CHAPTER 33
The Shelbys folded James into their home and family as if he had been naturally born into it. There was no mention of Shamus’s abuse; there was no pity, no words of transition, no questions. The extent of the Shelby kindness and warmth made renowned bush hospitality seem like snobbery in comparison. And in turn, James offered the only reciprocation he could—work.
Each morning, James, Tom, John and Will set off for one paddock or another, their stomachs full from Mrs. Shelby’s cooking, their sleeves rolled down against the bite of dawn. Even between their eight strong arms, work outnumbered them. Help was seldom hired, only afforded for the busiest seasons of shearing and harvest. And each night, they returned orange with dust, dirty and smelling of sheep or grass or fur or whatever the job had been for the day. The work was as hard as at home, but here there was chortling and joking, so much that James’s side hurt more from laughter than it did from labor.
Under the guise and training of the Shelby men, James learned to cull dingoes and rabbits through trap and bullet, learned to brand the calves and castrate. With quiet fortitude, he held his stomach and learned quickly that he hated the cruel tasks beyond description. And, after some hearty ribbing from the brothers, learned he would never have to do them again.
Instead, in an equal exchange, James took over the stock, a chore as loathsome to the Shelby boys as branding had been to him. What had previously taken the work of all three brothers James now did alone. Expert riding bareback or saddleback, he steered with a touch of the reins or nudge of the knee and could charge a horse, against all its instinct, straight into a ring of angry bullocks without touching a spur to fur.
James trained the unruly dogs, overbred mongrels with more dingo in them than shepherd. They followed him with wild, alert faces so that he only needed to nod, wink or raise a brow in command. And after a day exhausted with work in the paddocks, he lavished such great affection on them that the dogs would curl and whine with an ecstasy that mimicked pain.
The whip became another appendage. With it looped at his hip in rest, he could flick it out quick as a lizard’s tongue. But James used the whip as warning, not instrument, the crack more menacing than its touch, for he could round the bulls and the sheep without a snap to their hides. So James worked the farthest paddocks, mended fences along the way and drove the cattle from one area of grassland to another.
And he loved this land that grew and stretched under feet and hooves, the land that opened endlessly until it seemed to slope as the curve of the earth. Through the spotted shade of the box gum forest, green and yellow parrots sat in ornament along the branches. Red kangaroos, tall as men, clustered by the hundreds in rust-colored expanse, chewing leaves and licking paws to stay cool. The land was noisy with life but silent in purity.
On searing afternoons, he’d strip down for a bogey in one of the deep creeks and swim from one end to the other. Then, floating on his back, the sun warm against his bare chest and the water cool against his back, he would watch the platypuses slip off rocks and ripple the glass surface next to his body. After the swim, he’d dress back in his clothes that lay cooking on a slab, drying his body instantly.
Beyond the forest, the grassland grew to his waist and the cattle chewed to bliss and here he would spend the night in the open air, under the stars, only his bedroll between him and the earth, and he would drift into the stars as he did with sleep and find it more a home than anything built out of slab or timber.
During these years with the Shelbys, James did not go back to Shamus, tried not to think of the man darkened and lost in despair. Mrs. Shelby, saint and forgiving soul that she was, dropped off food once a week on the old porch steps, never mentioned if it was eaten. Tom retrieved the horse for fear of starvation, but without comment on the homestead. Shamus was a ghost, only accounted for by neighbors who dragged him home from the pub or plucked him sleeping out of ditches along the road. “Never saw a man fall to drink so fast,” one man would say, and another would nod: “Irish got t’drink their grief.” James would burn under the shame, under the pitying glances.
Over time, James’s long body had become used to the ill fit of the Shelby couch, his legs awkward and hanging over the worn side. James scrunched his fist under the pillow, flitted in and out of a dream. Something poked his arm—a wheat stalk, a branch maybe. Stuck in the confines of sleep, he brushed it away. Another poke, a blurred dream. He grunted and flopped his arm over his chest.
