Chapter 3
Vin took another pull from his beer as he looked out onto the surf crashing against the rocks from the balcony of his apartment above his restaurant, Canela, on Rockaway Beach. Tonight, though, not even the sound of the waves could calm his nerves.
It had been a slow night at the restaurant, which wasn’t so surprising given that it was a Tuesday night, but still, things should be starting to pick up since they were coming into the late spring season and the weather was warming. They’d even had a few days that hinted at summer being just around the corner. No, they weren’t the fancy Hamptons but they were out of Manhattan, on the Island and just beachy enough to be considered a weekend destination.
Vin didn’t want to waste his energy on worrying, but the mortgage was due on the first of the month and there was no denying that. Since he’d taken over the restaurant lease, along with his semi-silent partner friends, Aidan Walker and Carter Bain from the family, who’d had the space running as an old Italian restaurant for years, it seemed the first of the month kept coming quicker and quicker. The looming date and the responsibly of it constantly kept him on edge.
Vin shook his head as he brought his palm down sharply on the deck’s ledge. Hell, maybe he shouldn’t have taken on the restaurant at all. He was doing fine with his little food stand on the beach, which was open seasonally, and then taking on odd cooking and construction jobs during the off-season. He’d been making ends meet. It wasn’t any sort of path to fame or expansive fortune, but it kept him, and back then his mom, comfortable enough, and that was enough. Vin pushed back on emotions he wasn’t in the mood to wrestle with tonight, but still they wouldn’t let him go. He knew—and how couldn’t he know, since his mother was never shy about sharing her dreams for him—that she’d always hoped for more than their little stand and his selling waters at a dollar a pop up and down the beach. At times, yeah, sure, Vin felt like an idiot for letting Carter and Aidan fill his head with grand ideas about him being able to expand and do more. Carter with all his bullshit talk about the neighborhood being on the rise with gentrification. Although he could admit he may have been right there. He just didn’t like the idea of it all being in his hands and his possibly letting them down. He’d been down that road before.
Still, Vin couldn’t put all the blame on Aidan and Carter. No one had that kind of pull to make him do anything that he didn’t think was the right thing to do. No, he knew the decision to open the restaurant was all on him. Him and his guilt over not making more of himself back when his mom was alive. She shouldn’t have had to have died without seeing all her hard work materialize into something more permanent than a little stand that could blow away with the first gust of a storm. He should have given her something lasting. Solid and permanent. Been a son for her to be proud of when she was still alive.
Vin swallowed down the ever-present lump in his throat. The one that formed whenever thoughts of his mother, Sonia, and her quick passing entered his mind.
How was it he didn’t see the signs of how sick she was? How much the backbreaking work of running the stand was taking a toll on her? He should have watched her more closely. Should have made sure she was seeing her doctor regularly, health insurance or not. He should have taken better care of her. They were all they’d had. Vin looked down at his clenched fists, then loosened them. He knew this sort of thinking was ridiculous and also knew if his mother were alive she’d take him to task for it. Yes, cancer took her away from him way too quickly and, yes, he’d barely had a chance to enjoy his final moments with her and say good-bye before she was gone. But he also knew she’d be the first to tell him not to question God’s plan but to be grateful in all things. Vin let out a breath. Grateful. Yeah, that was a hard one. Here he was now with the restaurant she’d always talk about having, and the one person he wanted to share it with wasn’t by his side. It was hard to be grateful about that.
Vin let out another breath harshly and forcefully pushed the thought away. The restaurant. That was it. He needed to keep his mind on the restaurant and business. Not the fact that his mother spent most of her days in the off season working in other people’s kitchens and, when not doing that, she’d spent her on-season hours working to make something of their little stand while dreaming out loud of a place just like the one he had now. With this restaurant he would not let her down. With Canela he’d see her legacy of good food live on. And he’d also not let his friends down. He’d bust his ass to make sure Carter and Aidan made their money back with interest. No way would he be the one out of the three of them to fall.
