| |
1. It was Nathaniel.
2. He stumbled the proposal and my father finished for him.
3. Instead of a nice dinner out and a ring, my mother made him dinner at our house and he asked during the salad course. No ring.
4. Nathaniel wears yellow socks.
5. I’m pretty sure he snores.
6. Mallory would murder me if I said yes.
7. Nathaniel is dead.
I mean seriously??? A zombie? How’s a nice Jewish girl supposed to respond? Sure, I’m his last hope for a nice relationship because every other girl has either turned him down or waived a crucifix at him. I get that. Really. But did he need to tell me I was his last choice?
So, you know, not only would he not ask me out if I were the last girl on the planet, he literally wouldn’t ask me out unless I was the last girl on the planet who hadn’t said no and he was dead.
That’s just cruel.
And having my parents there? Is it too much to ask for a real proposal? You know, a romantic moonlit walk on the beach...
Or a day at the museum, followed by a luscious dinner.
Something impressive.
Sweet potato latkes are tasty, but they aren’t romantic. Not when you help make them and have to wash the dishes afterward. And not when the best compliment of the evening is a dead guy telling you you’re very obedient.
Obedient? Gosh, Nathaniel! That’s just what every girl wants to hear!
You know. When they’re three >.<
Not when they’re twenty-four and the only single girl in the whole freakin’ town. Single, and living in my parent’s attic.
Anne Frank never had it this bad. Right now, I’d welcome a world war.
Anything to keep nosey Mrs. S from dropping by tomorrow for breakfast when she will, I guarantee, casually grab my hand, intending to inspect the rock.
Boy is she in for a surprise.
You know what I have instead of a ring? A bracelet. One of Nathaniel’s. From the hospital. And his original toe tag. So I could be near him or something? I have no clue. It was creepy. I wanted to set fire to him but my mom grabbed the candles before I could.
Back-stabbing mother! Does she really want a half-rotted corpse as a son-in-law? Is she actually that desperate?
I’ve got to move out. It’s the only logical choice. I need to go find my own place and find someone else to date. Someone who isn’t dead.