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PERSUASION
When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do.
—William Blake
This chapter on persuasion is not very long, because it is really a brief follow-up to the previous chapter and an opening for the rest of the book, which is all about persuasion and how to make it work. My purpose for this chapter is to demonstrate that there are some differences between persuasion and manipulation, but they are mostly internal differences—internal to you. You must make a decision, before you convince anyone of anything, about whether what you are doing is reasonable, ethical, legal, and moral. If the answer to even one of those criteria is no, then you should not do it.
Persuasion when done correctly is beautiful. It is much like watching a carefully orchestrated ballet. Every part of the process is unique unto itself yet by necessity a part of every other.
Persuasion is so closely related to manipulation that it is often hard for people to draw a distinct line. Most of the elements of manipulation must be in place for successful persuasion to happen, but the key difference is the intent of the person persuading.
In the first chapter we talked about a bad used-car-buying experience and yet nearly all of us have had a good car-buying experience as well. In the good experience the person selling you the car was truly as interested in helping you achieve your needs as you were in fulfilling your needs.
Later we look at the Persuasion Equation, which shows how you tie all of the elements of persuasion together consistently to achieve a predictable outcome each time you set out to get what you want.
Good persuasion is a practiced art, a carefully orchestrated dance between you and the person you are persuading. That orchestration involves understanding the true needs and desires of the person you are persuading, understanding his or her criteria for action, and finally presenting information in a way that is congruent with his or her indicated desires.
Manipulators spend a great deal of time creating a façade, but persuaders create a persona, a carefully crafted part of themselves that allows them to interact with others from a position of power and influence. A persuasive persona is an accepted part of who the person is. They actively and consciously develop that part for the purpose of getting more of what they want quickly and ethically, in any situation.
The best persuaders are innately curious about the world around them and the people they interact with. They want to know what makes the other guy tick. They are interested in the desires, dreams, and goals of the person they are persuading for the purpose of using those as leverage, to be sure, but equally to create a long-term relationship based in mutual respect. Persuasion is as much about learning what the other person needs on a physical level (product), as well as on an emotional level, and why, as it is about providing the right product or service at the right price. The best product or service at the best price presented poorly and in a way that is incongruent with the buyer’s needs will often be overcome by an inferior product or price presented persuasively.
Persuasion is not just about selling, though; it is also about gaining agreement and support. It is about creating a common ground upon which two or more people can come together in thought and belief. Persuasion occurs in virtually every area of life, from what you have for breakfast to who makes it for you every morning. Virtually every aspect of our lives involves persuading someone (even ourselves) to do the things that we want him or her to do so we can have more of what we want.
Persuasion is an art form that improves through practice. No one is born a powerful persuader (though as I write this, my 10-month-old daughter has persuaded me to stop in mid-sentence and give her what she wants without saying a word). In order to be an effective persuader, you must take the time to learn about what makes people make the decisions they make. Fortunately, by the time you finish this book you will have learned all you need to know to be effective in persuading in any situation. However, simply reading this book won’t be enough; you have to analyze your current persuasion process and yourself to see where you can improve. You also need to determine where in the process you overlay each of the principles that you are about to learn. Finally, you need to practice. You have to test the insertion of certain techniques or ideas into your current presentation process and study the feedback to understand how to use them more effectively for the fastest and best result.
Chapter Review
• Persuasion is about creating an environment that lets two or more people find common ground and belief.
• The fine line between persuasion and manipulation revolves around intent.
• Connotation also has a lot to do with how each of the two events is interpreted. Typically persuasion has a very positive connotation while manipulation does not.
Success Questions
• What are my personal beliefs about when something is persuasive and when it is manipulative?
• How have my beliefs about the two supported me or held me back to date?
• How can I become more curious about the world around me and challenge my beliefs to come up with a broader knowledge and experience base from which to launch my persuasive arguments?