“Jamesie,” whispered the poker.
James jolted, dropping the book that was fanned on his lap to the floor with a thud. “Charlotte? What are you doing up?”
The little girl sucked in her bottom lip, wiped her nose through choppy sobs.
James reached for her hands. “What’s wrong?”
“I-I-I had a bad dweam,” she stammered, a snot bubble forming in one nostril.
James patted down his shirt until he found a handkerchief and held it to her nose.
“Can I-I-I . . . stay with you, Jamesie?” she asked with new tears.
He sat her on his knee, hugged her shoulders. “Course you can.” He kissed the top of her red hair. “Want to tell me about the dream?”
She shook her head and leaned against his shoulder. Her chest quivered as she tried to hold her cries. James stroked her arm.
“Do . . . do . . . you ever have bad dweams?” she asked.
“Sometimes.”
“How you make ’em go away?”
James thought for a moment, kissed her on the head again. “I try to think of happy times. Beautiful places, good days . . . that sort of thing.”
She raised eyes that were round and wet and open. “Like what?”
He smiled. “I think of the sea.”
“Tell me ’bout it.” She smiled. “Please?”
“Well,” he started. “There’s a place, not too far from here, where the earth meets the sea. Cliffs as big and golden as a mountain seem to rise right out of the ocean, like a giant took a bite out of the side of Australia. The water is as blue as the sky and nearly as big.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “When the sun shines on the water, it’s like a field of diamonds all glittering at once. It’s beautiful, Charlotte. Almost as pretty as you.” He pinched her chin and she giggled.
“I never been t’the sea,” she said.
“I’ll take you someday. Promise.”
Her little face grew serious. “You’ll always stay with us, right, Jamesie?”
“Long as you’ll have me.”
Each cheek dimpled. James rubbed her arm and rocked her gently until her body loosened with sleep. Then he untwined her arm from his neck and laid her on the couch, covered her with the quilt and took his pillow to Tom’s room, where he stretched out on the floor. He tucked his hand under the pillow and shifted his hips on the hard floor, didn’t realize he had fallen back asleep until the wood boards vibrated and his eyes opened in the dark.
“Get up, ladies!” John jabbed him in the ribs with his boot. James twisted onto his belly and buried his head into the pillow.
John moved over to Tom and pulled the quilt off. Tom grabbed it, his hair in full distress. “Bugger off!”
“Get movin’. Mum needs us to take the wheat down to the weigh station.”
Tom grunted. “What d’you need us for?”
“You know they always pay more when we got two pretty girls with us!” he teased.
“Stop messin’. Why we need t’go?”
“You an’ James need to pick up the new harness. Came in by rail yesterday.” His tone was serious now. “John an’ me will take care of the wheat an’ then you can meet us back there. Got to leave now else we’ll be comin’ back in the dark.”
Tom swung his feet out of bed and rubbed his hand through his mop of hair. James rose from the floor and stretched, his back cracking.
“Oh, an’ wear that little pink number with the bows. It really brings out your eyes!” John laughed and ducked from the pillow thrown at his head.
James changed quickly, pulling his suspenders up with a snap. Tom moved slower, grumbling as they went outside. Will and John already had the wagons coupled. The sun was just rising over the horizon and a slight morning chill clung to the air. One by one, the bales of wheat were jabbed with hand hooks and loaded onto the bed. It was heavy work and the dust flew in their eyes and noses. James rubbed his face on his shirt as the last bale was hauled on top. Will got the ropes and each man paired to secure grips across and under the wagon.
“Boys, come in for breakfast!” Mrs. Shelby called from the door.
“No time, Mum. Need to get to the weigh station b’fore the crowd,” John answered.
“Don’t argue with me! Not makin’ that drive without something in your stomach.” She turned back into the house.
John sighed. “We eat quick, got it?”
