The farm had kept Noah busy in the last few days. So much so that other than a passing wave I hadn’t seen him since our dinner.
Even though I hadn’t known him for long, I missed his company. To top that off it was that time of the month and I was hormonal. My emotions were running high and nostalgia pangs hit hard.
Thoughts of my shop kept sneaking into my conscious, reminding me of what I’d lost. Not just my business, but my friends, family and those regular customers who had grown to be more than that. I missed people, the sounds of the city, and even traffic.
I pushed the last tray of cupcakes into the oven when my phone rang causing me to jump. A ringing phone was a rarity these days and was another thing I missed. Catching it before it vibrated off the table, I swiped to answer, seeing the strong handsome face of Warwick. This was the first call I’d had from him since buying my new phone and joy mixed with sadness, swirling with some nerves and regret, all leaving me feeling a little bit unwell.
“Hello,” I trilled, a fake smile in my voice.
I listened as Warwick’s deep soothing voice boomed into my ear and I waited for the thrill I should feel upon hearing it. I liked Warwick. In fact, I liked him a lot, but recently I realized liking someone wasn’t enough. I wanted more.
Like the sizzle my brain feels whenever I see Noah?
“Hey Tilly.” He sounded as if the happiness in his voice was fake too. “How’s life at Dun Roamin’?”
“It’s been interesting.” I brought him up to date with all my latest dramas. He oohed and aahed in all the right places, and I began to think that maybe thrills were overrated. “How’s life in Westport?” I asked.
I heard his sigh loud in my ear. “I’m sorry I haven’t called for a while.” His tone was heavy. “But I’ve been in hospital.”
I sucked in a fast breath. “Why? What’s wrong?” Warwick and I may not have been close recently, but he was a good guy and I hated the thought that anything bad had happened to him.
“I’m sorry to tell you like this, Tilly, but...I’ve been shot,” he said, quietly.
Shock shook me all the way to my toes. “What? How?”
“Calm down. I’m okay. Well...I will be.”
“What happened? Tell me!”
“You know how I told you Sarg had us playing bodyguard?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, turns out it wasn’t unfounded. The guy was a psychopath and got the better of me.”
“Are you really okay, though? Where did you get hurt?”
“I was lucky. He shot me in the stomach, but none of my vital organs were damaged. I’ll live.”
“You don’t sound okay to me, Warwick,” I said gently.
He took a moment to reply. “It’s just, well...if the bullet had been another inch to the left it would have been a different story. I’m happy it wasn’t,” he quickly added, “but an inch isn’t a lot. I know this job comes with danger, but I never really thought I would come this close to...” He didn’t finish.
“I’m really sorry this happened to you.” I held back the tears. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No. I’m just having a hard time reconciling it all. We train for this stuff, but you know, when it happens...it’s a whole different thing.”
I could imagine.
“I should be released tomorrow. Doctors are happy with my progress, but the psychologists are saying I need some more work.” He gave a hollow laugh.
“I’ll come and visit you! I’ll bring you a batch of your favorite cherry ripe cupcakes.”
“No! Please don’t!” he almost shouted. “I’m sorry Tilly. My head isn’t in a good place at the moment. I don’t want to pull you into this.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“I am sorry. I’ve been thinking a lot these last few days. I’ve been thinking a lot about us.” He paused. “I think we should take a break for a while. I really do have feelings for you, Tilly, but this has been life changing for me. I’m not even sure if I want to return to the police force or whether I want to buy a plane ticket and go and live on a desert island somewhere. I have no idea how long it will take me to feel normal again. Until I do, I can’t even think of a relationship, and you deserve better than that.”
I gulped. “You’ve been through a lot. You just need to take your time and not rush any decisions.”
“You sound like my psychologist,” he replied, with a sad sounding chuckle.
“She must be a sensible woman then.” I smiled despite the fact I was being dumped.
“Are you okay?” he asked me.
“You’re the one who’s been shot!”
“But right now, you’re the one I’m worried about.”
“I’ll be fine. I mean, don’t get me wrong. After we end this call, I will cry my heart out and eat chocolate and cupcakes, but otherwise I’ll be fine.” I was going for upbeat. Warwick had enough to worry about.
“You’re a star. Thanks, Tilly.” He sounded genuine.
I sighed. Even though I hadn’t been feeling the thrill a love affair should give, he was a good person and I would miss his company. “Can we stay friends?” I asked.
“I’d love that.”
We stayed on the line chatting for another five minutes, and even though I left Warwick laughing, I knew inside he was a different man. I just didn’t know what I could do to help him, other than bow out of the relationship gracefully.
After we said our goodbyes, I pulled my feet up under me on the chair and hugged my knees. A sadness settled into my heart, but at the same time I felt a lightness, a freeness, and guilt for feeling those last two things. Loss and loneliness competed for attention, and despite the hot air I felt cold. Unexpected tears prickled and my nose started to tingle. Indulging in a moment of self-pity I allowed the tears to turn to sobs as anxiety and remorse consumed me.
It was the buzzer on the oven dinging that reminded me of the time. I straightened my back, held my head high, found the tissues, and swiped at my tears
“That’s enough Tilly,” I told myself, blowing my nose. “It’s time to pull yourself together.” Yeah, well that was easier said than done.