After taking another swig of his beer, Vin pulled it away from his lips and let out a low sigh. He didn’t know what had gotten into him tonight. It wasn’t his usual first of the month money musings. It was something more, and he knew he had to shake it. He didn’t like feeling powerless or out of control. He’d had enough of that in his life. He also didn’t like the idea of his fate resting in the hands of others. He had to find a way to drum up new business. Vin turned and headed back into his apartment through the deck’s double sliding doors. Pausing, he gave a brief whistle, and his lab, Dex, came bounding up the back deck stairs from where he was down on the sand. Dex was about to go into the apartment when Vin stopped him by holding up his hand. “Hold it right there,” he said. “You’re not bringing all that sand into the house; wipe your feet.”
Dex looked up at him sheepishly and then hopped unsteadily on the mat before the entryway to the apartment’s open-plan living room/bedroom. He looked up at Vin expectantly. Eyes wide and hopeful. At Vin’s nod he leaped into the apartment. Vin shook his head and walked in behind the dog, closing the sliders behind him. Shifting his head back and forth he tried to let go of some of the tension he felt creeping along his neck and spine. Ignoring the couch, and even the game on TV, Vin walked toward the kitchen to make something quick to eat.
Although he could have had leftovers from the day’s restaurant specials, he wasn’t in the mood. Opening his fridge and looking around, Vin furrowed his brows as he surveyed his many choices, still coming up empty. Just then a vision of full lips, smooth skin, and delicate shoulders came to his mind, and he flexed his fingers as if spontaneously his hands remembered the perfect feel of the fullness of her hips.
Shit.
Vin couldn’t believe that he was still thinking about her despite her brusque brush-off. But there she was. Wham! Once again in the forefront of his mind, and here he was, hard and hungry and still fixated on her with no remedy for the situation. With yet another long sigh, as if on automatic pilot, he reached toward the back of the fridge and pulled out what he knew was premade filling for empanadas. Vin placed the filling on his prep island as he quickly pulled out flour and butter, plus a bowl to prepare an easy dough.
He’d never had a woman cut and run the way Lily Perry did, twice no less, just when things had the chance for some real momentum. Now here it was two weeks later and he still couldn’t get her out of his mind. He’d planned to pursue her more when he’d gotten back to the reception, but when he’d returned, hard-on sufficiently dormant, she was wrapped up in her family. They’d indeed, as she’d feared, trapped her in a line dance, and though she protested by saying she hated line dances, she dipped, shimmied, and wobbled expertly with the best of them. Smiling and laughing gloriously, barely sparing him a glance for the rest of the evening.
Vin turned the fire to a medium-high flame as he filled the dough shells, his mind divided, partially on his cooking but mostly on her. Could he really blame her? It wasn’t like he went after her when he’d had the chance after their encounter under the dock. Not the way Simon had gone after her sister. Vin snorted to himself. A partial laugh, partial smirk. And look where Simon was now. Chained. Sophie was a great girl and all, but come on. Everyone knew forever was a fallacy, and the headache on the way to learning that lesson was just too much of a pain in the ass.
Nah, chasing a girl like Lily was not for him at that time, just as it wasn’t presently. Back then his mind was where his mind always was, half on the surf and the other half on his grind. He knew he wasn’t in any mental state for commitment. That sort of thing wasn’t for him anyway. It was one thing to commit with friends to a business venture but to put your heart into something more . . . No way. He’d never do that.
Although he’d inherited his mother’s gift when it came to cooking he’d seriously feared he’d inherited his father’s traits when it came to women. When not even the good love of a woman like his mother or the responsibility of taking care of a son could keep his father held down, well, Vincent had to wonder what hope there was for him. His mother, for all her love and positive reinforcement, could never deny the faint resemblances to his father when he’d go out and surf the most dangerous waves or do reckless things like zip around on his motorcycle in the rain. And she’d never stopped praying that there would be a woman who would make him want to actually settle down and slow down. He snorted. That was yet to happen. Of all the women he’d dated he’d not met one who’d been around longer than a season and the changing of weather patterns before he’d started to feel restless. He could almost see his mother now as she pull her lips together tight before opening her mouth and voicing her disapproval, not directly to him but to the pot of whatever she was cooking. “I swear, Vincent, it’s at these times I think my angel is cursed by the devil. You have your father’s same wandering spirit. A born heartbreaker is what you are.” But when he’d start to protest, she shake her head and come at him with a spoon to taste whatever delectable sauce it was she had cooked up, silencing him all together. “No matter,” she’d say. “You’ll get caught soon enough. And it won’t just be the girl’s heart that’s gets broken. I just hope I’m around to see it.”
