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Harry’s talking over the noise of the karaoke, and I have to focus to hear above all the memories and apprehensions clamouring for my brain’s attention. I’m like a goldfish, all mouth popping and no words.
‘How did you find me?’
‘Pure luck.’ He grins. All white teeth and charisma.
‘Uh huh.’ I’m not sure I believe him. And I’m not sure how I feel about him finding me.
‘It must be a relief to be legal at last,’ he says.
I panic. Flash him a look.
‘Just teasing.’
A girl two seats away bleats at me, ‘Hey! Are you serving tonight or what?’
I tell her to chill her bits and ask Harry what he’d like. He orders boutique, of course. What else would he drink in his designer-looking suit? And since when did Harry wear suits? His white shirt emphasises what smooth, tanned skin is visible on his face. That beard. I don’t like it.
He sips on the frothing neck, then looks directly at me. ‘You should be singing Adele. Or something classier.’ He follows this with a killer smile that sends me back to that porch, his guitar, the hammock. Home.
‘Yeah, right.’
I fetch the girl her Cruiser and come back to Harry. I want to know why he’s here. How he found me. And does anyone else know?
‘You still sound good. Up there.’ He nods towards the stage
‘Ha. I only do it cos the boss insists.’
‘You always did underestimate yourself. You’re looking great, by the way. Grown up nice.’
‘Thanks.’ I grin, chuffed even though it’s probably a line. Snap’s taught me to recognise them. I’ve also picked up that giving an indulgent smile, big eyes and a blank expression leads to bigger tips. The guys like it. A lot. But this is Harry.
I pour a fifth – or is it a sixth? – bourbon and Coke for the ginger-bearded bloke next to him. ‘Last one for a while,’ I tell Ginger, with an I’m-not-to-blame, I’m-just-the-help look. He smiles and holds his glass up. ‘Cheers.’ He’ll be back in half an hour asking for another.
I glance at Harry. I’m not going to do polite conversation. ‘So, what are you doing here?’
‘I came to hear you sing again.’
‘What?’
‘I heard you last week.’
I gape. He was here and didn’t say anything? How did I miss that? I face him, hands on hips. ‘That’s a little creepy.’
He shrugs. ‘Ever considered going pro?’
‘Yeah, sure. All the time.’ I slosh a glass into a tub of soapy water, ready for the dishwasher.
This is too weird. I haven’t seen him in, what, over two years, and this is the conversation?
‘Listen, I’m serious. If you’re interested ...’ He reaches into his pocket.
Who is he kidding? I'm too short, too awkward, too ordinary, and not dumb enough to fall for it. Professional singers are skinny chicks with amazing voices and the confidence to wear anything, anytime and get away with it. On a kind day, when I haven’t consumed a whole jar of Nutella, I’d call myself curvy. But it’s not just that. Picking up where we left off would be taking a huge step backwards. I left Wineera to forget.
A Roy Orbison backing track starts up, and there’s raucous cheering and clapping for some regular who always picks ‘Blue Bayou’ and ‘Pretty Woman’. Harry is distracted, writing something on the paper he’s pulled from his pocket. I move further down the bar to clear empties from the beer mat. I can’t help glancing back. He’s hot. He looks up from his writing and catches me peeking. He smiles, too wide, too white, too perfect. I melt, and for sure I’m blushing. This is not good. I have to escape. Somewhere. Anywhere.
With a tilt of my head, I signal to Snap. ‘Smoko.’ Not that I smoke, but it’s the only legitimate way to get a break apart from a flying toilet visit. Snap has a cocktail shaker in mid-flight. He flutters a hand at me and yells over the din of the karaoke.
‘Take your time, honey. I’ve got you covered.’
As I pass Harry, I lean over and shout, ‘Taking a break. Great to see you.’ I don’t wait for a reply.
The loading dock stinks with its industrial bins, but it’s the only quiet place for a minute’s peace. I sit in a ratty chair, careful to avoid the filthy card table with its overflowing ashtray.
Hell. Harry.
I lean back and take in the night sky. It’s clear, though the city lights are obliterating billions of stars. That’s something to be said for back home. If you take away the stuff you don’t want to remember, the Mallee has a beauty, a quality that words alone can’t capture. Something gets imprinted in you.
And great. Now I’m thinking about Mum, and that sets off the guilts because I’ve never been back. Not that she’d recognise me in her state. I do call the hospice now and then though – only from the pub’s payphone, in case I get traced. It’s paranoia, but there was the fire, and ... I can’t be dragged back to that life. I just can’t.
The nurses say Mum’s doing okay but deteriorating, which is normal. It must be awful being so dependent, unable to communicate, even to ask for a simple glass of water. I sometimes wonder if euthanasia became legal, would I be capable of helping her along? And would I know if she was ready to die? Too hard basket.
Damn Harry for bringing it all back. What’s he really doing here anyway? I sigh. It’s incredibly rude to avoid him like this, but I don’t know what to say to him. Wineera seems like another lifetime. He better not tell anyone he’s found me.
