Minor Conversations—Right’s Right

A BASEMENT

Two men in a room. TONY, mid-thirties, JACK, mid-twenties.

They sit in silence for a few beats.

TONY: I don’t want to give you bad advice.

JACK: I don’t want bad advice.

TONY: I know that.

Another long beat of silence. Jack waits.

TONY: Not so much bad… Look, what’s right is right. You’re young. You’re handsome. What the fuck?

JACK: I don’t know.

TONY: I mean, what are you gonna do? You gonna marry this chick?

JACK: I don’t know.

TONY: Well, I do. The answer is no. And even if you do, it’s a long way away, so still. It doesn’t matter.

JACK: That’s the thing, though. What if it does?

TONY: Does what? Matter?

JACK: Yes.

TONY: But I’m telling you it don’t.

JACK: Yeah, but you’re also telling me I’m not gonna end up with her, which at the end of the day, just really ends up being a matter of, who knows, I mean so far as your opinion on things. I mean, I ask you for something and what you’re telling me is based on what you think might not ever happen, and neither of us is sure if that’s right or not? I mean… You see what I’m saying?

TONY: Unfortunately, yes, I do. But here’s what. I’m saying what I’m saying from a place of I know what I’m talking about. Trust me. This ain’t my first go here. You end up with her, fine, either way you’re gonna ultimately end up doing what you gotta do, and that, at the end of the day, is what I’m saying.

Jack thinks about it.

TONY: Not so sure?

JACK: I mean, we’re talking. That’s what we’re doing. Yes, I’m not so sure.

TONY: Okay. I can see you’re confused and by all rights you should be. It’s confusing shit. But it doesn’t have to be. Let’s keep it simple. You love this girl?

JACK: I do. I really do.

TONY: Okay. Then that’s that. Nothing else to talk about.

Jack studies Tony for a beat.

JACK: What, are you testing me? I don’t want to be tested.

TONY: And I don’t want to give you bad advice, but I’m just trying to do the right thing here.

JACK: Then just do it. What’s bad?

TONY: I don’t know. I suppose you dancing around sleeping with this one and that one behind the back of someone you love could be considered or fall under the category of bad.

JACK: So, that’s it. Bottom line.

TONY: No, just the opposite. That is exactly what I’m saying you should be doing at your age. I mean, not with everyone, you gotta be picky I suppose.

JACK: Well, it’s not like I’m trying to break any records.

TONY: Exactly. That’s it. We’re not animals. You’re not an animal.

JACK: Not at all.

TONY: But you gotta do what you gotta do. What are you gonna do? Say no? You got this six-foot redhead with bright green lasers looking at you like she ain’t seen this side of handsome since the television and she’s saying… What? I just need you to see what the inside of my place looks like. You being you. You say what? Sorry. I don’t think so.

JACK: No. I know it. It’s almost impossible. And I mean that for what it is. Not possible. Forget almost.

TONY: Okay. So then, what are we talking about? You’re not gonna do that. Not because you don’t want to but because things impossible are just that.

JACK: Okay. We’re saying the same thing, but still.

TONY: It is what it is.

JACK: But, I mean, I love this girl.

TONY: Who doesn’t. She’s six-foot. The lasers. The legs. You’re a human being.

JACK: Not her. She’s great, too, and although a figment of both our imaginations…

TONY: It’s not figment. You could find this girl, you look hard enough. Where are we? This ain’t Omaha.

JACK: Right. I could love her too. Find her and love her. I get it and I agree. But this woman I got.

TONY: It’s a real problem, I know.

JACK: She might be the greatest person I know.

TONY: As much as I envy you, at the same time I don’t. You have any idea how many amazing people I did bad shit to?

JACK: I’m guessing a lot.

TONY: It’s crazy. But out of where? What place did I do these things? No malice. Bad intentions. You think I was out there trying to do this shit? Hurt people? What am I?

JACK: You’re a good dude.

TONY: Thank you, and so are you. This is me being real with you. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and neither did you.

JACK: Especially not hers.

TONY: Right. So that’s what I’m saying. Where? Out of what place did I do these horrible things?

JACK: Is this a question?

TONY: Yeah, but I got it. I was young. I was a kid. I was out there enjoying my life, preparing myself for the part where that all stops. You squander that and I can only imagine the regret. And therefore, here, me today, I have no regrets.

