THE closer they got to Pierce Ranch, the lower Claire’s spirits sagged. Logan was largely uncommunicative, so she was too.
Could there be something else on his mind, or was this truly about three little words, spoken while she was half out of her mind with pleasure? Claire couldn’t imagine what else accounted for Logan’s behavior that day, and she knew it was only a matter of time before she’d have to know for sure.
But then she thought of something else that made her worries over Logan’s silence worse, and she felt her feminine pride take a hefty punch. Logan was sexually experienced, but she was not. Could his silence be because he’d been disappointed by her…performance? Had making love to her been unsatisfying for him?
It was true that she’d been so caught up in what was happening to her that she’d been distracted. He’d seemed plenty satisfied at the time, but then, there might be degrees of satisfaction. In her mind, she’d been wildly passionate and shamelessly eager, responding to him just the way she should have—mostly because she couldn’t have stopped herself—but what if she’d somehow not measured up?
Then again, he’d seemed to appreciate that she’d been a virgin, so he had to know to expect more enthusiasm than…
She couldn’t think of a word similar to the word “skill,” which sounded a bit too professional for comfort. But was that the problem? Had she disappointed him so much that he didn’t think things would get better?
Because she was the kind of person who prided herself in doing things properly and correctly and well, the idea of not measuring up in something so important was hard on her ego.
It was a relief to finally reach the ranch, if for no other reason than the fact that some of the tension between them was burned off getting her things into the house. Logan called a couple of his men to help, and the task was finished in no time.
Logan left Cody with Claire while he took the one-way rental trailer into town to turn it in to the local office. Claire welcomed the time he was gone, and she quickly unpacked the boxes she’d had the ranch hands carry into the master bedroom.
Everything else had been put in one of the guest rooms, so there was no rush with those. While she worked, Cody played on some of the unopened boxes until she was ready to deal with them. Afterward, he played with the empty boxes, stacking them like blocks or dragging them around.
When Claire finished, she helped him stack them four high then watched as he tumbled them over, surveyed the result, then set about restacking them for another fall. Claire sat down on the bed to watch, taking what enjoyment she could from watching him play until he tired of it and abandoned the boxes to go back to his bedroom and the rocking horse.
Claire walked out to the hall then into the main part of the house, but Logan hadn’t returned from town yet. Since it was almost time for lunch, she went back to get Cody changed and washed up. Logan still hadn’t returned by the time they’d sat down to lunch, and Claire’s appetite was just as absent as he was.
Those next days were a huge disappointment. Logan did indeed spend almost every daylight hour outdoors, as remote as ever. The only times they did anything as a family were at meals and after supper when they all went down to the corrals to let Cody ride the pony.
There’d been no further riding instruction for Claire. It was as if Logan had changed his mind about that, and she couldn’t take it as anything but another negative. Nothing was said about when they’d begin adoption proceedings, and Claire wasn’t ready to ask until Logan was more approachable on any subject.
The only time things were different between them was in bed. It was there that Logan warmed up, but it was also there that Claire promptly gave him enough of an icy response to keep him on his side of the mattress. How dare he?
If he was going to behave like a coldhearted cretin during the day, he could darned well continue being one once the lights were off. He was getting her message loud and clear, but he was too stubborn to acknowledge it, much less offer to talk things over with her.
At first, Claire had decided he’d have to be the one to change things, since he’d been the one who’d instigated everything, from their marriage to their one night of intimacy. She’d credited them both with more maturity than this silent standoff, but she felt hurt enough to keep her own childish distance.
At least Logan made time for Cody. Every night with the pony, but afterwards with the little boy in the den, playing with the old toys. Claire kept out of that, because it was important for Logan to forge his own relationship with his nephew, since that relationship was the most important, whatever happened between her and Logan.
By Monday, Claire had decided enough was enough, that she couldn’t stand another moment of silence. To keep herself from going to find Logan and having it out right then, she took Cody into town after his nap that afternoon to have a look around and see about buying the sturdy clothes that Logan had mentioned their first night on the ranch. She’d rather have dragged him along to get his input, but she was leery of getting a “too busy” excuse.
She didn’t trust herself not to immediately confront him if he did that. And though she was itching for a showdown, this wasn’t the time to try. Maybe once she cooled off, but she also needed to see some sign that Logan might be open to talking first, or they might get into an all out war.
They’d just looked through the first couple of shops that sold western wear when Kiki Lynch stopped them on the sidewalk.
“Bored with ranch life already?” she asked, and Claire couldn’t miss the mocking curl to one corner of the beautiful brunette’s mouth.