And then he’d protest and she’d wave a hand, shooing him away as he went on, his bike roaring as he was off to his latest conquest.
All of that reminiscing didn’t matter. Canela was his first love now. All he had room for in his heart and head. Vin knew he needed to truly make a go of the restaurant and get on sure footing so that money, or lack of it, could stop being a stressor for him. He remembered what a stressor it was for his mother, raising him alone, and he’d never forgive himself for doing that to her, for spending so much of his life carefree and on his own terms that he didn’t really stop to think of her needs.
Not wanting to let his mind go any deeper, Vin popped four empanadas into the fryer and instead let his mind wander back to Lily. He was hoping he’d run into her at the reception; he was glad he did despite the outcome of their encounter. She was just as hot as he remembered, no, even hotter. And it was clear that their time apart had done her very well. Not that he knew all that much about her then besides what they’d discussed that afternoon, and they sure as much didn’t discuss much of anything lip-locked that evening. She must be nearing thirty; he knew she was younger than him but older than her sister. It was surprising, on one hand, and even refreshing how she didn’t feel the need to settle down, but part of him, the practical part, wondered if it was all an act. He hadn’t met one woman in the past few years who wasn’t on the fast track to two and a half kids and a white picket fence as she chased down her biological clock running a relay, passing the baton with her career-ladder clock. Growing up with a single mother, he could admit it was a tough race.
But it wasn’t his race. He wasn’t chasing clocks, fences, or kids. At least not yet. And truth be told, he didn’t think he ever would be. Presently, and for the foreseeable future, all he saw was his restaurant, building that in his mother’s honor, and while his body held out, his surfboard and battling the waves. That was enough for him. Enough to keep him, if not happy, content for a good long while.
Vin took his empanadas out of the fryer and set them on a paper towel to dry. Frowning, he transferred them to a small plate, then opened another beer while heading over to the couch to flip on Sports Center and the results of the game. Dex came sniffing around, all eyes and whines, but Vin headed him off with a chew toy tossed over to his bed. “Sorry, dude, I’m not in a sharing mood tonight.”
Leaning back he made quick work of the small, hot pies but still wasn’t satisfied. He let out a groan when images of Lily in that pretty semi-sheer dress came back to his mind. The way it fluttered up in the breeze and he caught glimpses of her smooth, curvy thighs. Just the thought had him going hard again. Damn! You’d think he was a teenager with no control over his own body the way she stirred him up.
But, man, was she hot. That gorgeous, soft brown skin of hers that reminded him of sugared cinnamon, and he could just about taste her on his tongue. Her lips. So pretty and pouty. Cute as hell even when she frowned. Little did she know that frown only served to tease him and made him want to kiss her all the more. Vin flexed his fists as his hands remembered the feel of her perfectly shaped ass under his palms. He let out a groan. Fuck. This was getting ridiculous.
Looking down at his empty plate with a frown, Vin suddenly was more than hungry. It was as if his hunger had turned to a longing. But a longing for what exactly? He shook his head. Even for him this type of thinking was a bit dramatic but with the dramatic thoughts and the deep hunger Vin knew that another batch of empanadas just wouldn’t cut it. Ignoring the TV and the depressing score results from the New York teams, Vin picked up his phone and quickly scrolled through the contacts. There were plenty of women he could call to help his current urges. He’d be satisfied and so would she, but frustratingly there was only one contact on his list whom he really wanted to call and she’d made it clear that he might as well lose her number. Lily had told him in no uncertain terms that he was nothing more than a wedding reception playmate and if they were to get in touch, it would be business only. She was a woman who liked to be in charge, calling the shots, and wanted it no other way. And though he could admit that sexy boss ladyness was part of her appeal, it did nothing for his current situation. Should he call her, make up a business proposition that she’d clearly see through in a moment? Or just give up and wait it out until the next Perry wedding, which was sure to come soon?
