to pray. He wanted to be alone.
How did things get so screwed up, he wondered. He wanted to ask God for forgiveness, but he knew that he must first ask both Lorna and Jean for their forgiveness as well. That’s what he taught. It is what he believed, but his heart twisted at that thought. Why was it so hard to do it, he wondered.
He remembered the last night she saw Jean Carter all too well. He was so cocky in those days, never really giving any thought that his actions would one day come back to haunt him. And why would they? It was years ago. He didn’t mean to hurt her. It’s not as if he told anyone about that night, like most boys did. It was just the two of them. No one else knew! Why must he be punished for this?
Desperation clawing at his mind, like a ravenous wolf, Rev. Thomas balled his fist wanting to hit someone…something. Why now? I have a reputation. I have a career, he thought angrily. I’m a different person now, he thought desperately, rocking forward on the chapel bench, his hands clasped tightly.
“It is not fair,” he yelled aloud in anguish. Looking up at the figure of Christ on the cross, a helpless mourning vibrated in his throat.
He did not deserve this…not this! Lord, he thought, what am I to do? If my family finds out about Lorna and Jean, it will bring shame on them. On him. I followed in my father’s footsteps, as he followed in my grandfather’s, he reasoned within himself. I did all that I was supposed to do, he cried out in hopelessness.
Staring up, expecting an answer to come from the man-made figure above him, Rev. Thomas reached at the cold marble image with rigid fingers. “And what about my church?” He whispered, “people look up to me. I’m their leader.”
His hand dropped to his side. What would they think? If this gets out into the news media, I’ll be ruined; they’ll have a field day.
Gazing down at his tightly closed fist, his mind began to race. My career would be ruined if any of this gets out, he thought, as he anguished in trying to figure out how he was going to get out of the situation. I have worked too hard for this to be happening to me.
Looking up again at the figure of Christ on the cross, he whispered, “I am known all over the world by millions.” He whispered again, “please…please don’t let word of this get out. It will ruin me.”
Rev. Thomas put his head in his hands and cried. The reality of the situation he was in made his body shake violently in anguish.