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1. George Clooney

Pros: Good jaw. Piercing eyes. Makes you feel like you’re the only one in the room. Funny.

Cons: Amal is clever, beautiful and we really like her.

2. Idris Elba

Pros: Arms that go right round. Twinkly handsomeness. Calming bedtime stories voice.

Cons: Too popular with other girls. Too many dangerous speedy / fighty hobbies combined with too many white T-shirts to maintain.

3. Frank Sinatra

Pros: He’s got me under his skin. Well connected.

Cons: Too small. Is dead.

4. Emma Willis

Pros: Great hair so I can share / steal products. Smells lovely (I imagine).

Cons: Too tall in heels.

5. Nigel Farage

Pros: None.

Cons: Infinite.

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