44	Show some love

Chances are that you love somebody. Whether it’s your dad, your little sister, your friend, or your significant other, you love someone close to you—but you have trouble saying it.

Telling people you love them isn’t easy, unless it’s already a habit (like when you say “Love ya!” at the end of a phone conversation with your mom). If it’s a new thing, saying, “I love you” can make you feel vulnerable and silly. But it’s the truth, isn’t it? And when you say it in a noncreepy, appropriate, genuine way, you’ll pave the way for an even closer relationship.

The bottom line: “I love you” just feels good to say.

HOW TO DO IT

Here are different kinds of “I love yous” and how to use them.

  “I love you, man” or “I love you guys!” For friends. Works well in emails, during moments of celebration, or when you just can’t help it.

  “I love you, [family member].” If you don’t say it very often, this might be a very emotional moment. Prepare to follow it up with something like, “Seriously, you’ve always been there for me, and I don’t say it enough.”

  “I’m falling in love with you.” For someone you’ve been dating for a while. In relationships, the L-bomb moves everything to a whole new level, so you’re taking a deliberate risk here. If you’ve only gone on a couple of dates, save the declaration of love for later. Saying, “I love you” can be very awkward if the other person isn’t ready to say it back.

  “You’re my friend, but I’m in love with you.” Approach with caution. Dropping the L-word into a friendship is a very risky move. It might work, but if you both have feelings for each other, the relationship should probably move organically, not by the sudden unleashing of an L-bomb. You run the risk of losing a friend if you make this move, but if you just can’t keep it inside, be bold! This could change everything.

  “You don’t know me, but I love you.” Never do this. Nope. Forget it.

Welcome to breakup city

If your significant other doesn’t feel the same way you do, it might be time to break up. Breakups can be one of the hardest things in the world; here you are putting your heart on the table, and there it is, getting stomped on. No matter how you feel about the breakup, you should always respect the other person’s feelings and mourn the relationship in private or with a few close friends. And don’t use your breakup as fuel to beat yourself up or feel unlovable. You will get through it over time—you just need to feel crappy for a while.