Sunday
Melodie tapped her fingers restlessly on the marble counter, waiting for the coffee to brew. Both Daniel and Annie were still asleep, but rest proved a stranger to her most of the night. Last night would've been the most perfect night of her life, but concerns over Daniel's withdrawal, the dark circles and worry lines that creased his ruggedly handsome face kept her worried enough to prevent restful sleep. Oh, he'd been totally attentive while they made love but as they tried to sleep afterwards… She shuddered remembering the way his body jerked from what she assumed was a nightmare. The tormented look on his face as he endured whatever horrors played out behind his closed lids saddened her. She wanted to help him. Had offered to do so, if he would just let her.
Today.
Today she would press him to tell her the truth about the nightmares and promise him she'd see a specialist about her infertility. She would invite him to come with her and ask that she be allowed to come to counseling with him. They could be there for each other—find their own little slice of happiness in this world.
The hissing and gurgling from the coffeepot signaled the completion of the brewing cycle. "Thank God." A moment later the strong, hot beverage washed over her taste buds and heated the stone pit resting heavily in her stomach.
Unable to put it off any longer, as she didn't want Annie to be awake for this conversation, she poured him a cup and slowly made her way back to the bedroom.
The rock in her stomach did a flip-flop as she drank in the magnificent sight of Daniel. His body, a picture of perfection. The frown on his face and the deep furrow of his forehead indicated his mind was in turmoil. The ache in her heart intensified until the pressure in her chest stole her ability to breathe. The pure, agonizing realization washed over her. For the first time in her life, she'd allowed herself to fall in love. Her love for him demanded she try to help him get better. Though she thought it would be hard to argue against the merit of nightmare-free sleep, she wanted to avoid the same mistakes her mother had made by defining better for him. Pulling him down a road she'd never traversed would be wrong, but offering to walk with him would be better.
The smell of fresh coffee worked its magic, and a few minutes after entering the room, his long lashes fluttered open. His crystal blue eyes lit up as he came to awareness. "You brought me coffee in bed?"
She handed him the cup and smiled at the look of relief settling over his handsome face as he took the first few sips.
The lump in her stomach defied gravity and slid into her throat. She didn't want to mess this up. "I know I said it last night, but I don't think I had your full attention. Thank you for everything you've done for me and for my family. You have given so much of yourself, and we've shared so much of our pain. I've never felt a connection to another person like I have to you, almost from the moment I bumped into you on the plane."
He nodded but didn't smile. Not good. "I don't know how I can repay you for showing me how to live life and to face my dragons, even if you had to knock them down to size for me first."
Daniel set his cup on the table next to the bed and lifted her hand to kiss the back. "We've been good for each other."
She didn't like his use of the past tense. "Agreed, and I see not only a good future together but a great one." When he looked away from her, the lump in her stomach tripled in size. Placing her cup next to his, she reached out to touch his shoulder. The tension in the muscles clearly indicated he was anything but relaxed. "I know something is bothering you. I suspect your nightmares have returned. Talk to me. We'll figure this out together."
"There's nothing to talk about. This is something I have to work out on my own."
She blinked rapidly to stop the tears accumulating from slipping down her cheek. "No, you don't. I thought I was going to have to deal with my physical problems alone, but you offered to help me. I was thinking this morning as the coffee was brewing. We can set up an appointment for a specialist for me, and we can find someone to meet with, together, to help you through your challenges. I know they're not the same, but we both have things we need to deal with. Won't it be better to do it together?"
The nervous tension inside her body overwhelmed her small frame and escaped into the air from her admission. Waiting wasn't one of her strong suits either. Would her words get through?
Daniel's eyes hardened as he slid out of bed. "I appreciate the concern, Mel, really I do, but it's not necessary. I'm fine."
Following his lead, she moved to stand on the opposite side of the bed. "You told me the other day I needed to tell the truth, even if it hurt. Maybe you should follow your own advice. I may have a lot to learn when it comes to people, but I've developed a pretty good understanding of you. You're not sleeping, you've been withdrawn, and last night I watched you suffer through a nightmare. You are anything but fine, Daniel."
His body tensed, and the warmth drained from his eyes. "You have no right to judge me. You can't possibly understand what I'm going through."
She nodded. "You're right. I can't. But I want to understand—want to help you. Isn't that what people who love each other do?" Dear God, that's not how she wanted to profess her love for him.
* * *
Daniel's eyes widened. "You're trying to guilt me into therapy by telling me you love me?" That may be the lowest trick in the book anyone had every tried on him.
She shook her head as the tears began to fall. "I'm not trying to guilt you into anything. You want to define 'whatever this is'? Well, I can't answer for you, but for me this is love. That's right. I love you, Daniel. Because I love you, I want to share in life with you, both the good and the bad. You've given me a little of each along with a healthy dose of wonderful. Now I want to be there for you."
She loved him. Shit. He really didn't deserve that. She was everything he was not. Oh, he tried to be a good father, a good soldier, a good friend, but he'd failed. Annie had been growing up with an alcoholic mother while he was off fighting a war. He'd followed orders and demanded the same from the men who reported to him. His orders, his choices, had directly resulted in three men losing their lives. Last, but certainly not least, his green-eyed sexy wallflower had blossomed into the amazing woman standing in front of him telling him she loved him. He couldn't risk bringing her down with him. No. It was going to be hard enough holding himself together for Annie and making sure he didn't screw her up. He refused to take that chance. "You can't be there for me."
His heart began to break off into tiny pieces, cutting into his very soul at the sadness permeating the entire room. "I can. You just have to let me."
Whether she would ever believe him or not, he was doing this for her own good. "You can't because I'm leaving."