Part of Vin knew that Lily was totally full of crap with all her talk. There was no way should could have been faking her responses to him. He’d felt her excitement, the way her body quivered ever so slightly as his tongue stroked hers, and unless she was the best actress ever she was just as heated as he was. Those were some hard-ass nipples he’d felt under the pads of his fingertips. Part of him knew a repeat would not be wholly frowned upon. He was sure of it.
So why didn’t they just pick up where they’d left off and have something mutually satisfying for them both? Clearly the need for release wasn’t one-sided. Vin shifted uncomfortably in his jeans, and with that, his decision was made. But he couldn’t call her this late. This late, a call would definitely be considered a bootie call, and only a bootie call to a woman like Lily, even if it was just to pick up where they’d left off at her sister’s wedding, would not be taken favorably. But despite making out twice, she wasn’t the type you just rung up past eleven. No, with Lily a man had to have a plan. He’d wait another day or two and then tell her he’d been thinking of her. Maybe offer her a special dinner at his restaurant. Their date, whether she was up for strictly business or pleasure has been months in the making—the least he could do was put in a little effort.
* * *
Lily was exhausted as she flipped from the news to the sound of the late-night banter of the evening talk show host. But exhaustion aside, she opened her laptop to do a little research for her latest client. Owning her own business meant that nine-to-five was not a part of her vocabulary; she was a 24–7 type of operation. Not quite a one-woman show, her boutique event-planning organization also included her part-time assistant, Tori, running everything with her; the two of them had to fudge it and pretend to be big-time to hang with the sophisticated Manhattan firms that catered to the rich and famous.
Thankfully she was finally starting to wedge her name in with that set, and her latest client, Chelsea Carlyle, had hired her to put together the ultimate in graduation parties for her daughter, Christie. Normally Lily preferred to stick to corporate events and weddings, but with corporate downsizing and the economy, corporations weren’t spending as much as they had in the past on events and increasingly, weddings were becoming intimate destination situations, so her New York specialized services weren’t as in demand as she had hoped. Still she would not be defeated. Lily knew she had talent and she loved this business, so she’d find a way to make it work. Hence here she was putting together what was essentially a glorified kiddie party. No matter though, with the long reach of a socialite like Chelsea Carlyle it would do Lily a load of good if this party went off without a hitch and her business name would get a certain cache if it was uttered from the right side of Chelsea’s mouth. There was always a birthday, and bar and bat mitzvahs came around every year, not to mention sweet sixteens and Quinceañeras.
Lily tightened her lips as she opened up a new program on her laptop to begin to storyboard some party ideas. But her brows drew together as her mind started to wander yet again to heated kisses, strong hands, and the feel of rough scruff as it rubbed against her bare cheek and down her décolletage. Lily gave her head a shake to clear it. This won’t do. She’d been telling herself the words repeatedly in the two weeks since her wooded tryst with Vincent Caro.
After the wedding, she and Thomas had talked only briefly. He’d felt like there wasn’t much of a need to offer up excuses as to why he couldn’t come to the wedding since they weren’t a couple like that. But he’d generously (his words) offered to pay for his uneaten meal. Lily told him to send the check to her sister as a wedding present and let him know she wouldn’t be contacting him for future dates. It was no use getting bent out of shape about it. In all relationships someone eventually leaves. Even in those relationships where you’re not really together. She figured in this case she’d get a jump on what was inevitable. It wasn’t worth it to have a man on your arm if he was just weighing you down like an anchor, and Thomas was definitely turning into an anchor.
Besides, if he had been there she wouldn’t have been able to have so much fun with Vin. That also wasn’t turning out as it should have. She’d made a clean break from Vin after their little, okay, not-so-little encounter. So why was it he was still firmly taking up so much space in her mind? What was this preoccupation with Vincent Caro? Even if things went further with him to the point of finally going past hand-to-hand groping, Lily knew she couldn’t, no, wouldn’t get but so close. So why stress it so much?