The smell of fat-soaked sausages filled the room. The boys gulped the black coffee and finished their eggs and meat without a word exchanged. The roosters sounded a morning call behind the house—they weren’t the early risers this morning.
“Be back by dark, Mum.” John kissed her quickly on the cheek, leaving a greasy print.
“What you think napkins are for!” She wiped her cheek with her apron. “You boys be good. Don’t let them stiff you on a good price for that wheat.” She went back to clearing the table for the next round of hungry mouths.
Will and John sat in the front of the wagon behind the horses. James and Tom took a seat on the wheat. The ride was rocky, the wheat shifting under the weight and the sway of the wagon. There was little talking, each man set with his own thoughts. Tom stretched out sleepily, his boots crossed at the ankles, his teeth nibbling a strand of hay.
By 10:00 am, they passed the McGinnys’ sprawling house with netted verandah, tennis court and fruit-burdened orchard. A new crop of wheat greened the top sphere of the homestead.
“Seen the McGinny girls around?” Tom asked.
“Jesus, Tom. Sun’s not even up an’ your pants are perked!” Will teased.
“What?” Tom raised his hands innocently. “Just asked a simple question.”
James threw a clump of hay at him. “Horny bastard.”
“Besides, you don’t have a chance with ’em.” John laughed. “Only got eyes for James. All three of ’em.”
Tom rolled his eyes dramatically and in his best falsetto chimed, “ ‘Oh, James, he’s so handsome . . . so mysterious!’ ” He fluttered his eyelashes.
James smirked. “Can’t blame a lady for having taste.”
The men remained quiet the rest of the hours, drowsy and lazy above the lulling wagon motion. As they approached the Southern Cross, a few drays and horses and several tramps passed, each tipping a hat and giving a hearty, “G’day.”
Tom yawned, smacked the hay off his pants. “Want to drop us off at the station first?”
The men exchanged a look. Will nodded in signal. John cleared his throat. “When we get to town, you an’ James need to weigh the wheat an’ pick up the harness.”
“Why?” Tom shoved between them, his elbows touching. “Where you goin’?”
“Got some business t’take care of.”
Tom scoffed at the secretive tone. “What business?” The boys were silent. “Come on. Out with it,” he pressed.
“We’re enlisting, Tom,” John answered quietly.
The creaking wheels ground against the furrow; the hay slid and brushed across splinters.
“What?” Tom gulped. “In the army?” Dead air confirmed it. “Does Mum know?”
“No.”
“When you gonna tell her?”
“Tonight.”
“She’s gonna flip!”
“That’s why we have to do it b’fore we tell her. Otherwise, she’ll chain us to the house.”
Tom leaned back against a bale, his eyes wide as the words sank in. Then he sat up like a lightning rod. “Oh no, you don’t! Not without me an’ James. You’re not goin’ without us!”
“You know the army don’t take women.” Will meant to make light, but his tone fell flat.
“We’re goin’ with you,” Tom said with finality.
Will pulled the horses to an abrupt stop next to the road and turned around, his face stern. “Look, Tom, you can’t go ’cause Mum an’ the girls need you. They need both of you. We’ll make a small wage in the army that we’ll send home, but it won’t be enough.”
“Then you stay. James an’ me will go.”
“It ain’t gonna happen, Tom. Mum can’t take care of the fields without you an’ we need James for the stock. You know that. Besides, you’re Mum’s favorite. Anything happen to you, it’d be like losin’ Dad again.” John said it without jealousy and no one argued.
Tom sat sullen, his mind busy trying to plead its case. “Makes no sense! Money from the army can’t be more than you make at home.”
John sighed. “If this dry spell turns into another drought, which all signs are pointin’ at, the army’ll be about the same pay. Look, Tom, we’re enlisting, so we’re not arguing with you, just tellin’ you the facts. You’re the eldest now, so the accounts will be in your hands. We’re in a bad way. No sugarcoatin’. We didn’t make taxes last quarter an’ we’re still payin’ down the interest from the year before.”