Claire smiled as if she was oblivious to the small jab. “Just out having a look around while Logan’s busy.
“By the way,” she added, suddenly inspired. “Since you’re a horsewoman, could you give me some advice? Logan mentioned that Cody and I needed hats and boots and sturdy clothes, but I couldn’t decide what to pick. The jeans seemed awfully stiff, and there must be a jillion kinds of hats and a half dozen kinds of boot heels. Can I rely on the shop people to know what I need or should I find someone like you to advise me?”
Claire had just that moment decided that if she was going to make a life with Logan—assuming their marriage wasn’t already on the rocks—she’d need to live at peace with everyone, at least with the people Logan knew and interacted with. Right now, Kiki Lynch was the only one she’d met so far, and a little diplomacy might overcome at least a bit of the woman’s obvious hostility.
Plus, there was also the possibility that Kiki might mention something that would give her a clue to her enigmatic husband. Even if Kiki gave misinformation, Claire might at least be able to get an inkling of something.
Kiki showed only a small spark of surprise before she smiled. Claire didn’t quite trust that smile, but she remained hopeful.
“Well, sure I could, Carla. How ’bout now?”
“Now would be wonderful. I’d really appreciate it, but I only have an hour or so before we have to head back for supper.”
“Ah, it shouldn’t take long,” Kiki told her, and the woman looked as if she was warming to the idea more by the moment. “We females know how to pull into the fast lane when we have to, don’t we?”
Claire made herself give a light laugh. “That’s why we use credit cards, isn’t it? So we can say, ‘Charge!’?”
Kiki laughed at that little chestnut and for the tiniest moment, Claire saw a trace of honest amusement.
But then the whirlwind shopping spree Kiki had decided on caught them both up. Cody went along, innocently unaware that his mommy was giving her private credit cards the workout of their lives. Always one to pay off her credit balances each month, Claire had to grit her teeth to comply with each of Kiki’s notions of what she and Cody couldn’t live without.
She pictured her small savings account dwindling by the second, but she complied with everything Kiki suggested. After all, she could always bring things back later if some turned out to be unwise purchases. The important thing was to give Kiki the opportunity to be a friend rather than a foe.
And also to see if she’d spill the beans about something. In the end though, the only thing that got spilled was Claire’s rigid notions about prudent spending. She’d never spent so much at one time for clothes in her life, for either her or Cody!
By the time Kiki helped her carry everything to her car, there were enough bags and boxes to bury the back seat. Cody was already wearing his new boots and hat, stomping around on any kind of floor covering in the shops as well as on the sidewalk to listen to the sound they made.
Before Claire could become too effusive with her thanks to Kiki, she found herself agreeing to be at the Lynch ranch in the morning for riding lessons.
Kiki’s laughing, “You want to learn to ride with a little female elegance, Carla,” sounded like the biggest booby trap of all time, but Kiki had clearly decided to take Claire under her wing. Whether Kiki meant to help her or not remained to be seen, unless Claire could think of a good excuse to cancel it or put it off.
Though Claire had expected Kiki to have her buy things that were completely out of line, she didn’t seem to have done that. In fact, it was Claire who’d fallen in love with the red Western boots she’d bought to wear for special occasions. Kiki had strongly advised her to buy black ones for regular days on the ranch, but Claire hadn’t been able to resist adding the flashy red ones, and her credit cards were swooning from the shock.
Once she and Cody were in the car and they’d reached the highway just outside town, Claire absently glanced at the clock on the dash and felt a jolt. They were late, late, late for supper!
Claire had got so caught up in the shopping spree that instead of the hour she’d thought had passed, it had been closer to two hours. Logan hadn’t been around when she’d decided to go so he hadn’t known about this, though Elsa did.
Claire hadn’t given a thought to calling the ranch before they’d left town because she hadn’t paid attention to the time. Now that they were on the highway, it would delay them even more if she drove back to find a pay phone, so she kept going. It hadn’t occurred to her to ask Elsa if Logan had a cell phone that she could take along, but she sorely wished now that she had.
When she and Cody finally arrived at the ranch and got out, she let the boy carry two of the shopping bags while she gathered up as many handles as she could and followed him. He got to the door before her, but set his bags down, then promptly kicked the toe of his boots against one of the bags to listen to the paper rattle. The big front door abruptly swung open just as Claire stepped in behind Cody.
Logan’s expression was deathly harsh, and his dark eyes glittered with temper. Claire made herself give him a chastened smile.
