CARYN was glad that early on Monday afternoon the hospital administration at Trinity Medical Center declared the Cryptosporidium emergency officially over. Nursing staff infected with the bug were already bouncing back from the city-wide epidemic, and the hospital had gone from a record high of 248 sick calls over three days down to 31.
The staff nurses who’d been at the hospital during the emergency were allowed to go home, although they were all asked to be on call should the need arise. Luckily, many nurses had responded to the crisis and those who lived outside Milwaukee had come in to lighten the burden on the remaining staff.
Caryn left the hospital without having seen Luke since the day before. An attending physician, Dr. Billar, had shown up to replace Mitch, quickly taking control of the residents in the unit. Twice Caryn had picked up the phone to page Luke, but had then set the phone back down, figuring he wouldn’t have his pager turned on if he was sick. She didn’t know his home phone number and was too embarrassed to ask.
Since he hadn’t made a point of talking to her before he’d left, she figured he didn’t want her interfering anyway. That fact didn’t stop her from imagining Luke lying at home in bed too sick to move. Was he able to eat? Keep fluids down?
She hoped so.
The only good thing about being stuck at the hospital during the Crypto crisis was that she’d be paid for the entire time she’d been there, even the time she’d technically been off duty. The overtime she’d racked up would come in very handy in paying off the second mortgage David had spent.
The sun was shining and the temperature was warming up nicely when she drove home. Spring had finally hit Milwaukee and she liked seeing the tiny buds opening up on the trees. The delicate scent of apple blossom was in the air and she took a deep breath then sneezed when pollen tickled her nose.
She walked into her small house, feeling as if she’d been gone for weeks instead of a few days. Everything was just as she’d left it, including the half-open bags of hand-me-down maternity clothes courtesy of Debbie and Renee.
Idly, she wondered how David was doing. No doubt Debbie expected her to show up at the neuro-rehab center to see him, but she just couldn’t do it. The reminder of David’s family made her sink into her sofa, burying her face in her hands.
How long? How much longer would she have to pretend to feel something she didn’t? How long before she could tell David’s family the truth?
David had been seriously injured and, no matter how strained their relationship had been, she surely owed the father of her child something? She’d been far more worried about Luke, who could take care of himself, or at the very least pick up a phone to call for help. David couldn’t do anything.
She should visit, if only for the sake of his family. And she would. But not yet. After being at work for over forty-eight hours straight, she deserved a little down time. At least she’d been granted three consecutive days off from work, despite being placed on call, which would give her plenty of time to relax.
To face David’s family.
To gather enough strength to keep from blurting the truth.
To think about Luke and wonder if they really teetered on the verge of a relationship or if her overactive imagination had caused her to see something that wasn’t there?
On Wednesday Dana dragged Caryn out shopping. Even though she couldn’t afford to spend any money, Caryn didn’t mind tagging along. People-watching at the mall was always fun.
“Be thankful you didn’t get Crypto,” Dana said as they walked into the Grand Avenue Mall located in downtown Milwaukee. “I can’t believe how sick Mitch and I were.”
“Has Mitch heard from Luke?” Caryn asked, keeping her tone casual. “I know he was sick, too.”
“Yeah, he’s feeling better.” Dana frowned as they stopped at a dress shop. “I have to find a dress for this weekend. Mitch wants me to go with him to a fundraiser sponsored by Trinity Medical Center.”
“So what’s wrong with that?” Caryn asked, trying not to be depressed while eyeing dresses she wouldn’t fit into for a long time. “Sounds like fun.”
Dana wrinkled her nose. “They’re not really. Too much mingling and chatting.”
Caryn pulled out a black dress slit down to the navel. “Bet Mitch would like this one,” she teased.
Dana rolled her eyes. “Oh, please, don’t give him any ideas.”
Grinning, she put it back on the rack. A few minutes later another woman entered the store and picked up the same risqué dress, going straight to the dressing room to try it on.
Caryn looked at Dana and they both burst out laughing.