“But the last years were good ones, saw the figures myself.”
“Dad had some bogus bonds, no fault of his own. Then the bank failed. We started at a deficit. After he died, we never caught up. I’m not gonna whine about it like a poor bum an’ you can’t, either. It’s just how it is.”
“It’s not just the debt,” Will added. “Look, we’re not war chasin’ or fancy for diggin’ trenches in Turkey, but it’s the only way. Government’s dividing crown land to the returning soldiers. Mum, holdin’ a lease an’ not payin’ the taxes, has to be top of the list for cutting up the homestead. If she’s got two sons back from the war, it’s as good insurance as we got that we can keep it. At least if we want to sell the land, we get the profits before the government does.”
“Look, Will an’ me been around this whole thing two, three times over and we got our plan,” said John. “Sulkin’ ain’t gonna pay the debts, so better start swallowin’ it now.”
John turned to James. “You’re part of this family, too, and Mum needs you.” He cocked his head at Tom. “Talk to him. It’s the only way.”
Tom was still pissed when they curved the ring around the market, the price they got for the wheat not helping. Crops screwed a man one way or another. In drought, a man can’t grow enough for profit; in the wet, a man grows too much and floods the market and drowns the price.
The ding of metal against metal vibrated up from the new railroad line near the center of town, grew louder as they walked. Tom was brooding, halted in mid-stride, twisting his lips. “Damn it. Should have fought for more money.” He turned on his heels. “I’m goin’ back.”
James shoved his hands into his pockets. “He’s not going to budge.”
“Then it’s gonna feel bloody good kickin’ him in the teeth.” As if to prove his point, he kicked a rock, spiraling it into the air. It wasn’t the price of wheat that burned.
James finally asked, “Why you so hot to go to war?”
“Because I’m fuckin’ stuck, mate! I’ve been on the same patch of dirt since I was born.” Tom rarely angered, but his face grew red, then balanced. “I love the land. I do. But scares me t’death to think of never leavin’ it. Just birth an’ death with only cows an’ wheat an’ a few girls to pass the time in between.” He looked at the horses and the old wagon, empty now of its cargo, his eyes bitter. “I’d leave in a heartbeat if it weren’t for the money.”
They walked down the main street, heads low. The sun beat upon their backs, lines of sweat streaking their spines. The railroad shimmered ahead, the glare blurring the metal till it showed white. A row of Chinese swung the giant mallets above saucered hats. Their bodies, bone thin, pounded in synergy, one set raised, the other hammering, over and over again like the pistons of a steam engine. The sharp ding bit into the eardrum, throbbed into the foot’s arch.
James felt Tom’s weariness and the burden of Shelby debt as if it were his own. The hands of poverty tightened around his neck and squeezed with shame that he wasn’t able to help the family that sheltered him. “Evict us. Shamus and me,” James blurted. “The land is sitting idle while you’re paying taxes.”
Tom dismissed it without a pause. “Nothin’ doing.”
“We’ve taken charity long enough. Rent the land or sell it. I’ll drag Shamus off myself.”
Tom grew angry. “Doesn’t matter, James! Nobody’s rentin’; nobody’s buyin’. Land’s going to sit there whether your dad’s there or not. Besides, with you gone, who’d run the stock? You’re worth more than that bum piece of land, three times over.”
The men watched the Chinese hammer under the blistering heat. Tom rattled the loose change in his pockets. “I need a drink.”
“Me too.”
They stepped over the fresh rails, the ground undulating beneath their boots, and passed the co-op to the pub on the corner. Made of old steel drums, bolted, taped and welded together, the pub stunk with confined sweat and spilled beer and was filled with bushmen and farmers—one set coming from the east, the other from the west—converging around sharp liquor.
“Two whiskeys!” Tom ordered, scanned the crowded tin can. “There’s Flanegan and Berkshire.” He raised his glass in greeting to the rough jackeroos from the Baratta Station.
