After I hung up with Dani, I told Logan good morning and we kissed again, but only for a little while. This time the shaking wasn’t so bad. I told him he’d have to stay all day today, since my mom wasn’t working and he couldn’t leave anyway. He smiled at me then, and it felt like a hot water bottle popped inside my belly. If Greenpeace had seen it, they’d have killed him to save the ice caps.
“Sure,” he said. “I think I’d like that.”
We messed around for hours and hours until my lips were actually sore. He never tried to get under my clothes, but he didn’t hold off from various sorts of rubbings. By the end, I could of exploded into a million pieces if he’d touched me in the right place. And by then I wanted him to, but I didn’t know how to ask.
Afterwards, I lay on my bed and went back over every word we said to each other that day and the one before and my heart beat so hard I could feel it in the tips of my fingers. My mom stayed up looking at the TV that night until three in the morning. The thought of him back there sleeping behind my closet, with my princess picture watching over him, kept me awake for most of the night. Was he thinking about me too? I liked knowing he couldn’t come out of the closet unless I told him it was alright. I wasn’t used to being able to tell someone what to do, especially someone older, and it felt nice. But it scared me a little as well, because I didn’t know where all this would end. And scared because anymore I didn’t want it to.