She let out a frustrated sigh as her stomach growled. Great, just the thought of that tall, delicious hunk of man and Lily was hungry. Hungry and horny. She put her laptop aside on her bed and headed toward the kitchen. Opening her fridge she was almost blinded by the brightness of the light reflecting off the practically empty space.
“Shit,” she murmured. How long had it been since she’d taken a visit to the grocery store? She’d been going from job to job almost nonstop, mostly having food on the run, and then on her nights off she’d been hightailing it out to the island to see her family. Guilted by her mom, and truth be told Mama Dee too, to not miss out on their weekly family dinners. All the Perry women, Mama Dee, though a Henton, took the Perry name in stride since taking the place at the other end of the table in the absence of their father. The gathering was large now with extra folding chairs with the sudden addition of male extensions in the form of the new brothers-in-law. To Lily though, the dinners were still bittersweet without her dad and though she knew she was angry she still missed him.
But as much as she wanted to be a no show she knew she couldn’t have missed out on tonight’s dinner, because Sophie and Simon were back and sharing tales and photos from their honeymoon in Hawaii. Not that she hadn’t seen them all already on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and any other way her sister could poke the hell out of everyone with her wedded bliss. Lily reminded herself that Sophie was living the dream, and it was a dream that she had helped create by giving her the advice of forgoing the usual bridal registry and instead having guests help pay for certain extras on their honeymoon. Both Sophie and Simon’s social media accounts were filled with likes and hearts from people who were happy to see them getting massages by the pool or zip-lining through the lush terrain of their generosity.
Coming away from the fridge with nothing more than limp celery stalks and suspiciously dated hummus, Lily dumped both in the trash and headed back to the bedroom to work.
She clicked a few keys and made a couple of notes in her leather-bound planner. She knew what she really wanted, and that was to work out the restlessness she was having in the nether regions of her body. For that she really wanted the body of one Vincent Caro. Lily pulled the hem of her T-shirt down, bringing it lower over her hips, while pulling up on the throw at her feet so that it came up over her bare legs. Suddenly chilled, she knew what would warm her, and felt nothing but frustration. After picking up her phone, she scrolled through until she once again found Vin’s never-really-deleted number. She let her eyes glance over the fours and the sevens but stopped herself before the number seeped any deeper into her memory banks. Vexed, she put the phone back down with a sigh.
There was no way she could call him after the way she’d left things. Walking away like she was all big and bad and had not a care in the world. Of course she had a care, and he had the upper hand, which he’d used, once again, to let her know that he gave not two craps about their encounter by making no effort to get in touch with her. Yet again. Lily twisted her lips with frustration.
What did it matter? Especially with a guy like him. She knew he was best left forgotten, and besides, someone else would be along soon enough. Someone always came along. If not for anything special, at least for taking care of the momentary urges. And that was all that mattered. Lily wasn’t looking for anything long term, because, unlike her sisters, she knew there was no such thing. Better to hold on to what you could really hold on to, and that was yourself.
Lily fiddled with her work a moment longer when Mama Dee came to her mind. Her grandmother had been so thrilled seeing Sophie and Simon’s honeymoon pictures along with the proofs from the wedding that night. But still her mother couldn’t help pointing out that Lily was the only one of her daughters alone, dateless, and therefore worthy of that matronly distinction at the wedding. She completely left their youngest sister, Violet, off since she was still in college. If the poor girl knew what Lily knew, she’d stay out of state where it was safe.
“What are we going to do with you?” her mother, Renée, had said by way of supposedly easygoing dinner conversation. It felt like echoes of Uncle Gene all over again.
Lily trained her mother with a sharp glare in the middle of the dining room as silence grew over the suddenly not-so-happy family gathering. All eyes had turned to the two of them, waiting for some big confrontation. For a moment she had imagined her brothers-in-law getting their popcorn ready, since this was quickly turning into a weekly thing. “What do you mean do with me, Mom? I was under the impression I didn’t need doing at all.”