JACK: That’s really good to hear.

TONY: It’s really good to say, trust me.

JACK: But here’s the thing. I feel guilty already.

TONY: Of course you do. You’re in the now. Later you won’t. But in the most right way possible. Not because you forget it and move on, thoughtless, but rather you grow up and realize you did what you did because you were where you were and you really had no choice.

Jack thinks.

TONY: I mean, we all have choices, right, but not really. I choose this, I choose that. Simple stuff? Fine. Apples over grapes? Fine. But this is something else.

JACK: It’s still a choice. Just because it’s tough doesn’t make it something else.

TONY: I don’t know. I’m not saying it’s not worth looking at, but it’s certainly not the same thing. You can’t choose something not knowing what it’s gonna taste like later. That’s not a choice. It’s gotta be something else. If you’re really using your head, you gotta see then to make a choice now.

JACK: Right, but I don’t have then, I have now. I don’t have the future of when I’m looking back at the choices I made. I only have now, and now stings because it’s all I got. Now.

TONY: Like I said, I don’t envy you. I do and I don’t.

Jack thinks.

TONY: Play the tape out. You’re my age. You stayed with this girl who, by the way, I think is fantastic.

JACK: She really is though.

TONY: We got no beef there. I’m with you. A solid gem. One hundred percent.

JACK: She likes you, too.

TONY: We get on. I’m telling you, I really like this girl. I even like her for you, and that’s not an always. Those two are not always next to each other. So what? You spend the next fifteen years gritting your teeth at all the opportunities. Then what? You think you look at this girl and say to yourself, “Boy, I’m glad I stuck it out? I’m glad I didn’t have all those experiences I could have had because instead I got you?”

JACK: Sounds nice, yeah.

TONY: Right, so does flying to the moon, but I ain’t going, and neither are you.

Jack waits.

TONY: Maybe you got a shot, but I certainly don’t.

JACK: You’re confusing me.

TONY: I’m confusing myself, let’s go back. Yes, it sounds nice. Yes, people say it and mean it, but they started later than you and they aren’t you. Like I said, you’re from Wichita or some other place, fine. You get the prom queen, you keep her.

JACK: I’m actually from a little town close to Wichita.

TONY: Not anymore you’re not. You’re here now and not only are you ten years too young to be looking forward to saying you found the right one fifteen years back, it just ain’t the case for you. Just my opinion, but I’m pretty sure I’m right.

JACK: Well, I could see myself saying those kinds of things.

TONY: Of course you could.

JACK: Well?

TONY: Fine. Get ready to say ’em. I think you’re gonna want to kill someone at that point and it may very well be her, but that’s my bad advice. Take it or leave it.

JACK: Look, I agree with you. I got no choice but to take it, but I’m really stuck here.

TONY: I know.

JACK: Okay, what about you?

TONY: As per what?

JACK: As per your girl. I’ve seen you two together. It’s fantastic. Looks great. You telling me if you met her fifteen years ago…

TONY: Yes.

JACK: Yes, what. I haven’t even finished yet.

TONY: You didn’t need to. The answer is yes. I would have fucked it up. I already told you, I met plenty of people I could have been happy with, but life’s a box of watches, buddy. You gotta have a nice watch to have a good time. You know what I mean?

JACK: What?

TONY: Timing.

JACK: Timing?

TONY: That is correct.

JACK: Yeah, well, it’s also very hard to swallow.

TONY: So are big vitamins. Welcome to being a handsome grown-up.

JACK: Okay. Okay. Let me just gather here for a beat. Just so I’m clear. You’re saying that if I stay faithful to this woman, who I do dearly love, I’m gonna have more regret there than I would having not been true however many years down the line? Is that the thing? I mean, is that the pitch here?

TONY: I suppose that’s part of it, yes.

JACK: Well, what’s the other part?

Tony thinks some more.

TONY: The other part I suppose would be you do the right thing and just break up with the poor girl because of where you are in life, but that’s an entirely different conversation, and one that has a lot to do with heartache, on your part I mean, and I’m not nearly good enough a guy to suggest that you put yourself through something like that.

JACK: No. That I can’t do. You’re right.

TONY: Right. So then no other parts. We’re done. I stand correct… And corrected.

THE END