I’d heard the car in the driveway long before I heard the faint knock on the door. My body ached, but I ignored it and shuffled toward the door. On the new steps that Noah had built was the outline of a man in a suit who was nervously flipping his briefcase from one hand to the other.
“Hello.” I pushed the screen door open, forcing a smile. The serious face of Gregory Blackburn looked back at me.
“Tilly. I heard what happened. I’m so sorry.”
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about. You didn’t do anything.” I gave him a weak smile and stepped aside for him to enter.
“But I’m sorry you got hurt. You could have lost your life.”
That thought had been dogging my nightmares.
“How are you holding up? Are you okay?” he asked, the crease line on his brow deepening.
“I will be.” I smiled to alleviate his concern. “Would you like a coffee?” I asked him as I led the way to the kitchen, attempting to lighten the mood.
“That would be great. It’s a fair drive from Westport.”
“What brings you here today?” I asked, moving to fill the kettle as Greg put his briefcase on the table and sat himself down.
“I’m here on business.”
“Oh?” My stomach flipped and nerves started to jingle. I had this fear he would one day turn up and tell me this was all a big mistake.
“When you asked me who Matilda’s executor was, it made me start to think. I wondered if there was anything Bronwyn Brown hadn’t been able to do in regards to the will. So, I paid her a visit.”
“It’s really nice of you to go out of your way like that.”
“Nah, she’s a lovely lady, so it wasn’t a hardship.” He smiled and opened his briefcase. Retrieving an envelope, he placed it on the table.
I frowned as I moved toward him.
“Her daughter had completed everything which needed to be completed, but she had forgotten to forward you this.”
He slid the envelope toward me and I immediately recognized Matilda’s loopy handwriting. My stomach fluttered as I read my name.
“Thank you,” I said, my thumb sliding over the dry surface of the paper as I detected the faint scent of Chanel number 5.
Greg’s intense stare seemed to be checking if I was okay, so I pushed the unexpected sting of tears aside, pulled my shoulders back and smiled.
“I’ll open that later. It’s waited this long so another hour won’t hurt.”
Greg nodded solemnly and questions I had for him niggled my conscience.
“Greg, it’s come to my attention that you might have a conflict of interest in all of this.”
His right eyebrow cocked. “Are you referring to my relationship with Blake?”
I nodded.
He sighed. “I spoke to Matilda about it when I took over from my grandfather. I explained everything to her and recommended another solicitor. But she was adamant that she wanted to stay with me. She’d known my grandfather since he passed the Bar. She trusted him and felt that if he was happy for me to take the reins then so was she. I promise you Tilly that as much as Blake’s work is important to me, I never once influenced Matilda’s decisions. Besides, I wouldn’t have stood a chance even if I had. Matilda was a force to be reckoned with.”
I smiled. That was one way to describe her.
I waved him goodbye. I felt the warm breeze as it swirled gently, silently opening the door to Matilda’s room before embracing me in a hug. The heady scent of a floral bouquet filled my senses and a feeling of calm overwhelmed me. I smiled and went to the kitchen, where I made myself a cup of tea in Matilda’s fine china cup and then sat at the table, ready to spend some time in her thoughts.
Clifford sat across my feet as I slid my finger under the seal and revealed the subtle pink writing paper, her words laid out in front of me.
Dearest Tilly
My wish for you is that you will love Dun Roamin’ as much as I did. That you will love the animals, find peace within them that you haven’t yet found within yourself. The land gets under your skin and into your blood. It was my home and I hope it will be yours. But you need time, and it is my hope that within the twelve months I have given you, you will find what you have been searching for.
I’ve watched you from a distance over the years. Your father Paul allowed me to be a small part of your life for a while.
The day he knocked on my door and announced he was my grandson was a true blessing. He told me he was expecting a child - a girl, and over the following months we became friends.
You are the first female Lockhart since myself and I knew even before you were born that you were going to be special.
I was touched when Paul suggested you take my name.
Don’t be mad at him, Tilly. Paul wanted me to be a part of the family that I never had. Only I refused. You see, the truth about my child could still hurt the one man I loved with all my heart, the one I sacrificed it all for.
Of course, I never forgave myself for not leaving Dun Roamin’ to raise my child alone, but really the choice wasn’t mine. My brother never loved the farm. He never loved the land. He felt trapped here, whereas I felt free. Father couldn’t lose both of us and I couldn’t lose Dun Roamin’ as well as the man whose child I was carrying.
With Paul’s help I got to watch you grow though. I got to be a part of your life, even if you didn’t know it. I know that as you are reading this, I have gone, but the truth can still hurt many.