The men grinned as they approached. “Wonderin’ when we’d run into yer ugly mugs!” the giant Flanegan hollered, a trail of whiskey slurring his words.
“Don’t sweet-talk us,” Tom sported. “Your girlfriend’s gonna get jealous.”
They all shook hands, firm and worn palms slapping. Berkshire was quiet, but his smile was silly, his pupils bobbing in ale.
“Sell this mornin’?” Tom asked.
“Sell? Robbed more like it!” Flanegan growled. He was the biggest bloke in the county by a head, a fiery Irishman who held the shearing record for a hundred miles—a man famous for his limited talents: shearing, drinking and brawling.
Berkshire shrugged. “Bloke’s got us by the balls.”
“Yeah.” Flanegan pursed his lips. “Where’s yer brothers, Tom?”
Tom beat the ground with his boot. “Signin’ up.”
“No shit!”
Tom swirled his drink until it splashed over the rim.
Flanegan eyed James. “Still livin’ off the Shelby fat, eh, James-o?”
“Still drinking your baby’s milk money, eh, Flanegan?” James poured the whiskey down his throat in one gulp.
“Damn right!” the man spit darkly. “Sittin’ right along wiv yer dad.”
James slammed the empty glass onto the bar.
“Just jokin’!” Flanegan smacked James roughly on the shoulder, nearly knocking him over. “No worries, eh, James-o?” He hit him in the arm without restraint, his eyes violent above his cock-eyed grin. Flanegan wandered off.
James motioned for another drink, brought it to his lips, drank it empty.
Tom watched his friend. “Easy, mate. You’re not a drinker.”
James ignored him, ordered a third. His arm still ached with Flanegan’s punch and he absently ran his fingers over the spot. He watched the brown bottles of beer and whiskey poured along the bar, saw the bottle that had sat on Shamus’s table. He rubbed the bruise harder and remembered the look on Shamus’s face when he hit him, remembered the drunken gaze that looked no different from Flanegan’s. The buzz of the pub bounced around his ears and he drank, closed his eyes to the pounding thoughts that grew louder and the memories more violent, drank still more. The throng of hammering from the railroad reverberated under the pub, the monotonous ting of metal throbbing his brain like an impending headache.
Flanegan stumbled back through the bar, splashing whiskey from his glass over Tom’s sleeve. “Watch it!” Tom bellowed.
Flanegan slunk between Tom and James, dropping a heavy arm around each neck. “Two drinks fer my mates!” he hollered, his skin wet with sweat and alcohol.
“See those coolies workin’ the line?” Flanegan slobbered. “Look like stinkin’ women with those braids.” His lips were slick. “Hate coolies. Half a mind t’beat ’em wiv those mallets.”
James squeezed the glass in his fingers, thought it might crack. “Leave ’em be.”
“Whot’s that?” Flanegan rattled his head, cocked his ear.
James met the drunk’s gaze straight. “You don’t beat a man for wanting a better life.”
Flanegan paused and then leaned his head back in hard laughter. He whistled and laughed again, so loudly that a few men turned and listened.
James looked at Flanegan through his own growing whiskey cloud. He looked at the sausage fingers, short and stubby as Shamus’s. He tasted blood, his own blood, as he bit his lip with clenched teeth. All the good was leaving, like voices fading down a well, and in their place the flood of anger rose and gripped what it could for growth.
Flanegan raised his glass, his pupils dilated and unfocused in the dim light. “A toast!” he yelled in smeared, cutting speech. “To the coolie-lovin’ mooch . . . may ’is dead mother be proud!”
James smashed his fist into Flanegan’s broad nose before the glass touched his lips. The man’s head stayed tilted with the blow, still stunned. Then his neck twisted, his eyes wild in disbelief. “Why, yeh son of a—”
James pulled back, belted another blow to his jaw. Flanegan fell through the men, the crowded bodies breaking his fall and thrusting him upright. James jumped at him, the skin across his knuckles breaking as he punched the bones of the man’s face—as he punched Shamus, the drought, the charity, the debts, the deaths, the plow, the loss, the pity and the void. And Flanegan returned the blows, fist for fist, grunt for grunt, across tables and broken glass.
