A WOMAN in her twenties. Looking at us.
WOMAN … I broke up with a guy not all that long ago so I’m, you know … yeah. I’m not really ready for too much of anything but it’s just kinda, I dunno … weird, even at my age, to be without someone. To not at least have that man who calls me up and wants to take me out, even if I can’t make it … maybe that’s all I need. Is that. Someone to want me, or … (Beat.) What I used to do, and this is so childish, I realize that—but if I had a relationship end … and I mean if, like, he ran out on me or that type of thing, cheated with someone: I would go out a few nights later to the bars and look around—it didn’t matter where—could even be at a restaurant or maybe a car dealer or wherever, and I’d find—there is no way I should be telling you this!—I’d go after the biggest loser in the place and then I’d fuck him. Yeah. Not as a revenge or, or, you know, anything like that—and I’m not saying the ugliest one or a mean guy, an asshole or anyone of that nature—but just the guy who you’d spot—and you can find this kind of person in nearly any place you go, the laundromat or at, maybe a coffee shop … places like that are good—and I’d go right over to him and offer myself up. (Beat.) I don’t mean like it was obvious or anything, not like “Here I am, take me now” or shit like that but just be really really nice to him and laugh at his jokes maybe, let him ask me out to dinner or even to a film—you can’t imagine some of the shit I’ve seen with these guys, like with the subtitles at the bottom and all that! Ohhhh Jesus, I thought I was gonna die a few times—but that’s what I’d do. I would do that. Go out on the date and then back over to his place, if he had one, and then let him fuck me. Fuck me as many times as he could or, or wanted to … do anything he might ever dream up—trust me, a man like the kind I’m saying here is not all that super-inventive, they just feel so lucky to be even near you that they cum, like, in two seconds most of the time and spend the rest of the evening on the edge of the bed apologizing to you. Seriously. (Beat.) Never twice, though, ok? Don’t be … that mistake is one I’ve made so don’t do it. It’s not even, I dunno, not that it’s so bad or like you’re starting up some sort of relationship or anything, but if you see that kind of guy again—any kind at all, really, but definitely the needier ones—then you’re just getting yourself in deeper. You know? I mean, I saw this one again, type I mentioned, took me to the local aquarium or some deal and then out for ice creams—whatever—we fucked that night. Like I said, how I described. Fine. Something in me, though, and I’ve tried to go back and track it down, see what it was that was so different about him but, see, I left him my number. Yep. And of course, I mean, yes, he calls me again—picked another moment where I was feeling low about something, might have been about work or, shit, I dunno, but I said alright, yeah, that I’d see him for a second time. I think his name was Chip. Yes, it was, because when I heard it I was, like, “Fuck, what? Chip?” Anyways, we go to Six Flags (you know, with all those rides and games and things) which is pretty fun, I have to admit, and the whole time he’s a complete gentleman … no sense of a “date” where I have to hold his hand or be all smiley, no, we’re just laughing and … eating pizza and a ton of good stuff, but: back at his apartment that night, he’s totally different. I’m serious. Just more, and this is slightly, that’s all, just slightly, but still—wants me to undress in front of him and a little rougher going inside me, just a few things that a girl would notice, he’s like that this time. And he tricks me! He does, he totally turns a blow-job around on me where I’ve been really specific in that I don’t swallow—I mean, only for a guy who’s, not even just special but like “the one,” you know? “Him.” Marriage-guy. Super cute. Super rich. Super smart. That type of person … somebody who is, like, a game-changer and that is not Chip. Chip’s not even in the minor leagues of the kind of guy I’m talking about here … he’s the “Oh shit … it’s two a.m. I should think about finding a guy for tonight” sort of person … that’s who Chip is … not a big-league player like I’m looking for if I choose to gulp down his stuff. Does that make sense? It must … you must understand exactly what I’m saying because those are my rules and they’re really not that much different than most girls I know, so I’m guessing you know exactly what I’m talking about. Of course you do, you have to. And Chip certainly does … he totally gets it, knows his place in the food chain … I mean, I’ve told him already, this Chip, he definitely knows the rules and he says “Okay, no problem” and so I trust him to follow the guidelines and whatever, to just do his thing and then, you know … right? But Chip gets all, I mean, he is totally shallow breathing me here, as if we’ve just started and he could go on for however long and then he’s, like, blam! He quivers and shoots a quart of his … I don’t even like thinking about it, so imagine when it goes everywhere: mouth, my face, Stones T-shirt I’m wearing … ppplllttt! O-kay, that’s lovely! And as I look up at him, getting ready to head off to the bathroom to clean up, he has this look on his face. Not a smile, it’s not quite that, but in his eyes, this … sort of a gleam or something. The way a regular guy might look at me if he’d done that. Some good-looking guy who gets away with that kinda shit in bed or even life because of his face or what he does for a living or maybe his family … Chip is sitting there, off in the shadows and watching me, with this faint little grin and his pupils flaring up … excited by what he’s just done to me. We don’t say a word about it to each other and I leave not that much later but he hardly even seems interested in me after that—with these big yawns and this continuous stream of “I have to work in the morning” just to let me know I wasn’t invited to stay over. My Stones shirt is ruined and I’m sure I definitely downed some of his nasty jizz and that’s what I get from my second date with Chip? I’m not welcome to sleep over for a few hours? That’s nice. So I’m just saying, and your life is your own so do what you wanna, but hey: beware. Okay? However, if you wanna fuck someone so so grateful the first time around … and I’m saying, like, in tears and shit … that type of grateful, then you so have to screw a guy like the ones I was mentioning earlier. You really really do. But yeah, be careful—just the one time. Oh, and they will totally eat your pussy, and as many times as you ask them to, so that’s something—not that they know what they’re doing down there but most times it’s still good enough to be at least ok. I mean, end of the day, it’s just licking, right? Anybody can do it. (Beat.) But yeah. That’s what I’ve done sometimes … when I’m feeling down or I find out the dude I’m with is actually married, I’ll go do that. I mean, I don’t end up dating ’em or anything, I’m not crazy! Right? It’s just a little thing that I’ll do, like a habit, or, or, or—I dunno, what else would you call it? A hobby, maybe. Yeah, like that. This thing you do every so often, makes ya feel good about yourself, nobody’s the wiser. It’s a hobby. (Beat.) I know it’s not the best thing, it’s probably pretty dangerous and crap like that, too, I know that, so I do try and curb that side of me these days, I really really do. But sometimes I can’t help it … I’m a bad girl. And honestly, there is nothing like a super lame guy with his cock inside of you and sobbing as he goes to make you feel pretty alright about yourself. It’s true. (Beat.) … hey, I’m not pretending it’s the smart choice or, or, like, the most adult thing to do in the world. I’m just saying that it works for me. Ok? (Beat.) Alright then. Jesus …
She stops talking for a moment. Looks at us. Nods. Looks away.
THE END.