With this, I ask for your forgiveness and for your silence. Family is everything, and it needs to be protected. Even when that family isn’t your own. Archie never knew the truth. He had his own family to protect and my secrets could have destroyed it all.
This was no one’s fault but mine. I made my own destiny and I made peace with my choices.
I’ve done my best over the years to keep Dun Roamin’ going, through the droughts and the floods. I love it. It’s part of who I am. Which is why I have given it to you. You’re a lot like me.
I’m sure you feel like you don’t belong to the family at times – I felt the same. I was always the odd one out and I’m sure father wished that Milton had stayed and I had been the one to leave, but like I said the farm was in my blood in the same way it wasn’t in Milton’s.
I know you’ll do what’s right, Tilly. I know that in time you too will love Dun Roamin’. The sounds of the wind whipping across the plain, the smell of the dust and the feel of the hot dry air against your skin. It becomes a part of you that you can’t leave.
I know you have what it takes to see it to the next generation. Believe in yourself like I believe in you.
You’re a Lockhart and you’re special.
With all the love in my heart
Your great grandmother,
Matilda xo
I stood in the hallway of my childhood home, momentarily closing my eyes. Unease swirled inside me as I considered the awkward conversation I was about to have with my dad, and I hated the feeling.
My fingers curled around Matilda’s letter tucked into my pocket, giving me the strength to move forward. I hated fighting with my dad. He was a formidable opponent, but the letter had given me an understanding of the relationship he had with Matilda, and I always believed that if you understood others, you had a much better chance at a resolution. I still needed to hear him explain why he withheld her from us, to settle the unease I felt.
Taking a deep breath, I made my way toward his home office.
My childhood home wasn’t stately. It was in a suburban housing estate with an average size yard, but it was on the right side of town, and was perfectly maintained. Mum’s job was an interior designer and her home showed it. The minimal clutter, white walls and perfectly placed throw cushions created a scene that was magazine worthy, yet it lacked the feeling of home.
My friends had always been envious because we’d had a swimming pool, yet I was always envious of the relaxed, cozy atmosphere their homes had given. Still, I wasn’t complaining. I’d had a good childhood.
Dad was finishing a phone call as I popped my head around the door and gave him a smile.
He waved that he would be a second, and gave his full attention to his caller.
Dad was fifty last birthday, but didn’t look a day over forty. He had sandy blonde hair which he kept cut close, big blue eyes (which he used to his advantage at every chance he needed to) and kept his body at amateur athlete performance levels. He also had an air of authority which was good when you ran business training sessions. When up against a difficult businessman, Dad would pull himself up to his full height of six foot four and bat his puppy dog eyes. The poor man didn’t stand a chance. They were either scared or charmed. Either way Dad got the upper hand.
He ended his call and turned a full smile toward me. I moved toward him, giving him a hello kiss on the cheek.
“Tilly!” He stood and pulled me in close, and held me tight. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine,” I mumbled, enjoying the security only a dad can give. “I told you at the hospital that I’m okay.”
He grabbed my shoulders and held me at arm’s length, his eyes rapidly assessing my condition.
“Are you really okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a few bruises and they’re healing pretty fast. And I’m going to see the psychologist like you recommended.”
“Good.”
He once again pulled me close and I had to swallow hard to dispel the emotion the hug caused. We weren’t a family to show our feelings of love, and habit had me hiding how I really felt to him. If the speed of his heartbeat was any indication, he was doing the same thing I was.
“Now, what are you doing here?” He hurriedly released his hold, and sat back at his desk. He only faced me once the emotion had retreated.
“Oh, I was in the area and thought I’d pop in.” It wasn’t a complete lie. This was just the first important stop I had to make today. Later I was visiting Bronwyn to collect Matilda’s ashes, but I pushed that thought down and smiled at Dad.
“At this time of day?” It was seven thirty in the morning and it was true I’d had an early start, but I hadn’t been able to sleep much so why waste time tossing and turning, when I could be hitting my problems head on?
“Can’t a girl pop in to see her parents once in a while? And anyway, I missed you at Aunt Christine’s birthday party. I haven’t heard how your holiday was.” I forced myself to sit in the armchair opposite him. Too many emotions caused my body to be antsy and it wanted movement.
“Oh, don’t remind me. Peru wasn’t the kindest to me.” He laughed a hollow laugh, his eyes wide, scanning me from head to toe.
“But you had a good time?”
He nodded. “Yeah, we did. Still can’t believe we won it though.”
We were making idle chit chat, but we both knew why I was really here.
