The Paranoid Types
Another confusing name. To most people, paranoid means having delusions of persecution. The word really describes an exquisitely simple way of perceiving a complex world. Paranoids can’t tolerate ambiguity. In their minds, nothing is accidental or random; everything means something, and everything relates to everything else. This sort of thinking can lead to genius or to psychosis, depending on how it’s used.
There’s no question that Paranoids see things that other people can’t. But do the things they see actually exist? That’s the question.
These vampires have tendencies toward Paranoid personality disorder, which, like the vampires themselves, is often misunderstood, even by the people who treat it. The word paranoia, which means “thinking beside oneself,” has been used to describe virtually all forms of craziness, especially those involving false beliefs. The problem with the concept, as any Paranoid will tell you, is that it’s not all that simple to determine which beliefs are false and which are true.
Paranoia is easier to understand if you look at the patterns of thinking that lead to false beliefs, rather than at the beliefs themselves. Paranoids are blessed and cursed with the ability to perceive very tiny cues. Unlike Obsessive-Compulsives, who compartmentalize small details, missing the big picture, Paranoids drive themselves crazy by trying to organize details into a coherent and unambiguous whole.
Paranoids’ perceptive ability and compulsion to organize may have their roots at the neurological level. Wherever they come from, these behaviors create tremendous problems in relating to human beings. When Paranoids look at other people, they see too much for their own good—and everybody else’s.
Paranoids long for a simple world in which people can be trusted to mean what they say, particularly when those people are talking about them. Instead, Paranoids see the human condition in all its ambiguous detail. People exist on many different levels at the same time. No human thought is singular, and no feeling is pure. Many of the conflicts that people experience are observable in slight hesitations, small changes in expression, slips of the tongue, and the like. Most people ignore these tiny cues, but Paranoids try to sort them into either-or categories—yes or no, love or hate, truth or falsehood. Sometimes, in their search for simple answers, Paranoids can see through all forms of subterfuge to the heart of a matter. Just as easily, they can rip that heart out and tear it to pieces—especially when it belongs to someone close to them whose only crime is being human.
Paranoids draw you in with their perceptiveness; they see the confusing and uncertain details of life so clearly. Later, they drain you with endless probing of the uncertainty they perceive in you.
What Paranoids never see is their own role in creating the ambiguity that so terrifies them. Their distrust invites duplicity. Their suspiciousness keeps people from telling them the whole truth. Their incessant doubts drive away the people who say they’ll always be there. Paranoids can feel like they’re at the center of a vast conspiracy to rob them of the certainty they so fervently desire. Naturally, they become even more guarded and suspicious.
What Paranoids really fear is the uncertainty at the center of their own souls. They desperately want to be close, but are terrified at the ambiguity that comes with closeness. They try to drive the desire for intimacy out of their hearts. In place of love, Paranoids search in vain for purity and truth.
Paranoids try to remove the ambiguity from their lives by organizing everything around a small number of black-and-white principles. In the minds of Paranoids, truth, loyalty, courage, honor, and the like are not abstractions. They are living, breathing presences that they live by, and will kill or die for if called upon to do so. At least, that’s the way the Paranoids themselves imagine it. The reality is, of course, more complex. Paranoids are just as likely as anybody else to justify their self-serving actions in terms of high-sounding principles. More likely, actually. The most dangerous thing about Paranoids is their utter certainty of their own virtue.
Even Obsessive-Compulsive Puritans are aware enough of their own failings to grudgingly forgive others their trespasses—if they acknowledge the error of their ways. Paranoids seldom forgive. Puritans try to punish only the sin; Paranoids happily consign sinners to the flames.
Aside from their questionable approach to morality, Paranoids are capable of extreme purity of thought. Many discoveries of the organizing principles that bind the universe together are the products of Paranoid thinking. So is every crackpot theory you’ve ever heard of.
Paranoids vacillate between extreme naiveté and utter cynicism. Their goal is to achieve a happy world (or family or business) in which everyone follows the same simple and rigid rules as they do. When people go along, Paranoids are happy, loving, and giving. If by some chance other people want to think for themselves, Paranoids take it as a personal insult. They feel disappointed and hurt when people try to leave their little paradises. When Paranoids get hurt, they hurt others.
