LUKE heard Caryn’s bedroom door close behind her with a loud click and it took all the control he possessed not to follow her. She was upset enough without him adding more to her stress. He sighed. Maybe he had been too forceful during the confrontation with Debbie.
But what had he been supposed to do? Calmly stand there and listen while David’s sister whipped hateful accusations at Caryn?
Not likely.
His instinct had been to go to battle for Caryn. Defend the honor of the woman he loved.
Love. A goofy grin tugged at his mouth. He loved Caryn. With his whole heart and soul. Loved her and the child she carried. Maybe that was why he wasn’t bothered by the way Debbie had assumed the baby was his. Because he’d secretly wished it was.
He walked to the hallway and glanced at Caryn’s closed bedroom door, half-tempted to walk in there and demand she listen.
But the timing wasn’t quite right, he realized. Bullying his way in her bedroom wasn’t the answer. He couldn’t just barge in and convince her of his love. Not when she was too upset to listen.
He’d give her the time she needed to grapple with her feelings. There was no rush, they had plenty of time.
Turning on his heel, he went to the kitchen and put away the remnants of their breakfast, leaving the leftovers on a plate so Caryn could heat them up when she was ready to eat. Then he cleaned up the mess, half hoping she’d come out and give them a chance.
When there wasn’t any way to stall any longer, he let himself out, walking aimlessly down the street. Caryn’s house was located several miles from his, but at the moment he didn’t care. A walk would be good for him. Right now, he needed to clear his head and think of a way to get through to Caryn.
Debbie’s untimely arrival had ruined their magical night together. The woman’s timing couldn’t have been worse. He’d imagined making Caryn breakfast, then talking her back into the bedroom so they could make love again.
He frowned, remembering how Caryn had disappeared into the bathroom earlier that morning and hadn’t returned for the longest time. What had been going through her mind then? Surely not doubts about how he felt about her.
No, more likely doubts about her feelings toward him. His chest tightened at the thought. Hormones had a way of messing up a person’s emotions. He could certainly understand her need to be careful, to not make another mistake.
How long had it been since he’d met Caryn? He mentally counted back. A week and a half? Two weeks?
With a guilty flush he realized that the two weeks he’d known her seemed much longer. No doubt partially because of the Crypto crisis. Maybe he had rushed her, even though he hadn’t meant to. And yet, if he had to go back and do things over again, he would still make love to her.
Because being with her felt right. There had to be a way to convince her their love wasn’t a mistake.
They needed to talk. And soon. But he couldn’t bulldoze his way into her heart. He had to find patience.
The woman he loved was worth the effort to make things right.
Luke called Caryn the next day to check up on her, but she didn’t answer her phone. As it was Monday, he figured he’d see her in the ICU.
When he noticed Caryn wasn’t anywhere around, a ripple of apprehension trickled down his spine. He found and cornered Dana. “Have you spoken to Caryn?”
“Yes, last night,” Dana admitted.
“How was she?”
Dana shrugged. “She seemed fine.”
Fine? He frowned. “Are you sure? Did she say anything?”
Dana rolled her eyes. “About you? No.”
He ignored the pang of hurt, glancing around the unit. “Why isn’t she here at work?”
“Because this isn’t her scheduled day to work.” Dana was growing exasperated with him. “What’s with all the questions anyway? Did you guys have a fight?”
“Not exactly,” he hedged. “I’ve left her messages, but she hasn’t called me back.”
“Hmm,” Dana’s murmur was noncommittal. “Sorry, I can’t help. That’s between the two of you.”
Yeah. Exactly the problem. He needed a chance to prove they could make their relationship work, but what if she didn’t give him that chance?
“Sorry, I have to check on my patient.” Dana glanced over her shoulder where a patient’s call-light was blinking. “See you later, Luke.”
