Brandon pushed himself up to his elbow to study Baiba’s face. Sleep had replaced tension with calm. Everyone looked so trouble-free when they slept. Even old people looked like children, he thought.
He touched Baiba’s hair lightly with his fingertips. He couldn’t even count how many times he’d imagined lying close to her like this, but now that he was in her bed, he wished he were anywhere else. He didn’t want to be here in the role of comforting friend. He didn’t want to think about her underneath Thomas Merchant, moaning her desire, spreading her legs for him, letting him do those different things he liked to do.
Brandon shut his eyes for the fifth or sixth time and tried to clear his mind. He was tired, but he couldn’t sleep. The metal support bar beneath the sleeper couch mattress dug into his shoulder blade. He climbed out as quietly as he could and sat at Baiba’s small round table. To pass the time, he pulled his pharmacology textbook out of his backpack and reread chapter twelve for the test next Tuesday, but his mind kept wandering. Finally he closed the book and just stared at the motionless outline of Baiba’s body under her comforter. He didn’t even know her, he reflected. He only knew what she wanted him to know about her. Why did he even bother to stay here with her now? And why should he go back to Park Manor tonight and lie for her? Did she really want him to lie just to hide the fact that the drug dispensation rules had been violated? He studied Baiba’s delicate eyebrows, long lashes, and flawless skin as if the answer were written on her sleeping face. Well, he would go back to Park Manor this evening, but not to protect Baiba, Hodges, or Cheryl O’Brien. He would go back there to find out what was really going on. Baiba wasn’t concerned about him. He would have to protect himself.
He went over to the bed, bent down, and smelled the trace of her perfume. She had probably applied that perfume for Merchant before going to his place last night. “Good-bye, Baiba,” he whispered, and he knew he wasn’t just saying good-bye for now. He was saying good-bye to his feelings for her. Then he packed up his books and let himself out of her apartment, careful to lock the door behind him.