By Jerry Clark
When my father told me his story, his pain was obvious. The memory of that pain has haunted me for decades. He knew that some of it was going to be transferred to me, and this is why he was so reluctant to tell me at all. I believe that the reason he never discussed it with me again was more for my good than for his. He never mentioned it to my brother Bob, and neither did I. Bob eventually found out when some other relative “slipped” and gave him part of the story.
The truth is that Dad was a victim of Gordon Stewart Northcott along with all the others; but he nevertheless felt a strong sense of blame for the crimes. He believed that if he had been able to find the nerve and strength to stop Northcott early on, if he had been able to somehow get the drop on him when the first killing took place, all the later victims would have lived. I can attest to you that this thought followed him to his grave. If it were possible for me to speak to any of the families of the victims of Gordon Stewart Northcott, I would state the following:
As Sanford Clark’s son, I would like to communicate to you my father’s deepest apology. He was sorry that he was unable to save your family members from Northcott’s brutality, but he was a young boy of small stature and he was kept in a terribly brutalized condition.
I now realize that if I had thought about making this apology in the years right after Dad told me about all of this, I could probably have helped him to get over it a little better and helped him to give some consolation to Northcott’s victims’ families. Nobody is certain as to who the twenty or so victims were, other than the four whom the papers were able to identify: Walter Collins, the two Winslow boys, and the young man identified as Alvin Gothea, who is thought to have been a migrant worker from Mexico. I feel certain that Dad would not have hesitated to make a public apology to the parents of the victims if he thought that anybody wanted to hear from him or that it would have helped to bring them closure. My brother Bob and I would like you to know that our dad was a good man. His awareness of the pain that he took part in causing was something that followed him all his days. He lived a good life after all that, never getting into trouble, always helping others, because he never forgot about your family members. He never stopped wishing that he could have done something. He never forgave himself, even though he really had nothing to forgive himself for.
I dedicate my father’s story to you. It is the story of a victim who never for a single day forgot your family members. Nor shall I.