Her mother had waved a hand. “Oh, honey, don’t go getting up in arms, now, and don’t be so dramatic and sensitive. I’m just saying you’re almost the last of my girls and you’re the oldest one. I would’ve thought you’d have snagged someone by now. I mean, it’s not like there is anything wrong with you. You’re beautiful. A bit strong-willed, Lord knows where you got that from.” That last bit she murmured under her breath, since she knew exactly where Lily got her strong personality. “You could learn to bend a little bit, at least until you get someone to lean a little in your direction. Relationships take give-and-take, you know.”
Lily had felt her temperature rise and her cheeks flame as her mother continued, seemingly oblivious to her daughter’s anger.
“I’m just saying I hate seeing you here with all of us together and then you go and get in that old jalopy of yours and head toward the city alone, at night. It doesn’t seem right. You could stay here. Your room is always waiting.”
Lily had let out a breath as she struggled to keep her control. It was baffling. Her mother had more nerve than any one person should. She was the most controlling person Lily knew, and she managed their family with an iron fist. Hell, she’d managed her father right out of his place at the table, she had. Her fist was so strong. Lily remembered the massive shouting matches her mother and father used to have, though most of the shouting was one-sided as her mother would explode over some minor infraction or another and take her feelings out on her father. For a while Lily, being the oldest, tried to be the fixer. She worked hard at keeping her sisters quiet, doing little things to distract her mother and steer her mother’s anger away from her father and toward herself. It was as if Lily saw the writing on the wall before either one of them did. He father had called Lily their glue.
Forgiving her mother for her outbursts, he’d explain to Lily when she’d asked why he took her tirades, that love meant bending a bit and seeing past the surface to inside the other person. He’d told Lily he saw inside her mother and knew her deep down where it counted. What a load of bull. It turned out he’d seen inside quite a few other women in the Rockaways and the neighboring counties, and no amount of glue Lily was trying to spread around her home was holding that together.
But still, in that moment, a grown Lily had looked around the table and, feeling like a silly child, wished she could go back to the days when her father was still there and when she still believed in men like him, or men like the one he’d pretended to be. Those who accepted women despite their crankiness and flaws. Their outbursts and mental meltdowns. The ones who gave women a soft space to land instead of the hard concrete that the outside world offered.
Back then if her father was sitting in his usual spot and her mother’s ire was directed her way, he’d be there to give Lily that assurance, that bit of help that he’d always give when her mother came down on her for being flighty or daydreaming or just being her own strong willed self.
Lily knew what he would say, and the memory of it made her smile. “Oh, Renée,” he’d ease out in that slow drawl of his, which was more south of the border than any place north of DC. “You let the girl be. She knows what she’s doing with herself. Don’t you worry about Lily, she’s got it all together.” Then he’d give Lily a serious pat on the hand, his eyes getting a hint of a misty glaze about them. “It will be a sad day when I have to hand you over to another to love, because he surely won’t care for you as much as I do, baby girl.”
Lily had inwardly sighed. Her father wasn’t there, and for all his talk of love and seeing deep inside, he’d left her mother for some woman who was about as deep as a birdbath. Silicone enhanced breasts and an over exaggerated bottom to match, and the kicker was she wasn’t more than ten years Lily’s senior. Hell, her picture still graced their high school cabinet, under the cheer trophies. Lily was devastated the day her father moved out. But still he returned for each of his daughter’s weddings, Little Miss Cheer now gone and a new woman clinging to his arm at each gathering. And through it all, her mother put on a brave face while her frown lines deepened. Lily watched her grow more and more bitter as each year passed. Lily had snorted to herself then. Really she should thank her parents. From them she learned that nothing was forever and only heartbreak was guaranteed. Love? Well, that was for dreamers, and when it came to relationships she was done being one of those.
Lily had looked back at her mother, ready to give her prepared speech about her work and being perfectly happy, when a voice came from the end of the table. “Oh, Renée, let the girl be. Give it a rest. She knows what she’s all about.” Lily let out a much-needed breath. It was Mama Dee speaking the words she longed to hear from her father. Lily turned and gave her grandmother a smile.