“I’m sorry we’re late. We were trying to get the clothes you’d mentioned, and time got completely away from me. I hope Elsa wasn’t inconvenienced by my thoughtlessness. Or you,” she added.
It was discourteous to be late without letting anyone know first, and she genuinely did regret the inconvenience. And she knew already that being this late wouldn’t win her gold stars with her touchy and still remote husband.
“Is the rest in the car?” he asked gruffly.
“Well, yes. Both boxes and more shopping bags. I can get them myself once I put these things inside.”
“I’ll get ’em,” he growled, and Claire moved a little out of the way as he stepped past Cody to stalk to the car. She glanced back as he went, then herded Cody inside with their things.
She had a few moments, so she rushed through the house with their things to put them in the hall next to their bedrooms to be sorted and divided up later, then sprinted back to arrive at the door just in time for Logan to walk in with their boot and hat boxes, and the handles of four shopping bags that dangled two each from his little fingers.
He set the stack on the table in the foyer, stood the bags out of the way on the floor, and Claire closed the front door. Cody was clomping around on the tile still wearing his new kid-sized cowboy hat, and Logan turned to watch. His stony face cracked a little and he looked over at Claire.
“Those look good. And he must like the sound of new boots.”
It was an unexpected reprieve. Almost as if in spite of his ire over their lateness, Logan was now extending an olive branch.
“He stomped over half of town to try them out. And I’ll bet you’ll have a hard time getting him to take off the hat. He said he wanted one like Unco’s, so it had to be black. I couldn’t tell, but I have it on good authority that it’s exactly like yours.”
Now his stony expression relented a little more. “Whose authority?”
“Kiki’s. Actually, she helped us pick out the things she thought you’d want. Or at least, most of the things. It was so generous of her to do that, but—” Claire hesitated. “Remember when you see the red boots that those were my idea, not hers.”
“You didn’t buy red boots for the boy, did you?” The idea clearly wasn’t one that pleased him.
“Oh, no,” she said quickly, lacing her fingers together in front of her. “They’re mine. But Kiki advised me to stick with the black ones for everyday, which I also bought.”
He gave her a narrow look. “I haven’t given you a set of credit cards yet.”
“I have my own cards and bank account.” Claire winced playfully. “Or rather, I will until the end of the month when the bills come due.”
Logan looked as if he’d have more to say on this later, but he turned his attention back to Cody. “Supper’s sitting in the oven, so we’d better eat.”
Claire sensed that the small storm she’d created had completely calmed, and she hurried Cody into the hall bathroom to get his hands washed before she left him in the dining room with Logan and went to get their supper out of the oven. So far so good.
After a fairly pleasant supper, Claire cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher and started it before they all went down to the corrals. When Cody’s ride was finished for the night, he and Claire showed Logan their new things, and Claire was relieved that it all passed muster. Including her red boots.
Cody was tired enough to go to bed a little early. Once they finished with what had become a nighttime routine for all of them, Claire lingered near Cody’s room until she was sure he’d settled before she went in search of Logan.
Perhaps the fact that he’d backed down on the issue of her being so late was a signal that things were improving between them. She’d been hoping for some sign that he might be ready to talk things out, and this might be the best opportunity that would come along. Since she couldn’t stand things the way they were, she had to make the most of this.
To her surprise, Logan was merely sitting at his desk with his chair turned so he was facing one of the bookcases. The desk blotter was clear of papers, the computer screen was turned off, and he looked as if he was brooding over something that troubled him.
Claire rapped her knuckles lightly on the door frame, rewarded when he glanced over at her. There was none of the cool aloofness she’d seen so much of, but she sensed his wariness. At least she could see that much difference, and it gave her hope.
She crossed the room, but having the desk between them seemed too formal, so she walked around to his side and half sat on the edge of the desk beside his chair arm, as if she meant to have a friendly chat.
She’d been intimate with this man almost a week ago, so she needed to reclaim a small bit of that intimacy and make it verbal. She laced her fingers together and rested them on her slanted lap before she began.
“I appreciate that you understood about us being late,” she said, then gave him what she hoped was a more intent look so he’d get the message. “I can only imagine what you thought.”
His voice was low and rough. “Don’t make a habit of it.” He’d missed her hint, so she repeated it softly.
“I can only imagine what you thought.”
He caught it this time and leaned back in his big chair to study her face. She dared more.
“I can only imagine what you thought, because all I’ll ever have is what I can imagine if we can’t talk so I can be sure.” She kept her gaze steady on his. “And I think you do some imagining of your own. Yes, you might have hired an investigator, and you might have found out a few more things about me by experience this past week and a half, but there’s still too much room for your imagination to work overtime, just like mine is now. And, without the facts, I think both our imaginations will lead us seriously wrong. Considering what I’ve been going through with mine, I sincerely hope so.”
