What should you do if you see signs of Paranoid behavior in yourself or someone you care about? This section is a thumbnail sketch of the sorts of self-help and professional therapeutic approaches that might be beneficial. Always remember that attempting psychotherapy on someone you know will make you both sicker.
The goal for Paranoids is to learn how to tolerate ambiguity, especially ambiguity in others’ feelings toward them. A second, related goal is to forgive perceived betrayals. It usually takes a well-trained professional to help Paranoids achieve these goals.
Paranoids require experienced professionals who have been in the therapy business long enough that they won’t be intimidated or overwhelmed. The kind of therapy is almost irrelevant, because developing a trusting relationship is the most important part of treatment. However, to maintain control over the process, Paranoids often choose therapists who are less experienced, who are not trained as therapists at all, or whose only qualification is membership in the same cult. Paranoids try to hypnotize inexperienced therapists into accepting their alternate reality at least enough to prevent them from asking embarrassing questions. Sometimes Paranoids succeed at this, but more often they just get kicked out of treatment. Either way, the Paranoids get worse.
If you recognize Paranoid tendencies in yourself, the following exercises will be very difficult for you, but they will make a difference.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is to understand that some of the things you see or suspect are not actually there. You need a trusted confidant with whom to discuss your perceptions. The person should be strong enough to tell you when he or she thinks you’re wrong. The confidant should never be a family member or someone with whom you are romantically involved.
A common Paranoid tendency is to believe that if the people around you were appropriately loyal and respectful, they would automatically do everything the way you want them to. This borders on the delusional. Most of the time, other people are not thinking of you at all. This is not disloyal; it is normal. Allow the people close to you to have parts of their lives that have nothing to do with you, and don’t feel threatened by it.
Paranoids’ memories tend to turn slights and oversights into betrayals and humiliations. As you run over small transgressions in your mind, they get bigger and more painful. If you catch yourself doing this, stop! You are creating anguish for everyone, yourself most of all. Let them all go. Forgive and forget. If you can’t, maybe you ought to talk to a therapist.
Paranoids often choose therapists on the basis of similarities of political or religious beliefs rather than training and experience. If Paranoids go to therapy to discuss politics or religion rather than their own behavior, it generally leads to increased suffering for everyone.