Mama Dee looked over at Lily’s mom. “Now, you know I want to see all the girls settled and happy, and it’ll do my heart good, before I go, to know that they will be taken care of, but these are modern times. They have partners now, and the taking care works both ways. Lily will be fine. She’s a smart women, and she’s taking care of herself. Besides, I believe when she finds the right one everything will work out according to plan. And if Mr. Right doesn’t come along, his loss.” And with that declaration Mama Dee turned and gave Lily a smile that was a touch more chilling than reassuring.
“Before you go?” Lily had said. “Why must you go talking like that, Mama Dee? You know you ain’t going nowhere.”
But like her father, Mama Dee had reached over and put her hand over Lily’s. Her touch was cool and not at all comforting but forced Lily to meet her eyes and not look away. “Oh, honey, we all going sometime and by right, and if I’m lucky my time will be well before all of you.” She’d smiled then and waved her hand, clearly trying to lighten the mood. “So of course I want to get my groove on at weddings for all my girls before I go. I just have you and Violet to go, and I’m gonna do my best with taking my meds and keeping these old hips well lubricated so they are in dancing shape for when that time comes.” Mama Dee had then done a little shimmy in her chair that had everyone giggling.
But Lily couldn’t find her smile, and remembering her grandmother’s shimmy now as she tried to focus on the laptop keys and on the Carlyle graduation party gave Lily pause. Why was it that her family couldn’t understand that she was living her life as she felt she needed? Why was her mother so concerned about her being alone and needing a man? Was it that she really felt so disconnected now that Daddy had moved on? She more than anyone should be proud of her only daughter who had broken free and didn’t fall for the “marriage is the only way to happiness” load of bullcrap.
Lily shook her head. This was not where she needed her mind to be, and it frustrated her to no end. She needed to work, not be worried about her mother and her cutting remarks or the fact that maybe she was making those cutting remarks because she was feeling lonely and possibly scared for her daughter and her future. She also didn’t need the added guilt from Mama Dee with buzzkill talk about her mortality. Who could let that slide? Talk about good cop, bad cop. Between the two of them they were about to send her over the edge.
Lily remembered kissing Mama Dee’s cool, soft cheek, and her final words as she had left the house. “Don’t you pay your mama no mind, baby. You got this. Everything you do is gonna be a success. And one day I will see you walk down that aisle, and I’ll be grinning from ear to ear. Trust me, someone is going to catch you, and it’s going to be quite the party.”
She’d shaken her head at Mama Dee and, with a wave of the hand, told her to stop all that talk, that she had plenty of work to do before she even considered marriage. She’d sooner see her name on some top business list before she saw herself walking down a church aisle.
With a frustrated sigh Lily put her mind back on her work as she tapped the keys and started surfing the Internet looking for some inspiration. During her party search she happened across a strange article: “Woman Weds Oneself in the Ultimate Act of Self-Love.” Accompanying the article was a picture of a beautiful woman of forty-five, maybe fifty, with a wide-open smile; smooth, clear skin; and an updo. She was dressed in a white wedding dress and a veil and surrounded by a ten-person female wedding party at some sort of alter.
Lily read the short article quickly and at the end was longing for more details. Could this woman really have wed herself? The article said there was a ceremony, guests and family present to cheer her on as she made a commitment to honor herself in love, care, and devotion.
Her mouth hanging open, Lily read the article again. She was both shocked and excited, her mind racing. Could this be a new budding business opportunity? How many women did she know who were ready to have their dream wedding but were missing that one important little component? The groom.
Also, how many of these women were just like her. Fine with their lives as they were but the world seemed to think they were some sort of charity cases—on the shelf, as it were—just because they hadn’t yet walked down the aisle into the waiting arms of some man. No one gave a woman the credit that men got for the freedom singledom afforded them. The freedom to come and go as you pleased, to consider only yourself when it came to meals (so what if she currently had nothing in her fridge?), the freedom to vacation in any way the winds took her, not to mention the sexual freedom that singledom afforded her or any single women. No, these things were touted as pluses only for bachelors, never for women happy and single in their thirties and forties. Lily grinned. It was as if this article had opened her eyes to a whole new world of celebrations, and she was almost giddy with the possibilities of it.