His dark gaze fell away from hers, but not before she caught a hint of frustration and regret.
“Claire…” His voice was a growl, and because he hesitated a moment, she rushed in.
“Tell me what I did wrong, Logan, please. Was it what I said, or did I just not…satisfy you?”
That got her his immediate attention and she saw the horror on his face. “No. Hell no, honey.” He shook his head then gave a rueful chuckle that did wonders for her ego. “It was the best I—” Logan cut off that comment to switch to, “Let’s just say I was satisfied, Claire. Don’t let your imagination tell you different.”
“Then, was it because I told you I love you?” Her soft, quick words dropped neatly into the discussion.
It was amazing how quickly Logan’s expression went somber and hard. Claire didn’t want to lose this opportunity, so she reached out to put her hand over the top of his as it rested on the chair arm. She was compelled to be direct with him.
“I think I deserve to hear why you told me you don’t require love in this marriage.”
That made his stoniness falter and he glanced uneasily away with another gruff, “Claire…”
“If you refuse to love me, then it might be some small comfort to know why you won’t. And I hope it’s a really strong reason, one I can understand and try to accept. Because it’s not just my happiness that will be affected, but yours too. And Cody’s.”
“It’s old history,” he growled again.
Claire gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “I don’t doubt that,” she agreed, “but I don’t want to pay for old history that had nothing to do with what I’ve done or will do in the future. Don’t I qualify for a chance of my own with you?”
He growled again and abruptly snatched her off the edge of the desk to his lap as if she were no bigger than Cody. He held her with one arm and caught the back of her head with his hand to pull her close for a fiery kiss.
She tasted his anger and his frustration, but he immediately gentled the kiss then dragged his lips away to cinch her tightly against him with hard, strong arms. Claire’s cheek rested near his throat and her forehead was pressed against his jaw.
The moments pulsed by and she kept utterly silent and still, hoping he’d speak and expose the mysteries. She could feel the small war in him, but then it began to calm and she was afraid he’d decided not to tell her.
“My mother was a piece of work,” he said at last. “She looked fragile, but she was stronger than most men who do hard labor. My daddy was crazy about her, but the only thing she seemed to love about him was his money.”
Claire all but held her breath as she listened.
“She hated the ranch, so she tried to live in town or travel as much as possible. When Daddy put his foot down, she got even by going to work on Cliff and me, filling our heads with nonsense.
“She wanted us to hate this place as much as she did, and she wanted us to take her side against Daddy. It didn’t work on me, but Cliff was a lot younger so she had a lot more influence on him. And yet it didn’t matter to our daddy what she did to him or what she did to us, or even how many times she betrayed him by trying to turn us against him. He knew about it, but he was so crazy about her that all he did was make up excuses about why she did it.”
He stopped for a while as if lost in memory. If he didn’t go on, he’d given her enough information to understand a lot of things. Now she knew why he’d warned her about coming between him and Cody, and about spoiling Cody on the ranch.
Another message was also coming through loud and clear: Logan believed that it had been his father’s love for his mother that had set him up and made him vulnerable to being manipulated and used and betrayed, and for them all to be set up for turmoil and unhappiness.
“She played on his feelings for her,” he said, “time after time, working him, accusing him of not loving her, going around teary-eyed and refusing to eat.”
He paused briefly then said, “I’m glad he outlived her. At least she didn’t get control of this place. If she had, she would have sold it to the first buyer who came along. She had no respect for anything to do with this ranch except for the income it and the oil wells generated. My daddy never got over her, and died loving her. He didn’t last two years after she was killed…crossing the street in San Antonio.”
He chuckled then, but it sounded weary and cynical and anything but truly amused. “How’s that for irony?”
Claire’s fingers had been toying absently with one of the buttons on his shirt as she’d concentrated on every word he’d said, but now she flattened her palm on his chest. “I’m sorry, Logan. What a confusing way to grow up.”
She lifted her head and looked into his face. “I’m glad you told me. But there’s something else I’d like to know.”
Logan moved his hand and brushed the back of a knuckle against her cheek. “I think I can guess,” he said, then smiled faintly.
Claire could see the dark memories that still lingered in his eyes, and she suddenly knew that the whole story about his parents was uglier than he’d let on, but she could tell just by the fact that he’d told her as much as he had that he was already letting some of it go.