“I have to say, Caryn, you seem so much happier without David.”
She glanced at Dana in surprise. “Really?”
Dana nodded. “I never liked him much,” she confided. “You were too good for him.”
Knowing that her friends had sensed her misery made her sigh. She should have confided in them a long time ago. “David had…a lot of problems.” The middle of a dress shop wasn’t the place to go into detail.
“I suspected as much. But it doesn’t matter now. You’re better off without him.” Dana held a royal blue dress in front of her. “What do you think?”
“I like it. Try it on,” she urged.
Dana added it to a growing pile slung over her arm.
A maternity store across the way caught Caryn’s eye and as it seemed Dana would be a while, she murmured, “I’ll be right back.”
Drawn by the display in the window, she left Dana with her armful of dresses and crossed over to the small store. She felt silly even looking, considering she didn’t need clothes. Debbie and Renee had given her more than enough things to wear.
Except the clothes in the store were beautiful, flattering in a way that emphasized a woman’s pregnancy, celebrating it. For a moment she remembered Luke telling her she was a total turn-on and she blushed, thinking that she’d feel sexy in some of these items, which were far more stylish than the older clothes that had been donated to her.
The prices were outrageous, though, too high for her tight budget, so she turned away. No matter how tempting, she couldn’t waste money on things she didn’t need. Especially when there would be more than enough baby items to buy.
She made her way through the mall crowds and, to her surprise, ran straight into Luke.
“Caryn!” He greeted her with a smile. He had a garment bag draped over his shoulder. His gaze swung from the maternity store to her empty hands. “Didn’t find what you were looking for?”
“I’m just window-shopping.” She waved a hand casually, shying away from the bare truth. Not that it really mattered, as he knew more about her strained financial situation than most of her friends did. Luke looked better, healthier than the last time she’d seen him. Her gaze sought his. “How are you feeling? I heard from Anna you had to go down to the ED for IV fluids.”
“Yeah, but I’m fine now.” He glanced at the floor, as if embarrassed to have succumbed to something so mundane as illness. His brows came together in a frown and his eyes held concern. “How about you? I hope I didn’t cause you to get sick, too?”
“Nope, I’m healthy as can be.” Was that the reason he hadn’t come to see her when he’d left? Because he’d been worried she might become contaminated with Crypto, too? The tightness around her heart eased a little. David had been very self-centered. This was the second time Luke had put her needs ahead of his own.
“Thank heavens,” Luke said in a heartfelt tone. “Are you here alone?” He glanced around. “We could have lunch.”
She wanted nothing more than to eat lunch with Luke, but that wouldn’t be fair to Dana so she shook her head with very real regret. “As much as I’d like to, I’m not alone. I’m here with Dana. She’s waiting for me.”
“I see.” He looked a little disappointed.
“Maybe another time?” she asked hopefully.
“Sure. Take care, Caryn.” He flashed that lethal smile of his again and stepped back, giving her room to move past him.
“I will. Bye, Luke.” She headed toward the dress shop where she’d left Dana, resisting the urge to glance back at him over her shoulder. Before she could enter the dress shop, a toddler threw herself on the floor of the mall, screaming at the top of her lungs in the best display of a temper tantrum Caryn had ever seen.
Mall customers stopped and stared. A young couple standing next to a stroller argued for a few minutes about the best way to handle their daughter. Finally the child’s father picked up the girl, mindless of her kicking and screaming, and headed straight to the mall exit, while the young mother followed with the stroller.
Good choice, Caryn thought, but then her smile faded. At least the parents had each other to talk to about these sorts of things. When she’d first realized she was pregnant she’d made the decision to raise her child alone, accepting the responsibility. But since she’d begun to spend more time with Luke she’d found her conviction to remain independent wavering.
Was she exaggerating her attraction to Luke as a way to subconsciously avoid being a single parent?
