5	. . . Then (nicely) ask your roommate to get lost

Sometimes you need alone time. Whether or not you like your roommate, it’s nice to get a breather once in a while. Maybe you want to have friends over without the roomie hovering around, or maybe you just need a little space to feel sane.

Instead of suffering in silence and feeling crowded, why not speak your mind? If you simply grin and bear it, you might grow resentful, which will cause even more problems. Honesty is the basis for any good relationship, especially one in which you’re stuck living together in a room the size of a closet. Ask your roommate to go to the library for a few hours, or see if she’s willing to spend the weekend at home with her folks (they only live twenty minutes away, after all!). And maybe there’s something you can offer to do in return? If it works out, you’ll feel the pathway of communication open up between you and your roommate, and you’ll get some breathing room while she’s away.

HOW TO DO IT

Remember, this is your roommate’s place, too. She doesn’t have to leave, but she might be willing to do you a favor. So, approach carefully and graciously. Be sure to ask at least a few days in advance and have a specific time frame in mind. You may also have to sweeten the deal with a trade-off: You’ll spend Wednesday evening in the library (while she Skypes her long-distance boyfriend) if she disappears on Monday evening (while you blast your music as loud as you want), for example. Check in periodically to make sure you’re both happy with the arrangement. Schedules and priorities can change, and you’ll both have to adjust.

The sexile

“Sexiling” is when you exile your roommate so you can get it on. Basically, the same rules apply, with these stricter parameters.

1 / Have a very clear sexile agreement in place. For example, you can kick each other out once a week without notice, as long as it’s only for two hours and before midnight. Or no sexiling during finals week. Whatever works.

2 / In case of sudden sexile, make sure you both have somewhere to hang out or take a nap. It’s not cool to force your roommate into temporary homelessness.

3 / Be particularly considerate if your roommate never sexiles you. That’s gotta be rough.

4 / Never have your hookup sleep over when your roommate is around, unless there’s an agreement in place . . . or perhaps an air mattress on the floor.

5 / As always, be safe!

Sometimes, though, you can’t ever come to an agreement . . . on anything. If you’re in a dorm and can’t get through to each other and you’re both at the end of your rope, you may want to talk to a residence hall administrator to help work it out, or maybe even switch rooms. College is too short to feel miserable in your own space.