What should you do if you see signs of Narcissistic behavior in yourself or someone you care about? This section is a thumbnail sketch of the sorts of self-help and professional therapeutic approaches that might be beneficial. Always remember that attempting psychotherapy on someone you know will make you both sicker.
Most of all, Narcissists have to develop a sense of connection with the rest of humanity. Until Narcissistic vampires learn empathy, they are condemned to walk the night in search of one victim after another. Unfortunately, learning empathy takes years. The immediate goal for Narcissists is to act, in public and in private, as if they value other people’s needs, thoughts, and feelings. With sufficient effort at pretending, Narcissists may eventually discover that their tiny souls can grow to match the size of their egos.
Narcissists do better with old, rather frumpy therapists who are not impressed with them. These are, of course, not the sorts of therapists that Narcissists would typically select for themselves. They want young, well-dressed yuppies or eminent and important experts in the field. One of the first therapeutic lessons Narcissists have to learn is that getting what they want may not be what’s best for them.
If you’re a Narcissist, the most important thing you can do for yourself is to try to understand and value other people. It’s especially helpful to listen quietly when people are talking. Work hard to avoid tuning them out or composing your response before the person has finished speaking.
Listening is particularly important if someone is criticizing you. Never answer immediately; take at least 24 hours to consider your response. During that time, think about all the ways the criticisms could be accurate.
You can listen to other people only if you’re not trying to convince them of how great you are. If you must mention yourself, talk about your mistakes.
Whatever the rules are in the situation you are in, follow them to the letter. The more ridiculous and arbitrary you think they are, the harder you should strive to follow them. This includes speed limits; the signs don’t say “50 mph unless you are important.” Do whatever the little people are supposed to do.
On the highway, pick one lane and stay in it. It’s not a race.
Whenever you’re around people, stop every few minutes and mentally go around the room asking yourself what each person is feeling and thinking. Empathy takes practice. If you imagine that everyone is thinking about you, try again.
In as many endeavors as possible, let other people lead and just do what they tell you. If you have children, play with them, letting them structure the activities.
Take a class or join an organization that is made up of good people who are different from you. Do your best to participate. The goal of this exercise is to learn that being a good human being is independent of politics and social standing.
Charity work does not mean fund-raising at fancy affairs! I’m talking about actual get-your-hands-dirty, menial work. Pick up trash, build houses, or serve soup. Wash your hands before doing that last one.
Most of all, never miss an opportunity to do an anonymous good deed.
Narcissists will be further damaged by just about any situation in which they are treated as special or different from ordinary people.