I’d only just turned off the oven to save the delicious smelling cakes from the heat, when there was a knock on the door.
I turned to see Noah, his hands shoved into his pockets, his forehead wrinkled as he cleared his throat.
“Are you okay, Tilly?”
“Oh, I’m fine,” I waved my hand dismissively and did my best to sniff discreetly.
“You sure?” Noah studied my face. “You seem upset.”
I sighed. “Warwick got shot,” I blurted. And dumped me, but I didn’t add that.
Noah raised his eyebrows. “Whoa.” He dropped his hat on the table, and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing a lock of golden blonde strands from his forehead.
A butterfly emerged from its cocoon in my stomach.
I willed the butterfly to leave the rest of his family safely at home, but I could feel them twitching, wanting to make their escape, and adding desire to my already overloaded emotions was not a good idea.
Distracted, my mind a mess, I forgot the oven mitt as I lifted a hot tray from the rack. “Ouch!” I screamed as the heat seared its way into my skin.
Noah rushed closer, taking my hand in his and led me to the sink. Turning the cold tap on, he pushed my hand under the water. “Keep it under the running water,” he said, gently stroking my wrist. My emotions went into overload as his thumb left a soothing trail.
“I’m s...s...sorry,” I stammered, holding back the tears. “That was stupid of me.” I sniffed. “Just me racking up another notch on the list of stupid things Tilly does.”
“You’d just had a shock. It’s understandable.” His fingers curled around mine as he removed the cool pack. “Let’s see what the damage is, hey?” Already the skin was red and aggravated, and I knew it would blister.
He inhaled at the sight of it. “I think you should see the doctor about this, Tilly.”
“It’ll be okay,” I replied, gently pulling my hand from his. “It’s not the first time I’ve burned myself.” I was going to add it probably wouldn’t be the last, but I didn’t need to fuel his perception of my ineptitude.
“First time or not, we’re going,” he replied adamantly.
“We?”
“Do you know where the doctor is?”
I shook my head. “I don’t need to know though. My hand is fine.” My hand was stinging beyond belief.
“You know it’s important to get a burn looked at as quickly as possible, so come on. Don’t argue.”
I opened my mouth to do just that, but Noah quietened me with just one word. “Please.”
“I need to go to Westport soon,” I said to Noah as we patiently sat in the surgery waiting room.
“Why’s that?”
“I need some cake decorating supplies that Monty doesn’t have, plus I want to get some things I’ve stored in Mum’s garage. And I need more wool for Ethel’s jumper because I’ve decided to get creative. Monty only has the one color.”
“If you can wait until tomorrow, I’ll go with you. Gramps has an appointment with the specialist.”
My heart gave a jump. “Is he okay?”
“Yeah. He’s due for his two-year colonoscopy.” He pulled a face. “Doctors don’t get paid enough if you ask me.”
I was just thinking about what kind of doctor signed up for that job when the doctor I was waiting for called my name.
“Do you want me to come in with you?” Noah asked.
“I’ll be fine,” I replied and the receptionist gave me a huge smile. Judging by the wide eyes and dreamy expression her teenage eyes held, she was enjoying staring at Noah.
“Hello Tilly.” The doctor held his hand out. “I’m Doctor Drew Collins.” His hair was disheveled and his shirt was untucked, and I figured his morning so far had been a hard one.
“Pleased to meet you,” I said. “And I’m sorry to be wasting your time. Noah just overreacted to a burn I gave myself.”
“Well, you let me be the judge of that,” he replied kindly, leading the way to a treatment room. “Take a seat and let me have a looksee.”
His salt and pepper hair fringe flopped over his eye as he bent to look at my left hand.
“Ooh you’ve done a good job on that, haven’t you?” He winced. “I’m going to cover it up for you with these medicated strips,” he said as he reached into a drawer. “They’ll make the burn heal faster. Have some Panadol when you get home. It’ll take the edge off the pain.”
I flinched as he dressed the burn.
“How are you finding life on the farm?” he asked as he worked.
“It’s okay. Some days are better than others.”
“It was a sad day when I got the call from Noah about Matilda.”
“Did you know her well?”
“Oh yes. Not that she frequented my surgery often. She kept herself pretty healthy.”
“What did she die from then?”
“The body just wears out, Tilly. One day it just had enough. It was Matilda’s time.” He covered my hand with a bandage.
“Doctor Drew, do you believe in ghosts?” I asked him when he was all done.
“Not the kind that haunts houses and hurts people no, but I do believe that the spirit can remain in a place they loved for some time. Why do you ask?”
“I feel her. In the house. Mostly in her room and Clifford has the awful habit of sitting in front of the kitchen sink staring into thin air, wagging his tail.”
“Does it bother you?”
I had to think about my reply. “I guess not. Not now. It did at first, but I’m kind of getting used to it.”
“She’ll move on. When she’s ready, she’ll move on. If she’s still there she has a reason. Knowing Matilda, it’ll be to make sure you’re feeding all the animals properly. You are doing that, aren’t you?”
“Yes. Wally helps me.”
Doctor Drew chuckled. “So, I’ve heard.”
I chose not to question exactly what he had heard about Wally’s and my misadventures. Instead, I thanked him profusely for his time and made my way back to Noah.