A tiny knot formed in her stomach, giving an uneasy twist. She’d met David shortly after her parents had died and at the time he’d seemed so kind and gentle. She’d thought herself in love with him and had asked him to move in with her, only to later realize she’d made a huge mistake.
Now here she was on the brink of getting involved with Luke during another crisis in her life. How could she trust she wouldn’t make the same mistake again?
Luke entered the maternity store and immediately noticed he was the only guy in the place. Women openly gawked at him. He scowled. For Pete’s sake, didn’t men buy maternity clothes for their wives? With a resigned shrug he looked around, trying to figure out which outfit had caught Caryn’s eye.
The clothes she had on were once again too large for her small frame, not to mention they were clearly hand-me-downs. She deserved something new, something special. He gazed at a pink top with a beaded diamond in the center on a pregnant mannequin, and easily imagined Caryn wearing it instead.
Taking the top from the rack, he added two pairs of leggings, knowing they’d show off Caryn’s shapely legs. Although she’d look great no matter what she wore. Then he spied a black clingy dress that would look perfect on her and grabbed that, too.
He didn’t normally spend a lot of time in shopping malls, but he’d needed to purchase a new tux for a charity event Mitch had asked him to attend. Apparently the hospital was also using the event to thank everyone who’d worked so hard during the Crypto crisis. When he’d seen Caryn coming out of the maternity store, he was so glad to see her he’d walked straight toward her without thinking twice about what he’d been doing.
Her concern over his well-being was heartwarming, although he told himself not to read too much into her comments. Caryn cared about everyone, especially her patients. He’d been glad to hear he hadn’t caused her to get sick. He’d had no business encouraging her to spend the night with him in his call room, no matter how much he’d enjoyed kissing her, touching her and eventually sleeping with her in his arms. Although those moments had sustained him during his illness, he’d dreamed of her often, waking up tense and hot and sweaty, and not from a fever.
He paid for the maternity clothes he’d picked out for Caryn, knowing buying personal items for her was crossing the line yet unable to stop himself. He alternated between his desperate need to see her and the agonizing fear of caring too much. He didn’t know anything about relationships. His father had left before he’d been old enough to go to school and his mother had gone through men quicker than most people drank rare wine.
Was he really ready to jump into a relationship?
His stomach clenched. As much as he was very attracted to Caryn, he didn’t really know anything about being a husband or a father. What if things didn’t work out? It wouldn’t be easy to walk away.
Not when one considered there was the added responsibility of a child that needed to be taken into consideration, too.
He tossed the maternity clothes and his new tux in the back seat of his car and told himself he was getting way ahead of things. He and Caryn had shared a few stolen moments but they hadn’t even gone out on a proper date.
Although that could change, if he invited her to attend the charity ball with him.
Would she agree? Or turn him down flat?
There was only one way to know for sure.
That evening, Luke finagled Caryn’s address from Mitch and drove over to her house. The clothes he’d bought for her were in brightly colored gift-wrapped boxes on the seat beside him.
He debated how best to present them to her. No matter how he tried to frame it, the clothes were a very personal gift. He could leave them for her anonymously, but then he wouldn’t have the added benefit of spending time with her.
He pulled up in front of her house and sat for a minute.
Surveying her home, he was not surprised to find the house was well maintained. There was a small but cozy yard just big enough for a swing set. He could easily imagine Caryn pushing her small daughter on the swing, then gave himself a mental shake. Caryn’s baby wouldn’t need a swing set for years yet.
And he’d stalled long enough.
Picking up the boxes, he climbed from the car and headed up to the front door. The inside front door was open, and his fingers tightened on the gifts when he realized she was actually home. He pressed on the doorbell, listening as it echoed through the house.
“Coming!” she called, from somewhere in the back. Through the screen door he saw her come around the corner, a paintbrush in one hand and a smear of yellow paint across her cheek.
Her steps slowed, her eyes widening in surprise when she saw him standing there. “Luke. What are you doing here?”
“Hi, Caryn.” He wondered what she was painting then reminded himself it was none of his business. “I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by.” Lame, Hamilton, he thought. Really lame.