In a rush of adrenaline James heard Tom curse, “Aw, Christ!” Heard men hold him back and shout, “Leave ’em be. ’Tis a fair fight!” And then another voice: “Fair or not, get ’em outta here ’fore they break the place!”
Between punches, their bodies were shoved out into the sun, where they landed in the dust. James rose, but Flanegan kneed him in the side, sent him to the ground with stupefying pain, then raised him by the shirt collar and held him tight as he landed two pummels to the side of the head. The fighters grabbed at each other, their fists slipping in blood, but now unobstructed by the pub confines, Flanegan used his full strength. And with one final blow to the head, James didn’t see the ground, just fell into blackness as his head bounced off of it.
“Roll up your coat and put it under his head,” John’s voice echoed from a long tunnel.
James tried to open his eyes, but the right one sealed tight, the other opened a crack, the narrow slits of light instant intruders. His head felt as large as a watermelon.
James saw stars. Real stars that stretched and bounced, then doubled and blurred. He closed one eye, the other still glued shut, and the blackness spun in his head and the sour whiskey swirled in his stomach and tipped the earth. He rolled on scraps of hay till he nearly fell off the dray’s boards. James threw up over the side, his bruised ribs tortured with each hurl.
“Sunshine’s up,” said John from the driver’s seat.
James rolled on his back, his head bouncing over the unweighted wagon, each thump an anvil to the skull.
“Sit up.” Tom pushed his shoulders from behind. “Look good in purple, James.”
James squinted and pressed his hand to his ribs. Tom grinned, a bloody handkerchief against a split lip, his nose crusted black at each nostril.
“What happened to you?” James croaked.
“Fell onto Flanegan’s fist.” John chuckled.
Tom laughed, winced as the lip reopened. “Not gonna sit by while they make pulp outta my mate.”
James thought he might throw up again. “I can fight my own battles.”
John laughed. “Yeah, we can see that.”
“Good thing Tom’s an idiot. He saved your arse,” Will added. “We come back from the office an’ Tom’s bleedin’ like a busted pipe but got his arm around Flanegan and Berkshire, singin’ their hearts out.”
Tom crooned with tone-deaf acumen:
“On hill and plain the clust’ring vine
Is gushin’ out with purple wine . . .
And cups are quaffed to thee and thine—Australia!”
Is gushin’ out with purple wine . . .
And cups are quaffed to thee and thine—Australia!”
He held his heart in mock sentiment and placed a hand on James’s shoulder, and even in his pain James cracked a smile. “See! Irish can’t stay mad when a drunk is singing to him. Even a drongo like Flanegan.” Tom stuffed the handkerchief deeper into his nostril.
Hours later, under a full moon, the wagon pulled into the homestead. James held his head between his hands, trying to keep it from exploding. John pulled up and looked at the lights in the window. “Here we go.”
The brothers dragged James toward the house. John pulled the door open with his foot and let it slam behind them. The children were at the table eating, their forks hovering in their fingers as James came into view. Gracie cried out. Mrs. Shelby spun from the stove, her mouth open before pinching closed. “Girls, go get some towels!” she ordered. The children sat dumb with staring.
“Out with you!” she hollered. “Scoot!”
The children knocked into one another as they fled.
John cleared his throat, hit James on the back. “Aw, Mum, should have seen James here. Took on the biggest bloke in the county! Brute causin’ a load a trouble b’fore he stepped in.”
“Put him here.” Mrs. Shelby pulled out a chair and filled a pot of water, the boys fidgeting under her rare silence.
Will spoke up nervously. “Yeah, bloke had it comin’. Looks worse than James for sure.”
Mrs. Shelby pushed past them. The three brothers glanced at one another and waited.
