What should you do if you see signs of Obsessive-Compulsive behavior in yourself or someone you care about? This section is a thumbnail sketch of the sorts of self-help and professional therapeutic approaches that might be beneficial. Always remember that attempting psychotherapy on someone you know will make you both sicker.
The goal of all treatment for Obsessive-Compulsives is to help them move away from fear of bad consequences as the prime mover in their lives and the lives of the people around them. Obsessive-Compulsives need to focus on the big stuff and not sweat the small, and not make other people sweat at all. The big stuff for them is their relationships, which they can unwittingly destroy by trying to make those close to them into better people. Obsessive-Compulsives need to learn to love people for who they are.
Essentially, anything that will hurt a Histrionic will help an Obsessive-Compulsive, and vice versa. Obsessive-Compulsives can profit from techniques that focus on expressing feelings and generally being positive. New Age approaches, art and dance therapy, and random exploration of emotions may damage other vampires, but they can help Obsessive-Compulsives. A useful rule of thumb is: if the Obsessive-Compulsive thinks the approach is scary or stupid, it will probably do some good.
Avoid approaches that analyze thoughts in great detail or that require a lot of written work, like homework exercises or journaling. Obsessive-Compulsives love these techniques, but seldom change as a result.
If you recognize Obsessive-Compulsive tendencies in yourself, the following exercises will be very difficult for you, but they will make a difference.
Not for the moment, but for your whole life. Think about what you’d like to have carved on your tombstone, and work toward that. The other details will take care of themselves.
Pay attention to the negative judgments you make about people and things. Every time you catch yourself thinking that something is bad, quickly, in your mind, list two good things about it. If you can’t come up with two, ask somebody to explain the good parts to you.
Spend a little time every day just sitting and doing nothing. Computer solitaire was invented for this purpose. Learn some sort of relaxation technique and practice it every day, especially on the days when you think you’re too busy.
Define the final product you want from other people as clearly as possible, then step back and let them do their best. Performance never improves when you stand over someone’s shoulder. Let people learn from their mistakes rather than from your lectures.
The rest of the week, use praising people for what they do right as your only device for behavioral control. If you save all your criticisms for one day of the week, you may be surprised at how few will be needed by the time Thursday rolls around. Remember, the Thursday rule applies to your own actions as well.
Maybe you could acknowledge two on Thursdays.
Obsessive-Compulsives love psychoanalysis and other process-oriented approaches. They can doggedly pursue them for years, trying to comprehend the underlying reasons for everything they do, and never changing anything. They can do pretty much the same thing with highly structured behavioral and cognitive techniques, because they do all the exercises perfectly but forget to learn anything from them.