But still, the article itself seemed almost blasphemous. Just by her upbringing and society being what it is, Lily couldn’t help but think, who would do such a thing and what would others think about this person? It seemed so ridiculous and almost, dare she say, selfish. Just thinking of something so freeing and fabulous as being selfish made her want to kick her own ass. But she knew how people were, and women were most critical of their own kind. She could practically hear the criticism even before the invites went out. A wedding could be expensive, and she was sure most people would think, hell, a person could just spend the money on a nice rejuvenation vacation and keep it moving. Maybe the whole venture was an awful idea. Lily sighed, suddenly feeling deflated, and her balloon hadn’t even gotten off the ground.
And just to put a pin good and well in the already fragile idea, Lily decided to scroll through the comments section, expecting the worse. A few people were kind, giving the woman a thumbs-up for being so brave, but for the most part the comments were scathing, with folks skewering the woman for being just what Lily embarrassingly thought at first glance, selfish. They called her self-indulgent, an attention seeker, and desperate. Desperate. Ouch. That was the worst one of all.
The word cut Lily to her core as she thought of Uncle Gene and his prying questions wedding after wedding after wedding. “When is it going to be your turn to get married?” he’d say like an undertrained parrot. With his har-har laugh and a stupid point with his finger gun. Yeah, he’d say it was all innocent banter, but she knew it wasn’t. She knew all the cutting remarks and Aunt Ruby making judgy eyes along with cousin Nikki as her hype girl. The three of them didn’t come out and say it, but they didn’t work hard to hide that they felt there was something quite desperate about her no matter how much she declared the opposite.
Lily looked again at the picture of the woman from the article. She was beautiful. No, not your conventional angular, skinny model beautiful, but she was still beautiful nonetheless. Brown skin, glossy hair—and that smile of hers was captivating. She was a person anyone would want to know or want to be around. And in that moment looking at the picture, Lily wanted to be around her; Lily wanted to know her. Lily did know her. Lily was her.
The realization of the bond with this woman she didn’t know and never met hit Lily like a sucker punch to the gut. Lily looked at the woman’s bright smile, her flawless skin, and her sparking eyes and knew the woman was leaps and bounds ahead of her. She was where, for all her talk, Lily wanted to be. Lily wanted to express that type of inner strength, to say, “Fuck it! I love myself, I’m worthy to receive love, and that is a truth that is good enough for me to celebrate. I don’t need any man to be the validator in order to make it true.”
Suddenly, the image of her mother came to mind and how much more bitter she’d become since her father had left them. Did his walking away from the marriage somehow make her any less worthy of love? Hell, no. She then thought of Mama Dee, who’d found her true love after going through her fair share of frogs along the way. Was she any less loveable during the highs and the lows? Of course not. And for all the talk of dancing at Lily’s wedding? She’d get her dance on, all right. Lily would make sure of it.
Excited, Lily shifted from her laptop to her cell and quickly tapped out a message to her assistant, Tori.
We need to start making plans; we have a wedding.
Already used to the crazy schedule, Tori seemed to be sleeping with her phone surgically attached to her fingers.
Great! Who’s the client?
Me!
Lily was met with nothing but three dots for about a minute and a half. She could almost imagine Tori looking at the screen openmouthed. Finally Tori came back with a reply.
This time the silence was much longer, and Lily couldn’t help but giggle. Poor Tori probably didn’t know what to say. It was fine. Tori was an excellent assistant, and Lily was sure that by morning she’d have her head back on straight. Feeling slightly nervous, but ultimately great about her decision, Lily was once again full of energy and ready to get back on track with work. She now had another project to go all in on, adding her wedding to the mix, but still there was a question of Vincent Caro. Like a bad earworm, he was back on her mind and the stirrings were back in her belly and, dammit, farther below. She was still hungry, that problem nagging at her, brewing up another momentary lapse of reason as she fired off a quick e-mail to Tori telling her to set up a meeting for her with a hot, new potential caterer for her wedding.