The noise from inside rises a level as Bob opens the back door and sticks his head through the tangle of flyscreen tassels. ‘Hey! What’re you doin’?’
I hold up my water bottle. ‘Just getting some air. I’ll be there in a mini. Gotta go to the loo.’
‘Move a bit faster, will you? Drinks don’t serve themselves.’
When he turns his back, I pull a face and give him the bird. It took me only one night to figure out I don’t like Bob. Eight months on has made no improvement. He’s relentless. ‘Why don’t you wear a skirt, sweetie? You’ll get bigger tips.’
I’ve told him not to call me ‘Sweetie’ or ‘Honey’. It makes me want to retch. Snap, on the other hand, still calls me Kitten, and I don’t mind. He’s affectionate; Bob’s a perv.
I’m not sure what’s worse: the early hours and minimum wage at my old supermarket job, or the drunken fools and stench of stale alcohol here. At least there’s Snap. It doesn’t matter anyway, because soon we’re both going to restart our VCE, then I’ll get a better part-time job when I start uni. Not sure what I’ll aim for yet. Maybe primary school teaching. Or kindy. Little kids are cool. They don’t bullshit. There’s a childcare centre I pass on my way to work here. I love seeing all those rosy faces, curly heads and cute backpacks. What’s not to like?
Anyhow, as long as Bob keeps his hands to himself, I can put up with this place.
Sigh. Time to head back into the fray. I pause behind the flyscreen tassels. Bob has the freakin’ things everywhere. They’re usually annoying, catching on our food trays, but tonight they’re earning their keep as camouflage while I check if Harry has gone.
Damn. He’s still there, handing something to Snap. Snap gives him a wink and a salute. ‘Yes, sir!’ he sing-songs. Harry turns and leaves. Good, now I can relax. I take my position at the bar and eye Snap. He’s busy writing something.
When he’s done, he slinks over and makes a production of handing me a folded note. I love how he feels free to be himself here. He’s like a dancer the way he moves, sleek as a cat.
I ignore his outstretched paw. ‘You auditioning for Strictly Ballroom?’
‘Biartch! And here I am doing you a favour.’ He bumps me with his hip. ‘He wants to buy you a birthday drink.’
I shake my head. ‘No.’
‘Just take it, honey. He can probably throw you a better party than I can.’
‘I told you, I don’t want a party.’
‘Sheesh! When was the last time, anyway? I bet it’s like the Sahara down there.’
I ignore him, turning to a customer. Snap moves behind me and shoves the note in the back pocket of my jeans. Anyone else, I would have biffed them, but Snap is the closest thing to a sister I’ve ever had. He’d love me for saying that.
‘Call him,’ Snap says. ‘If you don’t, I will.’
‘Yeah, maybe.’
‘Maybe won’t get the lady laid.’
‘You do know we both went to school with him?’
‘What?’ He puts his hand over his heart. ‘I missed my opportunity? Who is he?’
‘Harry Carter. We used to be study buddies.’
‘Well! Second time around is even better.’
‘We never ... we’re not even ...’
‘One word,’ he says. ‘Fuck buddies.’
‘Snap!’ I fake a shocked look. ‘That’s two words. And wash your mouth out. It’s not going to happen.’
Snap slaps my butt and saunters off to stack glasses in the bench-top dishwasher. I can’t help grinning; he’s a brilliant human being. And he knows I love him – he tells me so all the time. I can imagine what would happen if I brought Harry home to meet him: sly looks, offerings of scrambled eggs in bed in the morning, jokes about threesomes. And worse – our apartment building might be brick on the outside, but the wall between our bedrooms is only plasterboard. Anyone I dared to share my bed with would get an eye-opening education in the thin hours of the morning. That’s when Snap starts working his phone-sex line.
He says most clients are lonely guys who are happy to rack up a quick few minutes talking dirty before finishing, but his ultimate favourite is the rare female who sits on the line for up to forty-five minutes while he builds up her self-esteem. He says someone has to provide the service to those in need.
Who am I to judge? It helps pay his share of the rent.
‘Earth to planet Lauren.’ Snap is clicking his fingers at me. ‘Thinking about Mr Hunkarama?’
‘No. I just remembered our rent is due tomorrow.’
He makes a pouty face. ‘Killjoy.’
We both turn our heads as a barrage of squealing girls bursts into the bar, complete with a hen in frilly white veil and pink sash declaring her the Bride-to-Be.
‘Oh goodie,’ Snap sighs. ‘It’s Katy Perry and her entourage.’
Bob has come behind the bar to top up his drink, but he hurries back to the stage, starts up the karaoke machine and yells, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our very own Meghan Trainor.’ He points at me. I roll my eyes and head up to the stage where Bob throws me the mic. It smells like beer. God, it’s nearly one in the morning, and I wish I were in bed. As I sing ‘Dear future husband’ I look around the bar. Which spot was Harry hiding in last week when I missed him?