She smiled softly back. “All right. Let’s see how good a guesser you are.” He started right away.
“You want to know if I’ll give you a chance to be you, and if you’ll have to pay for my momma’s mistakes. And my daddy’s.”
Claire leaned back from him a little, still searching his dark eyes and every nuance of his somber expression before she confirmed his guesses.
“I don’t expect instant trust,” she said, “and I don’t expect you to force yourself to feel something for me that you don’t. I just don’t want you to refuse the possibility, or to refuse to let it happen. If it happens.”
She’d added that last to protect her pride, though she didn’t know why. It would probably hurt her pride more if he honestly couldn’t love her than if he simply refused to love her.
Logan’s callused fingertips traced lightly along her cheek. “If, huh? I thought you were more perceptive than that, Claire.”
Now he gave her that slow, sexy smile that made him so breathtakingly handsome. All at once she knew that Logan had passed some personal milestone, that they both had. But common sense told her she already loved him too much to chance letting her hopes get too high about what might happen next.
And it was too soon especially to believe that she’d just heard him give a significant hint about what might happen next. Or about what he might confess, though her heart was fluttering with excitement.
“No, it’s not what I mean by saying ‘If,”’ she ventured, a little breathless, “it’s what do you mean by saying ‘If’?”
Now his smile widened. “If, Claire? If it happens? You don’t miss much, honey, so I can’t figure how you’d miss what the past few days have been about.”
Claire lifted her brows at that. “Far be it from me to presume,” she lied, then had to deal with a nervous giggle that almost got free as she felt her heart begin to rise with wild hope.
“All right,” he said, “I’m prepared to indulge my wife. The past few days have really been about the fact that there was never any ‘If it happens.’ Mainly because ‘It’ had already happened, and I knew it as far back as when you stood in the hall outside the living room that first day and glared up at me like a she-cat. You practically growled when you told me Cody wasn’t a week old or a month old, that he was a trusting little boy who’d lived all his life with his momma. You were dying to call me the most wicked, dastardly monster on the planet, because you loved a kid you were terrified I wouldn’t treat right. That’s when ‘It’ happened—even though I refused to believe it.”
Claire felt a flush go through her from head to toe. “It?”
Logan leaned his head back as if she’d worn him out. “Please, darlin’. First it’s ‘if,’ and now it’s ‘it.’ Let’s just do the shorthand and call it ‘love.’” He lifted his head and pulled her closer. “I love you, Claire. I can’t stand going on like we have for the past week, so how ’bout we just say the words then go prove it to each other all night?”
It was Claire who put her palm on his lean cheek then kissed him, softly, sweetly, so emotional about it that her eyes stung. She drew back only long enough to say, “I love you,” before she kissed him again.
Sometime in between that next handful of kisses, Logan breathed the words, “I love you, Claire,” at least twice.
And then he gathered her up and rolled back the desk chair to stand. As he carried her to the bedroom end of the house, they kissed their way there, turning off lights, then pausing as they kissed some more.
Claire’s heart was still pounding with the wonder of it, but any worries she’d had about their sudden marriage and the future began to melt away with each gentle love word and assurance.
Later, after they’d truly consummated their love, they lay together in the dim light Logan had left on, talking. Eventually the talk meandered to Kiki’s invitation for that next morning.
Logan laughed when she told him, then went grim and ground out a low, “There’s not a single way on God’s green earth that I’ll let Kiki Lynch give my wife riding lessons.”
Claire smiled at that. She already knew he was right. “She told me that I would want to learn to ride with a little ‘female elegance.’ But then she called me Carla again, and I knew she might still have a teensy bit of animosity toward me. I was hoping I could tell her that you were taking me riding in the morning so I could get out of it politely. After all, she was very good to shop with me for the right clothes today. I don’t want to hurt her feelings or offend her.”
Logan rose up on an elbow to give her a suspicious look that was pure playacting. “Is that why we had our talk earlier? Because you wanted me to get you out of going to Kiki’s tomorrow?”
Claire rolled her eyes. “Oh my, will I have to prove my sincerity to you again tonight?”
Logan gave her a broad grin and leaned down. “I was hopin’ you would, darlin’,” he rasped. “And then maybe again after that,” he added as his lips covered hers.
There was nothing more for a while but the sounds and tender acts of a man and a woman who were delighted with each other and passionate about it.
A man and a woman who would soon grow to be too devoted to each other and too much in love to do anything less than succeed with the marriage and the life they’d build for themselves. A marriage and a life they’d build and share, not only with each other and the sweet child they had now, but also with the sweet children who would come later.