“Go help the girls.” Mrs. Shelby knelt in front of James, picked up his chin and examined his face.
“He’s orright, Mum,” Tom noted. “More blood than anything else.”
She whirled her head. “Get out! All of you!” Mrs. Shelby watched them leave. “Raised a bunch of idiots, I did.” She turned to James, began cleaning his cut cheek, applying pressure against the opening. “You proud of yourself?”
James winced under the sting of words, of water on open flesh.
“Feel good to you, eh?” she asked. “Taking your fist to somebody’s face? Getting your own smashed in? Drown yourself in drink. Makes it all better then, eh?”
James looked at her with his one bloated eye, then lowered it.
“You’re better than this, James.” She sank the cloth back into the water, the blood clouding it pink. “I’d expect this from my boys. Not from you. Your mother be turnin’ over in her grave.”
He pulled his face away. “Tess wasn’t my mother.”
“I know.” She paused. “I was talkin’ about your real mother.”
“How’d you know?”
“Any blind fool could tell!” she fumed. “You’re about as different from Shamus in feature an’ temperament as a man could be!”
She picked up the cloth again. “I got to know your auntie pretty well. Knew Tess was sick ’fore Shamus did. She told me you weren’t their son by birth, how they adopted you.”
His face loosened, his body grew limp, the weight of whiskey heavy against his thoughts.
“That woman loved you, James.” Her voice faltered. “It’d be torture for her to see what you did to yourself—what Shamus did to you.”
“She’s dead because of me.” A cracked rib stabbed his lung; he didn’t flinch.
“That’s a lie! Tess had cancer, James! All over her insides, you hear me? She had six miscarriages because of it. You were the only thing that kept that woman alive as long as she was. You! She knew she was dyin’—knew she was dyin’ before she left Ireland. Said you were the only thing that kept her fightin’ for life each day. You!”
Mrs. Shelby took his battered face roughly in her fingers. “You listen to me, James, an’ you listen good. You have a choice in this life. You can let the anger an’ the grief eat your insides out. You can drink that anger till it poisons everybody around you. That’s what Shamus done. He’s a damn coward, James!”
Her hand turned gentle and her eyes glistened, but she spoke firmly. “You got choices, James. What are you gonna bring to this world . . . peace or suffering?”
She wrung out the cloth in the pan, the water dark red now. “Go on to bed.”
James hobbled to the library, collapsed onto the couch. Breathing came from the room’s corner and he turned to see Charlotte, sobbing. “Why’d they hurt you, Jamesie?” she asked, her chin wrinkled as an old apple.
The tears stomped his heart. “I was an idiot, Charlotte. Nobody’s fault but my own.”
The little girl frowned so greatly that her whole face pulled down. “I got scaret when I saw you. Real scaret. Thought you was dead.”
Shame lit through him like a match and he looked down at his torn, bloodied hands and he saw the choice, saw it clear and bold, felt it down to his marrow.
John and Will entered the room and turned the girl by the shoulders. “Off to bed, little one.” Charlotte nodded and left.
“Mum alone?” asked Will. James nodded and the boys squared their shoulders and went to the kitchen.
James lay on the sofa in the dark, his head pulsing with words and pain. Voices wafted from the kitchen, too muffled to discern. John spoke mostly, Will on occasion. Mrs. Shelby’s voice lay mute.
By and by, the chairs scratched the floor. The kitchen door opened. John and Will’s footsteps climbed the hall to their room, dull and burdened. The house grew still for a long while. Finally, another chair scratched, followed by the sound of soft shoes on carpet. The lamps in the hallway wound low, turned off. The hinge to the front door squeaked, and through the library window James saw Mrs. Shelby step out onto the moonlit verandah. With her back turned, the woman leaned against the railing, her large weight sinking to her palms. Her head tilted and rested on the porch beam. Her hands clasped her mouth. Below her burning hair, a neck bent and wide shoulders crumpled.