He nodded and glanced at his pager, which was vibrating like mad. Glad for something to do, he read the message then went down to the ED to evaluate a potential admission. As he worked, he devised a plan to drive over to Caryn’s place that night after work. Much easier to talk over dinner, he concluded.
He admitted an elderly man with congestive heart failure into the ICU, wishing the nurse working alongside him was Caryn. The nurse—was her name Anna?—agreed with everything he suggested, as if she didn’t have an original thought of her own.
If Caryn were here, she’d challenge him. Ask questions to make certain he was considering all aspects of a patient’s comfort while providing caring support to her patient and their family.
The same way she’d supported him when he’d told her about Lisa. Coming over to hug him had been like a soothing balm to his soul. Lisa would have gotten along great with Caryn, he thought with a smile.
He liked the way he and Caryn could tease each other, yet be serious, too. The way she could lean on him, yet remain independent. The way they could laugh and very nearly cry.
Hell, who was he kidding? He loved everything about her.
Later that night, when he’d finished work, he stopped for Chinese food and headed over to Caryn’s bungalow. When she came to the door, she seemed surprised to see him standing there.
“Hello, Luke.”
“Hi, Caryn.” She wasn’t wearing the new maternity clothes he’d bought for her and his stomach dropped. Hopefully she hadn’t returned them. “Are you hungry?” He held up the bag of Chinese take-out. “I brought dinner.”
“I’m sorry, but I’ve already eaten.” She didn’t smile, neither did she open the door to invite him in.
He narrowed his gaze, trying to see through the screen door to the living room behind her. “Do you have a couple of minutes? I skipped lunch so I’m hungry.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “What do you want, Luke?”
Her defensive stance wasn’t a good sign. “Caryn, I think we need to talk.”
“Actually, I can’t right now, I’m in the middle of something. Maybe another time?” The polite smile made him gnash his teeth in frustration.
He suspected there’d never be a good time.
He curled his fingers to keep from ripping the door from its hinges. “Caryn, please, let me in. Talk to me. What’s going on? Why haven’t you answered my calls?”
“I’m sorry, Luke, but I think it’s better if we don’t see each other for a while.”
What? No, she didn’t really mean that.
Did she?
He gripped the doorframe with both hands. “Why?” he asked bluntly. “Have you changed your mind about me? About us?”
She dropped her gaze and shrugged. “I think we jumped into things a little fast. It might be better if we step back and take this more slowly.”
“OK,” he agreed cautiously. “I can do slow.” Hadn’t he already figured that much out for himself? Patience. He needed patience. “So, then, let me ask again, would you like to have dinner? If not tonight, then tomorrow?”
She hesitated and he held his breath, fearful of her answer. Dinner was slow, wasn’t it? “Tomorrow night is good,” she replied after a long moment.
“Great.” He forced enthusiasm into his tone. The way she didn’t return his smile was not at all reassuring. “I’ll pick you up at six?”
“Sounds good. See you later, Luke.”
The door closed quietly in his face. He had to fight the sharp desire to break it down. Smash all the barriers standing between them once and for all.
Patience, he reminded himself as he turned and headed back to his car. Patience and perseverance would win her heart.
Because he couldn’t accept the alternative.
Back at home he ate some of the Chinese food and put the leftovers in the fridge. He prowled around his apartment, almost wishing he’d volunteered to take call for the night.
He tried to catch up on his medical reading, but the walls of his condo seemed to close in around him. For a change of scenery he decided to head on over to the medical staff library.
As he searched for the latest edition of the journal put out by the Society of Critical Care Medicine, he ran into the petite dark-haired surgeon he’d met during the Crypto crisis, Naomi Horton.
“Hey, how are you?” she greeted him.
“Good.” He smiled, gesturing to the surgical textbook she held in her hand. “What are you reading?”
“The latest techniques on cryoablation hepatic surgery,” she answered on a laugh. “And you?”
“The latest comparisons of antibiotic use and septic shock.” He shook his head. “Pretty sad way to spend an evening, huh?”