No point putting it off any longer.
I pulled Matilda’s letter from my pocket and handed it to him. He paused before accepting it.
“What’s this?”
“Read it.”
He gave an almost unperceivable gulp as his fingers opened the envelope. As he read the letter, I studied him, knowing exactly what words he was up to by his micro expressions. Once he’d finished, he carefully folded the paper up and handed it back to me.
The sound of the clock ticking loudly competed with the beating of my heart, as I confronted him.
“Why did you lie to me about her?”
“I’m sorry, Tilly.” His eyes downturned, looking at his hands.
That threw me. Dad never apologized for anything.
“I didn’t tell anyone the truth about her. Not even your mother.”
“But why? I know that Matilda told you not to, but we’re family.”
His sigh was long and loud as he sank backward into his chair. For the first time I noticed the dark rings under his eyes and saw how tired he really was.
My heart squeezed.
“I wanted to. But you didn’t know Matilda. She was kind and compassionate, but she was also strong willed.”
I gave him the silence to get lost in the memory for a moment, before saying, “Yeah, I’m getting to know that about her.”
“You’re a lot like her in that way. You never did want to listen when I told you what you should and shouldn’t be doing. You always wanted to learn the hard way.”
“Dad, let’s not get into my failings, okay?”
He gave me an assessing look. “You’ve never failed, Tilly.”
“Really? That’s not what you and Mum said when my shop closed.”
“I never said you failed. I said you had poor management skills, and you do. But when you learn something in life, it’s not a failure.”
My muscles tensed as the desire to pace the room was almost overwhelming, but I took a deep breath and got the conversation back onto the track where I needed it.
“You haven’t explained why you lied about Matilda.”
He took a long breath before speaking. “I visited her and told her about all of us, asking her to be a part of our lives. But she was stubborn. She told me that she would leave you the farm in her will one day, but if I told anyone of our relationship, she would make sure that everything went to the Arts Society. You would have had nothing.”
“This isn’t about money!” I yelled. “Why is everything about money with you?”
“Because whether you like it or not Tilly, a fact of life is that you need it.” He stood, towering over me. “You need money to put food on the table, to enjoy it. It gives you a security and stops you worrying about life. It’s a fact you could never get a grip on.”
“But I’m doing fine!” I yelled, matching his pose.
His look was skeptical.
“Okay, I’ve had a few mishaps and things haven’t always turned out the way they should have, but I’ve given it a go. And despite what you think, I do know the importance of money.”
“No, you don’t. Not fully.”
“Anyway, some things are more important than money,” I argued. “I wouldn’t have cared about the inheritance. I would have preferred to know my great grandmother. We could have had a relationship.”
“You did know her.”
I scoffed.
“You did! I told you stories about her all the time. She paid for your education, the pool in the backyard, even that school excursion you went on to the snow. You even have some of her things.”
“What? You paid for all those things.”
He ran his hands through his hair, his skin pale. “No. She gave me the money for it. All of it. She wanted to do it and it made her happy. I make an alright living Tilly, but I could never afford those kinds of things.”
I suddenly felt wrong footed.
“I didn’t need a pool or snow holidays, Dad. I would have preferred to know Matilda.”
He swallowed hard. “You needed an education, and she gave you the chance to have the best Westport could offer.”
I shook my head wanting this new information to fall into place so that I could truly understand it. “But...Mum would have known about it. And she swears she didn’t know about Matilda.”
“She didn’t. I told her the money came from a good business deal. She had no reason to doubt me.”
Shock pushed me to sit in the nearest chair as I digested what I’d just been told.
“Do you remember the stories I used to tell you about the elderly woman at work? Do you remember me telling you about Tilda?”
“Of course, I do. She would send me little things of hers, like that really ugly doll, and those red sparkly shoes I used to tap together like Dorothy. I still have them all.” Dad had often made us laugh with anecdotes of what Tilda got up to. Oh wait! “You said she was the cleaner!”
His shoulder slumped as he put his head into his hands.
“I’m sorry Tilly, I wanted to tell you and your mother the truth, but this was her offer. She could give you the security that I was afraid I couldn’t give you. I couldn’t take the risk.”
“But you’re her rightful heir. If she’d have left the farm to the Arts Society you could have contested it,” I pushed.
Dad shook his head. “This way was so much cleaner. So much safer. It’s the way she wanted it.”
Dad looked so defeated that I could no longer argue. And what was the point? Matilda was gone. I couldn’t bring her back. All I could do now was to move forward in the way she wanted and honor her memory the way she deserved.