“Come in.” She opened the door and stepped back, inviting him in.
“I don’t mean to barge in on you, but here.” He held out the gifts. “This is for you.”
She didn’t take the boxes but clutched the yellow-tipped paintbrush like a torch, so she wouldn’t smear more paint on her T-shirt and sweatpants stretched over her belly. A frown tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Luke, you’re not supposed to buy me gifts.”
“I know, but I wanted to.” An awkward silence fell and he mentally cursed himself for not simply leaving the boxes outside her door. When she made no move to take the gifts, he glanced around her tidy living room. “Nice place. What are you painting?”
“Thanks.”
When she didn’t say anything more, he set the boxes down. “I’ll just leave these here, then. You can open them later.”
She narrowed her gaze as if tempted to call his bluff. Then, with obvious reluctance, she took the boxes. Crossing over to the sofa, she sat down, cradling the gifts on her lap. She set the paintbrush on the edge of the table, bristles outward to keep from getting paint on her furniture.
He stood, watching her. When she opened the first box and lifted the tissue paper, she gasped. “Luke, it’s beautiful.”
She carefully lifted the shell-pink maternity top from the box and held it up against herself, touching the tiny pink pearls stitched into the silky soft fabric.
“I’m glad you like it.” There were more boxes to open, but she wasn’t looking at the gifts, only at him.
“How did you know my size?” She asked with suspicion.
“A lucky guess.” He shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. “I wanted you to have some of your own maternity clothes, not just hand-me-downs.”
Her eyes widened and she looked at the boxes. “Some? How much more?”
“Just a few things.” He couldn’t wait to see her wearing them. Especially the dress.
She opened a second box and held up the black dress. “Ah—where in the world did you think I’m going to wear this?”
He cleared his throat. “There’s a charity ball this weekend that I need to attend. Maybe you’d be willing to go with me? The hospital is planning to give a big thank-you to those of us who worked during the Crypto crisis.”
She stared at him, then abruptly folded the dress and placed it back in its box. “Luke, why did you do this?” She looked distressed as she set the box aside and twisted her hands together. “Did I somehow give you the impression that I wanted you to buy me these clothes this afternoon?”
He frowned. “No. Of course not.”
She continued as if she wasn’t listening. “Because if so, I’m sorry. That honestly wasn’t my intention. I shouldn’t have even gone into the stupid store. I don’t need brand-new maternity clothes. Debbie’s hand-me-downs will work just fine.”
He crossed over toward her. “Caryn, stop it. You didn’t hint that I should buy anything. This was my own idea, I swear.”
“I don’t think I should accept these gifts, Luke.” She stood, grabbed her paintbrush from the table and headed down the hall.
He followed as she turned into a small, empty bedroom with old sheets spread out to protect the floor. A bucket of yellow paint sat in the middle of the floor and a ladder, with a paint tray and roller, stood by the farthest wall.
“Caryn, what are you doing?” He frowned when she headed straight for the ladder.
“I’m painting my nursery.” There was a stubborn slant to her chin as she placed her foot on the bottom rung then took another step. “Don’t try to tell me what to do.”
He was hardly listening. “Get off that ladder, for crying out loud. What if you fall?”
She narrowed her gaze. “I’m not going to fall. In the book you gave me it mentions how most falls are a result of being off balance, and I’m not big enough to have that problem.”
“Get down.” He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. “You’re not doing this. Step aside, I’ll paint for you.”
“No, you won’t. This is my nursery. I don’t need you telling me what to do. Go home, Luke. Stop being such a bully.”
Her accusation hit hard. “I’m sorry.” He lowered his tone, trying not to raise his voice. He stepped closer to the ladder, wishing he could lift her off to get her feet on solid ground. “I’m just worried about you, Caryn.”
“Don’t. I’m not a charity case. I don’t need you to buy me pretty clothes. I don’t need you to paint my nursery. I’m perfectly capable of raising this baby on my own.”