She laughed. “Pitiful.”
The moment of silence was awkward. He didn’t want to give this woman the wrong impression. As much as Naomi was nice, he longed for Caryn. He searched for a safer topic of conversation. “Did you manage to avoid drinking contaminated water?”
“Yes, thank heavens.” She shifted the heavy book in her arms. “I can’t believe how many of the physicians were sick. Patients, too. In fact, I have an interesting case I should ask you about. I’m wrestling with an ethical dilemma.”
Work was surely a safe topic, so he glanced over to the nearby sofa. “Let’s sit down, you can tell me all about it.”
Naomi sat, set her book aside and tucked her dark hair behind her ears. “I was referred to this case by a rehab physician friend of mine. There’s a patient in his facility who happened to get Crypto, which has caused his moderate kidney failure to become more severe. My friend, Dr. Lance Adams, has tried to talk the family out of dialysis because the likelihood of the patient recovering is non-existent. But so far the family has refused and, in fact, the patient’s sister approached Lance, requesting to be tested as a potential kidney donor for her brother.”
Luke had a bad feeling about this story. “Tell me this patient’s name isn’t David Morgan,” he half joked.
Her eyes widened in shock. “How did you know?”
Oh, boy, it really was Caryn’s former fiancé. Good grief, he could just imagine Debbie doing something so drastic as to give up her kidney for the brother who wasn’t ever going to wake up.
“I know his story,” he answered vaguely. “But tell me, you’re not really going to test her, are you?”
“I don’t know what to do,” Naomi confessed. “If I refuse, I’m sure she’ll just find someone else. And there is a chance she won’t be a match.”
“And if she is a match?” Luke asked, raising his brow skeptically. “What will you do then? Can you really follow through on a living related transplant? Surely, being severely brain-injured precludes him from being a transplant recipient?”
“It’s not as if he’s taking a kidney that would normally go to someone else,” she argued. “I don’t know—is it our right to decide what this woman does for her brother? There is that one case in a million where a person does actually recover from a severe brain injury.”
“More like one chance in a billion,” he muttered. “The odds of winning the lottery are better.” Definitely an ethical dilemma. This must have been what Debbie had come over to talk to Caryn about the other morning. Only his presence had changed the entire focus of the conversation.
As with most ethical dilemmas, there wasn’t a right or a wrong answer. He and Naomi chatted for a little while longer until he finally headed home without managing to finish his reading. So much for his usual method of losing himself in his work.
Somehow, no matter what he did, his thoughts went back on Caryn.
Outside, the spring air was cool but he was too busy wondering if he should tell Caryn about Debbie’s request to notice the chilly breeze. Thank heavens she’d agreed to have dinner with him the next night. He couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing her again soon.
The message light was blinking on his answering-machine. Frowning, he strode toward it and pushed the button. He’d purposefully left his pager at home since he wasn’t on call and didn’t want to get sucked into working at the last minute.
“Luke, this is Dana. I thought you’d want to know, I’m at the hospital with Caryn. She fell and started to hemorrhage. They’re keeping her overnight in the hospital in case something happens to the baby.”
Luke didn’t remember driving to Trinity, but after he arrived at the hospital he nearly yanked the computer from the woman behind the information desk when she couldn’t find Caryn’s room fast enough. When she’d finally given him a firm destination, he rode the elevator to the eighth floor, tapping his foot impatiently as the car stopped several times on the trip up. He dashed straight to her room, barreling through the door without knocking, raking her room with a wild gaze, somewhat relieved to find her sitting up in bed, her hands cradling her stomach.
Seeing her so vulnerable robbed him of speech.
“You called him?” Caryn accused, piercing Dana with a dark scowl.
“Yes.” Dana squared her shoulders, ready to take the heat. “Because I know he cares about you, Caryn.”
“You shouldn’t have called him,” she said to Dana. “And you shouldn’t have come,” Caryn added in a curt tone to Luke, her gaze sliding past him. “This doesn’t concern you.”
