Minor Conversations—The Room Before

A WAITING ROOM

A MAN sits down in the waiting room. This is JED. After a few beats, a WOMAN walks in. She sits down, not acknowledging Jed. This is TRISH. Jed checks her out. But slick, so as not to get caught. She ignores him, but can feel his eyes. She pulls a book out of her purse and begins to read.

A few more silent beats. Then Jed leans in.

JED: Just waiting, huh?

She slowly picks up her head.

TRISH: Yeah.

Jed nods his head.

JED: Yeah.

She clearly wants to be left alone.

JED: You mind if I ask what for?

She thinks a bit.

TRISH: Yeah.

Jed shifts back in his seat.

JED: Okay. No problem. Don’t want to be a pest. Just a question.

He waits. Leans in to her.

JED: Too big?

TRISH: Excuse me?

JED: The question. Too big? Is the question too big? Not in length, obviously. Not the statement itself, but rather the… You know? The weight. It’s heavy. It’s got some stuff to it. Yeah?

TRISH: Maybe, yes.

JED: Right. I get it. Believe you me, I understand. What are we doing? What’s going on? What’s it all about? I get it. It’s a lot.

TRISH: Right.

JED: You ever think? I mean, not you personally. I mean yes, I’m asking you, but not you specifically. Like the general you. Us really. You ever think?

TRISH: Do I ever think what?

JED: This. This here. This is where we’d end up? Waiting. Just waiting.

TRISH: Yeah.

JED: Right?

TRISH: Yeah.

JED: Not a lot for words you, huh?

TRISH: Excuse me?

JED: You got a nice mouth. Should use it maybe.

TRISH: Who the hell are you?

JED: Hey, listen, lady. Don’t go left with me. This is your fault. I’m being nice. I’m killing time. What are we doin’? I even complimented you. You want to be left alone? Fine. Not another word.

She is completely dumbfounded.

TRISH: What is your name?

He waits. Offers a hand.

JED: I’m Jed.

She takes it.

TRISH: Trish, Jed.

JED: That short?

TRISH: No. Just Trish.

JED: Nice.

TRISH: How about you, Jed. Waiting for something specific?

JED: Funny you should ask.

TRISH: Because we’re here?

JED: Yeah.

TRISH: Well, that’s why I ask.

JED: Just trying to figure it out, Trish.

TRISH: Yeah. Me, too.

JED: That’s right.

TRISH: I didn’t mean to… You know, be mean.

JED: You gotta be careful. I get it.

TRISH: Crazies everywhere.

JED: You don’t gotta tell me. Just yesterday, I was waiting with this guy. About six feet tall. Big fella. Outta nowhere he starts screaming at the top of his lungs, “GET ME OUTTA HERE, GET ME OUTTA HERE, I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.”

This really gets her attention.

TRISH: Really?

JED: I’m telling you. They pulled him out with a zapper.

She’s confused.

JED: One of those cattle prods.

TRISH: Stop.

JED: I’m telling ya. You don’t fit in, they want you out.

TRISH: Unreal.

JED: I know it. Forget the fact the guy was scaring people. I mean, sure, you gotta look out for yourself, and that’s really the point here. But tools? Electric tools?

TRISH: Last week, I’m waiting with a few of my friends. Just minding our own, and right out of the blue, this big Chinese woman comes running down the steps with a rope and some pain pills.

JED: What’d they do?

TRISH: They tackled her. Tied her up with the rope and took the pills.

JED: Unbelievable.

TRISH: Who knows what she was up to?

JED: Maybe she needed the pills.

TRISH: Maybe she needed the pills. What? Was she too big? A rope’s illegal? Since when?

JED: Not where I come from.

TRISH: Right?

A beat or two.

TRISH: Where is that?

JED: Where I come from?

TRISH: Yeah.

JED: All over.

TRISH: Yeah? Me, too.

JED: Nice to see you here.

TRISH: Yeah. You never know.

JED: That’s it. You never know.

Trish nods her head. Then goes back to her book. Jed shifts around in his seat a bit.

JED: Never. Not once.

She looks up.

JED: I’m sorry.

TRISH: No. Go ahead.

JED: I just never thought that this would be it. I always figured myself for a do-er, you know?

TRISH: Yeah.

JED: Go out and get it. That was always the thing, and now here I am. Here we are.

TRISH: It’s not so bad.

JED: That’s personal.

TRISH: Maybe you should get up, then.

JED: Maybe you should, too.

TRISH: Now that’s personal.

JED: Maybe we should get up together.

TRISH: Oh, really?

JED: You want to sit here today? You wanna do it tomorrow, too?

TRISH: I’m here. Aren’t I?

JED: Yeah, but why? That’s what I’m saying.

TRISH: With you?

JED: Why not me?

Trish thinks.

JED: Where are we going? What are we doing? If this is it till the end, then I’m ready to stop now. I mean, this is something else. Forget that. It’s not even something to begin with.

TRISH: You want to know something?

JED: What the hell am I saying?

TRISH: Fine. You sit tight. You just relax. Maybe that’s not the kind of person you are. To tell you the truth, I might not be either. But we’re here. We’re following the rules.

JED: Don’t like those.

TRISH: Rules?

JED: That’s right.

TRISH: Such a man.

JED: Please.

TRISH: It’s true.

JED: I’m getting under your skin and you know it.

TRISH: Ha.

JED: You want to get out of here, don’t you? Don’t lie to me.

A moment.

TRISH: I don’t know what I want.

JED: Yeah.

TRISH: Yeah.

JED: That’s what we’re doing.

TRISH: Just like everyone else.

Jed nods his head.

JED: I tried.

TRISH: Maybe try again.

JED: Now?

TRISH: No. Next time. If that happens, I mean. Today I’m not ready, but next time I might be.

JED: That’s no good for me.

TRISH: Well, I’m sorry.

JED: So am I. If it happens, it happens.

TRISH: If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.

JED: It won’t. I’m ready today. Tomorrow? You keep waiting. I’m gonna go now.

He stands up. Waits a bit.

TRISH: Wait. Would it be too late now?

Jed thinks on it.

JED: No. Right now would be just fine.

Trish stands up.

THE END