Of all the vampire types, Paranoids are the most determined and conscious hypnotists. They invented cults and the brainwashing that keeps them running. Whenever Paranoids put together any sort of organization, be it a cult, a family, a business, a political party, or a religious movement, they use their persuasive power to create unambiguous alternative realities in which all rewards are dependent on belief and loyalty. Obsessive-Compulsives tell you to work hard if you want to get into heaven; Paranoids say all you have to do is believe in them. If you stop believing, there will be hell to pay.
Imagine a date with the man or woman of your dreams. You talk of nothing in particular, yet you desperately search your companion’s every word for clues to what he or she really thinks about you. Your heart soars at tiny signs of acceptance and falls to the pit of your stomach at the slightest hint of rejection. This is business as usual for Paranoids, who analyze every conversation with the same degree of scrutiny. Awash in a flood of ambiguity, they grasp at straws, often clutching them so tightly as to make them break up and drift away.
To Paranoids, many of the straws turn out to be anvils. Paranoid existence is one perceived betrayal after another. Their suffering is exquisite, the sorrowful and pretentious center from which their entire universe radiates. Being Paranoid hurts.
Some of them give up and withdraw completely into a world of delusion. Those with better social skills can attract friends and lovers, on whom they rest the entire burden of keeping them safe and sane.
Even thinking about Paranoids is exhausting; imagine what it’s like being one. That, strangely enough, is one of their saving graces. Paranoids long to make sense of themselves and to be understood by others. That totally selfish quest can bring suffering to the rest of humanity, or provide generous gifts in the form of art, philosophy, and religion. Paranoia and Narcissism are the world’s two main sources of creativity.
True or False Score one point for each true answer.
The internal struggle of Paranoids is the subject of much of the world’s great literature. Science fiction is a particularly pure example. How many times have you read about regular-seeming folks who discover mysterious powers in themselves that place them at the center of a cosmic battle? They win, of course, with a little help from a few loyal and loving friends. The force that draws people to Paranoids is the same urge for moral simplicity that attracts them to Star Wars. Needless to say, that force also has a dark side.
The specific behaviors covered in the checklist relate to several underlying personality characteristics that define a Paranoid emotional vampire.
Paranoids see things that others can’t. They may even see more than you want them to. They’re always looking below the surface for hidden meanings and deeper realities. Sometimes they discover great insights, but more often they find reasons to doubt the people whom they should be able to trust. In the world of Paranoids, the line between perceptiveness and suspicion is as thin as a spiderweb and sharper than a razor blade.
Paranoids need answers, even when there are none. They love to explain how complex situations boil down to a few black-and-white concepts. For Paranoids, everything is simple and clear. The only reason everyone doesn’t know what they do is that someone, somewhere is conspiring to cover up the truth. Paranoids love nothing more than a good conspiracy theory.
Paranoids’ oversimplification of the world can also lead to great courage and dedication. They are fierce defenders of themselves, their principles, and the few people and things they consider closest to them. Paranoids have been known to give their lives for what they believe in. They’ve also been known to take lives.
Paranoids can shower you with affection one minute and with ice water the next. Their moods are dependent on their momentary perceptions of the honesty and faithfulness of the people around them. If Paranoids sense treachery, they attack so fast that you won’t know what hit you. Or why.
They can back off just as quickly. Many of their attacks are tests of loyalty. If you pass, they calm down immediately. If you don’t, brace yourself to argue all night.
Unlike most other vampire types, Paranoids have the ability to say that they’re wrong. They accept criticism and can make changes in a limited way for a short period of time. Often they will shift slightly to get some sort of concession from you. If you don’t live up to your end of the so-called bargain, the Paranoid will add one more perfidy to your list of betrayals.
Paranoids long to be understood. Their idea of intimacy is to spend six or seven hours sharing their theories of life or explaining how your actions have hurt them.
Paranoids don’t understand the concept of trust. They never seem to realize that trust is supposed to be in their own minds, rather than in the actions of other people. Consequently, if you’re close to one of these vampires, you’ll have to re-earn his or her trust every hour on the hour. This is especially true if your relationship is sexual. A Paranoid’s idea of foreplay is 20 minutes of questioning you about exactly what you were thinking the last time you made love.
In their search for truth, Paranoids connect everything with everything else, then take it all personally. To poor virtuous Paranoids, the universe is a conspiracy designed to make them miserable.
If you associate with Paranoids, it won’t be possible for you to say or do anything that does not relate to them.
Paranoids believe that revenge is the cure for what ails them. They never seem to see that it is also the cause. It’s not that Paranoids never forgive; they just do it at the same rate as glaciers melt.