“What happened?” Luke forced the words through a throat constricted with fear. She looked so tiny lying in the hospital bed. It was all he could do not to pull her close and reassure himself she was really all right.
Caryn closed her eyes as if she couldn’t bear to look at him. Trying not to feel hurt by her rejection, he turned to Dana, silently demanding an explanation.
“She was painting the walls of her nursery and fell off the ladder. The spotting started a few hours later, so I brought her in.”
“Has Dr. Kingsley been in to see her?” Luke asked.
“Yes. So far the baby seems fine. They plan to watch her here over night. As long as the bleeding doesn’t get worse, she should be all right.”
“Thank God.” Dizzy with relief, he crossed over to Caryn’s bed, tucking his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her. “Do you hurt anyplace else? Your head? Your neck? Back?”
“No.” she wouldn’t meet his gaze, but continued to rub her stomach in soothing circles, as if she could hold the baby in place by will alone. “A little achy maybe, but nothing serious.”
He nodded, wishing there was something he could do to ease her discomfort. But she hadn’t wanted him there. Wouldn’t have called him, even if she’d lost the baby. The thought broadsided him with the force of a tsunami.
“Well?” Her sharp tone caught him off guard.
“Well what?” He regarded her cautiously, not wanting to mess this up like he had the confrontation with Debbie.
“Go ahead—say I told you so. This is my fault. I shouldn’t have been on the ladder.”
He remembered his panic the first time he’d seen her standing on it, painting the wall. If he’d had his way, she wouldn’t have been anywhere near a ladder. Maybe he hadn’t liked the necessity of her doing the work but he was darned if he’d give her another reason to feel guilty.
The last thing Caryn needed after the scene with Debbie was more guilt.
“No.” He shook his head. “If you want to start passing around blame, then hand it over here.” At her puzzled frown he continued, “I pushed you into something you weren’t ready for.” From the other side of the room, Dana raised an interested brow and looked as if she was trying hard not to listen. “If I hadn’t interfered in your life, hadn’t tried to take over, we would have painted the room together and you wouldn’t have been on the ladder in the first place.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Caryn’s voice was heavy with exhaustion but at least she didn’t seem angry any more. “You staying overnight had nothing to do with it. My ladder, my house, my problem.”
He didn’t know what to say to convince her otherwise. Luckily, Dana came to his rescue by changing the subject.
“Have you called David’s family, Caryn?” Dana asked.
“No. It’s too late tonight—I’d rather wait until the morning.” He couldn’t blame Caryn for putting it off. Was Dana aware of Debbie’s accusations? He suspected not.
“Don’t worry about it.” Dana crossed over to give Caryn a quick hug. “I have to go, I’m scheduled to work in the morning.”
“Thanks for being there, Dana.” Caryn returned the hug.
“You’re welcome. Goodnight. See you tomorrow.” Dana stood and tossed Luke a sympathetic look before leaving them alone.
“I’m staying.” He leaned back in the chair and stretched his legs out.
“They’re not going to let you stay,” Caryn protested. “Especially when there’s no reason. I’m fine.”
He didn’t bother arguing, because there was no way he was leaving her alone. Whether Caryn wanted to admit it or not, this wasn’t something she wanted to face all by herself.
She flipped off the television and settled back against the pillows. He crossed over to turn off the overhead lights then returned to his chair beside her bed.
In the darkness he thought of all the things he wanted to say. But he’d promised to go slowly. He reached over, patting the side of the bed until he connected with her fingers. She didn’t respond and he expected her to pull away, refusing even this small measure of comfort.
She didn’t.
Her fingers tightened almost imperceptively around his. He brushed his thumb across the back of her hand. Closing his eyes, he let his head drop back against the chair.
The slight tangible connection was enough for now.
Plenty of time later to convince her he wasn’t leaving her alone ever again.